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I looked around me, and realized with a sickening start that I was finally alone. I don't think I ever really thought that I would be, but what did I expect? When Edward left, I guess I didn't think about being totally alone, no one to talk to, no one to turn to late at night, and instantly my heart raced at that thought.

I sat down heavily, telling myself over and over again that I could do this, that I would do this. This is what I wanted.

But I knew it was a lie. This- Alone in Seattle in a house that wasn't anymore mine than the air, was not what I wanted. What I wanted was still in La Push where I had left him nearly 5 years earlier.

He had been on my mind for months, his face made a never ending loop through my mind. I woke to his beautiful, brilliant smile and fell asleep to his loving onyx eyes.

I knew that I would never be happy until I saw him again, and I knew that I would be making that trip tomorrow and I while I was terrified beyond words, I was ready. I had to see him again, I had to. Or I'd go crazy.

"Bells!" Dad called as I stepped out of the car. I grinned as he made his way down the stairs and was pleasantly surprised when he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly to his chest. I didn't realize how much I missed him until that moment and returned the hug with all that I had in me.

"I'm so happy your home." He whispered before he kissed my forehead.

I pulled back and looked up at him, "I am too."

"How long?" He asked, I hadn't told him over the phone that Edward had left. It just didn't seem like something that needed to be said over the phone.

I sighed and looked up at him, "For a while."

His eyebrows knitted together, "A while?"

"Edward left."

"Oh." I could see him trying to find his happiness, in sake of my feelings but I knew him too well. "Well-"

"Don't worry, I wanted it."

"Oh, well that's great then." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and and after lifting my suitcase pushed me gently into the house.

"Get settled and then we will talk." He said just before he turned and left me standing in the middle of my teenage room filled to the brim with memories that I didn't want to tread at the moment, didn't know if I ever wanted to relive them.

I turned on my heel and left my room, barely giving Charlie enough time to get down the stairs. He turned and looked up at me as I stepped into the foyer.

"Are you already unpacked?"

"Um- no. I'm not. I just don't want to tackle it now." I replied, not really lying but not tell him the whole truth either.

"Oh, well come in here and talk to me." I slowly followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch beside his recliner, and waited for him to start. It didn't take long. "What happened?"

"I don't know," I lied, easily, "We grew apart."

"You grew apart or he grew fond of someone else?"

I blinked and felt myself nodding before I thought of how to respond.

"I thought so. I'm sorry sweetie." He stared at me for a moment, and I could feel his tension level rise and my stomach knotted inside my body.

"What?" I asked, unable to fight the urge to know what had happened.

"Did you come back to see Jake?" He asked, his eyes switching from my face to the arm of his chair where he had nearly picked the arm threadbare.

"Well- I mean, sure I want to see him but I came back to see you too."

"Bella, he's married."

I felt my heart stop, and my mouth went dry. Please God, don't tell me what I thought I heard. I knew that I had misunderstood him. "What?" I whispered unable to think beyond the idea that I had misheard him.

"Jake is married."

I blinked, my eyes staying shut and I forced them open again. I couldn't make myself look at Charlie, I couldn't let another person know how badly I was hurting inside I had fought so hard with Edward. I had given him every ounce of myself, and still I turned out that I wasn't good enough, wasn't enough for him. And now, the one constant in my life that I always thought I could turn to was gone. Snatched out of my grasp when I wasn't looking and I felt my world shift.

Everything that I had done, experiences and asked for was now put into question. Now that Jake was gone, would it all be worth it? I didn't know the answer to that question and it terrified me. I inhaled deeply and after hiding my emotions I turned my eyes back to Charlie.

"Are you okay?" he asked me and I smiled the smile that I had been plastering on for months now.

"Of course, I'm so happy for him." I said, and I meant it completely.

"Well, Billy asked me to bring you out to see him when you got in. Do you think that you can handle it?"

I told myself that he was asking me if I was too tired to handle a night of catching up, but I knew better, "Of course."

He stared at me for a moment more before he nodded, "When ever you are ready then."

"I'm ready now." I replied instantly and followed him out of the house as he made his way toward the door.

The drive to Billy's was silent. My mind was spinning too quickly to be able to form any kind of rational thought. We pulled into Billy's yard and I was greeted with the only thing that hadn't changed. Billy wheeled his way out onto the porch and waves while smiling brightly.

"It's about time you came home." He said as I stepped up to him.

"It's nice to be back." I replied and bent down to hug him.

Billy led us into the house and I looked around, still caught up in the joy that was being in Billy's house. Here, amazingly I could forget that Jake was gone. I could believe for just a moment that we were just as we had been before.

But just like every other thing in my life, it wouldn't last. I looked up as I heard a car door close, and I knew the instant that I did that the panic that I had hoped I had hid was shining brightly upon my face. I stood as the door opened, and before I could stop myself I was crossing the room as I heard Jake's voice.

I forced myself to stop just inside the living room, wanting to hear his voice just one more time before I stepped into his line of vision.

"Are you okay?" He asked, to his father.

"Yes, I'm fine." I couldn't see his expression but I could tell that he had told Jake something without words.

I gasped as Jake stepped into the living room. I was overwhelmed immediately and I couldn't feel my toes, and I knew that I had forgotten to breath. I inhaled noisily and looked up at him.

"Bells?" He asked, shyly.

I nodded, and when I couldn't find some amazing statement I whispered, "Hi."

"Hi." He seemed so different, and in the same breath the same.

"Congratulations." I forced out through my lips, the taste so bitter I felt tears burn my eyes.

"Um-" He blinked as if shocked, I wasn't sure it was by my presence or my words, "Thanks." I nodded, and I waited for him to speak but he simply stared down at me. I saw so many emotions flash through his eyes but was unable to catch onto any of them.

I felt my already broken heart shatter as I realized that the man that I thought I knew so well, had changed and he wasn't the same sweet Jake who had put me back together after Edward left the first time.

I also realized that I loved him more than I had ever loved Edward. I wanted him to know that I loved him, that I knew now who was the most important. I wanted him to know that for me I wasn't over him. But I knew that just like almost everything else in my life, I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough to realize he was the one for me.

"I'm sorry." He whispered and turned leaving me standing staring after him. I didn't move as I heard him move through the house, his father calling his name. I only moved as I heard his truck start and I moved to sit down heavily on the couch, my head in my hands.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't stand to see him, knowing that I could never have him. It was just too much on my already beaten heart.

"Dad!" I called, and looked up as he appeared in the door almost instantly.

"Yeah?"

"I've got to go."

He nodded and tossed me the keys.

"Harry will drive me home. Will you be there when I get back?" He asked, his hands sliding into my pockets.

I nodded and swallowed the tears, "Yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Oh- okay." He replied and moved to let me out of the room that suddenly throbbed around me, making my whole body ache.

I moved through the house, avoiding eye contact with Billy and moved through the yard my eyes on the ground. I climbed into the car and made myself start the truck and pull down the drive before I released myself enough to cry.

I knew once I started crying, I might never stop. I hadn't cried over Edward, always knowing that Jake would be there. God how horrible had I been? I had just always assumed that he would be waiting in the wings for me. God knows I wasn't worth waiting for and I should be ashamed for even thinking that he would be waiting for me and I was. But I realized I deserved this.

And that thought was all I needed to let loose the tears. I deserved everything I had gotten because I wasn't smart enough, wasn't pretty enough. I just wasn't enough... period.

How I made it home, I don't think I will ever remember. I know I pulled over and cried for what seemed to be an hour. The ache that Jake had repaired so lovingly, so carefully so many years ago was now ripped open and again bleeding. I crawled into bed and wrapped the covered around myself, hoping to force the world to go away. I wanted to just pretend that this was all a bad dream that everything I had been through to not exist. But I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't forget about Jake, I'd never be able to forget him.

And with that thought the fear that he would forget about me started to repeat itself again and again in my head and before long it was all that I could think about. I feel asleep with it on my mind, and dreamed of Jake.

I looked up at Charlie as he entered the kitchen the following morning.

"Hey." He said moving to the coffee pot.

"Hi." I said before taking a sip of my coffee.

"What time are you leaving?" He asked, taking in my fully dressed appearance.

"I was waiting for you to wake, actually." I said, unable to meet his eyes. I knew this was hurting him, but I just couldn't be here right now. I had already promised myself that I would be back to see him and I repeated this promise to him.

He nodded, "I'm going to hold you to that."

I smiled softly and nodded, "I know you will."

"Okay, then I guess that's it." He took a sip of his coffee and sat it down on the counter. "Have you got your luggage?"

"No, it's packed but I haven't put it in my car."

He nodded again and pushed away from the counter, "I'll go get it."

"Okay." I replied and stood from my seat as he exited the room.

I stood at the front door, my hand on my suitcase, "I'm sorry for this."

Charlie sighed, and shrugged, "You have to do what you have to do."

I hadn't expected any more from Charlie, and I smiled up at him. "Thank you for understanding."

"I'm your father, Bells. It's my job." He replied quietly.

"And you do a great job, dad."

Always uncomfortable with the showing of emotions he smiled down at me and nodded.

We both looked out the front door as we heard someone turn in the drive way. I blinked as I saw Jake climb from his motorcycle. My heart, as always, sped up at the site of him. His black hair catching the sun, as if it was still wet and I looked up at Charlie as he stepped out on the porch with my suitcase as if he know Jake had been coming. I realized as Jake didn't look at Charlie as he climbed the stairs that Charlie had called him while he had been upstairs.

I watched with baited breath as Jake climbed the stairs until he stood before me.

"Are you leaving?" Unable to speak I nodded mutely. "Are you coming back?"

I cleared my throat and wanted to tell him that I didn't have a reason to come back but as I heard the trunk of my car close I knew better and I nodded, "I don't know when."

"Okay, when you come back. Let me know okay?"

I nodded and smiled up at him, and knew that I couldn't keep my tears at bay this time, and I was tired of trying. "Please don't forget about me." I whispered before I pushed up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss along the line of his jaw.

I heard his breath catch and took the moment of hesitation on his part to make my exit. I stepped away from him but gasped as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tightly against his chest. I listened to his heart beat for just a moment, determined to remember it. Determined to have something to fall asleep to for the rest of my life.

"I could never forget about you." He whispered against my hair. He released me, and I watched him as he walked back across Charlie's yard. I turned before he reached the motorcycle, I couldn't watch him walk away from me. I didn't know if I could handle to lose him again.

Six months, 12 days and 14 hours.

That's how long I had been home. That's how long it had been since I had seen Jake. It had been only 30 minutes since I had uttered his name, something that I couldn't seem to stop.

"God, Bella! You have to stop this." I said to myself, staring down into the now cold cup of coffee that I held in my hand. I blinked another tear way and watched as they settled on the glass top table of the patio table.

I told myself time and time again that I'd be okay, that I would find someone else, but I just couldn't believe it now. I ached too much to love again. And as I had learned the hard way, love hurts...

I moved back into the kitchen, I had called in sick and I sighed as I looked down at the work that littered my desk knowing it wouldn't get done today.

I was sick, sick and tired of hurting, tired of being alone and tired of missing Jake every second of every day.

I jumped as I heard the front buzzer sound. I didn't know who it would be, but I assumed that it would be a package from work. Leave it up to my bosses to send work to me when I'm off sick.

I pressed the button to unlock the door below and moved to the front door. I pulled open the door. I prepared myself, knowing I would have to go through the package and determine if it could wait until tomorrow or if it had to be done today.

But I could have never been able to prepare myself for what appeared at the top of the stairs just a few minutes later.

I stared at him as he moved across the landing and felt my face spread into a smile to mimic his as he neared me.

"Jake?" I asked as he stopped in front of me.

"Sorry for just showing up." He said, his voice was like a cannon going off in my head, my heart raced and I felt dizzy. It must have showed for his brows knitted together and he placed his hand on my back.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked, worried that something had happened to Billy.

"I've never been better." He whispered. I shook my head, unable to form the questions that were screaming through my head. "I could never forget you."

"But you're-" Before I could say the words he stopped me.

"Divorced."

"What?" Praying for one that I had heard correctly. He nodded once more and I watched in a shaky haze as he lowered his head toward mine.

"I'm here for you." He whispered just as his lips touched mine, "I love you Bella. I always have."