Title: Naruto Uzumaki's Day Off

Pairing: Naruto/Sasuke, hint of Naruto/Sakura

Summary: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." AU

Disclaimer: Ferris Bueller's Day Off is obviously a movie that is owned by John Hughes. The DVD however is under my ownership, the concept is not. Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the idea of placing Naruto in Ferris' spot.

Warnings: Coarse language, Attempts at humor, Eventually there will be some sex, it's rated M for a reason.

Notes: I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off and I wondered, why didn't anyone think of putting them together? Ferris reminds me of Naruto, Cameron is like Sasuke, and Sakura is a bit like Sloane. And voila! This piece of fan fiction is born. Setting is in New York because I love my city. Hope you all enjoy!

Morning's are always chaotic in my home these days. My guardians Jiraya and Tsunade are incredibly dedicated and busy with their own careers that they seem to never have any time to really care about what I am doing with my life. That's not true in the slightest. That's everyone else's perspective because they have no idea what it's like living with the two overprotective parental figures. Jiraya may be a hardcore author and owner of a worldwide publishing company, but he always has time to check up on me in the mornings, like he was doing right now.

I was faking an illness so I could take the day off from school. I know I have a total of 10 absences now, but later on that could be fixed with a bit of hacking that I know how to do. But first, I had to trick my guardians by faking it. I had a warmer underneath my bed placed the night before, so my body was above it's normal temperature. I licked my hands for a clammy effect and wrapped my body in the sheets as if I were incredibly cold. I moaned and groaned as Jiraya came towards me, jabbing me in my side to wake me up but I stirred slowly as if in too much agony to actually jump at the stabs…and believe me every time he jabbed me I had to control myself. It was not an easy feat.

"Whoa…you're sick? I think you'll have to take the day off kiddo." Success! Well, until Tsunade had burst into the room.

"How come Naruto's not dressed and downstairs yet?" She came in, hands on her hips already in her lovely work attire of a suit, that didn't conceal her huge breasts. It looked like they were about to attack someone at any moment I swear. I moaned in excruciating fake pain and Tsunade forcefully pushed my only male guardian aside and nearly off of my bed as she checked my neck and forehead. She narrowed her eyes at me but I had passed the inspection, I was good to go to stay at home. My younger cousin Konohamaru was standing behind both of them his bag slung on his back and a thumbs up sign to which I winked back at him. He was my only accomplice in my house, and I vowed to teach him everything I had done in high school, but he was still in elementary and that would be only a few more years to go before he would be able to do what I was doing.

"Fine…rest up. Jiraya call his school and tell them he will not be in today. And don't forget to do it Jiraya." She glared at her husband before kissing me on the forehead, her breasts nearly suffocating me in the process but I made no move as if I couldn't feel it. "Feel better Naruto. Come on Konohamaru, I'm taking you to school this morning. And we have to hurry, I have a meeting in about half an hour." Konhamaru said his goodbyes from the doorway, pretending he didn't want to catch my illness but he knew I was faking it. I said a weak goodbye in return and they were gone. Tsunade was always the busier of my guardians. She was a business woman whose company was handed down to her throughout the generations, even taking on my late parents' company as well. She always had to be in the office, but that didn't mean she didn't make time for us, she always had time for us.

"You heard Tsunade, rest up. I don't need you knocking out here on the floor by the time we get back."

I smiled weakly at Jiraya. "I wouldn't dream of it." Then he exited as well. I waited a few more minutes before hopping up in my bed and throwing a baseball from my bedside table at the stereo, hitting it dead on and turning on the music. I started dancing as I ran into my bathroom, leaving the door open so I could sing lyrics as I showered. When I was finished I wrapped a towel around my waist and kept fluffing my blonde hair with another towel. The music still blaring as I picked up the burger phone on my table and started punching in a familiar number and then an all too familiar and hesitant voice answered.

"….What do you want Naruto?"

"We're going out today Sasuke so get your ass out of bed and drive to my house."

I could picture it right now. Sasuke all sprawled out on his depressingly colored bed ready for the ground to come up and swallow him because of some depressing thing his father had said or something his brother had did. Sasuke was one of those tortured souls that you couldn't help but pity because his life was hellish. I was the only light in his pitiful life while he was my darkness, but that's what made us such great companions. And I wouldn't trade the witty banter we have nor the amazing times we have for anything else in the world. He really was a devoted friend when you got him to actually do something. Sasuke always had to be pushed into friendship, but never in academics. So why was he still at home?Simple… Sasuke always made himself sick. Just being in his own house would be enough to make anyone sick. That I was sure of. Especially because his father hated me with a passion, but his mother was a very charming woman. But they were on the verge of a divorce…or at least that's what I hoped. They had more tension than Tom and Jerry on the Saturday morning cartoons that blared through my television. And that was saying something. But of course Sasuke was also in the middle of the predicament because he felt like he was the unwanted child, which would make sense when you meet his egotistical brother who was the first born and could do no wrong in his father's eyes. Oh yes…Mr. Uchiha loved Itachi very much. Sometimes I questioned exactly how much and how healthy of a relationship it was. But it wasn't my place to judge.

"No, Naruto."

"Sasuke if I don't see your ass in fifteen minutes you can say goodbye to our friendship." And then I hung up. I could imagine Sasuke still laying in his bed mumbling something about that being my argument since we were seven years old. True, I've always used the approach of saying I would never be his friend again, but only because it would motivate him. He was a social retard, and he knew it. But when he and I got together it was always a friendly rivalry and we would berate each other for fun. Right now, he's probably cursing my existence and getting ready. But that's because I know exactly how Sasuke is. He's my right hand man. I wouldn't change him for the world. I've said this before haven't I? Oh well…

Half an hour later Sasuke finally arrives in his crappy car. If I said fifteen he would always show up in thirty to test my patience. But that was something I was used to, the point was just to get him to show up. I opened the front door still half decent (no shirt on just pants) and led him into the kitchen. He didn't raid my fridge instead, he opened it and just took a few things out so he could make a sandwich or whatever. I sat on the kitchen counter, drumming my fingers watching him eat. Something he always thought was weird of me to do, but he quickly got used to me staring. I couldn't help it, he was really handsome and I would love to take him for a spin sometime, but that wasn't likely to happen. He might be gay, but he was not interested. And besides, he had hell of a lot of groupies after his jewels. Apparently girls loved the tortured pretty boy. I might be popular but girls would have an orgasm if he ever did smile at them, which was never.

Not that the bastard doesn't smile. He does. Just only around me and Sakura. But mostly around me. He doesn't hang with Sakura alone like I do. Maybe because she used to like him and hanging out with her would only bring it back, or maybe it was because she was a girl in general. But when the three of us were together he would smile. And he would also smile when he was alone with me. But that's just something that happens to everyone. I find what makes them smile and jab at it until they get over it and then I have to find something else. It's like a mission that never ends.

As I've been staring at Sasuke, he finishes his sandwich and turns his attention to me. "So…what are we going to do?"

I get off the counter and take off some of the mayonnaise at the corner of his mouth with my finger and lick it off. "Whatever we want of course. Hm…maybe we should include Sakura in this? After all, she's been working pretty hard like you have."

He snorted, "Sure, go and get the student council president in trouble. We don't need her records messed with."

I put my hand over my heart in a mockery of pain at the mere suggestion. "Now what kind of friend would I be if I let her get caught? You know you and I can hack into the school's system as easy as one two three. But…I'm thinking along the lines of a sob story and having her fake a tear. You know she's planning on being an actress. She already had the leads in the school plays three years and this year she will get it as well. No way she won't be able to pull it off. She could use the practice too."

He sighed, putting his plate in the sink. "I guess we could do that. But would she really want to-?"

"Not a problem, I texted her this morning on my cell phone. She would love to." Sasuke would roll his eyes if he wasn't such a guarded Uchiha, but instead he opted for the harsh sigh as if telling me it was all a bad idea. "Oh c'mon, live a little. Take that stick out of your ass. Or maybe you should have something else a little more pleasant and meaty, if that's the case then I will find you a suitable dick." Before he could even say something in retaliation I rushed upstairs to my room and then he ran after me. We ended up scuffling about in my room, nearly crashing into anything and everything, but it was already messy so it wouldn't have mattered at all. I'm amazed he didn't get pissy about it.

"Can you ever clean your fucking room, moron?" Then again, I stand corrected. That piss ass.

"Wanna be my maid then? You gotta wear a maid's outfit with no undies though honey. Or else you'll take all of the fun out of it." If I were anyone else I would have thought I didn't see the blush on Sasuke's face, but I was me and I knew he was blushing even though the pink tinge had already vanished as quick as it had appeared. I loved doing that to him, just as much as he and I loved to argue or crack jokes on each other. It was the way of our little world. He was straddling me as I said this and I moved my hips to collide with his and made him moan despite the fact I knew he didn't want to. Torturing Sasuke was just way too fun sometimes. He glared at me, but made no motion to move from his position and then…he moved his hips against mine. I gasped not imagining he would do something like that.

He never accepted the advances before. Why would he do that now? Sasuke was relishing in my response and smirked above me. It was my turn to glare at him now. He was just trying to get a rise out of me. In more areas in one I hoped. But that was a thinking for another time. If we decided to just have fun right now, what would happen to the day of going out? "Sa-Sasuke…" He looked at me curiously his face coming closer, our lips nearly touching.

"What?"

"Get off. We need to call the school if we're gonna get Sakura and go out. I also need a shirt."

Sasuke looked down at me as if just noticing the fact that I wasn't fully dressed, and then he ran his fingers down my chest to my abs. He stroked around my bellybutton making me arch a bit at the touch. Okay…I was bisexual, I liked Sasuke, I even liked Sakura, but right now I was more confused of liking Sasuke than anything in my life. He never ever accepted my advances so this was all quite a shock. Was there any attraction to me at all or was he just horny? It's not like I've never ground my hips into Sasuke's before…okay most of those were accidents, but right now…I just…I can't really focus. His hands came back up to my chest and he began to touch my nipples, making them erect, and his face came down to his fingers. His tongue licked at one of them and that was all I could stand, my hips moved again.

But as Sasuke and I were moaning the burger phone on my table began ringing. We both stopped breathing in that moment, and I pushed Sasuke off, making him roll around on the floor, but he didn't protest. I wiped my sweating palms on my pants, turned off the music, and picked up the phone. I made a motion for Sasuke to be quiet in which he simply glared at me and stuck up his middle finger. He was really such a nice guy.

"H…Hello…?" I groaned out in agony.

"Naruto. Just wanted to check up on you for a bit. I'm hoping you're doing alright by yourself."

I smiled a little at the care that Jiraya had for me. Really, he was like a father. "Yeah…" I coughed for an added effect. Sasuke rolled his eyes at my performance and I threw a pillow at him. He caught it, flipped me the bird again, and sat next to me on the bed, raising an eyebrow. I mouthed to him it was Jiraya and nodded, laying back on my bed. I could see his shirt rise up, showing me an expanse of pale skin that I wished to lap up but I had to focus on Jiraya right now. I had to give a grade A performance of nothing but sickness.

"Okay…well, just rest I guess. I'll see you later boy."

"Uh…huh (a cough) I'll…(sniff) just be here…bye…" I fake sneezed at the end and Jiraya hastily said his goodbyes and that was the end of our conversation. I vaguely wondered if Jiraya had called the school, figuring he didn't, which meant sooner or later Tsunade would come home. That meant I had to get started on the wiring to make it look like I was still asleep. Good thing Sasuke was here, he could help me. Speaking of the devil, I looked at him. He ended up closing his eyes during my phone conversation and I looked at the skin shown to me. I had a wicked idea.

I moved slowly so he wouldn't notice, and ended up putting my lips on his skin, then I blew. The result was a very startled Sasuke sitting up and punching me on the arm while I laughed. He glared daggers at me. If only looks could kill, I would be dead meat. But then who would look after Sasuke? Nah…he needed me around, whether he would admit it or not. I know he knew that in the back of his mind. I grinned at him and pinched his nose. "C'mon, let's call the school. You've got to be Mr. Haruno. Disguise your voice well, grasshopper." I said like an old master, and he took out his cell phone blocking out his number before dialing the school office and talking to our receptionist/principal's secretary. I smiled like a little kid who had just gotten a bunch of candy. Oh Sakura would have a lot of fun.

I only half listened to the conversation as I went off to find a shirt. He said something about a relative dying and that he would be picking up his daughter. I could only guess at what the secretary was saying, and he gave me a thumbs up. Things were going to go as scheduled. Then I heard him arguing with the principal. I looked at him. He covered the phone, "They think I'm you pretending to be her dad." I smiled, and picked up my burger phone dialing the school, shooing him out of the room and downstairs.

I talked to the secretary declaring my absence so they would know that it's not me and find out that it was someone else on the other line. I could imagine all of the scuffling that that bastard of a principal would be doing, and then I heard him yelling at his secretary to get the girl so that she could leave. I said my goodbyes as the secretary wished me well and I went downstairs. He gave me the thumbs up and took my dad's trench coat. "Let's use Itachi's car to pick her up. No one would believe that the car you drive is something Mr. Haruno would drive." Sasuke sighed and was ready to argue with me. "Let's get back at him for outing you. We're taking his convertible for a day on the town, no ifs ands or buts. Let's go." I slapped his cheek and we stepped out.

It was time to get Itachi's car and pick up Sakura.

Extra Notes: I know those of you who are waiting on the sequel to Romancing the Groom are probably wondering where I get off creating another chaptered fic. I will be posting that soon! As well as working on everything else that I need to. So don't worry about that. Um...this is also a chaptered fic, but it should be either a two or three shot. It's not long at all. I hoped you enjoyed it. And reviews are appreciated.

xoxoxoxo