Dib held his cheek with his left hand, the hand that wasn't swollen. His hair was dirty and hung out in all directions. His glasses were cracked and he had trouble walking on his injured ankle. He limped faster to catch up to his sister, but stayed a little ways behind, so he wouldn't draw out another punishment.

It was late, and the two siblings were walking home to see their father. He said he had something to tell them, and they knew it had something to do with the amazing-ness that is science. What else was the conversation going to be about? Their dad was a scientist, and that's all he really cared about.

"Gaz, there's just a teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy question I want to ask you," The paranormalist said, forcing an innocent smile before spitting out a tooth. Gaz stopped and turned around, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently. Her brother could hear her grinding her teeth together. A bead of sweat rolled down Dib's face. He took a deep breath and spoke in a long stream of words:

"I know you really love that game of yours but you have to realize it's not nearly as important as saving the-" Dib took another deep breath, "- world from an evil alien who wants to distroy us all!"

Gaz stared at her brother with an eyebrow raised. Dib chuckled nervously, backing away slightly. The silence was unbearable. A squirrel hopped between the two children, blinking up at Gaz before scampering to a tree. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity for Dib even though it was about 4 seconds, Gaz spoke.

"That didn't make any sense." She stated simply before turning around and walking again. She growled while replaying the fifth level on the Game Slave 3. "You got what you deserved anyway. You made me lose the last level and I had to restart the whole game."

Dib bit his tongue in an effort to not say 'It's just a game', for that would result in a broken nose.

For a few minutes the siblings walked in silence. When they reached a crosswalk Dib instinctively reached for Gaz's hand. She slapped the hand away with a huff and stomped across the road. Dib frowned slightly and looked to his left to see the cross guard hiding in a bush.

"...D-don't let her get m-me... Don't let her s-see me..." The guard stuttered, staring after Gaz. Dib walked backwards slowly, pupils small, then ran away from the guard who was still mumbling to himself. Dib look at his sister then back at the man.

"I don't even want to know..." Dib whispered, shaking his head. Dib tripped on his own foot, but managed to stay standing. He winced and clenched his teeth. "Oh, that gonna hurt in the mornin'."

He look up to see Gaz hadn't stopped and was still walking. He watched as a she walked by a patch of flowers and they all died. Limping, Dib caught up with her.

"Gaz?" Dib started, pausing to wait for approval from his sister. Gaz grunted in acknowledgment, and Dib continued, "What do you think dad wants to talk about?"

"How should I know, Dib?" Gaz spat, turning up the volume on her game. Dib shuddered. His sister said his name with such malice. Really, it was just a game. Whenever Gaz completed it she just started over again anyway!

Dib snapped out of his thoughts when he bumped into his sister. Dib backed away quickly and raised his hands over his head for protection, closing his eyes. Gaz didn't even look at him and started walking to a door.

Dib opened one eye and looked around, realizing he was in front of his house. He rubbed his swollen wrist absentmindedly before running to the door.

Professor Membrane was sitting on a kitchen chair, and look over to the doorway when he saw his daughter walk inside, still playing her video game. She had a bruised knuckle which her father saw instantly.

"Gaz, what happened to your hand?" Membrane exclaimed, overly dramatic. Gaz looked down and inspected the injury. It didn't hurt. I was just purple. She shrugged.

"Dib made me lose my game." She said, plainly, as if it would sum up everything. Membrane nodded, looked around the kitchen, then back at Gaz. His daughter walked to a chair pushed away from the table and sat down, eyes still glued to her game. The only sound in the room was a soft beeping from the Game Slave 3.

"Where is your brother?" Professor Membrane asked, looking to the door, as if saying something would make him magically appear in front of him. "I asked you to go get him."

Gaz shrugged again. "I got him. He's standing outside, being stupid."

Right after she said that, Dib stumbled into the house, tripping on his own foot and wincing as he moved his injured ankle.

"Ah, son!" Membrane said cheerfully, not noticing Dib's condition at all. Dib looked over to his dad and forced a small smile. He closed the door behind him and his eyes widened.

"Dad!" Dib yelled, wiping around to face his father. "It wasn't my fault! The vampire bat fell in love with the cow! And then they had little mutant vampire cow babies before I could do anything!"

His father brushed the outburst off as an insanity moment and continued. "Sit down. There's something I want to talk to you two about."

Dib nodded and sat in an empty chair at table. He shifted in the seat so it wouldn't bug his bruises. Gaz got up and went to the fridge to get a soda before sitting back down.

Both children looked towards their dad expectantly. Membrane was rarely ever home, so whenever he was, the siblings wanted to spend time with him. Gaz even put down her Game Slave 3, which was a big feat considering what she just did to her brother when he accidently made her lose a level.

A three members of the family sat silently for a few minutes. It was a silence they were used to, when someone didn't know how to start the conversation. This was always something really good or really bad, though only the children could tell the difference. Professor Membrane thought everything was good.

"I'm going away for a while." The scientist finally said, an unusual seriousness in his voice. Dib and Gaz nodded, the latter slightly angry. These trips were always long ones, and that meant they were going to miss the 'Family Dinner Night' they only got once a year. Dib, on the other hand, was happy to get more time to his paranormal studies.

"That means no paranormal nonsense in the house, son." Membrane continued. Dib visibly deflated, while Gaz smirked. She may finally have some quiet time to finish her game. "I'm going out of the country to do very important things because I'm a very important man, so I want you two to behave while I'm gone."

Contrary to popular belief, Professor Membrane cared about his children. To an extent. He made sure to spend some time with them every year or so, which was hard to do because he was a very important man with very important things to do. With one last glance at his children, Membrane stood up and headed for the door. Dib got up and walked towards him.

"Dad, where are you going?" Dib asked, wanting to know just incase there was something abnormal there. He could give his dad something to defend himself with.

"I'll be back in a month or two. Or three." Membrane said, completely ignoring the questions. Before closing the door behind him, he paused. "And, daughter, bury the puppy."

Gaz choked on her soda.

Without looking back, their father closed the door and the children heard a helicopter take off.

"Bye, dad." Dib whispered, frowning slightly. Gaz huffed at her brothers mood swings and moved to the couch. She turned her game back on and the sounds of vampire pigs being slaughtered by a man that looks like a scarecrow travelled throughout the house.

Dib stood there silently for a moment. He knew that his father didn't notice he was hurt. He never did. He could only 'detect if he was unhappy about something'.

Dib sighed and looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. With a yawn, Dib started walking up the stairs to his bedroom, the events of the day catching up with him.

"Good night, Gaz." Dib said, receiving a quiet grunt from his sister. He yawned again and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Looking into the mirror, he saw his wounds. A purple bruise on his cheek and a black eye. Some of his clothes were ripped. The face on his shirt was frowning.

Dib unconsciously rubbed his wrist again while looking over himself. He was a mess. It was hard for him to believe his little sister could do this to someone. Gaz could probably do worse if she wanted to, which was what scared the paranormalist. His little sister did this.

Dib yelped when he realized how hard he was squeezing his wrist. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he put his toothbrush away and walked to his room. Before closing the door, he took one last look at Gaz. She was still sitting on the couch. Dib closed the door.

Dib flopped onto his bed, not even bothering to change into pajamas. He took off his glasses and set them on the table next to his bed. He was too tired to do anything, so he just laid there and thought about the day.

His mind wander to Zim. The alien menace. His mortal enemy. Zim wants to destroy the world, and nobody believes the paranormalist, even though he was right this time. When Dib catches Zim, he'll be a hero. People will respect him, people who called him insane and stupid and big headed, which he was not.

"Zim, I know you're up to something, and I'll stop you." The paranormalist whispered, pulling the covers over his head and closing his eyes. "I'll stop you..."

«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»

Zim ran behind the voot cruiser, gun in hand. Peering over the top of his ship, he shot laser after laser, but the intruder was too fast. Barely dodging the lasers, the intruder flew up to Zim and started playing with his antennae.

"GIR!" The Irken yelled to his minion. GIR was sitting on the computer controls, pressing random buttons and yelling 'Tickle tickle!'. The computer made noises that sounded like a mixture of static and laughter. Zim called for GIR again, finally getting a response.

"GIR, capture the intruder!" Zim growled after missing yet another shot at the being that somehow got into his 'flawless' defenses. GIR's eyes glowed red for a brief second before the robot jumped onto his masters face and covered the Irken's eyes.

"You can't see me!" GIR laughed. Zim tried to push his servant off his head, but GIR had a death grip on his antennae. The alien wouldn't admit it out loud, but the robot was hurting him.

"Let go!" Zim hissed, firing his gun at the intruder again, though he missed by a long shot and causing more damage to his base than the intruder. "GIR, how many times do I have to tell you to GET OFF MY HEAD!"

The robot blinked his cobalt optics at his master, looking at his reflection in Zim's eyes. GIR waved at himself before falling to the floor. Zim looked relieved for a second before pointing his gun at the intruder again. The said intruder perched itself on top of the voot cruiser. It had soft white feathers and it's eyes were wide open. The Irken looked to the computer, who had apparently calmed down.

"Computer, identify the intruder!" Zim barked. With a grunt, the computer scanned through earth's database and stopped once he reached the correct file. Zim tapped his foot in his usual impatience.

"File found. Intruder identified as a 'Snowy Owl'." The computer buzzed while beginning to read the information it found on the internet. "The Snowy Owl is a large owl that-"

"Yes yes, it's an earth bird, tell me why it's in my secret base!" Zim crossed his arms and pouted like a spoiled child.

"I'll try a different resource..." It said, beeping quietly before settling on another website. "A snowy owl is usually carried out by means of bluff, bald faced-"

"Lies, owls are birds!" Zim interrupted for a second time before going wide eyes and slowly turning around to face the intruder. "Or maybe that's what they want you to think..."

The computer snorted. Suddenly, GIR grabbed Zim's gun and started firing it in all directions. Zim yelped when one skinned the side of his shirt, leaving a nice round hole. GIR giggled away.

"GIR, give me the gun!" Zim ordered, not expecting the robot to listen to him but trying anyway. GIR looked at his master for a minute before throwing the gun at the Irken. Zim was on the floor before he knew what was happening. The alien heard something brake behind him and he shakily stood up, mentally thanking his invader reflexes.

Turning around, Zim saw his laser gun, or rather, what was left of it. The gun was broken into approximatally twenty-eight pieces and would take about one or two earth days to fix.

Zim narrowed his eyes at his servant. How on Irk could the robot destroy everything he touched? The robot didn't notice the glare he was receiving and started singing a song he made up on the spot. "Piggy piggy, gotta get some tacos! Watch cupcakes fly with the magical weenies!"

Growling a profanity in Irken, Zim grabbed the earth wrench GIR got him earlier and headed for the voot. Might as well get something done today.

A high pitched screech got Zim's undivided attention. The Irken looked up to see the owl that was still sitting on top of his ship. Zim completely forgot it was there. GIR sat in a corner in the other side of the room. He started cooing and flapping his arms around. Zim threw the wrench at him.

"GIR..." Zim whispered, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. GIR didn't even look at him, or even acknowledge him. The Irken shook his head. Stupid, stupid advanced robot.

GIR started cackling. Zim turned around to see what his evil minion managed to destroy, but what the Irken saw made him look from GIR to the voot cruiser and back to the robot.

The owl was standing on GIR's head, poking at his antennae. GIR started cooing again, and the owl hooted back. Zim just stared at the scene in front of him.

The owl saw Zim looking at it and it flew over to the Irken. Zim's eyes widened before they tightly closed and he covered his head with his arms. The owl decided that Zim's left arm was the perfect place to land and perched himself on it.

Zim opened one eye, and after realizing that he was still in one piece he relaxed his position slightly. Then he looked to his left and screamed. A dirty earth bird. A dirty earth bird was sitting on his arm.

The owl flapped it's wings in irritation. It didn't like loud noises. Zim cringed again and tried to knock the bird off with his right hand, but the bird interpreted that as an invitation to rest on the other arm and waddled across to it. After deciding it was resonably comfortable on the Irken's leather gloves it held out a letter that was attached to it's leg.

Zim look at the owl for a moment before quickly snatching the letter. The owl flapped it's wings twice at the sudden movement before settling down again. Zim ignored the movement since he was focusing on the letter.

Zim looked over to GIR, who was being uncharacteristically quiet. The robot gave Zim a thumbs up while sticking his tongue out to the side. Hesitantly, Zim opened the letter, tossing the envelope behind him.

The letter has an odd symbol on it. It obviously wasn't a word, as he had a language translator in his PAK that would identify it.

Shrugging, Zim looked at the words he could understand. They were in earth's English. He could read some of it even without his PAK, that's how amazing he was.

Hogwarts School

of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Zim raises a nonexistent eyebrow and decided to point out all of the flaws in the letter.

"Have these humans the brain worms? I have heard of no skool for warty hogs!" Zim ranted to himself, not realizing no one was really listening to him. GIR was off in a corner playing with what was left of his thirty pig toys, the owl was starting to doze off, and the computer was doing some of it's own research on the internet. "Not to mention they spelled 'Skool' wrong!"

Dear Mr. Zim,

Zim didn't even comment on that one.

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Again with the wart-hogs? And it's 'Skool'!" Zim complained. "Newly born Irken smeets spell better than that!"

Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

After reading that Zim started looking for the envelope he carelessly tossed to the side. He looked at GIR and saw that the robot folded it up like a poorly constructed pirate hat and was wearing it on his head. Zim grabbed the envelope and shook it, but nothing came out. Zim shrugged and continued reading the letter.

Term begins on September 1. We expect your owl by no later then July 31.

Zim growled at the owl on his arm. "This horrible, filthy earth beast is not mine."

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagol

"'Miner McDonald' is not mine either." Zim continued. He was ready to throw the letter away before seeing a few more words at the bottom of the paper.

Minerva McGonagol

Deputy Headmistress

"You already wrote your name once, Miner-Human." Zim rolled his eyes before rereading the last word. "Head-mistress. What does a mistress have to do with heads?"

"A headmistress usually means a female principal." The computer explained. Zim muttered an 'I knew that' before asking the computer some questions.

"Computer, this horribly written letter says that I'm accepted into a skool of 'Witchcraft and Wizardry'." Zim said, finishing with a grammatically incorrect statement of; "Explain to Zim!"

"Witchcraft and Wizardry are generally terms of magic."

"And just what is this 'maj-ik'?"

"Magic," The computer corrected, "Is a fictional power of entertainment. People who believe in magic are usually sent to the insane asylum."

In reality, the computer only found out magic was fake, and it made the rest of the description up.

"The Dib-worm must have sent this, pretending to be this 'McDonald'!" Zim growled. The owl woke up from the noise and flew over to the envelope the letter was in. It ripped it open and took out another piece of paper. The owl flew back to Zim and gave the paper to the alien.

Zim took the paper without hesitation, because the owl seemed to be no real threat, not that it was in the first place to the almighty Invader Zim. The Irken took the letter and read the list of things he needed to go to this imaginary skool.

None of the items made complete sense to Zim so he just threw the list away.

"This letter was not written by the Dib. The letter says magic is real." Zim stated as-a-matter-of-factly. Turning to the computer, he shouted his signature phrase. "YOU LIE!"

Zim crossed his arms over his chest. He needed information about magic, and the computer would probably lie to him again. Magic seems to be something the Dib would know about...

Zim shook his head. "No! Zim will not ask anything of the Dib worm except for him to destroy himself!"

After a few minutes of abnormal silence, Zim came up with a plan. He was going to go to skool tomorrow and force the information out of Dib. He will not ask.

Zim laughed like a maniac. GIR joined in. Even the owl started hooting in an evil way. After a moment Zim started choking on his laugh and quieted down.

"Master!" GIR yelled, catching Zim attention. GIR ran up to the Irken and grabbed the owl off his arm and squeezed him in a hug. The owl hooted uncomfortably. "Can I keep him!"

Zim shrugged, forgetting about the part of the letter that said to return the owl. Maybe the filthy bird will distract GIR long enough for Zim to repair the voot. Finally, Zim nodded to GIR and the robot squealed.

"I'M GONNA CALL HIM LARY!" GIR shouted before running upstairs to watch the 'Angry Monkey' show with his new friend.

«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»

There were letters everywhere, flying all around the house, and more were flying in every second. A boy with a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead grabbed one and leaped over a couch, dashing for his closet sized room.

"Give me that letter!" The boy's uncle cried, getting up from his seat to chase after the boy. Letters smacked the man in the face over and over again. The boy was quicker than his obese uncle and got to his room. While struggling to unlock the door, the boy's uncle grabbed him and tried to snatch the letter away.

"No! It's my letter!" The boy said, kicking his feet in an effort to get free. The letters were pelting his uncle fast and faster. That was the last straw for the man.

"That's it!" The man yelled at no one in particular. "We're going away! Far away!"

His wife and child only stared at him in horror.