There was a knock on the door.

"Sweetie, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, mom. Can you please just leave me alone for a few minutes?"

Santana could hear her mom's footsteps heading back down the hall. She didn't mean to snap at her, but this was the third time her mother checked up on her in the last hour. She just needed a little peace and quiet. Some time to clear her head. That seemed like all she could do anymore. She would tell herself that it would all be okay if she could just get some time alone. Clear her head. Did it ever help? No. But she could keep trying.

But every time she tried to clear her head, she would always end up clearing everything but the one thing she wanted to clear most. That one thing that was keeping her from being able to focus on anything. The one obvious truth that was staring her in the face.

Brittany. It was always Brittany.

Santana laid on her bed, cuddling a pillow. She wasn't crying. Not anymore. She was past crying. Santana was now thinking about the "bigger picture". Just a week ago she had professed her love for her best friend. It happens. In fact it's pretty much the plot of every John Hughes era movie. But this was different. She didn't confess love for a friend. It was for her BEST friend. Her best friend who just happened to be a...girl.

Santana rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. She kept going over it in her head. She's loved Brittany since they were kids. They were always together. Always hugging and dancing and doing each others' hair. It wasn't until she got older that she realized that these feelings were strange and different than her feelings for her other friends like Quinn.

But none of that mattered for the longest time. Santana had done a great job at hiding her true feelings. She would sleep around in order to ensure that there were no rumors, as well as boost her popularity. Everything was perfect. Santana got to be best friends with Brittany, her popularity was at an all time high, AND she got to sleep with the one person she truly loved. She got to do this without anyone thinking she was...gay.

Santana sat up. But wait a second, who said I was gay? She immediately regretted thinking of that word. LESBIAN. It sounded so...official. Santana had never been one for labels. Unless those labels were hot or sexy or popular. Just because she had feelings for Brit doesn't mean that she's a flannel wearing, softball playing, motorcycle-riding lesbian. Santana cringed at the thought of walking down the halls of William McKinley High while people called her names. DYKE. LESBO. She ran into her bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

"Get it together, Lopez" She told herself. She looked in the mirror. What had happened? She used to be so full of confidence. So full of reassurance. All it took were three little words. I love you. Three stupid little words. Santana got angry. Why did I have to say those words? She looked over at her desk. Sitting next to her computer was a picture of her and Brittany from Cheer camp a couple of years back. Santana put the picture face down so she couldn't see Brittany's face. Her mind went crazy. Why did Brit have to push it? I was fine with the way things were. I didn't want to figure out my feelings. I didn't want to sing my heart out for you in front of the whole class. I didn't want to tell you about my fears or put my heart on the line just to watch you break it for wheel boy.

Her heart sank. Artie. Ugh, Artie. How could she choose him? They barely knew each other. Sure he tried to keep her belief in Santa real. And sure, he may have given her a comb to keep her confidence up, which is pretty freaking nasty if you ask me. But what else has he done. I'm the one who's been with her for all these years. I've been by her side for everything. And yet she still chose him.

Santana slumped down in her desk chair. She picked up the picture and set it upright. She looked at their smiling faces then looked away. She didn't know what about this whole ordeal was toughest: the fact that she might lose her best friend, the fact that the woman she loved picked someone else, or the fact that what she's been burying deep inside all along is actually true. She knew she couldn't hide it anymore. Santana looked in the mirror, defeated, and knew...She was gay.