AUTHOR'S NOTE:

FIC SQUICK FUN was an idea by Luvscharlie (on the HP_PORN IN THE SUN Livejournal site) where you mention the thing(s) that bug you about fanfic and then someone spoofs them in a short ficlet (under 1000 words).

THE CHALLENGE I ANSWERED THIS TIME: deirdre_aithne's fic squick to be cracked open required…

Given the beginning of DH, I can't buy into the idea that Lucius and Narcissa only had Draco to produce a Malfoy heir, as though the discussion of sex between them was like a business transaction.

Hope you enjoy! Please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own "Harry Potter," nor any of its characters, nor do I profit in any way from the use of said characters and situations in this writing.

Characters: Narcissa Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy

Genres: Comedy

Rating: R (implied pregnancy, implied drug use, profanity)

FIC SQUICK FUN: PASS ME THE BONG

By: RZZMG

"You're kidding?"

Narcissa looked at the home witch pregnancy test, noted the blue color, and shook her head. "I'm afraid not, dear."

Lucius ran a hand over his face. "What now?"

Calmly, the Lady Malfoy set her wand down. "Well, we'll just have to make something up, won't we? When we tell him someday how he came into this world, that is."

The Lord of the Manor snorted. "Yeah, because 'wild monkey sex without thought to protection while on a hippie acid trip' won't cut it. He'd be mortified."

Narcissa nodded. "We could always tell him it was for the good of the family - that we conceived him out of a sense of duty."

"That'll fuck him up, though," Lucius frowned. "He'll forever think he has to follow in the familial footsteps."

His wife shrugged. "It'll build his character up."

He nodded and the matter was settled. "Very well. Now, where did you put the hookah? I'm dying for another hit..."