The King of Attolia

Why, oh why, did Irene have to be a queen? Why couldn't I have fallen in love with a cook, or a scullery maid, or a shepherdess? It isn't that I don't love Irene. I'll always love her, but I don't love, or even like, her country. And it's citizens are even worse. So far, out of all the Attolians I've meet, there are only two worth anything. The first is Costis, who's holding his sword out in front of him at the moment, waiting for me to swing at him. The other is Dite, the heir to the largest barony in my kingdom.

I think Dite is a bit like me. He'd loves Irene, he has an impeccable sense of humor, and he didn't want the noble position that had been given to him. If only he would stop being jealous of my wife, we could be great friends. It was that jealously that had caused him to write that infuriating song about the night of my wedding. What does he know about it, anyway? Although, I have to admit, it's quite a catchy song.

I wish Dite's younger brother is a bit more like him. Sejanus, my dear attendant, put sand in my bed again last night, or he got one of my other attendants do to it for him. He pulls all their strings like a puppet master.

I thrust my sword toward Costis, fully expecting him to parry it. By the time I realized he won't I don't have time to pull it.

My sword strikes his temple with a loud thwack. Costis backpedals into a defensive position like the trained solder he is.

Why couldn't he have blocked my thrust? He'd made me look like an inept one-handed swordsman, which, I suppose, is the idea I'm trying to cultivate in the Attolians anyway, but I don't need his help to do it.

"Ice!" I shout to some boys standing by the wall. My idiot lieutenant still holds his practice sword in front of him, as if I might attack him again. It's a tempting idea, but I discard it.

Crouching in front of Costis, I pull his sword out of his hand and drop it on the ground. Costis really starts worrying me when he put his other hand to his face too. I need Costis healthy if I want to keep using him as my verbal punching bag and friend/enemy.

"I'm sorry" I tell him. For once I'm not lying.

"My fault" Costis gasps.

"Let me see it."

Costis lowers his hands, and I turn his face toward the light. I can see some bruising already.

"Can you see out of that eye?"

"Yes, Your Majesty" he says.

I don't think I'll ever get used to people calling me that. "You're sure? Cover the other eye."

As Costis does, a voice speaks from the crowd behind me. "It was the flat."

I turn to see Teleus, the captain of my queen's guard. I sigh. I really don't need him here.

"It was the edge." I say it just for the sake of not agreeing with him. "Goodness, Costis, how embarrassing for both of us." Now Teleus will add: Doesn't know how to handle a sword or his temper, to his list of thing he holds against me. The second thing is true. The first is not.

Costis sighs. "My fault, Your Majesty."

I smile down at him. "Yes, it was." I thought back to what happened. "My fault, too. I lost my temper."

Just then, a boy comes from the kitchen, carrying ice. I wince at how quickly Costis puts it up to his face. It must really be hurting him.

"Go lie down" I say. "Teleus can take you off the duty schedule for today."

"I'll be fine, Your Majesty."

"Of course you will. Enjoy your day off."

Costis worries me even more when he doesn't protest further, but at least he isn't arguing anymore. That's one good thing about being a king. You can hang anyone who argues with you. Except for ambassadors, unfortunately.

"That's better. Keep up that obedient attitude, Lieutenant, and you could be captain of the guard someday." Anyone would be better then the current one, but I know Irene couldn't get along without him. "It's true, the queen would never have you, but we could both be assassinated, and you could be captain to my heir. Don't give up hope just because the chances are slim."

I'd thought the only Attolians capable of wit were my queen, Dite, and Sejanus, but what Costis says next, proves me wrong.

"For the assassination or the heir, Your Majesty?"

I look down at my injured guard in time to see the look of horror that crossed his face as he realizes what he's said and to whom he's said it, and I see that he hasn't been trying to be witty. He just said what he was thinking. When Costis puts his head back in his hands, this time to hide his face, I can't help but laugh.

"Costis, you're picking up bad habits from my attendants. You aren't even half coked on unwatered wine as an excuses. Shall we blame in to the pain in your head?"

The poor fool tries to apologize. "Please, Your Majesty. I am sorry if-"

"Not at all." I say, in my best royal pardon voice. "Not at all."

I lift up the ice to cheek on the bruising around Costis's face once more. He'll have a black eye for a day or too. I think about the time I'd gotten black eyes from my dear cousins in Eddis and think I'm probably safer here in Attolia then I was with my family in Eddis. I'm sure every member in the Eddisian court has wanted to strangle me at one point or another.

I pat Costis on the shoulder. "But why would I worry about assassination when I have such a stout Guard to defend me?"

I leave to go get breakfast. Hitting people with swords takes a lot of energy.