So this idea came from a lot of brainstorming on Tumblr. I was thinking how perfect it would be for Blaine to sing this certain song on the show…and well, a theme developed from there. This will be a multi-chapter fic and I have most of it planned out so I hope updates come quickly.
It's structured as closely as I could to a Glee episode….so yeah. Enjoy!
~.~.~.~.~
"You should definitely wear the red shirt with your black suspenders tomorrow," said Kurt and Blaine could practically see his "fashion expert" expression from over the phone.
"Hmmm, I like it," said Blaine. "And I'll pair it with my new jeans and black chucks."
Kurt huffed from over the phone. "I swear, sometimes you're alright in the fashion area, and other times I see why 90% of your closet was your Dalton uniform."
"Are you saying I'm unfashionable?" asked Blaine with a laugh.
"Not unfashionable, just challenged. Sometimes."
"Well it's a good thing I have such a fashionable boyfriend, huh?" said Blaine, the laugh in his voice.
"Flattery will get you everywhere, sir," said Kurt, making Blaine crack up.
"Blaine, it's time to get off the phone with your friend."
Blaine turned in his bed, muttering a "hold on," to Kurt. His dad was in the threshold of his doorway, his book held in his hands and his reading glasses balancing on the tip of his nose. "Dad, it's Kurt," said Blaine with a frown.
"And like I said, it's time for bed. You can't be up until midnight talking to your friends on a school night," said his father. "Tell your friend you'll see him in the morning."
"Boyfriend," said Blaine automatically, but it was a waste of breath because his dad had already turned from the room to walk down the hall. He sighed in annoyance. His dad had yet to call Kurt his boyfriend once and they had been going out all summer. It was always "that boy" or "his friend".
Of course Blaine knew that his dad was still hesitant to accept that his son was gay; the summer he forced Blaine to fix up the car was proof of that, but it was time to accept it.
"And I hope you got your homework done!" his dad shouted from down the hall. "Just because you're at a public school now doesn't mean you should lose the Dalton worth ethic."
"Yeah, I did," shouted Blaine, probably louder than necessary.
"What was that?" asked Kurt when he put the phone back to his ear.
"My dad, what else?" said Blaine in frustration. He and Kurt had been having this conversation a dozen times since they became boyfriends and Blaine felt comfortable enough telling Kurt about his dad's unwillingness to accept that Kurt was Blaine's boyfriend. Also, the constant pressure on Blaine's grades (which were already better than Kurt's own and Kurt was a fantastic student).
"I'm sorry, Blaine," said Kurt sadly. "I know he can…get under your skin." There was a tense silence over the phone, the only sound being Blaine's heavy breathing. "Maybe you should talk to him? Like I mentioned a while ago…?" Kurt's voice was not prodding. He knew how this suggestion had been met when he mentioned it before.
"Kurt, we covered this," said Blaine, his voice even. "My dad isn't your dad. It's just that simple. Now, I really have to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."
Blaine clicked his cellphone and ended the call. Then switched it quickly, knowing that Kurt would probably call or text him back because of the quick goodbye. Groaning in frustration, Blaine pulled the covers over his body and tried to sleep. Instead, he was left awake for hours, stewing at the black ceiling.
GLEE
Lauren was finally letting Puck be all touchy feely in the hallways this semester, which Puck totally stalked up to this summer romancing her. It had totally be worth all the Google searches on "how to be romantic" because he finally had a shot to get in to her pants.
"What are we doing this weekend?" asked Puck as the stood at Lauren's locker. The girl shrugged and pulled out her books for the next few classes, promptly shoving them into Puck's waiting arms. It was really ok with Puck, having to carry his girlfriend's books; it's not like he carried his own.
Suddenly Lauren stumbled forward, almost falling into Puck. Puck dropped one of her books, reaching out to steady her.
"Watch it, fat ass!" Came the biting voice of a tall basketball player from one of Puck's classes.
Puck looked at Lauren. Her eyes widened before she suddenly reached out to grab the tall boy's collar, pulling her down to her level.
"Look, I know it's hard to see all the little people from up there, skyscraper, but maybe you should get your empty head out of the clouds and watch where you're going." Lauren released the boy with a shove. The boy stumbled before getting his footing and muttering a curse in her direction before stalking off.
"I love you," said Puck in awe.
"Yeah, yeah, Puckerman. Pick up my book," she said, slamming her locker shut.
While Rachel and Finn had began the new school year back together, somehow they split up a few weeks ago. Neither were sharing exactly why they had broken up, and honestly, most of the Glee club was tired of the "Finchel" drama at this point, so none of them asked.
Rachel stormed into Glee club that day, trying to keep her head high as she bypassed the empty seat next to Finn and instead sat in the seat in between Blaine and Tina.
" - I was at that new store in the mall this weekend, trying to find a dress for Homecoming," Tina was saying to Mercedes behind her as she sat down.
"Electric?" asked Mercedes.
"Yeah, that one," said Tina. "Because I heard they had some cute dresses, but it was so weird. All the sizes are way off. I'm usually a six." Tina blushed and quickly added, "But all their stuff runs way small and when I asked for an eight the saleswoman suggested I go to Dillards."
"Oh hello no, she did not," said Mercedes, outraged.
"She did," said Tina quietly. "I don't know, maybe I've put a few pounds on over the summer…? Without dance practices for Glee and all?"
"N'aw girl, you're in awesome shape," insisted Mercedes. "You looked way cute in that skirt the other day." Tina nodded, but it was obvious she didn't believe the other girl.
"I'm not going to Homecoming," said Rachel suddenly, interjecting herself into the conversation. Tina and Mercedes looked up as Rachel continued, "It's a stupid practice, having to get all dolled up for your date. Spending so much money on the dress and hair and make up - and then you have to do it all over again, on a grander scale, for Prom!" Rachel huffed and her eyes drifted over to Finn, glaring.
Mercedes and Tina stared at the girl's outburst. "Oh girl," said Mercedes, shaking her head.
"Hey kids," said Mr. Shuester, carrying his mug of coffee into the room. "How are you all today - first word that comes to mind."
"Confused," said Brittany immediately. Most people around her rolled their eyes. It was Brittany's usual emotion.
"Frustrated," said Blaine next, almost as fast as Brittany. Kurt looked over at him sadly.
"Helpless," he said after him, avoiding Blaine's eye.
"Unwanted," said Rachel, more timidly than Blaine's answer. Finn looked over at her, frowning, but didn't say anything.
"Bloated," said Tina, her arms crossed over her stomach.
"Freaking annoyed," huffed Lauren.
Mr. Shuester's eyes rose higher on his forehead as people began to name off their emotions. "Anyone else?" he asked, when a silence had settled over the group. "No?" Mr. Shuester walked to the whiteboard and wrote the words that everyone had said, then added another:
"PERFECT."
"Mr. Shuester, what is the point of this exercise - besides making me feel horrible?" asked Quinn.
"So far this lesson is a real downer," agreed Sam.
"Aren't they all?" muttered Puck.
"This is actually something I've been thinking about for a while," began Mr. Shuester. "But it really came to my attention recently, after a talk with Mrs. Pillsberry."
-Flashback-
"You look stressed," said Will as he took a seat in Emma's office.
"I just had another girl - fifth this week - come in to talk to be about body issues," said Emma with a sigh as she straightened a pencil on her desk. "These cases always tend to flare up around the time of school dances, like Homecoming, when there's more expectations to be, well, 'perfect'." She moved on to a stack of papers.
"Perfect?" asked Will.
"Yeah, Will," said Emma with a sigh. "All these magazines are telling girls they have to be this size to be beautiful - and guys, too, for that matter. Then they start trying to find dresses like the ones they see on all the celebrities and realize they aren't right for their body type. Some of the girls come in here crying asking for diet tips."
"That's…awful," said Will. He had never really thought about the body imagine of his students before. None of his had ever really come to him about that, save for that one time when Finn felt uncomfortable about his "costume" for Rocky Horror.
"And that's just the students that actually come to talk to me," said Emma, who reached for her bottle of sanitizer, squirting one dot into her palm. (A far cry from the seven she used to use). "Myself and a few other female teachers catch a few girls in the bathroom…well, you know." Emma flushed. "The best we can do is notify their parents and talk to them about it."
Will frowned. Did his Glee girls - and guys - have these problems?
-end flashback-
"Please don't tell me you think we're all going to become anorexic teenage cases, Mr. Shue," said Lauren with an eye roll.
"I don't know what to think," said Mr. Shuester honestly. "Because I realize we've never actually talked about this with each other."
There was a long and tense silence in the room with awkward fidgeting. Mr. Shuester sighed and leaned up against the piano. "Look guys, it's the same with the alcohol thing last year. I don't want anyone getting hurt here, whether it's physically or mentally. And with Homecoming coming up and all you girls trying to find the 'perfect' dress, I want people to feel confident."
Tina looked down at her lap in silence; Mercedes noticed with a frown.
"Besides this," said Mr. Shuester, standing up taller. "I know that Sue has something called a 'master cleanse' that she likes to give her Cheerios. I know a lot of you former Cheerios have experienced the pressure to be thin and fit, but you got to know that's not how you need to live your life."
"Not when Coach Sylvester says you have pear hips," muttered Kurt darkly.
"She said what?" asked Blaine, looking at Kurt with a frown. Kurt blushed and looked away.
"You guys, reel it back in," said Mr. Shuester. "That's why this week, I want all of you to confront your imperfections or worries about anything bothering you…in song." A few groans rang out around the room, which Mr. Shuester ignored. "And I want you all to know that if you need someone to talk to, for anything going on in your life, my door is always open and my phone is always on."
The room of students remained silent, perhaps moved by their teacher's words.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Kurt, please tell me what this nonsense about 'pear hips' is," Blaine almost pleaded. Kurt was pulling his books out of his locker with more force than he probably needed.
"It's nothing, Blaine," insisted Kurt. "I think the real issue here is your dad. This problem has been going on for…well, longer than you've known me, obviously." Kurt frowned and looked away from Blaine, busying himself with fixing the photo of his boyfriend in his locker. "I know it affects you more than you let on. I think you should talk to me about it more…and maybe your dad, too."
Blaine's face hardened and his knuckles turned white with the amount of force he was clutching his books with. "And I have told you," he said coldly. "That my dad isn't yours and I just can't talk to him about anything. And what is there to say, Kurt? He doesn't like what I am, I doubt a chat over warm milk will change that. And as for his constant need for perfection, well, I'm used to that."
Kurt slammed his locker door shut and turned to Blaine, practically seething. He pointed his index finger into Blaine's chest. "Look here, just because you're angry with your father doesn't mean you can take it out on me. I'm not your enemy here, Blaine! I'm your boyfriend - your best friend - and I just want to help you. Biting my head off will do nothing to help you and I don't appreciate it."
Oh, ok, scary Kurt, thought Blaine in yes, fear. Blaine had only seen this Kurt a handful of times and it was never directed at him. But damn, he was actually a little frightened for his life right now, Kurt's eyes glaring at him with ice that froze his bones.
"Now, if you decide you want my help," said Kurt, backing away from Blaine and standing up straight. "You know I'll be there for you," he added, his voice returning to its usual warmth. Then he strutted down the hall without another word.
Blaine groaned and resisted the urge to slam his head into a locker. He was sure if one of the jocks saw that, they would waste no time in helping him.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Sam's eyes darted around the locker room. It was empty. He took a need breath and pulled off his shirt in a swift motion. He dropped it and looked at his form in the mirror at the end of the room. He turned to the right; then the left. Sighed.
Somewhere, Sam knew his body was better than most guys'. He worked out all the time and ate right. He didn't splurge on candy and junk food if he could help it and ate his veggies.
But right now, Mr. Shuester's words were echoing in his mind and he couldn't help but think maybe he was a freak. It was girls that worried about body issues around school dances. It was girls who worried about being fat and all that. Guys weren't suppose to worry about that stuff, right?
Despite telling himself this, Sam was worried because he wasn't sure if the suit he had gotten for homecoming fit him right. He had tried it on last night and it just looked wrong. The waist of the pants were uncomfortably tight and the jacket was too baggy. It was all wrong.
Now Sam was looking at his stomach and wondering if his six pack was fading, replaced by the four slices of pizza he had indulged in this weekend with Finn and Puck at Finn's house.
"What up, dude."
Sam jumped. Finn had walked into the locker room, a towel around his neck. Sweat poured from his face and he reached into his locker to grab a water bottle.
"Oh, hi Finn," said Sam, rushing to pick his shirt up from the ground and pull it back on. He ended up putting it on backwards. Crap.
"Sam," said Finn slowly. "Are you ok?"
"Me? I'm fine," Sam assured his tall friend. "Just checking out the ole' six pack," he said, forcing out a laugh.
Finn looked like he doubted Sam's sincerity, instead staring at him intensely. Sam didn't like it. He picked up his gym back and hurried out of the room.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Rachel's eyes followed Finn has he walked beside a girl with short blonde hair and a cute smile. Rachel thought she recognized the girl, from some class, but she couldn't be sure. Finn laughed at something the girl said. Rachel's heart fell. Her eyes began to burn.
She didn't want to cry. She didn't want this pain. She didn't want this love.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Blaine sat in his room, trying to focus on homework. Trying to avoid calling Kurt for as long as he could. The moment he did, he knew he would have to apologize. And he would. Apologize, that is. He had been rude to his boyfriend for no reason and that wasn't right.
His pride told him to hold off for a while, though. Blaine figured he could make it through one night before caving. He and Kurt were in near constant communication. It would be hard to not have him to speak to for the night.
He sighed and tapped his pencil idly on the math worksheet in front of him. His eyes wandered to his cell phone a few inches away. Maybe he should call him tonight…
"Blaine, I hope you're working."
Blaine's shoulders tensed. Of course his father was standing in the door way.
"Yes, dad," said Blaine tersely.
"Good. And don't think about calling your friend until you're done." Then he was disappearing down the hall closing his door with a snap.
Blaine hurried and shut his door quietly. He collapsed on his bed, deciding to take a break from the homework. Who was he kidding - he couldn't focus to save his life. He didn't want to call Kurt, though.
Blaine leaned over and grabbed his bag, pulling his iPod from the front pocket. He flipped through the playlists quickly and found the right one.
Blaine loved making playlists. He would make them for long road trips, ones especially for working out and others for relaxing or sleeping. Then there were his playlists focusing on a certain emotion. Blaine picked the most mope-filled playlist and pressed play.
He quickly realized that this playlist was mad when he was in middle school and consisted of some pretty old songs. It was almost nice to hear these songs, though. It was like greeting an old friend….
Blaine fell asleep with ideas of what he was doing for Mr. Shuester's assignment bouncing around in his head.
~.~.~.~.~.~
"Mr. Shuester, I'm ready to perform my song for your assignment this week," Blaine said, raising his hand as the teacher walks through the door the next day. Blaine woke up in the middle of the night and instead of working on his homework, worked on his idea for Glee.
Mr. Shuester blinked at him in surprise. "Oh. That was…quick, Blaine." Kurt was staring at Blaine with wide eyes. They hadn't really talked much today yet. Blaine had just approached him at his locker this morning and said a simple, "I'm sorry" in a soft voice. Kurt had accepted the apology with a kiss to the cheek.
"But if you're ready, go right ahead," finished Mr. Shuester, taking a seat by Puck.
Blaine stood after a long moment and walked over to the band. He whispered to them and then grabbed a guitar that one of the boys offered him. He put the strap over his shoulder and then adjusted the instrument for a moment. He took a deep breath.
He opened his mouth once, maybe to offer an explanation, but then his mouth shut with a snap. Blaine shook his head and instead strummed on the guitar. The band held off for a minute and instead it was just Blaine…then the junior on the drums came in loudly alone with another girl and one boy on their guitars.
Blaine kept his eyes on his moving fingers on the guitar strings as he began to sing.
"Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along."
At first, Blaine's voice was soft and timid. Kurt wasn't used to this. He was used to Blaine being a force to reckon with on stage. A bundle of energy that would bounce around, singing loudly and making silly faces.
This was different. This was personal. It wasn't some Pink song about partying or some suggestive and flirty duet. This was Blaine's life.
Kurt felt like he was likely to cry at any moment.
"And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me."
Midway through the second verse, Blaine's head nervously rose from his guitar. His eyes were already swimming with tears. He made eye contact with Kurt before singing the last line of the verse, his voice cracking on "me."
"'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect."
The music of the other band members stilled, Blaine alone on the guitar for a few lines. He closed his eyes, his lips mouthing the words he had thought so long; the ones that he had been feeling for years.
The band picked up, the drummer really going all out.
"I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore."
What kid hadn't admired their father at some point? Looked up to them as if they were a superhero? Blaine obviously had. He had wanted to be just like his dad a one point in his life.
Where had that gone? How could he have gone from that to this? At a point where he tried his best not to be like his dad?
"And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright."
Blaine's eyes locked with Kurt's again. His heart jumped. Kurt was sitting there, silent tears running down his face.
Of course Blaine knew that what he felt, Kurt did. Blaine hated to see Kurt sad and usually felt that pain, too. They were bonded like that. Of course he would react strongly to this. Blaine was on the edge of losing his composure right now, too.
With a shaky breath, he continued:
"'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect."
Blaine was bouncing on the balls of his feet in time to the music. He pushed the guitar away so it hung loosely on his back. He jumped back and belted out the next verse. Belted it out so maybe his dad could hear. Who really knew.
"Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand."
Blaine backed into the piano, catching himself and breathing heavily. His legs shook. So did his voice, when he repeated the chorus again. Blaine stood up straighter and stood firmer.
"'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect."
Blaine held out the last note. The music of the band faded and he was able to hand over the guitar before he broke. His face was hot and the tears were already breaking through.
"Blaine - are you ok?" Mr. Shuester was at his side, a strong hand on his shoulder, then one settled on his arm to hold him up. It was like his legs were jelly.
"Blaine," said Kurt softly. He was on his other side, soft hands smoothing his hair back and drying tears that wouldn't stop. "Babe, are you ok?"
"I - I don't know," said Blaine. "I don't know."
Shouldn't singing out his feelings feel better than this? Blaine wasn't sure if he felt any better at all. More accomplished, maybe, but better? Not really.
A heavy weight seemed to still rest on his shoulders. It was there as Kurt and Mr. Shue helped him to his seat and Kurt tired to comfort him. Others put a comforting hand on his shoulder as they continued with the class and Blaine's tears turned silent.
TBC
Well there's the start of this new fic. I hope it ended up how people imagined…I think a plot line like this on the show would be nice to see.
Oh! And if it wasn't obvious, this is set near the beginning of season 3.
Feedback?