Yu-Gi-Oh is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi and Konami, and is being used in this fanfiction for fan purposes only. No infringement or disrespect is intended by this fanfiction.

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Description: Two CEOs. One wager. Can Pegasus and Kaiba survive for two weeks living and working as "ordinary people"?

Set a few years after the series end (so Seto is 21, and Mokuba is 17). Uses English dub as canon, more or less.

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World's Worst, Chapter 1: In Which a Wager is Made
by Animom

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People rarely accused Maximillion "Pegasus" J. Crawford of being cheap. Sneaky, yes. Annoying, most definitely. Capricious, self-indulgent, occasionally vindictive …

But not cheap.

And so of course the luxurious carpet in the luxurious waiting room outside Pegasus' luxurious private office was literally so thick that one could lose a shoe in its plush depths, while the door to the office was made of rare woods, beautifully carved and polished.

Two men set in the waiting room, staring stonily at that very door.

The older of the two men, his prematurely grey hair being crowded out with premature white, might have admitted, if pressed, that just like his employer, the door layered ostentatious beauty over solid steel. The other man, whose black hair was daubed with white at the temples, was trying to pretend – as he did every time Kaiba Seto met with Pegasus – that he was paying no attention to the extremely rude things that the two company presidents were shouting at each other behind the apparently-not-thick-enough-to-be-soundproof door.

After a particularly vicious retort made its way through, the older man made a faint "Tch!" noise.

The younger turned in his chair, his sunglasses flashing in the soft indirect lighting. "Excuse me, Croquet, did you say something?"

The older man pressed his lips together, then raised his eyebrows above his own dark glasses. "Well ..."

The younger man folded his arms. "I'm listening."

Croquet exhaled, brushing an imaginary piece of lint off the knee of his trousers. "Well, Roland, to be honest, although I grant that young Kaiba has risen to almost the same social standing as Mister Pegasus, I still feel that he should show respect when addressing an elder."

"Mr. Kaiba shows respect to those who deserve it," Roland sniffed, then rubbed his nose. "And what do you mean, almost the same social standing?"

Croquet coughed delicately. "Young Kaiba has done well, considering his background. I really shouldn't expect him to match the refinement that comes from being raised in the heart of a family with generations of gentility."

"Generations of inbreeding, more like it," Roland muttered.

"Pardon me?" Croquet had sat up straight and his forehead was furrowed with scowl. "The Crawfords are not inbred!"

"I meant no insult – but really, how else would you explain it?"

"Explain what?"

"His," Roland waved a hand, "the way Pegasus is always so, so – "

"So what?" Croquet's raspy voice was a growl, and he had leaned forward.

Roland flinched. "Refined," he said, pulling a white handkerchief from his suit pocket and wiping his forehead. "So refined."

"Refinement is certainly preferable to being barked at by a rude brat less than half one's age," Croquet said tartly.

Roland was aghast. "Rude? Mister Kaiba is not rude."

"Than what would you you call it?" Croquet asked. "Since you're so good with words?"

"He's – " Roland paused to think. "He's forthright. Cuts through the unnecessary to the heart of a matter."

"In other words, rude."

Roland lifted his chin and said coldly, "He's given me enormous responsibility. Trusted me with extremely vital operations."

"Really? It seems to me that his seventeen-year old brother has more responsibility than you do most of the time."

Roland bristled. "Mister Kaiba's is very good to me."

"I'm sure he is," Croquet said, and pursed his lips. "I see that everything money can buy now includes blind loyalty."

"And you're above such things such as money, I suppose?" At Croquet's diffident shrug, Roland asked with a smirk, "Rather have private dungeon time with your employer?"

Croquet paled. "Is that what people think?"

"Generations of gentility, eh? Everyone's heard the rumors. It's a wonder the Crawfords have been able to produce heirs to carry on the line."

"Are you implying – "

"That Pegasus is a pampered, childish, sissy?"

"Better that than an arrogant, technology-obsessed robot like Kaiba!"

They were both standing now, glaring at each other.

There was a crash from Pegasus's office, and nearly simultaneous shouts of "Absolutely not! Give that back at once!" and "Think again, asshole!"

This broke the tension in the waiting room, and both men dropped their eyes, mumbling apologies.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said those things," Croquet said.

"No, no, I was the one who was out of line," Roland insisted.

"It must be difficult to be so young, raising a sibling and trying to run a corporation."

"And after all, Pegasus was in love. With his wife. Who was a woman."

"I've been told that Kaiba's inventions are brilliant."

"He is a man of his word."

"He has an impressive sense of personal style for one so young."

"Pegasus is always a generous host."

"Kaiba seems admirably devoted to his younger brother."

"He seems so courteous, too. Says Please and Thank you. It'd be nice to hear that once in a while ..."

"He comes across as very rational. Logical, predictable … what I wouldn't give for a few weeks of that!"

"... and he seems to have an understanding of normal human emotions and reactions ..."

They stopped, suddenly realizing what they were saying.

Roland looked down at his shoes.

Croquet cleared his throat.

Long, guilty, uncomfortable moments passed, until finally Roland sighed. "Alright, let's be honest. They're both horrible."

Croquet nodded, commiserating. "Self-centered. Insensitive."

"Neither of them understand," Roland said, "what life's like for the ordinary person."

"They were born into wealth," Croquet said, "or acquired it early, and they're spoiled. They haven't ever had to work mindless, degrading jobs just to scrape together enough for food and shelter."

"And even though they've gone through rough times, it doesn't ..."

"It doesn't seem to have given them any insight into themselves, let alone any empathy for others." Croquet shook his head sadly.

"He doesn't see how much his abrasiveness alienates people."

"He won't admit how lonely he is."

"Other than his brother, it's clear that his real love is his electronic gadgets. He values things more than people."

"Pegasus can't bear to be without his luxuries. He practically throws a tantrum if his Funny Bunny is late, or if we run out of any of his special imported cheeses."

"Some days …"

"I feel sorry for him."

"And the rest of the time hate myself for staying."

"Exactly."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!"

At the sound of Pegasus's voice, both Roland and Croquet looked with horror at the office door: now open, it framed a lugubrious Pegasus and a smoldering Kaiba.

"Croquet, do you really and truly feel that way?" Pegasus' hand was over his heart. "Am I truly that horrible? Do I really throw tantrums over cheese?"

"Well ..." Croquet tugged at his shirt collar as if his tie was strangling him.

"I can believe it," Kaiba said sharply, for the moment leaving Roland to quiver in terror. "You're a clueless prima donna."

Pegasus put his other hand over his heart now, as if mortally wounded. "That's just the sort of hurtful comment someone who values things more than people would make, Kaiba-boy." As Kaiba glowered, Pegasus continued to Croquet, "I had no idea that you were so unhappy, Croquet. Let me make it up to you. I'll go a week – no, two weeks – living – how did you put it? – like an ordinary person. I'll drink tap water, I'll eat plain bread, I'll even read nothing but the newspaper … "

Kaiba scoffed. "So dramatic. Two weeks? You wouldn't last a day."

"At least I'm making an effort to improve myself, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus said, irritated. "To take this painful windfall of honesty and, as much as it may sting me, use it to improve myself."

"Hn." Kaiba folded his arms and stared at Roland, but under the look of furious reprimand was a question.

"I suppose you think you're perfect in every way?" Pegasus asked. When Kaiba didn't reply, Pegasus added maliciously, "If you do, you're the only one. Did you know that even your brother Mokuba gets tired of you at times? He told me so, when he was my guest at Duelist Kingdom."

The muscles in Kaiba's face bunched as he clenched his jaw, but he said nothing.

Pegasus, irritated that he'd been foiled, turned to Croquet again. "I know money isn't that important to you, but if I fail in my attempt, would you accept a bonus of six-month's pay in addition to my heartfelt apologies?"

Croquet gasped.

"Or perhaps I should make it a full year's salary," Pegasus said thoughtfully, "Tax-free, of course."

"Might as well pay him now," Kaiba said. "You won't be able to do it."

Pegasus studied Roland for a moment, then turned to Kaiba and smiled. "I have an idea."

"I have a business to run in Japan," Kaiba said dryly, "Don't waste my time with any nonsense."

"What if we both attempted the simple life? I'll forgo my pleasures, you'll set aside your toys, and we'll both get jobs of the sort that – what did your man Roland call it? – oh yes, 'common men' do. And we'll see who can tolerate it the longest. Everyone will be most impressed at our efforts to be ordinary."

"I doubt it."

Pegasus had momentum, however, and wasn't deterred. "The loser could pay the winner's right-hand man a year's salary. I think that would be a nice gesture, don't you? Though I really have no idea how much you pay to your marvelous man Roland over there: it's probably far more than I can afford to pay Croquet."

"Are you finished?" Kaiba asked, checking his cell phone and beginning to walk toward the hallway that led out of the business wing of Pegasus' mansion.

"It's too bad," Pegasus mused, a finger on his chin. "We could even have drawn up a legally binding contract to make sure that I couldn't find some way to wriggle out of paying if I lost … oh, but where are my manners? Here I am babbling on about contracts when you have a flight to catch! Or did you fly that lovely Blue Eyes White Dragon jet of yours over here? Such a marvelous toy. It's no wonder you love it so."

"Goodbye, Pegasus." Kaiba and Roland began descending the stairway that spiraled down to the mansion's foyer.

"Well, I suppose it's wise we discarded the idea," Pegasus said, leaning over the railing as Kaiba reached the front door. "After all, despite your youth, your personality is far less flexible than mine. Less adaptable to change."

"I'm not playing the game," Kaiba said, his voice echoing up the stairwell. "You can stop now."

"And then of course I can imagine how completely humiliating it would have been for you to lose to me – again."

Kaiba stopped, his hand on the front door.

"Gotcha," Pegasus whispered. "You were right, Croquet. He's very predictable."

"I can't believe you think you could win such a ridiculous bet ..." Kaiba said.

"Yes, it is completely ridiculous."

"I wouldn't waste time on such a thing … "

"Not even as a vacation, Kaiba-boy?"

Kaiba looked up at him. "I don't take vacations."

"I can tell," Pegasus murmured.

"Perhaps you can neglect your company for weeks or months," Kaiba said, making a dramatic sweeping gesture with his arm and then making a fist, "but I am surrounded by sharks, ever circling, just waiting for a moment's weakness."

"I wonder if doing such an unpredictable, uncharacteristic thing would throw the sharks off guard?" Pegasus said as if to himself. "No, probably not ..."

Kaiba scowled. "They would assume that I had a hidden motive, and would scramble to uncover it." He folded his arms. "Hn. It might be interesting, I suppose."

Scenting victory. Pegasus held his breath.

"Well," Kaiba said abruptly, "you keep saying two weeks, we both know that it won't take nearly that long before you run screaming back to your silk suits and your imported delicacies."

Pegasus pretended to be offended. "You wound me, Kaiba-boy."

"I'll accept your challenge. Prepare to be crushed!"

"I don't know ..." Pegasus said dreamily, resting his chin in his hand. "Now I'm having second thoughts."

"Pegasus!" Kaiba was snarling.

"Oh, all right," Pegasus said, running down the stairs with Croquet a few steps behind. "Since you insist. It won't take long to draw up a contract, and I believe that both of our witnesses are notaries as well?"

As the astonished Roland and Croquet nodded, Pegasus went on. "To make it fair, you two knowledgeable gentlemen may choose our type and place of employment. Make sure it's something … common," he told Croquet. "Mind-numbingly dull. Low-tech. No computers." This last was said with triumphant gloating.

Kaiba eyed Pegasus sourly, then told Roland in a bored drawl, "The job cannot have any prerequisites: it needs to be the sort of place that would hire even an idiot," – here Kaiba looked witheringly at Pegasus – "as long as he was willing to do the work." He chuckled unpleasantly. "It will likely require demanding physical labor, in extremely difficult surroundings. Think you can handle that, Pegasus?"

"Oh, I can handle much more than you think, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus said, beaming. "I'll enjoy seeing you sweat."

"I'll enjoy seeing you lose," Kaiba said, and for a moment it looked as if he was almost smiling as well.

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~ to be continued ~

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A big thank you to Dark Rabbit, Rroselavy, and Shiro, who between them betaed this chapter, made me think, and helped brainstorm some of the surprises coming up.

The "private dungeon time" is a sly reference to the end of episode 10, where a displeased Pegasus says to Croquet (after it's reported that Kaiba has escaped capture yet again), "Must I lock you away, Croquet? Again?"

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(08) 4 Oct 2014

(concept: 4 January 2011)