"Hello I'm Merlin Emrys."

"And I'm Arthur Pendragon and welcome to Wake Up Britain. So good morning, are you awake yet you lazy sods?"

"Arthur, you can't talk - I had to physically drag you out of bed this morning whilst hitting you with a slipper."

"Well, only because someone kept me up all night watching 'Love Actually'. Honestly, you're such a girl Merlin."

"Oh hush, you love it. You cried when that woman played the Joni Mitchell CD."

"…It was very sad."

"Aw, baby."

"Anyway, it's Christmas in just a few weeks so this morning we'll be looking at how to make the perfect christmas dinner - Merlin, pay attention to this bit. I want a nice turkey."

"Yes, dear."

"We'll also be looking at ways you can get involved with your local charity this year."

"I'm selling all of Arthur's shirts and donating the money to charity."

"Don't you dare touch my shirts, Merlin. We'll also be doing a fascinating piece on the origin of some of your favourite Christmas carols."

"Are you sure fascinating is the word Arthur?"

"It is when the alternative is listening to you drone on."

"Oh please, you talk way more rubbish than me."

"Do not."

"You do!"

"I really don't, I'm extremely interesting."

"…Sure. You just keep telling yourself that."

"Anyway! We'll also be showing you how to save money by making Christmas cards out of stuff you might find around your house, providing you live in an Arts and Crafts shop."

"Are you getting me a Christmas card Arthur?"

"If you're good."

"I'm always good. Name one time I'm not good Mr Pendragon."

"You shrunk my favourite jeans to the size of a dolls."

"Oh yeah. Huh, I was expecting you to bring up how I spilled wine on your chair."

"You spilled wine on my chair?"

"Don't be daft, Arthur. Right, first up, we have our very own Christmas tree that we're going to decorate on air for you after the break"

"You spilled wine on my chair?"

"Shut up, you love me."

"Merlin, you can't just keep saying that whenever you ruin my things!"

"Yes, I can."

"…"

"Right folks, we'll be back after the ads. If Arthur hasn't killed me that is."

"See you in a few. Merlin-"