Before it's too late

A/N: I think people should realize that it's really important to tell that someone how you feel. Cuz you never know when it's too late… and you'll regret forever if you don't do it. That's the reason I wrote this fic, hope you'll like it. c:

Roy knew it the moment he saw Riza's face. The moment tears started to roll down her cheeks. Roy had never seen her without her usual strict face so it was shocking to see such a strong woman break down. Roy held her, hoping he could somehow take her pain away. But he knew – there was nothing Roy could do. Jean was gone, and he would never come back.

"I should've told him I loved him… now I can't, he'll never know. He never knew," Riza said in between her sobs, wiping her cheeks with the napkin Roy had handed her. After being there for Riza, holding her, Roy drove her to Hughes' house.

"Will you be alright," Roy asked with concern. Riza nodded and forced a tired smile on her face.
"I'll live. I think I need to hear Elysia's laughter right now…"
Roy nodded, understanding what she meant.

They said goodbye and Roy drove off. While driving, he suddenly realized that he was really exhausted. Again, because of work, he had lost another important person for him… and because of Roy, Riza was going through hell. And she would be doing that for a long time, Roy just knew it. She loved – had loved Jean a lot, a long time.

Roy didn't want to think. If he would do it, he knew too well what the result might be. He, finding himself pointing a gun at his head, dead drunk. He just wanted to get home. He just wanted to see Ed. And maybe, just like that, he could just forget about everything that was fucked up in the world. He just wanted to see Ed so badly.

"I should've told him I loved him… now I can't, he'll never know. He never knew."
It was just then, right that moment when Roy stopped in the traffic lights. Riza's words struck to him, making him wonder, have I ever told Ed that I love him?, making him realize, I never have.

And suddenly Roy realized that he had never even expressed his feelings for Ed. Remembering Ed, bringing him a cup of coffee while he was struggling with work. A note left by Ed, saying that there was food in the kitchen. Roy waking up from the couch, a blanket on him though he hadn't had it when he'd fallen asleep.

Ed, curling his body next to Roy's, saying: "Um, you know… I…"
And every time when Roy asked: "What?", Ed never finished his sentence.

How could Roy be such an idiot? Had he really thought that it was obvious that Ed would be on his side always? That he would somehow just know Roy's feelings even though Roy never expressed them?
Had he really taken Ed for granted for two years already? What if it was already too late? What if Ed had thought that Roy didn't want to be with him? What if he was already gone?

Roy's hands squeezed the wheel tightly. Would he already be too late?
Finally, after the drive which had felt like forever, Roy parked the car on the yard of his – their – house and got out, rushing to the door. It was open, as always. "Ed…?"

Roy hadn't even realized that he had lost his voice somewhere in between. How could he be the biggest idiot ever? He had (had…?) Ed who obviously cared about Roy a lot and Roy… fuck's sake!

Roy was sure that if Maes would be alive, he would be disappointed in Roy. Hadn't Roy learnt anything from his best friend? Obviously not. Roy just wished that Maes would be still alive. Then maybe, he could've been there for Roy, saying that Roy was supposed to express his feelings… Then maybe Roy would be just fine. And Ed too.

But no, Maes wasn't alive. And neither was Jean. And because of that, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Nothing but knowing that Ed was there. (Was he?)

Roy didn't even take his shoes off when he marched inside, wondering why the hell he had to have so ridiculously enormous home because it took too much time to get to the living room.

Roy almost felt his knees bend when he finally saw the armchair which was always full of Ed, every time Roy came home… and that time was no exception. Ed was there, on a very uncomfortable looking position, holding a book. He had fallen asleep. Roy went closer, stroking Ed's hair, feeling so grateful that Ed was there, trail of drool on his cheek. Of course Ed hadn't left… That wasn't like Ed.

He was still there. And Roy would make sure that he wouldn't even consider leaving, ever. Roy stared at his lover's sleeping face, wondering if Ed had been down about it. Wondering, if Ed had asked from himself: did Roy feel for him at all…? Roy had made the biggest mistake of his life. He had taken Ed for granted. But he could still fix it, to make sure he would never do that again.

"Ed. You'll catch a cold."
Ed hummed sleepily and cracked his eyes open, yawning. "Oh shit, I fell asleep…?"
Ed grimaced as he stretched himself, glancing at Roy. "Whoa. You look like hell! Is Havoc…?"
Roy closed his eyes. "He's gone," he said, noticing the pain filling his voice.
Ed was quiet, looking rather shocked. "Fuck," he whispered then.

"How's Hawkeye…?"
"As she said herself: she'll live. She went to Hughes' house."
Ed nodded. "Why the fuck does this kind of shit keep happening…?"
Roy couldn't find an answer for that. So he remained silent.

"Anyways… why are you wearing shoes?"
Roy glanced at Ed. Because I didn't have time to take them off. Because I had to run to see if you were still here. Because I was afraid you had left…
"I don't know. I'm not thinking straight."

Why hadn't Roy said it? Because the feeling was already gone. Ed was there and everything was like usual, excluding the fact that Jean was gone…
"I could make coffee…?"
Roy shook his head. "I think I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm exhausted."
"Alright…"

Roy left Ed in the living room and finally took his shoes and jacket off, heading upstairs. Roy ended up on the bathroom, staring at his face from the mirror. He had to say something to Ed. Even though the feeling was already gone. Riza's words kept on echoing on Roy's head: "I should've told him I love him… now I can't, he'll never know. He never knew."

That was right. Even though everything was like every day between them and right know it seemed that Roy had nothing to fear… Even still, Roy could never know. The times were hard. Ed – or Roy himself – could die easily every day. Ed had always been reckless and the missions he went on were very dangerous. It was a miracle Ed was still alive. Roy had sawn Ed in the hospital, with bruises, barely alive, for so many times… And one of those days Ed wouldn't wake up to say: "I WAS being careful, but – "

And if Ed would survive alive from his missions… well, when it was about life, you just couldn't predict what would happen next. A meteorite could fall from the sky. You could slip; hit your head and fall. Anything was possible. And that was why Roy had to tell before it was too late. Or else he would regret for the rest of his life for letting Ed stay in the darkness for all those years.

As Roy left the bathroom, Ed was sitting on the bed, with only his boxers on, oiling his automails. Usually Roy would whine about it, demanding that Ed would do it somewhere else than bed but now… Roy just climbed on the bed and hugged Ed tightly from behind.

Ed was surprised; Roy could tell by the way his body stiffened. And then Ed bended his face back, as from a reflex, waiting for Roy's kiss. Roy looked at his face, lifting his finger to touch Ed's lips, seeing the pure confusion in the young man's eyes.

"Ed… I - I love you. Please… stay with me."
Roy had never sawn Ed looking that obviously shocked. A sudden insecurity filled Roy's mind. What if… Ed didn't feel the same in the end…?
"What…?"

"I… I'm sorry. I should've expressed my feelings for you before. I was taking you, us for granted. And I realized it when Hawkeye said she wished she'd tell about her feelings for Jean… And I… I was so afraid you'd be already sick with me, that you'd left. I love you so much… I need you so much… I wouldn't know what to do if I'd lose you. And I need you to know that because – "

Ed interrupted Roy's babbling by kissing him. After they pulled apart, Roy could do nothing but stare at Ed who smiled, starting to feel a bit embarrassed because of his outburst. By saying one thing, he suddenly couldn't be able to stop… as if all those things had been just waiting to get out of his system.

"Look, you damn idiot. I'm not leaving anywhere from here. So don't just jump into conclusions because… I love you too. I need you too…"

Roy swallowed hard. Ed did love him. He did. It felt as if a burden had been taken from his shoulders. And he felt so stupid for not doing that months ago, because it was easy after he had finally gone and said it.
Ed grabbed Roy's hand and squeezed it, his grip was steady and warm and Roy could do nothing but lean onto Ed, sighing from relief.

The whole bed, the whole room smelled like oil but Roy didn't care because Ed was there, by his side, because they loved each other and they knew they did.
Even though that day had been a hell, exhausting and depressing, and times weren't going to get better, on the contrary; Roy knew that darker times were only lying ahead.

But there, with Ed, squeezing back his hand, Roy felt that everything was going to be alright. He would survive from the ordeals together with Ed. He just knew it.