cookythefoxcat, Venenum Timere, Writer's Freedom, holospartoi258, bk00, OddSakura, Kira-writer, Jonman14, Rafael Pereira, poka, AutoKnight01, JackleTheKitsune, SkulY2K, BlazexSilver:
Chapter 2: Blaze
I was alone.
That's what I remember of my life before I met you, Silver. I was born into a royal family, as a princess none-the-less, and then subsequently kicked out because I was born with some genetic mutation that gave me the ability to control fire. In blood I was still a princess, but for all practical purposes I was disowned and left to live and survive on my own. I was ten years old when I was handed the keys to the kingdom, the seven jewels that could control time and space, known as the Sol Emeralds, and was told that I was the new Guardian. It would henceforth be my duty to protect those gems at all costs, including sacrificing my own life. I was also to live alone, trusting no one for fear that they'd be just after the Emeralds.
Not that I had been wanting any friends; I'd been rejected and alienated since the day I was born. I was a freak, and no one wanted to be my friend or talk to me. There was no one who even thought about me, even less loved me or cared about me. I had no one that I could trust or that I would even want to be with. No one to talk to or share time with. I practically loathed others - they annoyed me, got in my way, didn't understand me. Others hurt me more than they helped. Being in social situations was more than awkward, it was painful. I had nothing to say to anyone. My life was that of a guardian... what could I possibly have in common with the giggly girls and immature boys my own age?
Being perpetually alone, I became shy with others, but it went beyond that. I never approached anyone - and if they approached me, I would just ignore them. Others couldn't attempt to understand me... so what was the point of trying to get to know anyone? I was so much different than everyone else. They couldn't relate to me. It was painful talking to others; they wanted to discuss such trivial things, things I didn't care one whisker about. The more I observed others, the more I despised them and wanted no part of their trivial life.
I was almost glad that I had been born different and destined to a life of loneliness. I wanted no part with anyone else. I'd come to not only accept my loneliness but embrace it and want it. I just stopped believing and hoping that I'd ever have a friend. It didn't matter if I felt lonely, I accepted the reality of what my life would be and how my future was already set out for me. I was destined to be alone.
And I never thought that it'd be any different. I thought that I'd have to be completely self-sufficient for the rest of my life, not depending on anyone else. It never even crossed my mind that there'd be someone out there who could complete me and be my other half. That sounded so far-fetched, so foolish... I never thought that I'd ever find a man...
I felt like an unsung hero, almost. I knew that without me, the world would be worse off, with no one to watch over the Sol Emeralds. I was aware of my own importance. So that's why I saved the world - not because I cared deeply about everyone to the point that I was giving myself selflessly as a true hero would, but because it was who I am.
Yes, there was a void in my heart. But I just ignored the pain, come to accept it as my fate. Emotions were... nothing. My heart had become so hardened and numb from isolation that I scarcely felt anything anymore... my heart was a hollow, empty muscle. Practically the only thing I regularly felt was anger, but only when I was provoked enough or someone looked at the Sol Emeralds.
I did feel the need to do my duty, however. That was what my life was: a solitary, lonely, unemotional realist, an unsung hero, a freak. And I liked it that way. I wasn't happy but I'd come to accept it; I was content. I wasn't seeking a better life.
I was born this way, with powers and a duty to fulfill no matter what.
My heart was hardened. I pushed everyone who even wanted to get close to me.
Even... you. I do regret how mean I was to you, Silver, at first.
I remember how you approached me, and instead of calling me a fire freak or ask me a ton of questions of what it was like to be a princess, you... were just so innocent. You talked about, of all things,... teaming up with me to save the world. You talked about your dreams, your thoughts, and how you wanted to be a hero. Although I initially dismissed you as just a naive little kid (It's funny, you're only a year younger than me) who would soon realize that life is not lived up in the clouds and being a hero is not all that it's portrayed as... you stuck in my heart and mind.
I pushed you away and ignored you, of course, but you kept at it, and wouldn't give up. You were so convinced that we were meant to be together that you wouldn't be deterred. And as you tagged along behind me and tried your hardest to penetrate my impregnable walls... I found that I just couldn't get you out of my head. You were all that I thought about for a while, and I had trouble sleeping, because I couldn't shake your hopeful golden eyes from my vision...
You were so... refreshing, so different from everyone else I've known. So innocent. It was almost like the original stain hadn't touched your soul. No matter how everyone treated you and what life served you, you remained just as naive and full of hope as ever.
I became captivated by you. I never showed it, of course, but you were always in my mind. I can't say that I was immediately head over heels for you, but you certainly caught my attention. I wondered how it was the world didn't seem to affect you, even though you had powers as well. Of course, yours seemed more productive and useful than mine, but still. You gave me a sliver of hope that maybe... my life wouldn't be as grim as I'd always imagined it to be. Maybe, just maybe I could actually be happy...
Eventually, I opened up my heart more and more to you. I took it slow, although you were anxious to learn more about me, but I just wasn't comfortable sharing myself. I'd never been good at talking with others... I let you do most of the talking. I always thought that being with others was painful... but with you it was...nice and easy, almost natural.
I just never knew how much I was really craving contact from someone else. I discovered that beneath my hardened outer shell, a heart that needed love was beating just like everyone else's. You helped me find my heart and soul, Silver. You brought my heart to life. All of a sudden I was alive.
You gave me hope, if nothing else. Your naive spirit refreshed me and breathed new life into my jaded heart. And I started wanting another person's company for the first time in my life. Whenever you weren't around... I actually longed for you.
I remember one day... this was after Iblis attacked, and we were living and sleeping wherever we could find a place. But on that one day, I woke up after a decent night's sleep, and... I couldn't find you. Normally we slept right next to each other (for safety's sake), but I looked over and you were gone. Of course, I wasn't too worried... until I looked everywhere for you. With every subsequent place that I'd searched and came up empty, the more my heart ached and worried. I was so afraid that I'd lost you, my first and only friend. Of course, the cliche "you don't know what you have until it's gone" rung true for me then. It was then, when the first and only tears I'd ever cried in my life cascaded down my cheeks that I realized how much you really meant to me. My future life without you flashed before my eyes, and I was afraid I was going back to square one and a life of loneliness. That prospect, which had before had made me content, now scared me more than I'm willing to admit. Of course, as soon as I found you, it was all I could do not to wrap you in a tight hug. I could barely control my emotions...
That's another thing, Silver, something only you can do to me... these weird feelings stirring around in my chest. I'd never felt like this before... my heart felt free and light and happy for the first time. Slowly it began to soften, and I began to feel things I've never felt before. I would just think about you and smile involuntarily. My heart would beat so fast, when you'd just look at me. And also, blushing. I was used to feeling heat on my body, but this was a warmness unlike anything. It felt so pleasant, I never thought emotions could feel so good. I started to wonder if something was wrong with me...
But not only all that - I had found a friend, the best one I'd ever had and the only one I'd thought that I'd need. I had no idea how much I was craving that - company. I had been so lonely my whole life, and being able to share my burdensome life with someone... it just took such a weight off of my shoulders and heart. I ended up telling you things that I'd always kept bottled up, things that I could barely admit to myself. And the best thing was, you completely understood me and listened to everything I said, and didn't push me into anything. You were really my best friend, Silver... I was so glad that you had approached me and didn't give up on me...
You meant so much to me, Silver. But telling you? Now that was simply... impossible. I've never been good at sharing my feelings as it was. I've never been talkative. Being so isolated from everyone else, I was terribly shy especially in social/emotional situations. Besides, how could I tell you something that I didn't understand myself? I figured that my prescence and blushes would be enough to let you know how I felt, that you'd figure it out yourself.
I prefer to think about things fully before I do anything.
And, of course, I remember how you confessed that you loved me as more than a friend... you were trembling and blushing up a storm and you couldn't look me in the eye, obviously scared of what I was gonna say. I knew how hard it was for you to confess that you wanted to be more than friends... I knew because I hadn't wanted to bring up the topic, either. Talking about feelings, especially my own, was not something that had ever come easy to me. And also, I didn't want to ruin our friendship by making it complicated and suddenly awkward.
And so, for a few moments, I questioned how I really felt and if I wanted to go that last romantic step. But then I remembered how you made me feel like no one else has, and how much you've given me. And I realized, Silver... that I really did love you. If love really existed and was possible for me, then what we shared had to be real love...
And then, I took your face in my hands and guided it so that you could look into my eyes and see how I really felt, even though I was a master at hiding my emotions. I let the mask come off of my heart. And then I did what has always been difficult for me to do, uncomfortable and unnatural - spoke from my heart and reassured you of how I really felt.
As I was talking and confessing I felt the walls crash down from my heart. And for once, it was actually easy to tell you how I felt. I told you how you'd softened my heart and got me to feel for the first time in my life. I told you how you'd cured my loneliness and given me hope. And then... I pulled you into my lips, and we shared our first kiss. It was an emotional release if I'd ever had one, just feeling you in my arms and your lips clinging to mine... I could feel your passion in that kiss, with you aggressively kissing my mouth as if you'd wanted to to do that for a long time... being able to be free to love you... it felt so wonderful, like nothing else.
And even though I've told you many times, Silver... I want to tell you again. You mean so much to me... I've let no one else get as close to my heart as you are. You're a special friend and so much more. I'm so glad that I decided to open up and let you complete me, I've never regretted it... I love you, Silver.