Sixteen going on Twelve

Shindo Heihachi had been a successful railway engineer before his eventual forced retirement in his sixties when the Japanese government privatized the nationally owned railway company. From the future Hikaru knew that financially, the Shindo patriarch was well-off since his brother died a bachelor and left him a significant inheritance to supplement the generous pension he received. As a result, Shindo Heihachi had been able to purchase one of the more traditional Japanese houses in a fairly trendy neighbourhood.

The Shindo house, being one of the last remaining single-story traditional Japanese houses on the block with a yard and a two-story outbuilding, had always been a bit of a stand-out with the neighbours, and Hikaru always received interested looks whenever he visited.

It was easy enough to sneak into the house and grab the spare key while his grandmother had her back turned in the kitchen and Gramps battled constipation in the bathroom.

He hopped off the traditional porch unseen and navigated past the latest additions to his Grandmother's rock garden to gain access to the shed itself. Clumsy fingers fumbled the padlock twice before he managed to seat the key properly and remove the offending object. Upon entering, he stopped as yet another moment of déjà-vu struck him. The familiar smell of dust tickled his nose. Old furniture and spare paper for the sliding screens occupied one corner. Boxes filled with old books, ancient tomes, and yellowing scrolls were piled in another. His grandfather's extensive model train collection occupied an entire wall beside the stairs which Hikaru eyed as he padded his way upwards, footsteps disturbing the fine layer of dust that had settled in the intervening periods of disuse.

Poking his head up over the landing, Hikaru observed the mess of antiques and collectibles and useless junk his grandparents had accrued over their lifetimes with a resigned feeling. The smell of must was heavier up here where free-floating particles of dust caught the last rays of the sun striking the dirty window up in the rafters.

If I remember correctly, Hikaru thought as he moved carefully past shelves heavy with odds and ends, the goban is stuck inside an old trunk somewhere over…here!

Ten minutes later, Hikaru had finally cleared enough space to drag the battered old trunk from its cubby-hole out onto the floor. He cracked the lid, held his breath, and squeezed his eyes shut until the majority of the disturbed dust had settled, and then opened the heavy lid entirely so that it rested on its straining brass hinges.

Inside the chest, nestled in one corner surrounded by years of collectible Go paraphernalia, books of tsumego, and old pictures of a younger Heihachi posing with various retired pros, was the familiar Kaya Goban. Hikaru's eyes devoured the sight of the bold lacquered lines even as his fingers brushed gently over the fine grain of the wood that had clearly been carefully maintained through the years. His throat grew thick as his gaze finally encountered the smudged smears and drops of blood that looked so much like tears, spoiling an entire corner of the ancient Goban.

Sai, Hikaru thought, eyes suddenly burning. He struggled a moment and failed to master the surge of grief and terror that gripped his throat as he fought to say something. But each time he opened his mouth to childishly inquire about the stains marring the board, he fought embarrassing sobs that threatened to escape his lips instead of the innocent query he meant to express.

Why did you leave me? Hikaru wanted to yell. You were the one who stubbornly clung to me and dragged me kicking and screaming into the world of Go! Hikaru's fingers trembled as they traced stains he could see but could not feel. How dare you… How dare you leave me right when I needed you most! When I began to love Go just as much as you did! Do! ARGH!

His hands curled into small fists as one last desperate grievance flashed through his sadness.

We could have worked it out if only you had stayed. Why didn't you stay? It's not right to just – barge into someone's life, make yourself indispensible, make them love you, and then vanish without a trace! It's not right! It's not – fair. It's not—

The soft plip of liquid and his wet cheeks alerted Hikaru to his plight, leaning over the goban his tears beaded where they fell, leaving no mark, only a trail of dampness as he brushed them away with his hand.

He had failed Sai. Sai had failed him. What did it matter anyway? Hikaru was human, and Sai – well, as inhuman as he appeared, he was no Divine Spirit, he was human too. Just as flawed, just as selfish as anyone else on the planet.

Hikaru pulled a deep, fortifying breath of air into his lung, and finally reached deep into the trunk and hefted the solid wooden goban from its hiding place – quite an effort for his undersized frame. He set it down on a patch of mottled and dusty sunlight and wiped his eyes carefully with a corner of his sleeve before he flopped down beside it. He shoved his grief, his anger, his helplessness, and his betrayal into the darkest depths of his mind and resolved to forget about them for a time.

He would do Sai and himself – and all the people who needed Sai and himself – right, this time. After all, he was sixteen going on twelve and he was about to meet his not-so-imaginary friend again for the first time.

"So, this is my great-uncle's cursed Goban, huh?" Hikaru said. "It doesn't look so scary." The phrase had sounded cooler inside his head. When stated with his adolescent voice it came out more whiny and sullen and a bit sad compared to the taunting drawl he attempted. "But – huh…" Hikaru's fingers hesitated a moment over the bloodstains, a moment of concern passing through him like the wind before he girded himself. He rubbed at the stains lightly. "It can't be as valuable as Grandfather claimed if it has these – these ugly stains on it. Priceless antique my butt."

"Can you hear my voice?"

Hikaru stopped moving – stopped breathing. Sai's gentle, curious voice sent gooseflesh prickling all over his arms and legs. Wide-eyed, Hikaru glanced around the room. There was dust. There was clutter. But there was no Sai — where was Sai?

"W-who's there?" Hikaru stammered, heart thudding heavily, eyes prickling. Expectation and a bit of fear made him light-headed. This was one of the few moments of his young self of which he had very little recollection. He could remember the creepy disembodied voice and then — he woke up in a hospital with a person hovering over his bed that the doctors and nurses couldn't see.

"You can." the disembodied voice exclaimed: awe, wonder, excitement all roused. "You can," he said again with such desperate longing it physically hurt Hikaru to hear. His eyes were tearing up again, damn-it! "Divine Spirits, I thank you." The air turned heavy and electric. Hikaru could feel something shifting in the air around him. The familiar scent of Kaya trees, ink, and old parchment that Hikaru had always associated with Sai filled his nostrils, and a familiar presence tugged at something deep and intimate inside his mind.

There was a brief flash of voluminous white fabric, long hair, manicured eyebrows, and desperate longing eyes, before the image – misty cloud – being was sucked straight into his body.

Trying not to panic at the alien sensation, Hikaru gasped as Sai's presence tentatively touched something inside his chest. Touched him as if he were able to touch all of the sensitive bits of Hikaru's being with a single puff of exhaled breath. All of Hikaru's senses were screaming – just like they did last time – intruder! Does not belong! Alien! Fight it! GET OUT! But Hikaru, as he held himself rigid before Sai's goban, fingers digging desperately into his palms, suppressed the feeling and refused to lash out. It does belong! Hikaru insisted. He belongs here with me! There's enough room for the both of us in here!

Finding the path of least resistance, the feeling strengthened — Sai's presence strengthened. Joy. Sadness. Loneliness. Crushing regret. With Sai's ballooning presence came a tsunami of alien feelings and sensation, so strong that Hikaru's vision blurred and then blacked-out for a moment under the sheer power and depth and volume of each feeling. There were no words to the firing circuits inside his head – nothing distinct or tangible. Everything Sai felt, that gamut of tumultuous emotion that held his spirit together, charged through Hikaru. He cried under the crushing weight of regret. Losing to a cheater. Betrayed by a rival. Shamed at being run from the capital, honourless. Abandoned by his family. Friendless until the end. No more hands, no more games, no more Go. There was only despair and loneliness and water filling his lungs.

Hikaru gasped from where he had fallen over, sucking dust and air into his lungs desperately. He stared at the blurry side of the goban uncomprehendingly for a moment, wondering when he had collapsed onto the floor, and why he felt so weak; when a voice, accompanied by a deep wellspring of guilt and concern that spread across his consciousness like soothing balm, tentatively called out to him.

"Are you alright?" the familiar voice asked.

Shoving aside his weakness, Hikaru pushed himself upright, rubbed his now puffy eyes clear of tears, and glanced desperately around the room. Though the voice sounded in his ears, the room remained vacant of life.

He's not…there? Hikaru thought desperately. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. The dull throbbing behind his eyes only strengthened.

"W-where are you?" Urgh, wait. That wasn't the question he should be asking. "Who are you?"

"Please, do not be afraid, child," Sai crooned. "I mean you no harm. I have taken residence in your consciousness. I—" Sai hesitated a moment. A flash of loneliness, desperation, and guilt renewed the unpleasant pounding going on behind his eyeballs. If he hadn't already been accustomed to Sai's overwhelming emotional onslaughts, he may well have blacked out under the pressure. He certainly had the first time. Sai continued quietly. "It has been a long time since someone has been able to see me or hear my voice; as a result, it will be some time before I am again strong enough to manifest myself before thee."

Manifest before thee? Hikaru swallowed the snort that threatened to escape and nearly passed out when the effort made his vision grey-out. I had forgotten how Sai spoke when I first met him. He was invisible while the hospital kept me overnight for observation. In fact, I don't remember him talking to me at all after I collapsed. Not until the next morning, anyway. Just when I had convinced myself I had inhaled too must dust and imagined the whole incident.

"My name," Sai continued, "is Fujiwara no Sai. And for one-hundred years I have been waiting for one such as you."

Hikaru was actually glad he couldn't see Sai right now. The urge to jump him and smother the wayward spirit with his grief was irresistible — and wouldn't that be just awkward. This Sai didn't know him yet. As far as this Sai was concerned, Hikaru was just another Kuwabara Torajiro — a vessel that would allow him to play as much Go as he wanted.

"So, what you're saying is—" Hikaru began slowly after he spent a long moment mastering his swirling apprehension and grabbing at threads of all the complicated emotions he was enduring, "—this goban really is cursed? And now I've been possessed?"

"Cursed...you say? Possessed? Well," Sai said haltingly, sounding offended while trying to sound reassuring. "I wouldn't go so far as to say the goban is cursed. I…don't like that word. Because cursing and possessing is what evil spirits do. And I'm not an evil spirit. I'm a good spirit. I was just inhabiting it and waiting until I found someone to—"

"Possess?" Hikaru interrupted. "And if you were an evil spirit, wouldn't you be saying the same thing?" He pointed out dryly. "I think I read that plot in a manga once. Once I go to sleep you'll probably try and suck out my soul or something."

"I would never!" Sai protested, his voice clearly flustered. "You'll hardly notice I'm here!"

Until the first airplane flies over head and you panic and make me barf in the middle of the sidewalk, Hikaru thought fondly. Or the first time you make me collapse when I refuse to indulge whatever inconvenient go-playing urge you develop.

"Whatever," Hikaru dismissed. It was odd addressing Sai without being able to see him. It took a lot of the metaphorical wind out of his sails. "But why didn't you possess my grandfather, or his brother before him? They've had it since as long as I can remember. Gramps is convinced the goban is cursed ever since his brother died. That's why he put it away in storage." Hikaru said.

Sai sounded vaguely stumped. "Ah...well, I tried calling out to various people at times, but no-one until you could hear my voice. There have not been many to look upon my goban in a long time, after all. As for why I was inside this goban...it belonged to the last man who could hear my voice."

"Hmm," Hikaru hummed non-committedly while inwardly his attention perked up. "And you possessed him, too? This person who owned this goban before gramps? Because he could see these stains?" Hikaru had, meanwhile, set himself back to kneeling in front of Sai's beloved goban. He ran his fingers carefully over the stains that looked like a mixture of tears and blood but that had no discernible texture to the soft tips of his digits.

A strange fondness surged inside the warm confines of his chest as Sai recalled his fist host. "Torajiro was a very kind boy. And he was the first in a long line of owners who could see my tears upon the wood. Once he discovered my regret he indulged my great selfishness. Although," and here Sai's voice grew tentative all of a sudden, "he was not so calm as you when he first heard my voice."

"Probably because manga and anime and television have numbed my sense of self-preservation." Hikaru could feel the confusion rolling around in Sai's head as he used terms that would be unfamiliar to the ghost whose last meaningful interaction with society was in the Edo period.

As easily distracted as ever, Hikaru thought fondly. "But never mind that," he continued before Sai could give voice the questions he no doubt had. "What's a ghost doing haunting my grandfather's goban, anyway? I mean — why haven't you moved on. Ghosts have those, right? Regrets? That's why you're a ghost in the first place and not in heaven, right?"

It was eerie how Sai's thoughts which were like a gentle hum of noise in the back of his head abruptly stilled.

"You wish to hear my tale?" was the careful inquiry Sai eventually made.

"If you're going to be freeloading in my head, I have a right to know, don't I?" Hikaru said belligerently.

"Ah." he said. "I suppose you do." Sai took a moment where Hikaru could feel various echoes of the previous crushing regrets gather and mute themselves in that corner of his mind that Sai had appropriated. "If anyone has the right to know it would be you. Ah — but, may I perhaps first be given your name, child? This is not a tale for strangers, after all."

Hikaru didn't bother to suppress his grin this time. "Shindo. It's Shindo Hikaru. And I'm—" Sixteen going on "—twelve years old. Since you're not an evil spirit planning on eating my soul, I guess it's nice to meet you," again.

"Hikaru-kun, then." Sai said, a landscape of contentment contained in that singular statement of identity. "Well, Shindo Hikaru-kun. As I said my name is Fujiwara no Sai, and I have been waiting many years for one such as you...

"My story, if you could call it that, begins in a time Torajiro's peers call the Heian period. I was born the fourth son to a very minor branch of the Fujiwara clan. Being the fourth son was...difficult. Do you have siblings, Hikaru-kun?"

"I don't."

"Well, in those days only the first son would be instructed to inherit the family lands and titles. The rest of us were forced to become subordinate to the main clan — to serve in whatever respect duty demanded. That usually meant becoming minor officials at various ministries at court. But my talents lay elsewhere. I discovered that I had some talent at Go. When my family realized my inherent potential they hired tutors to foster my talent. Go was seen then as being an educated and cultured past-time — one which was very respected among nobility. My family was pleased that I brought honor to the Fujiwara name in such manner, but to be honest I didn't really care about such things when I was young. I simply loved playing. For me there was no greater joy than conversing with others across a goban, using only hands of stones and clashing wits.

"I quickly surpassed my tutors and began traveling. I would earn my way by tutoring others of my clan in the ways of Go, and soon my name became well known. Eventually I was invited to court, where, through a series of...complicated events," Sai hedged, "I eventually became the Emperor's Go-tutor."

"You knew the Emperor?" Hikaru exclaimed. He didn't actually have to fake the excitement in his voice. This piece of information had long lain inside his head almost entirely unremarked upon. But...hearing Sai's version of events again brought to light the fact that Sai — his Sai — probably interacted with the most powerful man in Japan on a daily basis when he was alive and, not only that, but he was a member of that Fujiwara clan. The clan that not only intermarried with the Emperor's line but whose leaders often acted as regents for Emperors.

"Oh, yes. I was invited to play him one afternoon and—" Sai paused here, awkwardly. "Well, the details are a bit fuzzy actually. It has been a long time. But I remember him being quite pleased with me. He decided my talent was so prodigious that I must stay at court." His voice turned comically officious. "This one's talent is not fit to rot in the provinces. Surely the spirits have blessed him in order to teach us.

"And so, from that day forward I became the Emperor's Go-tutor."

"Hmm," Hikaru hummed, impressed despite knowing all this already. "So you were his first Go-tutor?"

"Oh, no." Sai said. "As I said earlier, the game of Go was a valued and cultured past-time, the Emperor had been taught from a young age. I was by no means his first Go tutor. He already had one — a tutor I mean. In fact, my assignment by royal writ to his court caused...much resentment among rival clans. And none greater than with the man who already held the title of the Emperor's Go-tutor."

"I guess that makes sense," Hikaru said. His finger traced patterns of old half-remembered games upon Sai's goban. "Having spent so much time and effort polishing his skills at Go, he must have been very prideful — about his position and his Go."

"He...yes," Sai said, "that's right. He was my elder in age and experience. I had thought that together we might..." the pleased feeling spreading across their bond quickly morphed into something dark and resentful. "But it's so difficult to explain it all. There was more going on then than I remember now. Many of the names and details have faded with time but this I do remember:

"Regardless of how minor my branch of the clan was, I was still a Fujiwara. My colleague was a prominent son of the Taira clan — one of our rivals. My appointment was seen as a clan attempt to usurp control of a valued position at court close to the Emperor. I didn't have any such designs, of course!" Sai said. "All I am, all I was was the Go that I played. I cared not for the games of the court, only for the game I played upon the Goban.

"I was challenged," Sai said dully, his brief spirited rally crushed. "The Emperor should only be taught by the best, they said. He does not need two when there should only be one. To this day I do not know who was responsible for setting up that match. I was naive, ignoring the court intrigue to concentrate on my Go. Was it the Emperor? He resented my clan but never appeared to resent me — but what did I know? The Taira? I was the better Go player. We sometimes played matches in the Emperor's presence. It was well known my Go was paramount. I was a stain upon the Taira's honor.

"We played. The game was much closer than I had anticipated — you see, he had spent our previous matches studying my Go. He had long been preparing for this deciding match and hiding his own hand. My previous victories had all been deceptions! We fought over territory, exchanging sente with every other hand. The game was so close and so complicated even I wasn't sure who held the advantage. And then, then, just when the game was reaching its most critical juncture, I noticed one of my stones had accidentally been placed inside his goke. It happens sometimes when the stones are cleared from the board. And normally, when it does happen, the discovered stone is simply returned to its owner. But he didn't return it! He simply slipped it into his captured stones pile when no-one was looking! He cheated! It was unconscionable! Unforgiveable! The game was so close that one point might well have decided the match! But before I could even open my mouth he accused me of cheating! I, who had just seen him blatantly cheat was accused of cheating!"

Hikaru bit his lip while Sai fell silent, trying and failing to distract himself from the despair Sai was broadcasting. The painful resonance brought tears to his eyes.

"'Surely,' the emperor declared, 'a cheater shall never triumph over an honest man. Let victory decide culpability!'

"I was flustered. Angry. I couldn't concentrate. How could anyone believe I would so dishonor the game of Go as to cheat? Go was my life! I—

"I lost." Sai said quietly. "I was exiled from the capital and branded a cheater. To avoid having my family and my clan bear the stain of dishonor, I only really had one choice. I took a few days to set my affairs in order. Then I drowned myself in a pond."

Hikaru didn't breath or even attempt to soothe the ache behind his eyes even as it spilled once again onto the marred Kaya beneath his whitened fingers.

Sai's voice turned bittersweet and whimsical. "But somehow...I just couldn't move on. I selfishly wanted to play more Go. My feelings were so strong I...stayed I guess you could say. I found a goban and watched many...many games over the years. But while that brought small bouts of gratification, I remained unsatisfied. I couldn't touch. And they couldn't hear. I wanted more than just to watch. I wanted to play! To Talk! Go is a conversation! It requires at least two people! And...I couldn't converse anymore. I had lost my power to speak. It wasn't until many hundreds of years later when I met Kuwabara Torajirou that my voice would once again regain its previous timbre.

"Ah!" Like waking up from a dream, Sai's presence suddenly rose up inside of him like a giant concerned blanket. "Please, I didn't mean to upset you!"

"Shut up!" Hikaru blustered even as he wiped his cheeks dry and sniffled. "You didn't upset me! Anyone would be moved by a story like that!"

"Still..." Sai fretted. "Please don't get the wrong impression. My life was not one big tragedy. I was happy. Not all the time, but for some time I was truly happy. And I've never been happier than when I spent time with Torajiro! And I'm — happy — now. Because once again the spirits have been kind to send me a boy who can hear my voice. Thank you, Hikaru."

Hikaru had to swallow a sob of self-hatred and despair. He took a deep breath in through his nose. "For what?"

"For what? Well — for listening, I guess. For finding me."

"Oh." Inhale — Exhale. "Sure."

"So," Hikaru said, once he had once again mastered himself. "You want to play Go, do you? That's all?"

"Yes! But as I said, it will take some time to manifest myself again. Until then, I shall be patient."

Hikaru frowned. He had been planning to play his grandfather and secure his alibi but if Sai couldn't see...

"Huh, I guess you can't see anything right now?" Hikaru probed.

"Not a thing!" Sai reported happily.

Couldn't you be a little bothered by the fact you're blind? Hikaru thought fondly. But then again this was Sai. And normal conventions didn't really apply to him.

"Ah. But it doesn't bother me," Sai hastily reassured him. "Because being inside you is like hiding in a futon inside a womb of warm blankets. It feels a little different than with Torajiro, but you both have the same warmth of kindness—you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No." Hikaru snorted. "That's fine. It's just...weird feeling you." Not weird, comforting. "I can feel when you're happy and sad and...stuff."

"Torajirou said much the same thing when I first met him," Sai said, tentatively. "But, please don't be frightened—"

"For the last time I'm not scared!" Hikaru snapped. He rubbed his forehead in frustration when he clearly felt Sai didn't believe him, his headache was not helping his temper, that was for sure. "And shouldn't you been able to, you know, see what I see if you're possessing me?"

"But, Hikaru, I told you!" Sai said in that oh-so-familiar whinging voice. "That's what evil spirits do. And I'm not an evil spirit!"

"So you can't?" Hikaru demanded. This part had always been fuzzy. "Or you won't?"

"I will never try to do something so abominable," Sai said almost inaudibly, but with fierce determination. "I might live here but I would never use you. Life is sacred and your life, your body, is sacrosanct."

Hikaru licked his lips nervously. "So you've never tried to do anything like that before? With Torajiro, I mean."

Sai remained silent and if Hikaru hadn't been paying so close attention to what the ghost was feeling he might have missed the quickly muted flash of longing and regret.

"Torajiro was a very kind man," Sai said, eventually. "He would have let me use his body all the time if I had wanted. But that wasn't what I wanted. He indulged my whims when it came to Go, but he lived his own life."

That, Hikaru realized, was a very carefully worded answer that didn't answer my question. His curiosity was now fully aroused. A twelve-year-old would never have caught that deflection or made the distinction. All I would have cared was that Sai couldn't take control of my body. In fact, Sai's entire manner of interacting with him had already changed. He's a lot more verbose and less tentative about talking about himself now that he doesn't have to take drastic action to get my attention. The thought was heartening and worrying that such a small change in behavior could cause Sai to act so differently.

"Boring." Hikaru decided. "If this were a manga or an anime you would totally be able to possess me."

"Ah! That's the second time you've used those words: manga, and anime. What are they?"

"There's no point in explaining, I'll have to show you later, otherwise you won't understand," Hikaru said, unwilling to get into one of their patented 'this is how it is', 'that's impossible!' arguments that were once so common as Sai acclimatized himself to the twenty-first century. "I was just thinking that I could get my grandfather to play a game of Go...but if you can't see there's no point."

"A game of Go?" The phrase was said by Sai with such reverence and longing. "But...of course it's possible for me to play without seeing the board...if you're willing to tell me where he has moved."

"Blind Go, huh?" Hikaru muttered. He hadn't quite thought of that when he started pursuing this avenue of conversation. He really wanted to see if Sai could actually use parts of his body passively. "But it's not the same right? Seeing the board? Watching your opponent across the board? Feeling the stones between your fingers? It's not like I want you to take over my body. I'm just saying...I wouldn't mind if you see what I can see...that kind of thing." Hikaru paused and worried he might have gone too far. But when the silence stretched Hikaru knew he was onto something. If it was impossible, Sai would have just sloughed the whole conversation off and gotten excited about playing Go again.

But he hadn't. And what he was feeling wasn't frustration brought on by inability, it was a hesitance balanced on the edge of a razor. Temptation, Hikaru hesitantly labelled the unfamiliar feeling.

"Fujiwara-san?" Hikaru prompted when the ghost failed to reply.

"Sai," the ghost corrected gently. "Torajirou would always call me Sai, I would be honoured if you would also address me with such familiarity." Hikaru frowned. Sai's emotions had smoothed as he spoke — calmed. Now they whispered only of happiness and resolve. "And while I thank you for your kindness," he continued, "I will not become an existence to be feared or resented."

Hikaru could only huff, exasperated now. He was almost positive Sai had been about to cave. But maybe this wasn't the time to press. Not after their first meeting when they were still virtual strangers.

Still...now that I know the possibility exists...

"Well — whatever," Hikaru said, grunting as he clambered to his feet. "I guess it doesn't matter." He eyed the goban at his feet hesitantly, unsure about whether he was strong enough to heft it back into the trunk again immediately after his episode. His arms felt a bit like overstretched elastic bands; but with careful use of his legs and a great deal of care, Hikaru returned Sai's former home back to its hidey-hole. It didn't occur to Hikaru until he reached the bottom of the stairs that he actually had another reason for feeling a bit uncomfortable having Sai play his grandfather.

I want to play him first, he acknowledged. Which normally wouldn't be a problem but I don't even have a goban back at home yet.

Maybe he hadn't thought this through as thoroughly as he perhaps should have. He had been in such a rush to confirm that this wasn't all some vivid dreamscape that he hadn't actually thought about what comes next.

No computer meant no netGo. No Goban meant no games in his room. His age of twelve meant that finding time and spending-money to visit Go salons would be just as difficult and prohibitive as it had the first time. Probably no more than once a week if THAT, Hikaru realized with a blanch. And Insei? Hikaru had mixed feelings on trying to convince either his grandfather or his parents to sponsor him financially to become an Insei. While it would mean meeting up with Waya and Isumi and company again, nothing would be the same. The reason why they had all become so close was because they all experienced various situations together as they grew. Shared suffering became the bonds of affection. Sai, and even Hikaru were leagues past the level of any Insei and putting himself into that situation meant that jealousy and resentment would be a real and present danger to friendships not yet formed. To Hikaru, joining the Insei felt almost like he would be trampling upon the spirit of what it meant to be an Insei.

Clearly, Hikaru still had much to think about.

"Hikaru? Are you all right?" Sai asked. "It feels like you're thinking deep thoughts."

"I'm fine, I'll tell you later." He pushed his concerns aside for the moment, happy to be distracted by Sai. "For now, let's go find my grandfather. He'll be happy to play us." Hikaru turned and threaded the cheap lock back into its place barring the door with a final click.

The joyful bubbling of emotions in the back of his head sent shivers of bliss straight down his spine to every tingly nerve ending in his hands and feet and especially behind his eyes.

Shindo Hikaru, he thought whimsically as he navigated the path of the rock-garden and stood before the raised porch of his grandparent's house, sixteen going on twelve. Or, should that be: Shindo Hikaru and wayward spirit, sixteen going on twelve-hundred.

He smiled as the sounds of his grandfather complaining about something from the confines of the powder room trickled out of doors. He took a short breath, toed his shoes off and took a step forwards and upwards, towards the future. His best friend humming joyfully somewhere in the back of his mind.