A/N: Hey, so I decided to jump on the "Facebook fic" bandwagon :) Each chapter in this story will be what the Glee characters were posting on Facebook during one episode's events. The episodes will go in order through the second season. And just in case you are unfamiliar with all the other Facebook stories out there...
Name to Name
Subject: blah blah blah
is a private message and can only be seen by the people it is sent to. Likewise,
Name
blah blah blah
is a private chat.
Name is blah blah blah
is a status update and
Name - Name blah blah blah
is a wall post. Both of those can be seen by everyone.
Now on to the story:
Tina Cohen-Chang is in a relationship with Mike Chang
13 people like this
Artie Abrams: :(
Brittany Pierce: wait, isn't he your brother?
Tina Cohen-Chang: omg
Rachel Berry is in a relationship with Finn Hudson
Santana Lopez: gross
Rachel Berry is ready for another year of GLEE!
Finn Hudson likes this
Quinn Fabray misses summer already
Brittany Pierce: i don't. i was lost in the sewers the whole time
Santana Lopez: britt…you went to europe with your family
Brittany Pierce: that's what everyone thought
Quinn Fabray: …
Jacob Ben Israel has uploaded a video.
256 people like this
Dave Karofsky: Glee club sucks!
Rachel Berry Everyone sign up for glee club! Nationals is in New York City!
Sue Sylvester: It's a shame you won't be going.
34 people have become a fan of Stop Rapping Mr. Schuester
Will Schuester: …
Rachel Berry hopes everyone will come see New Directions perform at the amphitheater tomorrow!
Sue Sylvester: You just never quit, do you?
Will Schuester: Sue, don't you have something to be doing other than trolling Facebook?
Brittany Pierce: coach sylvester is a troll?
Sue Sylvester: Bottom of the pyramid, Brittany!
122 people are now friends with Assbraham Lincolon
Will Schuester: Sue?
Sue Sylvester: Wasn't me, William
Will Schuester – Sue Sylvester Stop vandalizing the glee club sign up sheets!
Will Schuester: And yeah, I know that was you
Sue Sylvester: I would never do something so childish
Sue Sylvester has formed the group Glee Club is Gay
56 people have joined the group Glee Club is Gay
Finn Hudson: really santana and brittany?
Brittany Pierce: but the glee club IS gay!
Sue Sylvester: That is true Brittany. Congratulations on excellent use of double entendre. You can move up the pyramid again.
Brittany Pierce: huh?
Sue Sylvester
We have a problem
Will Schuester
No kidding. You've turned all your Cheerios and by extension the entire school against glee!
Sue Sylvester
I'm not talking about your stupid club
I'm talking about Figgins cutting our budget and giving it to that rhino
Will Schuester
Oh. Right
Sue Sylvester
We are going to do something about this.
Will Schuester
Ok like what?
Sue Sylvester
Don't worry I have it all planned out
We're going to order a ton of pizzas
And then when they get there
Will Schuester
She'll have to pay for them?
Sue Sylvester
She'll have to pay for them
Wait, what?
Did I already tell you this?
Will Schuester
It was obvious
Sue Sylvester
Oh. Well anyway
Will Schuester
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Sue Sylvester
Just trust me. I've done this a thousand times
Will Schuester
I don't doubt it
Sue Sylvester
Good. Meet me tomorrow after school
Finn Hudson – Artie Abrams I found a possible new member for glee. will you come with me to talk to him tomorrow?
Artie Abrams: sure. where did you find him?
Finn Hudson: he was singing in the showers in the locker room
Santana Lopez: creepy?
Will Schuester: Hey, Finn, that's how I found you!
Santana Lopez: double creepy?
Artie Abrams: maybe we should start cruising the showers to see if we can find anyone else
Santana Lopez: OMG STOP WITH THE CREEPY
Sue Sylvester Anyone caught singing in the girl's bathroom will be bludgeoned to death and then shot repeatedly
Sue Sylvester: And if you are singing a Lady Gaga song, you will be subsequently flayed to within an inch of your life. That means you, Rachel Berry
Will Schuester: Chill out, Sue
Sunshine Corazon: I'm scared
Rachel Berry is now friends with Sunshine Corazon
Sunshine Corazon – Rachel Berry hey, you'll let me know when glee tryouts are, right?
Rachel Berry: Of course
Rachel Berry: I was thinking, it might be better if you aren't seen talking to me on Facebook until after the tryout. We don't want people thinking I'll be playing favorites when it comes time to decide who makes the cut
Sunshine Corazon: got it ;)
Finn Hudson
hey are you planning to sabotage that sunshine girl?
Rachel Berry
Of course not. Why would you think that?
Finn Hudson
uh because I know you
since when have you cared about other people joining glee?
I thought you didn't want that
Rachel Berry
Well maybe I have come to see the error of my ways
What's good for the team is good for me right?
Finn Hudson
if you say so
just don't do anything to make everyone mad, ok?
I think they're finally starting to like you
Rachel Berry
I don't think so. Quinn just formed a page called Rachel Berry Sucks
Finn Hudson
yeah but no one in the glee club joined, that's good, right?
Rachel Berry
I suppose.
Sue Sylvester
Making Beiste pay for all that pizza didn't really have the effect I had hoped for
It's time for phase two
Will Schuester
Don't you think we should just leave her alone?
Sue Sylvester
Absolutely not!
We can't stop until we have our budget back
Will Schuester
It just seems so cruel
Sue Sylvester
It's for the kids, Will
You know better than anyone that when money gets short, your precious glee club will be the first to go
Will Schuester
I guess you're right
I just wish there was another way
Sue Sylvester
If you're talking about blackmailing Figgins, I already tried that. Twice.
Will Schuester
No I don't mean blackmail
I mean like
Reasonable negotiation
Sue Sylvester
In my experience, people tend to be more reasonable AFTER you've tortured them
Which is why we are going to start Operation: Mean Girl tomorrow
And remind her that no matter which high school you're at, human-gorilla hybrids never get to eat lunch with the prom queen
If you know what I mean
Will Schuester
Who is the prom queen in this metaphor?
Sue Sylvester
Don't tempt me, William. As soon as this big ugly mess is off our hands, you're next.
Will Schuester
Sorry. I couldn't help myself
Finn Hudson four slices of pizza + wind sprints=bad news
Dave Karofsky likes this
Noah Puckerman: don't even talk about it
Mike Chang: I have never felt so terrible in my life. the rest of the season better not be like this
Matt Rutherford: lol. i heard tanaka's been replaced?
Noah Puckerman: yeah, by the devil!
Matt Rutherford: good thing I transferred
Finn Hudson
listen do you think trying out for the football team is a good idea?
we just had a hell of a practice today
idk if its worth it
Artie Abrams
of course it's a good idea
I can handle it
my legs don't work but that doesn't mean im weak
Finn Hudson
I know
its just that you're going to have to work so much harder to do all the plays in your chair
Artie Abrams
I've been practicing
I'm in shape
Finn Hudson
ok
ill talk to beiste later this week then
Artie Abrams
thanks
Finn Hudson
you think this will help you get tina back?
Artie Abrams
I hope so
I kinda miss her
Finn Hudson
:/
hope it works out man
Artie Abrams
thanks
Artie Abrams is ready for football tryouts!
Finn Hudson and 3 others are now friends with Sam Evans
Noah Puckerman: not bad singing today new kid
Artie Abrams: agree. you better be coming to tryouts!
Sam Evans: I'll be there :)
Rachel Berry to Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones
Subject: Sunshine
You guys. We NEED to do something about this Sunshine girl. She will steal all the solos from us if she isn't stopped. I am thinking about the team here, ok?
Kurt Hummel: Rach, we already told you, we want her to try out. End of story
Mercedes Jones: kurt's right. you better not do anything to sabotage her
Rachel Berry: It's you guys I'm worried about! Your already limited solos will be the first to suffer when this monstrosity hits
Mercedes Jones: I will say this one more time. BE NICE
Rachel Berry: Fine
Rachel Berry Does anyone know of a good crack house?
Santana Lopez: you're addicted to crack? that explains so much
Rachel Berry: It's for a friend
Brittany Pierce: why would you want a house with a crack in it?
Sue Sylvester Does anyone want any cookies?
Brittany Pierce: me!
Will Schuester: Don't eat anything she gives you, Brittany.
Sue Sylvester: Don't listen to him. They're heart healthy. The terrible smell comes from the flaxseed oil.
Finn Hudson has left the group McKinley High Football Team
Rachel Berry likes this
Artie Abrams: this is all my fault. i shouldn't have asked you to talk to beiste with me
Finn Hudson: no it's not your fault. and seriously, rach? you like this?
Rachel Berry: Trust me, life will be much easier for us if we don't have to worry about popularity. This way we can take the time and energy to focus on our talent.
Quinn Fabray has joined the group Cheerios
Santana Lopez: back so soon, baby mama?
Quinn Fabray: yep. thanks for keeping the captain spot warm for me while I was gone
Santana Lopez: I hope the uniform covers your stretch marks
Finn Hudson didn't make the Cheerios :(
Rachel Berry likes this
Sue Sylvester Section 23 of the Cheerios Handbook: No member of the squad is allowed to undergo any surgery to alter his or her physical appearance, Santana Lopez
Quinn Fabray likes this
Quinn Fabray: Section 24: Any member of the squad must submit to surgery to alter his or her physical appearance if directly ordered by coach and supreme dictator Sue Sylvester
Sue Sylvester: That's why you're my captain, Q
Santana Lopez
you are a bitch
Quinn Fabray
and you're a fake
Santana Lopez
you really think my boob job is worse for the team's image than your pregnancy scandal?
Quinn Fabray
coach sylvester seems to think so
did you really think your being head cheerleader was going to last once I wasn't pregnant anymore?
face it, S. you aren't me
have fun on the bottom of the pyramid, I always pegged you as a bottom
Santana Lopez
I'd lock your bedroom door if I were you
because I'm seriously about to come over and END YOU
Quinn Fabray
bring it
Santana Lopez
I'm not messing around Q
I will kick your ass
Quinn Fabray
well it wouldnt exactly be a fair fight
you have airbags
Santana Lopez
fuck you!
Santana Lopez is offline
Quinn Fabray is so glad to be back on the Cheerios. I missed you guys!
34 people like this
Mercedes Jones you guys all just got lost on the way to glee tryouts, right? RIGHT?
Finn Hudson: I can't believe sam didn't show :(
Sue Sylvester: Face it Aretha, no one wants to be part of that leper colony that you try to pass off as a glee club.
Brittany Pierce: did you know lepers are faster than cheetahs?
Artie Abrams: hey did you hear about the leper hockey game? there was a face off in the corner!
Artie Abrams: hello?
Santana Lopez – Brittany Pierce is it true that you got groped by beiste?
Brittany Pierce: no. coach told me to make it up
Sue Sylvester: Libel!
Brittany Pierce: you are the only one who can touch me there san
Santana Lopez: ;)
Sue Sylvester: I hate you both.
Sunshine Corazon to Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang
Subject: Glee Club
Hi, I'm new at McKinley and I met you guys at that Asian party over the summer. I just wanted to write you a message because I wanted to try out for your glee club. I was planning on coming to tryouts yesterday but that Rachel Berry girl told me the auditions were at a crack house…
Can I still try out?
Tina Cohen-Chang: wait, she sent you to a crack house?
Sunshine Corazon: yes!
Mike Chang: maybe she made a mistake?
Tina Cohen-Chang: don't be so dumb, mike. that girl is a crazy attention whore who must be stopped
Mike Chang: whoa…
Tina Cohen-Chang: I hate her. once when mr. schue gave me a solo, she tried to lock me in a dumpster
Sunshine Corazon: well what can we do?
Mike Chang: we'll talk to schue tomorrow
Tina Cohen-Chang: damn right we will
Tina Cohen-Chang Rachel Berry is terrible!
Santana Lopez: tell me something I don't know
12 people are now friends with Sunshine Corazon
Mercedes Jones – Sunshine Corazon amazing audition today girl!
Kurt Hummel: Totally. Your rendition of Listen brought tears to my eyes
Sunshine Corazon: thanks guys :)
Tina Cohen-Chang: you're coming to rehearsal tomorrow, right?
Will Schuester is now friends with Shannon Beiste
Sue Sylvester: Traitor
Will Schuester: Back off Sue
Sue Sylvester: You two missed out on some pretty amazing dog poop cookies. Had to eat them all myself
Shannon Beiste: that's disgusting
Sue Sylvester: Let's just say I now know why they are good for the burlier Americans. Got everything right out of me! At least they helped me make more ingredients for the next batch
Will Schuester: I don't think I'll ever be able to eat again
Sam Evans
sorry I didn't join the glee club
Finn Hudson
It's ok
I guess I understand where you were coming from
we could really use you though
Sam Evans
I just don't think ill have time with the football schedule and stuff anyway
beiste added another practice
she doesn't think our team is very good
Finn Hudson
maybe she shouldn't have cut me
Sam Evans
maybe
im sorry about that
hey I know I sort of took your spot as quarterback but I hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends
Finn Hudson
sure dude
Sunshine Corazon has joined the group Vocal Adrenaline
20 people like this
Jessie St. James: I heard about your audition. Glad to see someone is going to carry us to another Nationals in my absence!
Sunshine Corazon: thanks!
Finn Hudson
check out sunshine's wall
Rachel Berry
Already did
Please don't be mad at me
I apologized to her
Finn Hudson
yeah, too late though, she already hates you
we all really wanna go to new york rachel
and with sunshine we would have had a really, really good chance at that
Rachel Berry
You think I don't want to go to Nationals?
This means the world to me
Finn Hudson
well you have a weird way of showing it
look I love you but I cant defend you from the rest of the glee club forever
Rachel Berry
You don't have to
I'm trying to be better
I promise
Finn Hudson
I hope youre not lying
Rachel Berry
I'm not
9 people have become a fan of Rachel Berry sucks!
Quinn Fabray: oh hey, you guys finally found my page