Title: Voices in my Head, Power in my Soul, Love in my Heart

Author: Galadrielle

Fandom: Supernatural

Warnings: slash, het, blasphemy (not meant to offend anyone!)

Pairings: Michael/Raphael, John/Mary, Sam/Jess, Lucifer/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Dean is not only Michael's vessel, but also that of another being.

Disclaimer: The show and its characters don't belong to me. The idea of Dean as this particular vessel came from my brain (I haven't read anything similar yet).

Spoilers: for Season five.

AN: Do not read if you are religious and can't stand the mad writing of a slash-fangirl. Flames will be immediately deleted and go by unrecognized.

Chapter 01

The glow was blinding.

Demons, humans and angels alike were blinded by the purity and beauty of it, even miles away the glow was penetrating all senses.

Forced to avert the eyes Sam looked at his big brother lying motionless on the floor between the now manifested forms of Lucifer and Michael. Adam stood next to him and, like the frightened child he still was, held Sam's hand clutched in his own, borrowing strength and warmth from his older brother.

The final battle between Lucifer and Michael had gone down differently than anyone would have ever believed.

Instead of fighting till death both Archangels had stopped when the form of Dean Winchester had blocked their paths and that of their vessels, his baby brothers Sam and Adam.

Flashback

"Stop! Leave my brothers out of this!" Dean shouted, angry that he felt so weak and powerless to stop them from using his family.

Lucifer smirked, "What do you think you are doing, Dean Winchester?"

"Dean, you cannot stop this battle. It was predestined to take place between us, here and now." Michael told him gently.

Dean shook his head viciously, "NO! You fuckers won't hurt my family! If you want to kill each other go somewhere where you are alone and as far away from us as possible!"

His words didn't reach them as both, Michael and Lucifer, readied their swords and went back into their battle stances. Dean looked on helpless as his brothers' bodies were controlled and sent to certain death. Not able to take it anymore Dean jumped forward and... felt a piercing pain before darkness close in on him.

The last thing Dean was aware of was a voice in his head telling him that he was now safe and the blackness enveloping him, freeing him from responsibility, pain and the burden his life had become.

Sam was shocked.

He could still feel the impact of Dean's body on his sword. The way the air rushed from his lungs when he saw Dean place himself between the two fighting angels, not caring for his own safety as long as his brothers were unharmed, all those things would be forever be branded into his memory. 'And his eyes... God, the desperation and love...'

The scream that left his throat as he watched Dean fall sideways, just now seeing Michael's sword piercing his body as well, was terrifying in itself. The grief, horror and pain allowed Sam to take back the control of his body. Using his concentration Sam somehow managed to eject Lucifer from his body just as Adam seemed to shake himself free from Michael's control.

Most surprising was that the Archangels didn't vanish, but manifested themselves in a way Sam hadn't thought possible.

Michael, with the blue eyes and blond hair towering over the black haired and red eyed shorter, but not less impressive and beautiful, Lucifer. Their features were chiselled and smooth while their bodies looked honed, dressed in white robes. They were breathtaking.

Freeing himself from the trance he seemed to have fallen into, Sam ran towards his brothers. Just as he went to his knees to take a look at Dean, Adam was next to him. With trembling hands Sam reached out, to feel for a pulse on his big brother. When he wasn't able to find one Sam startled himself with the sob that tore from his throat. When he heard a similar sound from his right side he looked over and saw Adam weeping brokenly. Grabbing his hand to show they were together and had at least each other Sam stood up and they turned to face the two monsters that had caused their family so much pain and grief.

Suddenly the earth shook and broke away beneath their feet.

But instead of falling, Sam felt himself floating. A current ran through him when he felt a presence touch his mind while a blinding light enveloped them.

Castiel blinked in confusion. One minute he had been dead, mourning the loss of chance to help Dean and find God, and the next moment he found himself standing in Heaven, or more precisely in front of God's throne.

"Castiel!" Sam ran forward and enveloped the startled angel in a relieved embrace. "Are you alright? I thought you died! I'm sorry, that I wasn't able to stop him..."

Slowly pulling back from the strange but comforting embrace Cas replied, "Sam, it is good to see you. What happened? Where are Lucifer and Michael?"

"They left us..." Adam finally stepped forward to join them. "Dean, he... he interfered and..." The youngest Winchester swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears for a brother he had only known such a short time. "They started their battle, but Dean jumped between them... Michael didn't see him until it was too late." Tears trailed down Adam's face, "He didn't want to hurt Dean! He would never have... But it was too late...too late."

Sam hugged his crying brother before clearing his throat and swallowing down his own tears, "Lucifer didn't think Dean would interfere like. He didn't want to hurt Dean. I... I felt his regret before he left my body..."

Scared of what had happened to Dean Castiel grabbed Sam's collar, "What happened to Dean? Where is he?"

"He was stabbed by them..." Sam didn't resist the manhandling. The tall Winchester could feel the tremors running through the angel. 'I didn't think they were that close. I knew Cas cared but not that deeply...'

The world crashed down and came to a halt for Castiel. His charge, his friend and his secret love had died. At the hands of not only Lucifer, like Castiel had always feared, but also at Michael's hand.

The feeling tearing through his mind blinded Castiel to everything else. He didn't see the light brightening, he didn't see others arriving, he didn't register the sudden tension in the air.

The only thing registering was the terrible loss he had experienced and the longing to join Dean, wherever he was.

End Flashback

Michael looked up in shock as he found himself standing in front of the very throne his father had always resided in. Disbelieve made him tense up as the eldest Winchester floated in front of said throne before sinking down into it.

Lucifer was still confused about how Sam Winchester, his one true vessel, had been able to expel him and remain not only alive but also sane. Looking around he found that he wasn't the only one suffering that fate as he saw Michael glance at the youngest Winchester. When Michael suddenly went tense Lucifer focussed his gaze on where his brother's eyes were staring... and found himself speechless as the one he thought they had killed by accident floated in the air in front of their father's throne before he floated downwards until he was sitting.

None other had ever dared sit in there and here was the human hunter sitting in the most sacred place of his domain. The only thing that stopped both angels from smiting the human was the fact that Dean Winchester appeared to be unconscious.

Flashing lights distracted both Archangels from Dean and when they turned around they found themselves face to face with angels they thought dead. Gabriel, Anna, Uriel and Zachariah were there as well as all the others that had died prior because of the war between Hell and Heaven.

*Why?*

The voice saying this one word echoed in all minds and brought on a sudden silence.

*Why did you do this?*

Sorrow enveloped them. The more sensitive souls felt tears rising in their eyes, while even the most hardened warrior felt a pinch of sorrow in their soul.

*Did I love you less than the others*?

Pain crippled them for a moment before it was locked away again.

*Do you really hate me so much that you would rather destroy everything, even your own existence, your own immortal soul, just to see if I would care?*

All eyes were searching for the source of the voice and all eyes finally settled on the small human sitting on God's throne. The glow that had started gentle brightened until even the celestial beings had to close their eyes.

When the brightness receded Dean Winchester was looking back at them. Eyes glowing in silver light lanced with blue lightning and sparks.

"Dean!" Sam rushed forward but was held back when a barrier flared to life between them.

*Samuel Winchester, your brother feels a great love for you, but also a great sorrow because he thinks he lost you to your own powers and destiny.*

Shaking his head Sam asked furious, "Who are you and what have you done to Dean?"

Not-Dean smiled gently back at the human, *Dean is here with me. I put him to sleep as he would not have survived sharing his body with me otherwise. As for whom I am... Can you not guess? Look around you and tell me where we are and whom you see around you, Samuel Winchester.*

Trembling and confused Sam looked around and finally saw the other angels, as well as a few hunters he knew had died after Lucifer's rising. When the mass of angels parted and freed the way for some people Sam swallowed hard to suppress the sobs threatening to break free.

Standing across from him was Pamela, with Elle and Joe right behind her. And just behind them...

... his father, John Winchester... His arms wrapped tight around his beautiful wife, Mary Winchester.

Sam lost the battle against his tears and crumbled to the ground. When small but strong arms wrapped around him he looked up into the gentle blue eyes of his mother and behind him he felt his father's strong presence, the warmth and protectiveness that he had scarcely associated with John in the years after his mother's death.

"Sam." John wrapped his arms around his son before looking up into Adam's eyes, beckoning him over to them.

The youngest Winchester cautiously walked over to them. He knew that this was his father, but how would Sam's mother react to him?

Adam needn't have worried. Mary looked Adam in the eyes and the young man saw love, respect and an uncanny understanding reflected back that he let himself be pulled into the hug.

Peace and contentment settled into their hearts just as two voices ripped them out of the warmth.

"Sam"

"Adam"

Both boys looked up startled. Shock rendered them immobile for mere seconds before they jumped up.

Sam ran to Jessica and pulled her against him in a tight embrace. Enveloping her in his warmth, sheltering her from further harm and still conveying the love that had never left his heart since he thought her lost. "Jess..." Sam cried out and held her even tighter to him, while Jess stroke his back gently, soaking in the love she had missed since her death.

Adam meanwhile had run to his mother. "Mom!" he shouted in joy before also succumbing to tears. Kate Milligan hugged her son harder, sobbing as she finally held her son again after she had died so abruptly because of the ghouls.

*Do you now know who I am, Samuel Winchester?*

Raising his tearstained face Sam nodded, "You are God."

Lucifer fell to his knees shocked, overjoyed, but also frightened. He had rebelled against his father; he had killed angels and humans alike. He had doubted his father's words, his very presence...

And now he felt undeserving to be in his presence.

When he had looked around earlier Lucifer had seen the one being he had hoped to never see again, the one that meant his greatest loss, his greatest betrayal and his lost love from before the Fall...Gabriel.

Not-Dean stood up slowly and went over to the kneeling Lucifer. *Do you really hate me, my child?*

"No, father. I just wanted you to love us..."

*But I do love you. I always have and I always will. But I also love the others I created. Every single being is precious to me.*

Lucifer lowered his head, "And I killed them, pitched them against each other..." The strong and fierce Lord of Hell felt tears fill his eyes.

*You did not know any better, my child.* Dean's body want down to his knees, his right hand grabbed Lucifer's chin, *I beg your forgiveness, my children.*

Standing up he looked around and every single angel, human and soul felt that he looked right at them, giving them peace and letting them feel his love, before freezing most of them in time and space. Turning to the few remaining beings God's voice echoed again, *The mistake lies with me. I should have never expelled Lucifer from Heaven. I should have made sure that all of you understood what I felt for all others and that you accepted this.*

Those remaining free were the John, Mary, Sam, Adam, Bobby, Castiel, Michael, Raphael, Lucifer and Gabriel.

*Michael, I am sorry to have burdened you with the role of the leader during my absence and the battle that you endured within your heart.

Raphael, you should not have done many things you did, but I also feel that this is my fault. I burdened not only you but also your mate with the war and the hope for paradise. Please, my children, forgive me and experience happiness while also taking your punishment from me.*

When both angels nodded at him Not-Dean continued, *Raphael, your punishment will be to live one human lifetime on earth while helping humanity recover from your scheming. Michael, you will be my ambassador to Hell and Earth. There will be no more hiding from them, no more secrecy and no more senseless death. You will remain the leader of the armies of Heaven, but split the responsibilities with Raphael as soon as he is back. You will be able to lead your mate back on the way and watch over him. In spite of what happened, I want the two of you to find happiness in each other and be together.*

Turning to Gabriel not-Dean continued, *My son, you took on the worst part of destiny. You tried to mediate between beings that are stubborn like nothing else in existence. You tried to hold them together, to love them and not let them forget their love for each other. You remind my host the most of himself... Dean can relate to you and he respects you for what you did and went through. I can also understand the need to get away from it all. You endured more than enough pain when they tried to get you on their side.*

Gabriel stood uncertain at the side and didn't move closer, but also didn't shy away, when not-Dean came closer and touched his face gently. *But you could not choose. There never was a choice with your brothers on one side and your other brother and true mate on the other side.* Turning away God went over to Lucifer.

*Lucifer, my child, my Morningstar, I wronged you the most. Now I can finally see what I was not able to see before your Fall... The fear of not only losing your pride, but also the love that could never be lost and the mate you yourself wronged, to something you thought undeserving. You hurt him, Lucifer, not only when you killed him, but when you did not go looking for him, prior to your imprisonment. You destroyed the love he held for you since the beginning of time, and your own love for him, but also the thread binding you together. You have much to make up for, Morningstar, but you will start with your mate. After that, you will help remaking Heaven and taking over as gardener of paradise until every soul that died due to your rebellion is satisfied and at peace.*

Shamed Lucifer didn't dare looking at Gabriel. He knew how much his betrayal must have hurt him, how Gabriel had experienced his own death at his mate's own hands... something that had been considered impossible for mates to do. He didn't dare hope that the love was still there.

"Father," Gabriel's voice was a whisper through the vastness, "May I help Lucifer with his task?"

There was no surprise on not-Dean's face when he replied, *I thought you would decide that. I know that deep inside your soul, your love lies buried. It has survived, even when you are hurting right now. My gift for your allegiance, trust and belief is the freedom to choose, Gabriel. You can have any task you wish, you can have any position you desire, I could even cut the thread you share with Lucifer and free you from that burden...*

Lucifer inhaled sharply at the thought of Gabriel not wanting him anymore, before remembering that he had cut their bond first. It would be what he deserved. To be left alone, punished and unloved...

Gabriel shook his head, "I want to be with him, but I need time and space right now. I promise to help him in his task, but allow me the freedom to choose my own paths in the future. I ask that you grant everyone this privilege, no destiny, and no more mindless drones. We are your children and I think Lucifer didn't want us to be bound like puppets while humans got to experience trials and errors, while learning their way."

Not-Dean nodded, *I grant you your wish, my child. No one will be punished should they have another opinion than me, but it will still be discussed and then the way will be decided. No more rebellions.*

John looked on with worry as Dean's body was used as a vessel by God.

Was his son alright?

Would he remain sane locked away by that immense power?

When those startling eyes locked onto his other son John knew that Sam would receive a task that would fulfil his destiny...

tbc