Wow, it's been like forever since I put up a story on here. I have ridiculous writer's block for my other stories Beautiful Nightmare, I Imprinted?, and I May Have Been Wrong. I wrote this to get over the block. Yeah, that didn't really work but hey, at least you got another story out of me. When I wrote this, I didn't really have a point or goal to where this story goes. I just simply started writing and well... when my mind wanders... it takes me to crazy places. Know this now about me. That being said, you should also know that this story has a good chuck of who I am as a person and my experiences. So know that this story consists of Truths, Exaggarated Truths, and Complete lies. Review! Review! Review! If there is something you're curious about wanting to know whether something is true or not, send a Review and I'll respond as soon as I'm able.

Also, check out a hilarious collab between RockinThatAfroPic and muah called How Many Licks? Picture a germaphobe Edward, an exhibitionist Jasper, and a glory hole lemon. Yeah, get on it. My partner in crime has already put up the story and the hits on it is crazy, so if you haven't read it yet, you can go on my profile of hers and let us know what you think. Ok, I'm done. Read on:-)

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own anything associated with Twilight, Facebook, Spartacus or any porn stars mentioned... don't ask, just read.

~*Cheaters Never Prosper... Unfortunately*~

I hate smiley happy people.

Not that they've done anything to me personally, they're just annoying.

"Good morning Jacob."

That's Jessica Stanley, the biggest skank at the office and one of the smiley happy people.

"What's good about it?" I ask her while sitting at my cubicle typing away at my computer. I'm annoyed and hearing her cheery voice around me while I'm trying to do my work is not helping shit.

"Jesus, somebody woke up on the wrong side of sunshine," Jessica says giggling to herself. I look up at her giving her the 'fuck off' look but my face must be speaking German because she doesn't seem to comprehend the look. "What happened to you this morning that got you so grouchy?"

I think back to all the bullshit I had to deal with this morning. Let's see, my alarm didn't go off; I might've forgotten to set it last night when I was drunk, which also explains the hangover I had. Although, you would think after years of using an alarm clock to get myself up at 7:30am that my body would be conditioned enough so that if you took away the alarm clock, I would've still been able to get up on time anyway expecting to react to the sound of the alarm. I mean, didn't that shit work for Pavlov and those damn dogs? Anyway, I got up an hour later and walked into the bathroom with my cock leading the way.

Blood rains down from an angry sky…

My cock rages on…

My cock rages on…

Ok, so I might be a little huge fan of Spartacus: Blood and Sand as well as Spartacus: Gods of the Arena… and I might want to fuck the Gannicus character who sung 'My Cock Rages On' in the first episode of Gods of the Arena. I don't usually go for blondes but Gannicus can get it.

Gannicus and Crixus.

Me, Gannicus and Crixus together fucking each other in the middle of the arena with the crowd roaring.

My cock rages on…

My cock rages… wait, what the fuck was I supposed to be thinking about again? Oh yeah, my fucked morning.

So anyway, when I got into the bathroom to start the shower running, there was no hot water so I had to take a cold shower. It was cold as fuck which caused my cock to stop raging on and gave me a few extra minutes to spare since I didn't have to jack off anymore. When I finished in the bathroom, I got dressed in one of my favorite suits all for my cat Bella to knock my full glass of coffee spilling breakfast blend all over my suit. I swear Bella plotted that shit. I hate that bitch and the bitch hates me. Bella is actually my ex-boyfriend Embry's cat. We were together for two years and started living with me the second year. Everything was fine until Embry went on a business trip to California for a week. His friend Jared started coming by to keep me company.

I always thought Jared was hot.

Short black hair like mine with a baby face and a sexy bubble butt.

For the most part that week, we just hung out. We flirted here and there but left it at that… at least six of the seven days. That last day, Jared came to my door in the early afternoon wearing a trench coat, a black eye mask, some black knee high boots, and a black wide brimmed hat that he held in one hand. I might've told him a few days before that I had a Zorro fantasy that Embry refused to act out. So when I let Jared in and watched him put on the hat and take off the trench coat, revealing a nice long black cape, standing there in all of his naked glory with his cock pointing straight at me all hard, thick, long, and hot, I completely forgot about Embry.

And the fact that he was due home any moment.

All I know is that I took Jared back to the bedroom where we kissed a little bit… licked a little bit… sucked a little bit… and then had him ride my cock like he was taming a wild bull.

I made him keep the outfit on while I fucked him.

Bella sat near the bed and watched the whole thing… the fucking pervert.

We never heard the keys in the door, nor the footsteps on the floor, and even the door opening was completely unnoticed.

But we heard Embry's scream.

So after we fought a little bit… trashed the apartment a little bit… and took Jared to the hospital, Embry broke up with me and moved out.

But left Bella behind.

Now from the moment Embry brought Bella to live with us, I hated that cat. The little bitch was a bad omen, which explained the all black fur. That night Embry left, I had made up my mind that I was going to toss the little shit out on its ass the next day, but something happened that forever changed my mind on ever getting rid of the little terror. One sick reason that I would never mention out loud but was the single only reason for why that little shit is still living with me.

Bella licked my balls.

That night, I was feeling like crap that I cheated on Embry. I got a little drunk and laid on my back naked in bed while I looked at the ceiling wondering why I would do something like that to Embry knowing he was nothing but wonderful to me. I mean, he wasn't the most adventurous when it came to sex but we could've worked it out. So while I looked up at the ceiling, Bella jumped on the bed.

I ignored her.

She walked between my legs.

I still ignored her.

She circled around my balls.

It felt nice… still ignored her though.

Then she licked a ball.

She got my attention.

And my cock's.

So my cock looked up at me and I looked down at Bella. I was too drunk to put in the effort to move her. I didn't know what to do. Her nails were cut down but I still didn't trust her paws near my jewels. Then there were her teeth. I didn't want her to accidently bite my shit. I would fucking kill her! So I just stared at her.

Then she licked again.

My cock twitched.

Then she did it again.

My eyes rolled back.

Then she did it again… and again… and again…

I eventually relaxed and fell asleep like that. That was a year ago. And every night, when I'm not fucking, I fall asleep to the relaxing sensation of Bella licking my balls. It's the only time Bella and I show mutual respect and understanding. Other than that, we can't stand each other and treat each other like crap.

So anyway, back to my fucked morning, I changed out of my coffee stained outfit, courtesy to Bella's plot to destroy me, and then with a new suit on, went to my car all for it to not start up so I had to walk to the subway and take public transportation. I hate New York transit systems. When I came here from the Quileute's reservation in Washington six years ago for the architect job, I had no idea how fucked up transportation was out here. After the first year living in New York, I made sure to buy myself a car but sometimes it gives me problems so I end up having to take public transportation from time to time. I just hate having to always deal with some bullshit using this form of transportation. It just never fails.

I bought a metrocard but it wouldn't let me swipe my way through the turnstile so I had to stand on a long line to speak with the guy in the booth. An elderly woman thought she was slick trying to ease her way in the front of the line so I cussed her ass out. I eventually got the metrocard situated but by the time I ran upstairs to catch the 4 train, it was pulling out of the station. I know I would've made it if the elderly bitch hadn't called security on me for pushing her out of the way so I could be seen. It wasn't a hard push. I just moved her out of my way but she started acting all dramatic and shit and then security got involved when she called for help. The whole scene was blown way out of proportion. By the time the next 4 train came, I had to stand up the whole ride and had to wait forever for the 7 train to Queens to come. After all of that, I finally got here to work but of course I arrived late. So yeah, I have a pretty good reason to be grouchy this morning and the last thing I need is for someone to be in my face with their cheery disposition telling me about how good their morning is. Ok, so the skank only said "good morning" but still, she implied I had one which I absolutely did not so I'm not in the mood to hear from her right now. Instead of telling her about my fucked up morning, I decide it'll be better to just keep it short and simple for her so she can move the fuck on and away from me.

"Jess, everything that could go wrong today, did. I'm just not in the mood for anything now," I tell her hoping she would move the fuck on.

She doesn't… the skank.

"That's too bad," she said with fake sympathy. "How about you come with me to the office party on the fifth floor at one o'clock? I'm sure I can find ways to get you in the mood."

I arch an eyebrow at her like she's fucking stupid. This skank is unreal.

"Um, Jess, you do remember that I'm gay right?" Since for some reason, she seems to conveniently forget that I am. For the past six years I've been telling this skank that I don't fuck with chicks, Bella doesn't count. Does she think she's wearing me down? Like, if she pretends that I'm straight that somehow miraculously I would forget that I'm gay and take her up on one of her offers?

Fuck out of here!

"I know that Jake but I'm sure if you just gave me a try, I just know we would hit it off," she replied confidently.

"Not even if you suddenly grew a 9 inch cock that vibrates," I tell her and then her jaw drops. I did chuckle a little bit before I continued. "It's not even that you don't have a cock for the reason why we could never be. It's that I just don't like you Jess. That… and you not having a cock. Besides, I have a boyfriend."

"How can you say you don't like me when you've never taken the chance to get to know me?" she asks completely letting the revelation of me having a boyfriend go right over her head.

"I know enough," I tell her as my phone begins to vibrate. I take my phone from out my pocket and see it is Jared. After the whole incident with Embry, we still messed around a bit and then decided to become exclusive two months ago. I wave my phone a little to give notice to Jessica that a call is coming in. "It's my boyfriend. I have to take this call. I'll see you around ok?"

I press the touch screen to pick up the call as Jessica stomps her heels leaving my cubicle in a huff. Smiling at her exit, I turn around in my swivel chair and say hello to my sexy boyfriend. What I didn't expect was his angry shouting exploding in my ear.

"Wait, wait, wait, calm down Jared. What the fuck is wrong?"

"What's wrong? Now you want to play stupid? What? You couldn't say this to me face to face, you fucking coward? I had to find out like this?"

What the fuck is he talking about? Find out what? He's clearly angry but I don't understand for the life of me why.

"Jared, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. What is this about?"

"Does this ring a bell ass wipe! 'You don't care about me. All you want to do is fuck and eat. Move the fuck on. I don't need your trifling bubble ass! We're done!' You don't remember sending me that shit? Or how about when you said, 'Stay the fuck over there. You can suck my di…'"

Jared has completely lost his mind. He's still going on and on about something I supposedly said but it goes through one ear and out the other since I become distracted when Edward Cullen walks to his cubicle across from mine.

Edward is weird.

Like REALLY weird.

Today he's wearing an orange suit with yellow polka dots.

Yesterday it was a purple suit with pink stripes.

He has two daisies in a glass orange vase in his hand.

Dude loves daisies.

And rainbows.

Creepy fuck.

Jared is still yelling in my ear but I can't seem to concentrate on what the hell he's telling me because I'm watching Edward.

Not in a good way.

Not in a bad way.

But an ODD way.

Edward's cubicle looks like some kind of mystical fairy land. He has daisies all over his desk, troll dolls with different color hair and navel gems scattered all around his desk and on top of his computer, shiny rainbow colored wall paper lines the inside of his cubicle, and he has various drawings of the sun hanging up all around. He also has a relaxation CD playing rainforest sound effects that he listens to ALL DAY.

Edward is the strangest person I know.

And yes, he's one of the smiley happy people.

I don't really hate him much.

Not like I hate Jessica.

He's too strange for me to form an opinion on him one way or the other. No, wait that's not entirely true, he creep's me the fuck out and says the most bizarre shit. Other than that, I don't know what to make of him.

Look at this shit, now Edward's talking to his trolls.

He's named them… all ten of them.

Red hair troll is Donna

Pink hair troll is Pinkie

Orange hair troll is Sunset

Yellow hair troll is Sunrise

Purple hair troll is Mitch

Blue hair troll with dark blue navel gem is Thing One

Blue hair troll with light blue navel gem is Thing Two

Green hair troll is Gregory

Rainbow hair troll is Lyfe… yes, with a 'Y' not an 'I'.

Black hair troll is Jazz… named after his boyfriend Jasper.

How do I know all of this?

Edward introduced me to them through on the years he collected them. And when I walk by them, he has me greet them.

Edward is a little nutty so I'm kind of scared of him. If Edward wants me to greet the stupid trolls, I don't argue. I greet them fuckers and keep it moving. Now he's talking to Jazz the black troll. I sort of wondered why he chose to name the black haired one after Jasper instead of the yellow one. I seen the picture of Jasper he keeps near his computer and Jasper is a complete Blondie. I mean sure he already named the yellow one Sunrise at the time but I just don't understand why he saw the black troll and thought to name it after Jasper instead of calling it midnight or something.

Wait… why the fuck am I even thinking about this shit?

Edward's making me weird.

I probably should be paying attention to Jared.

I look away from Edward and tune back into Jared.

"…kick your ass!' So that's what you're going to do? We could've talked this out Jake! But no! You had to reply to a fucking email that I sent you from work that I CC'd to all of my co-workers and your stupid coward ass decided to breakup with me on a fucking email and sent it to not just me but to EVERYBODY I CC'd!"

What the fuck is he talking about?

"Jared, what the hell? I never sent you any emails."

"Jake, I'm staring at the shit right now! How the fuck you're going to tell me you didn't send it? You sent this last night at like eleven at night from your personal email. I'm looking right at it!"

This didn't make any sense because I don't remember sending anything like that. I try to think back to what happened last night. Alright, so, I remember Jared was over my place and wanted to go out. I didn't feel like going out and expected him to just stay with me. He got a call from Embry about wanting to hang out and yeah, I got mad because it seemed like MY ex-boyfriend was asking my NEW boyfriend out on a date. I mean, of course, I'm perfectly aware that Embry and Jared had been friends long before I came into the picture but still, I was mad.

Then when Jared said he would go, I lost it.

I might've cussed him out and threw shit at him like a little bitch.

I mean, I knew Jared and Embry had repaired their friendship after what went down and I knew Jared never told him that he still continued to see me after the fact and that we're in a relationship so I know this wasn't a way for Embry to stick it to me for fucking Jared behind his back, but still it felt like he picked Embry over me and I didn't like that shit.

So yeah, after Jared left me to go hang out with Embry, I had a bottle or two of tequila. I know I was still mad but after finishing one of the bottles, I honestly don't remember anything else that happened after that except waking up late this morning. Shit, what the fuck did I send him?

"Jared, baby, I got really drunk last night. I honestly don't know what I sent you. I was mad about you leaving me to go be with Embry and I had couple of drinks or… several. Let me just check my account to see what I sent you. Know that whatever I may have said, it isn't true. I don't want to break up. You're my fucking world. You know that right?"

Ok, I might've spread it on thick with the whole 'You're my fucking world' shit but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I don't love him or anything. I'm just not ready for him to be out of my life just yet. Jared is silent on the other line. Good. He's thinking. If Jared didn't give a fuck about what I just said, he would've just cussed me out further and clicked on me but he didn't. Jared's feelings run a little bit deeper for me then mines do for him.

"What you put in the email really hurt," he finally responds.

"I know baby. I'm sorry."

"I feel like an idiot here. Sending that shit to me automatically sent it to my co-workers Jake."

"I'm so sorry about that. Will you forgive me and let me make it up?"

"I don't know," he replies hesitantly. "You know my co-workers are trying to throw me a 'Men ain't Shit' party after reading your fucking email?"

"What can I do to make it up?" I ask but he doesn't answer. "How about I send another email explaining how much of an ass I am for even considering letting you go and then later on tonight, we could play cowboys and Indians. What do you say baby?"

"I really hate that you sent that shit but it will make me feel better if you send another email explaining the stupidity of the previous one. We'll have to take a rain check on the cowboys and Indians fantasy until tomorrow night. I already promised Embry that I would attend dinner at his parents. They haven't seen me in a while so they went all out with the cooking. Are you fine with that?"

"Do what you need to do baby. I'm sorry I was tripping about you and Embry. You guys are friends so I need to accept that. I'm good. Go, have fun. Bring me back some food; I know his mother can cook her ass off."

"I will," he says sweetly as he says something to someone in the background. "Ok, Jake, I have to go. If it's not too late, then I'll come over but other than that, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright baby. Again I'm sorry. I'm going to see exactly what the hell I sent to you… and others and then I'll send out a better email. Bye baby."

"Bye Jake," he says before hanging up.

I place my phone back in my pocket and turn around right before I nearly jumped out of my skin. Standing right behind me is none other than creepy Edward carrying two of his trolls Sunrise and Sunset.

I didn't even hear him coming behind me.

"Edward," I greet him and then look at the two trolls because as crazy as Edward is, I wouldn't dare try to ignore them. "Hello Sunrise and Sunset."

I feel like an idiot for addressing them. Edward places them in each pants pocket with the hair sticking out.

"Hello Jacob," he greets me with a creepy smile. Well, to everyone else it's not creepy, in fact most of the women find that crooked smile sexy, but the shit freaks me out. "Sunset told me you needed help with something. He said that unspoken words escaped you and that you needed to replace them with truer ones, so I came here to investigate. Sunrise thinks it's pointless but she's a bitch and is not trusted."

Yeah… as I said, creepy, but I've had five years to get used to the mind of Edward Cullen so I don't react the way I used to in the beginning.

"Yeah… um… this guy Jared, I mentioned him to you before, I did something messed up to him and now I have to fix it," I tell him as I log into my AOL account and click on the email I sent to Jared. At first glance, it looks like I said a mouthful but I quickly turn my attention towards Edward as he begins to ramble on about something or another.

"I knew a guy name Jared once. He used to walk his dog along the side of the building I designed back in Chicago. I always wondered why he let his dog pick that building out of all of the other places in Chicago to piss and shit at. One night I was walking passed that building when I saw Jared and Cujo standing to the side of it as Cujo was about to take a piss on my creation. He saw me and I noticed the bulge in his jeans. I decided to take care of his problem as well as mine. So I gave him a blow job and released Cujo from his leash right when Jared reached orgasm. I never saw them near my creation again," he concludes as my jaw drops. Did he really do that shit? Edward tilts his head to the side and smiles wickedly. "I love your facial expressions Jacob. They're most amusing."

Edward is just out of this world but I figure he's just fucking with me.

"Goodness, it's just the shit you say sometimes," I nervously laugh. Edward isn't like anyone I know. I'm not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing. "You didn't really do that shit right?"

"I did," he answers and I stop laughing. "So this Jared you need to fix things with, he's the guy you're fucking now?"

Edward never thinks twice about the shit he says. I look around at all of the other workers in their cubicles probably listening but not really paying us any mind. Everyone's used to the way Edward expresses himself so no one judges. No one questions Edward's sanity… well not openly that is because we all know that he's a genius at architecture. The bosses fought like hell to get him to relocate and join our company. We all have strict orders to make Edward as comfortable as possible which means no fucking with his trolls, leave his rainforest music alone, don't touch his daisies, don't say anything negative about his appearance, and never be surprised or offended by the shit he says. Follow those rules and you'll have a promising future at Design and Construction Corporation.

Wait… what the fuck did Edward ask me? Oh yeah, am I fucking Jared.

"Yeah, I'm fucking him," I answer. "Why you ask?"

"Details like that are crucial when trying to implement damage control. Plus I thought you were fucking that guy with the sexy dimpled smile I saw you with a while back. What was his name?" he asks me as our co-worker Danny comes to my cubicle asking about a meeting at eleven but Edward cuts him off. "Danny, the meeting is on the 4th floor in Conference room 1. Now if you'll excuse us, we're in the middle of a very serious matter. Also, here…" Edward goes in his pocket, pulls out Sunrise and hands her to Danny. The look on Danny's face is priceless. "Take Sunrise around to everyone so she can say hi. She's been nagging me all morning. And be careful with her, she's important."

Danny arches his eyebrow looking back and forth between me and Edward. I just shrug my shoulders at him. I don't know why he's acting brand new. He knows the drill. I almost laugh at the situation but then remember that I, too, have taken the walk of shame as I went around the office introducing them to one of the trolls. Danny reassures him that Sunrise is in good hands and then he quickly leaves us.

"I thought Sunrise was a bitch," I say remembering his earlier comment.

"She is," he replies and leaves it at that. "Now back to the matter at hand. What did I ask you again?"

"You asked me, who was the guy you saw me with a while back, which was my friend Emmett. We're old friends and no we don't fuck… at least not anymore."

"Hmm… Emmett is hot. Why did you stop fucking him? I don't think I'd been able to stop."

Edward is something else.

"I'll be sure to tell him that," I tease him. "Nah, it's just that when it's all said and done, we're friends who want two separate things. He likes to fuck around without the hassles of a committed relationship. I want the connection you have when you're in a committed relationship. I desire more than just a casual fuck. I stopped fucking Emmett when I became exclusive with Jared."

I honestly don't know why I was telling him this but that's Edward for you. He makes you do shit you wouldn't normally do… like walk around carrying trolls. If I can overcome that humiliation then surely I can discuss my personal life. He's the only smiley happy person I would talk to like this. The others can all go to hell.

"We shouldn't waste time Jacob. Damage control is in order but I must know what was done to Jared. Quickly! Tell me," he says with determination. I tell him about last night and point towards my computer screen to show the email I mistakenly sent out. He moves closer to the screen and then stands up straight looking down at me. "Sit back and open your legs wide. I'm sitting."

Before I could protest, Edward starts sitting his way down causing me to have to quickly sit back as far as I can in my chair and spread my legs wide enough to give him some room to sit. As difficult as it is I try to maintain some distance between his ass and my cock but then Edward takes it upon himself to scoot himself back with his ass basically sitting on my cock.

Now my cock is awake.

My cock rages on…

My cock rages…

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Fuck! Think of something else. Think about Jessica and her saggy boobs.

Ok, it's starting to work.

He's moving his ass around my cock.

Shit!

There that goes.

Wait, does he even feel my cock? He doesn't seem like he's paying it any mind; he's too busy reading the email. I mean, I don't see how he wouldn't notice. My cock is fucking huge! Plus, he's gay. I don't know any gay dude that would not notice a hard-on but then again, Edward isn't just any gay dude.

"This email is rather entertaining. You must've really been drunk to type this up. Here look at this."

I press myself up against his back and look over his shoulder. His scent surrounds me as I briefly close my eyes and inhale his scent.

Shit, he smells good.

I lick my lips and start to put my arms around Edward.

Wait… pause.

What the fuck are you about to do Jacob? Remember, this is Edward Cullen you're about to wrap your arms around. Your cock may not give a fuck but YOU know better. Let's focus on the email you sent to Jared and we'll just pretend that shit wasn't about to go down, agreed?

Agreed.

Coming back to reality, I start reading the email.

Subject: Two Timing Backstabber!

Who the fuck do you think you are? Did you forget whose cock rages on? No one will EVER fuck you as good as me! You left me here for Embry? That's how you do me after I fucked him over for you? I should've known. You don't care about me. All you want to do is fuck and eat. Move the fuck on. I don't need your trifling bubble ass! I fucking loved that ass too. It was all soft and fuckable. I could eat it forever! But no! You had to go and fuck it up! Do you see what this is doing to me? What we had was special! But you know what? We're done! Stay the fuck over there. You can suck my dick, bitch! As a matter of fact, I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of sucking my cock. No cock for you! What we had was beautiful damn it! I fucking wanted this shit to last, you ungrateful bastard! If I catch you in the street I'm going to kick your fucking ass for doing me duty, you worthless, no good, trifling, fucked up, piece of shit!

P.S. We should probably fuck before I dump your ass. I mean, it's the least you can do. I'm free tomorrow after work but after that we're going to have to coordinate schedules. Once the deed is done, fuck you and kiss my ass bitch! But call me so we can plan ahead:-)

Damn, I was shit faced to have sent this out.

"Wow… I can't believe I typed that. How the hell I'm going to explain this?"

"Don't worry soldier, I'll make sure the troops understand what transpired during war. Just leave it to me," he says as he clicks away at my computer. He types fast as he replies to the email Jared sent with all of the CC's and explains my drunken rage. I was pretty impressed. He explains my actions so well that I start to feel like Jared might've owed ME an apology.

"There, it is done," he says as he finishes and sends the reply email. He moves his ass back against my cock and I'm getting lost in the feeling because, you know, he's like right there so it doesn't even register to me when he suddenly stops. "Your cock is vibrating."

Well, what can I say… my cock isn't called 'Crawl the Warrior King' for nothing. I mean…

Wait… I feel the vibration and suddenly it hits home.

Shit! My phone!

I take my phone out of my pocket and see that it's Emmett.

"Should I take that as a sign?" Edward asks as he lifts himself out of my seat.

"What? My phone vibrating?" I ask pressing the 'Answer' button.

"No, your phone giving notice to the huge boner you tried to conceal," he answers looking down at my crotch area smiling devilishly. "Have fun with that Jacob. I would play along but I have a meeting to attend."

And just like that, dude was gone leaving me sitting there looking stupid as hell with boner. Did I just hear that right? Did Edward fucking Cullen, the colorful daisy dude with the family of trolls, offer to help me with my hard-on?

"What the fuck dude! Hello? Fuck Face, I'm on the line! If you don't answer this shit, I'm going to hang the fuck up!"

Oh shit, Emmett!

"Hello? Hello? Emmett?"

"About fucking time!"

"Sorry about that, I was in the middle of something."

"Yeah, I heard," he says laughing. "Who you have a boner for over there?"

"No one," I lied.

"Bullshit! I heard the guy say so. Give it up, Black. Who's the dude?"

"It's nobody important."

"Then tell me. You know I won't let up."

Yeah, that's true. Emmett is relentless. Sitting up straight and moving closer to my computer, I close out of my email account and finish the assignment I started before Jared called me earlier. I put my phone in my pocket so I can discreetly talk to Emmett on my blue tooth.

"I'm waiting Fuck Face."

I roll my eyes and give in because really, it's pointless.

"ItwasEdwardCullen," I whisper all rushed in shit.

"Run that by me again," he asks laughing trying to fuck with me.

"I. Said. It. Was. Ed. Ward. Cul. Len," I dumb it down for him since he wants to be an ass.

"And I'm supposed to know who that is?"

True, Emmett has only seen him once a few months back when he came to my job. Any other time Emmett has visited me at work throughout the years, Edward was either at a meeting or out in the field. Edward never kept pictures up of himself or anybody else and so I was pretty shocked when he placed his boyfriend Jasper's picture up a year ago. Emmett would always come and try to fuck with Edward's trolls, getting a kick out of putting them in compromising positions. The day he did see Edward, wearing lime green pants with a pink and lime button up, all he really did was smile and arch his eyebrow at him. We never actually talked about what he thought of Edward but I just figured his opinion of him mimicked mines. That Edward is in the 'I Don't Know What to Make of Him' category.

"You remember the guy who sits in the cubicle directly from mine? You're always fucking with his trolls."

"Wait, the dude that had that pink and green bullshit on? The one with the sex hair and crooked smile?"

Sex hair? What the fuck?

"Yeah, him," I confirm rolling my eyes while shaking my head. Sex hair? Really?

"I don't blame you. That dude is hot!"

Ok, who is this imposter trying to impersonate Emmett?

"You can't be serious, Emmett. The guy wears bright ass colors and talks to trolls. How is that hot?"

"Well no, the trolls is weird and the clothes needs to never see the light of day but take all that away, and you've got a fuckhot guy," he says and I suck my teeth in disbelief. "Jake, just think about it. He has those beautiful green eyes, that sexy ass crooked smile, and that wild crazy bronze colored hair that makes you wanna grip it while fucking him. The outfit he had on when I saw him was pretty fitted so you can very much see that he's lean and nicely toned. His pants, although loud as fuck, made his ass look great. See, you focus too much on all that extra shit to see the diamond underneath. I bet his sex is crazy."

"I'm sure you can find out for yourself. He thought we were fucking and when I told him we're not anymore he said and I quote, 'Emmett is hot. Why did you stop fucking him? I don't think I'd been able to stop.'"

"Serious? You're not fucking with me are you?"

"Dead ass, that's what he said, but don't tell me you're actually considering hooking up with him? You know he's taken right? That picture on his desk is his boyfriend."

"So? He can join the fun too. He's hot. You know I got a slight weakness for blondes. And even if Blondie wasn't down for it, Edward doesn't seem to mind dipping out on his man. That's my kind of guy. You used to be like that until you decided to lose a pair when you got all exclusive with Jared," he says chuckling to himself.

"Fuck you," I respond to him but my co-worker Brenda, who's walking pass my cubicle, looks at me funny like I said the shit to her. "Wait hold on Emmett… Brenda, you got a problem? Because you're looking at me sideways, I wasn't talking to you so fix your face. Not everything that goes on in this office is about you prom queen so keep it moving."

She squints her face at me as she slowly walks passes my cubicle.

"Nosey bitch," I mumble once she is out of sight.

"Dude!" Emmett shouts laughing in my ear bringing my attention back towards him.

"Yeah Em I'm here," I respond but then glance at the time and see that I need to head to that office party now if I want first dibs at the food. I'm too lazy to go out to lunch and too cheap to pay for it, not when there's a place where I could eat a variety of food for free without having to leave the building. "Look, let me let you go. I gotta finish up over here and then grab something to eat. You got any plans later on tonight? We could hang out somewhere."

"Yeah, we can go to that new spot in the village I told you about. I can meet you over there at like, what, 10 o'clock?"

"Nah, pick me up from my place. My car is fucked up; I gotta get it fixed."

"I told you your car was going to fuck up on you someday. When I get to your place, I'll check it out for you. You might not need to call anybody."

"Good, thanks. I'll call you when I get home."

"Alright… but wait, how did you get to work? If you didn't bring your car, I can pick you up from work. You know I get off at 4 so I can just hang around until you get off at 5. I'm only a couple of blocks away from you anyway."

"Sounds good. See you at 5."

"A'ight, later."

"Later."

I click the phone and finish up my assignment. Once that's complete, I head upstairs to the fifth floor and make my way to the party. These office parties are never like some official party with a DJ and alcoholic beverages. All these office parties consists of are various types of food, from different co-workers that cooked something up at home and brought it to the party, and gossiping bitches who stand around in clusters talking about the latest trash going around about the people in the building. I skip pass them and head straight for the buffet.

Grabbing a plate, I look at my options.

Let's see, there's baked ziti… Oh hell yeah, that looks like Emily's masterpiece. Nice.

I pile some on my plate… well, a little more than some. I'm pretty hungry and Emily's ziti is the shit.

Ok, next is the green bean casserole… I bet Tricia made that nasty shit. Moving right along.

Alright, now we have fried chicken… this is a tossup. Either Steve or Maggie made this. If this is Steve's then I know it's good but if Maggie made this then I'll have to prepare for the blandest tasting chicken known to man.

I place one piece of chicken on my plate, a thigh piece, and then move on and grab a beef rib from the next tray because I know Mike made it and I know he can throw down. I don't feel for both the chicken and the rib so if it turns out to be Maggie's chicken then I'm eating the rib but if it's Steve's then I'll pack the rib up to eat later.

The next tray is salad… pass.

Next is Spanish rice and beans… Of course, this is Marcella's work. I'm definitely getting some of that. I wonder if she also made the salt pork… where is it? Where is it? Yes! I see it. Three trays down. Shit, I wonder if I need another plate. Nah, fuck it; I'll just put it on top.

After grabbing the pork and placing it on my plate, I start with the chicken and take a bite. I swirl it around my mouth to taste if there's some seasoning anywhere on the piece. Then I squint my face in disgust.

Oh hell nah, this is Maggie's fucked up chicken… where's the garbage? Where's the…

"Jake? What the hell?" Leah asks as she watches me spit out the chicken, along with the rest of the piece, in the trash bin. "You alright?"

I look over Leah's shoulder and see Maggie glaring at me. Fuck you and your nasty ass chicken, bitch! Learn how to season! Fucking…

"Yeah, I'm fine," I respond turning my attention towards Leah as I grab a beef rib and take a bite.

"I'm shocked to see you here. You haven't been to the last couple of parties. Why the sudden change?"

"I was hungry," I simply answer. "If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't set foot in any of these parties. All anyone ever does around here is gossip. Cackling bitches."

"True," Leah agrees. "That's why Danny is MIA right now."

"What happened with Danny?"

"Well word around the office is Danny was caught cheating on Maggie with Jessica in the stock room earlier."

"Ugh, he touched that skank?" I ask with disgust as I throw the rib bone in the trash and grab a fork to dig into the ziti.

"Yup and you'll never guess who caught them."

"Who?"

"Edward."

"Holy shit, what he do?" I ask because somehow without realizing it, I've become one of the gossiping bitches.

"Apparently, he just stood there watching until he saw one of his trolls propped up on Jessica's boobs. I heard he was livid," Leah says hysterical.

"I'll bet. They practically had a threesome with his troll."

"I know right?" she says as she spots Riley making his way through the crowd. "Riley! Over here!" Then she turns towards me. "He's the one who told me about it."

"You don't say," I respond not at all surprised. When it comes to office affairs, he always seems to be the first one to know about it. Funny since no one has a clue about his indiscretions… no one but me of course. Riley makes his way over to us, kissing Leah on the cheek.

"Hey Lee, how's it going?" Riley asks.

"I'm good, can't complain. What about you? How's the wife and kids?"

Here we go…

"They're doing pretty good. Victoria still volunteers for that Anger Management program. Little Bree isn't so little anymore; she just turned 8 last week Friday and Kevin is playing a tomato in his school play. 6 years old and he thinks he knows everything. He refuses to learn his lines, telling me that he rather say what he wants to say because it'll sound better. That kid is something else," he says and then looks over at me. "Hello Jake, it's good to see you."

Translation: "You've been avoiding me but you look hot so I'm going to bypass it."

"It's good to see you too Rile. I'm glad to hear about the family," I respond.

Translation: "Yeah, you look hot too, but we're not going to even go there especially after hearing you go on about your lovely WIFE and TWO CHILDREN."

"Thank you. I'm actually surprised to see you here," Riley says while licking his lips. "I remember the last time you were here. Your presence has been missed."

Translation: "I missed the way you used to fuck me and I can't stop thinking about the way we used to be and the kinky shit we did the last time we fucked in the conference room at the last party we attended together and I was hoping for a repeat performance."

"Yeah well, people talk a lot at these parties so I try to stay away. It was pretty hard to stay away at first but eventually I took on other interests to occupy my time," I tell him finishing up my plate and tossing it in the trash.

Translation: "As much as I enjoyed our affair together, we almost got caught the last time, which put it into perspective that being with you will always result in worrying about people finding out about us because you are and will always be married. I started to get so addicted to you that I knew I needed to make a clean break or I'd never move on. So know that there can't be a repeat performance. Besides, if I need to fuck someone, I'll call my BOYFRIEND Jared."

"All-righty-then guys," Leah chimes in. "I'm going to let the two of you catch up, while I head over there to see how Katie is doing, if you'll excuse me." She gives us each a kiss on the cheek and heads towards the other side of the room where Katie's sitting at.

Translation: "I don't know who you guys think you're fooling but if you want to pretend like the both of you isn't standing right in front of me talking in sex code then I won't bring it up. Clearly you both have things that need to be talked about so I'm going to leave you alone and let you talk it out."

As soon as Leah is out of sight, Riley steps up close to me.

"Can we go somewhere and talk in private?" he asks me.

Of course I know what he really wants to do but we do need to talk so I start walking out of the room and head towards the small conference room all the way at the end of the hall. No one ever uses that room because of the two larger conference rooms that are closer to the main area. Rile and I have never had to worry about getting caught in this room… well, except the last time we had sex and the cleaning lady opened the door. The only thing that saved us was a call coming in on her cell phone. She paused to take the call and became too distracted to look further inside. When she turned towards the hallway to answer the call, that's when she noticed she was about to clean the wrong room and quickly closed the door leaving Riley and I naked from the waist down with me behind him in a doggy style position frozen from shock at the fact that we were so close to getting caught.

But that was then and this is now.

After Riley closes the door behind us, I sit on the 'U' shape conference table as he walks in close standing between my legs. I let him because this is how it's always been with Riley and even though I shouldn't let him, I love the feel of him between my legs. And so does my cock. Chill out Crawl…

"God, I missed you," he growls breathing in my scent as he lingers around my neck but doesn't touch.

"We're here to talk Rile," I tell him making myself clear. "Nothing more."

"I know, but I was hoping for old time's sake we could go one more round… and then talk later."

I take Riley's chin in hand so I can look into his deep chocolate eyes.

"Rile, we can't do this anymore," I tell him looking down and then back up into his eyes. "I know I just pretty much avoided you since the last time we were together and for that I'm sorry. Regardless, you've always been a good friend to me so I shouldn't have let what we did behind closed doors get in the way of that. The thing is I know how I am. I loved fucking you, Rile."

"We never had to stop Jake…"

"No," I interrupt. "We did. You're married Rile. It wasn't fair to me. As good as it was with you, I still wanted more… and I got more with someone else. I'm in a relationship now."

"Who is he?"

"I'm with Jared now. We made it official a little after our last time together."

Riley looks like he's about to bust out laughing.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Jared? Please tell me you're joking. I mean he's cute and all, even haves a great ass, but I know you Jake. He's not going to be able to hold your attention for long."

The nerve of his ass!

"It's not for you to call out," I tell him.

"Ok, whatever, you and I both know that if I wasn't in the situation I'm in, we'd be together right now. You know why that is? Because, you know full well that I was more than just a great fuck. We click, Jake. You and Jared, just like you and Embry, don't have that spark. Not like us. Hell, even you and Emmett have that connection you lack with Jared. This is not to say that you both aren't strongly attracted to each other. I've seen it but Jared won't have what it takes to keep you satisfied for long and when that happens, I'll be waiting."

"Yeah, just as long as you're divorced while you're waiting," I say as we both laugh a little. "But until then, friends?"

"Till the end sexy," he responds with a smile. "Now come on. If we're not fucking then we might as well get out of here."

Pushing him off of me, we headed out into the hallway with him going back into the party and me going back to my desk.

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. Jared called me thanking me for the email I sent, well… Edward sent, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

Before I knew it, it was 5 o'clock and I get a call from Emmett letting me know he's out front. Putting my hand in the scanner to clock out, I make my way out of the building saying bye to passing co-workers as I hop in Emmett's car.

Emmett McCarthy is one sexy ass dude. He has piercing icy blue eyes, a cute as hell dimpled smile, and the body of a football player. Riley was right. Emmett and I do have a connection between us. Nothing romantic, we just… click. We go as far back as freshman year of high school. Not together. He went to school in Forks. I went to one on the reservation I'm from. We actually met under crazy circumstances. We both just so happened to be at the same movie theater in Port Angeles with our FEMALE dates going to watch the same movie at the same exact time.

My date was Nessie, the most annoying bitch alive. She's the one who started my dislike for smiley happy people. I don't even know why I asked her out. You can chalk it up to stupidity.

Emmett's date was some pixie chick name Alice or some shit like that. I don't know their story and never asked him. Anyway, when Nessie and I went to look for seats, I saw them arguing up front. So of course, I had to sit next to them. I wanted anything to distract me from listening to Nessie all night so when I saw the two empty seats next to Emmett, I went straight for them. From what I gathered from the argument, Alice didn't want to see the movie because she didn't like violence. Emmett argued that she owed him for making him watch that chick flick, 'Blondes and Bubblegum.' Now I had to agree with Emmett. I mean, if he had to endure a lame ass movie like 'Blondes and Bubblegum' then she should've just shut up and let him watch 'Face Punch 2: Sorry, I Meant to Punch the Other Guy.'

Once the movie started playing Emmett, refusing to share his popcorn with his ungrateful date, turned towards me and asked if I wanted some. Of course I told him 'yes' because for one, I sure as hell wasn't paying for Nessie to eat AND pay for the movie at the same time so we had no food with us and two, I was hungry as hell and Emmett was hot to look at. So long story short, we ended up ditching our dates that night and ever since then, we've been the best of friends… and sometimes more.

Getting comfortable in Emmett's car, I look over at him as he stares at me smiling and shit.

What the fuck is he looking at?

"What?" I ask.

"Honey, I pick you up after a hard day at work and what? No kiss?" he teases.

"You want a kiss? Why don't I turn over and give you my ass?"

"You bring your ass over here and I'll do more than kiss it," he says all hot and shit.

"Yeah, you wish," I tell him putting on my seatbelt. "Just drive."

The drive to my place was nice. Emmett goes on to tell me about the idiots at his job. By the time he is through telling me about some crazy chick name Sarah who started destroying the place after being over looked for a higher position, we pull up in front of my building. Getting out of the car, I start walking towards the entrance when Emmett stops me.

"Hold up, where's your car parked? I want take a look at it," he asks looking around.

"Um…" Where the hell did I park that shit? Oh wait.. "It's all the way down towards the left. Next to the red one."

"Ok, go inside and start getting ready. I'm going to see what's wrong with your car."

I give him my car keys as my elderly neighbor Mrs. Mable walks on by.

"Hey Mrs. Mable," I shout out in one of those sweet voices that's only reserved for old people and babies.

"You fucking fag, I almost broke a hip this morning slipping in the hallway from all that lube that keep flowing out of your apartment," she complains.

I just shake my head smiling. You gotta love Mrs. Mable. Homophobe and all.

"Come on Mrs. Mable, now I know I keep you and your husband up most nights with all of the fucking I do, but even I don't have that much sex. Besides, having the sex life that I have requires that I NEVER waste lube. So no, that wasn't lube you slipped on. And anyway, if I'm correct, and I know that I am you and Mr. Mable seems to have 'relations' at the same time as me. Let me find out my sex life turns you on. I always knew you were a freak," I tell her as Emmett and I start to laugh.

Of course, Mrs. Mable doesn't look amused.

"You're just sick. All of you. You've turned the building into a whore house."

"I know, but you love me anyway," I smile and kiss her on the cheek. "You're off to Bingo?"

"Yeah, then I have to get back home and start on the beef stew. You're coming over for some?"

"Not tonight, Em and I are going out later but save me some."

"Alright, you make sure and be careful. I know you like to go to those faggedy clubs out there in that village so don't let any of them take advantage. You hear me?"

Laughing, I answer, "I won't. Now go on."

She walks off and I turn towards Emmett.

"That woman is no joke," Emmett stares back at her.

"I know," I agree and then take my keys out. "Alright I'm going in. You have my spare on you right?"

"Yup, I'm good. You go on. I'll see you in a little bit," he says and walks down towards my car.

So in the building I go check my mailbox to see if a particular package came for me. I might've entered for a chance to be an extra on season 2 of Spartacus by submitting a video of me doing combat training with a fake sword. The package didn't come yet but I still have hope. I just hope if I get the part I don't lose it for trying to fuck Gannicus…

My cock rages on…

My cock…

Not the time for that Crawl.

Gathering up my junk mail, I take the elevator to the 6th floor and then down the hall to the right towards my apartment. I take a quick glance at the floor around Mrs. Mable's apartment trying to see any sign of anything that might've caused for her to slip. I see nothing. I don't know what she was talking about.

Can we say senile?

Ok, I won't get on her, she's good people. Maintenance probably mopped up whatever it was that was on the floor earlier.

Unlocking my door, I enter the apartment to the sight of Bella sitting about three feet away, facing me, while licking her paw. She pauses and looks over at me, tilting her head to the side.

Something's wrong.

I don't trust Bella and even though I can't see it, I KNOW the little bitch did something… bad. Or at least is plotting to do something. Slowly looking around the living room, I walk around the kitchen, the bathroom, and last but not least the bedroom. Nothing seems out of order but I know better. Bella only acts innocent when she's trying to hide something.

"I don't know what you did or is about to do Bella but it will come out," I tell her making my way towards my computer. I wanted to check my Facebook account to see if I got any messages. I figure since I'm at it, I might as well check out the page of my favorite porn star, Topher DiMaggio. I have all of his movies and have spent many nights jacking off to the sight of him. He's sexy as all hell with his Italian good looks, his beautiful chiseled body, and his sexy super cock. I just wish he bottoms for a change. He has such a juicy ass I just want to sink my teeth into his fleshy ass cheeks. I wonder if he would accept my friend request.

Letting my curiosity take over, I press the 'Add as friend' button. A pop up window comes up saying: 'Topher DiMaggio will have to confirm your request. Please only send this request if you know him personally. If a request is sent, without knowing this person personally, then your Friend Request will be temporarily disabled.'

Now of course I don't know him personally but hey, who would know other than Topher himself? I'm hot, he's hot. Why not right?

I click the 'I know Topher' button figuring I'll let Topher decide whether or not he wants to accept my request but instead of the pop up window letting me know that my request was sent, this message shows up instead: 'Do you know this user personally? To prevent misuse of Facebook, this request can't be sent. To learn more, please visit the Help Center. If you believe you're seeing this message in error, you can report the problem.'

O-kay?

Is it just me or does it seem like Facebook doesn't believe I know Topher? I mean, Facebook asked me to only send a request if I know him personally so how does Facebook know that I don't know him personally? If I click the button saying that I know him, then why would Facebook ask me AGAIN if I know him, all to pretty much tell me that they were not going to send my request? So… Facebook's pretty much calling me a liar. I mean, it's true, I DON'T know him personally but how would Facebook know that?

Ok, I'm going to pretend this didn't happen.

Logging off, I walk over towards the closet and pick out an outfit to wear for tonight. Once placing it on my bed, I head for the bathroom and turn on the water for the shower. I strip out of my clothes and step inside my bathtub/shower combo and let the water wash over me. After lathering up my body I hear the bathroom door open and I see Emmett's abstract figure through the frosted glass door making his way towards me.

"Hey Em, what's the verdict on my car? Am I going to need it taken in?" I shout over the spray of the shower. Instead of Emmett answering me right away, he slides the glass door open standing in front of me wearing nothing but a dimpled smile, which makes me forget who the fuck I am right now, and then he steps into the shower with me stepping back from under the shower head.

"What the fuck Em?"

"Relax Jake; I need to wash after messing with your car. By the way, I fixed it," he tells me as he takes the soap out of my hand and lathers up his body.

I completely forget about telling him to leave because there's nothing hotter than a wet Emmett. And now my cock is raging on and I can't seem to care because I'm watching Emmett stroke himself as he looks straight at me.

"You like what you see?" he asks teasing me cruelly as he slowly strokes and lathers his big… delicious… um (gulp)… mouthwatering… cock.

"You know I do," I respond more huskily than I mean to. I've always been a little weak for Emmett and he knows it.

This, of course, makes him a jerk.

A very hot… wet… steamy… (gulp)… jerk.

How can I stay faithful to Jared with this standing in front of me?

"Come here and let me help you with that," he tells me as he stands under the shower head and let the water wash away his suds.

I should tell him to fuck off. I should tell him to get the fuck up out of my shower but apparently, I let my cock do the thinking because I find myself walking over towards him. He grabs my hips and pulls me up against him as the water washes the suds off my body. Our cocks are all pressed together trying to get reacquainted. His lips brushes against my cheek and whispers in my ear.

"As much as I want to hear you scream my name while I fuck that tight ass of yours, I'm not going to take it there. I know how much you're trying to stay true to Jared so I won't fuck with it… much."

He pulls back and starts smiling in shit while I'm standing there like a dumbass realizing what the hell I almost let happen. He fucking had me. Fuck!

I back up away from him and lean back against the tiled wall.

"Relax Jake; don't beat yourself over the head about it. Nothing happened."

"No thanks to me," I add looking over at him. "I was completely ready and willing to fuck you just now."

"I know," he chuckles and comes up close to me. "Believe me; I only grew a conscious the last five seconds. When I came in here, I fully expected to fuck the shit out of you. Come on, let's get out of here."

After finishing up in the bathroom, we both make our way back to my room where I get out an outfit for Emmett. We dress and I refill Bella's food and water bowls while Emmett freshens up the litter box. Once we make sure everything is straight and Emmett washes his hands, we head outside towards Emmett's car and drive out to the village to a spot called Roller Durby Villa.

The bar looks nice enough. We get a couple of beers and get a table in the back. Emmett's not drinking so he pushes the beers to my side of the table.

"So everything's going good with you and Jared?" Emmett asks after I finish my third beer and start on the Brandy I ordered.

"We're fine why?" I ask suspiciously.

"I'm just curious, it's all. I know you're trying to make this thing work between you two but I have to be honest with you. I don't see it lasting for very long."

I'm not trying to hear this shit.

I'm sort of drunk now and is half finished with my third glass of Brandy.

"Why do I feel like the world is against me and Jared? I may have been a little weak with you earlier in the shower but I know how to be faithful."

Emmett starts laughing all loud and I feel like decking him.

"Dude, since WHEN have you EVER not cheated on someone? Almost every relationship you've been in, you've cheated on them. Hell, I'm the one you were cheating with!"

"I didn't fuck you when I was with Embry."

"No, but you fucked Jared," Emmett of course has to point out. "How long do you think you'll last before you crave something more?"

"Fuck you Emmett," I say as I get up and head towards the bar.

Fuck him! I'm not going to cheat on Jared!

I order two more shots of Brandy before Emmett comes up behind me.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you, alright? You want to change the subject? Fine, we'll talk about something else."

"Fine, whatev…" I lose my train of thought after I turn around and see my co-worker Edward and his boyfriend Jasper sitting at a table near the front. Now I've never saw Edward outside the job and pretty much never gave him much thought after work hours, but seeing him now completely puts me on pause. What I'm looking at is NOT the Edward I see every week day on the job. The Edward I'm looking at has on a PLAIN white tee shirt that's all tight and showing off his impressive chest and PLAIN black denim jeans. I don't think I've EVER seen Edward wear those colors. His hair is wild as ever but for the first time, it looks hot to me.

It must be the beer… or the Brandy. I don't fucking know…

Emmett looks in the direction of where my eyes have landed as I watch Edward and Jasper interact. If you weren't paying attention, it would look like nothing's wrong but being around Edward for five years at the office; I can tell he's uncomfortable. He's not smiling, which is very odd for him, and his eyes look sad.

What the fuck is going on?

"Isn't that the guy that works across from you? The one with the trolls?"

"Yeah," I answer but my attention is on Edward as I pay more attention to the whole scene.

There are about five empty jugs scattered closer to Edward's side of the table. Edward is sitting more relaxed in his chair and his eyelids are slightly low. He's clearly intoxicated. I look over at Jasper and he looks like he's scolding Edward about something. Then suddenly Jasper gets up, throws some money on the table, and then head out of the bar without glancing back. For the first time since knowing Edward, I feel sorry for him.

"I wonder what that was about," Emmett mentions still looking over at Edward.

"I don't know but come on, let's head over there."

Reaching to grab the shots, Emmett pauses when he hears his cell going off. Taking out his phone, he glances at the screen.

"Hold up, I need to take this call. Go ahead, I'll meet you over there," he says as he walks towards the bathroom answering the call.

Grabbing the drinks, I head over to Edward's table. Sitting down next to him, he glances up at me showing no sign of being shocked to see me there.

"I saw you sitting here so I came to keep you company," I tell him trying to lighten the mood.

"That was nice of you," he replies looking down at his empty glass.

"Is everything alright Edward?" I ask getting straight to the point.

"Don't want to talk about it," he responds looking back up at me. "You look good Jacob. It's good to see you outside of the office."

"Me? Goodness, look at you Edward. If I knew you looked like this outside of work, I don't think I'd been able to keep my hands off of you."

Edward looks at me with a devilish smile and for once, that smile makes my cock twitch with excitement. Don't even think about it Crawl.

"Maybe that is for the best because Jacob…" he says leaning towards me. "I can make you addicted."

Wait, hold up. Did he really just say that to me? I don't know who Edward thinks he is but I'm Jacob fucking Black. I make men CRAWL! Bow down to THE WARRIOR, which is my cock, and recognize it as KING!

"That's impossible Edward because you see…" I say leaning close to his ear while my hand grips his crotch under the table. "I AM the ultimate high. You've NEVER had a rush like mine."

Edward brushes his lips along my cheek until they're align with mine. He bites his bottom lip and looks into my eyes.

"Then drug me up baby," he whispers just when Emmett comes to sit across from us.

My heart is beating out of my chest as I stare into Edward's hungry eyes. My whole body is on fire and all I want to do is show Edward who is king. I glance over at Emmett who's looking at the both of us with suspicion.

"Is everything good?" Emmett asks us unsure.

"Of course Em, we were just discussing some business we need to take care of," I answer and look over at Edward who hasn't taken his eyes off of me. "I know the both of you seen each other before but was never formally introduced. Emmett, this here is my co-worker Edward. Edward, over there is my long time friend Emmett."

"Nice to meet you," Emmett says to Edward.

"Same here," Edward replies keeping his eyes on me. "I'd really like to take care of business as soon as possible Jacob. Preferably your place. A demon is at mines and he took my silver dream to get there. I need a ride."

"Who is at your place?" Emmett asks in disbelief but we don't acknowledge it.

"Don't worry about that Edward, I'm good for a ride," I say suggestively. I look over at Emmett whose facial expression is worth a thousand words. "We should go Em."

"Can I talk to you Jake for a minute," Emmett asks.

"Nope," I respond.

I know what he's going to say and really, I don't want to hear it. I'm drunk, I'm hot, and my cock is fully loaded and ready to explode.

"Come on Edward, let's walk over to Emmett's car," I say standing up and walking out with Edward and eventually Emmett following behind. We get in the car and drive off to my place. The ride home was quiet and I was glad because my mind was on one thing. Fucking Edward's brains out.

Forty-five minutes later, we pull up to my building. I bump fist with Emmett and then Edward and I get out of the car and head up to my apartment. As soon as we get inside I push Edward against the wall and press my body up against his.

"You ready for me Edward?" I whisper huskily while I undo his jeans and slid my hand inside gripping on to his hard on. The fucker went commando.

"The question is are you ready for me?" he counters as he brings me in for a succulent kiss. He taste so good, the flavor should be patented. I kiss him deep and passionately exploring every inch of his flavorful mouth. Breaking from the kiss, I lick and nibble his jaw and neck, sucking on his Adam's apple. I pull away from him and look him up and down.

"Strip," I command as I watch him remove his shirt and toss it on the floor. I mimic his movements and take off mine. As we both take off the rest of our clothing, we stare at each other with lustful eyes.

"You're so mouth watering Jacob. You should never be allowed to wear clothes again."

My body is impressive. I'm all chiseled out with golden brown skin people spend hours in tanning salons to get. I'm very clean cut. No chest hair or facial hair. My pubes are nicely trimmed and lined up in a sexy square shape. Then of course my cock is massive. I've gotten too many offers throughout the years to become a model. I'm bad ass but looking over at Edward's sexy milky lean body, so is he.

"You want to taste my cock Edward?" I ask him slowly stroking Crawl and backing up a little.

"Hell yeah," he answers walking towards me.

"Then get on your hands and knees and crawl to it," I tell him as I continue moving backwards. He does as commanded and drops down on all fours. He seductively crawls towards me as I continue to move backwards, ignoring Bella's suspicious presence near the house phone, until I'm inside my bedroom standing by the foot of my bed. I watch as he makes his way towards me until he's directly in front of me.

"You follow orders well Edward. Now rise up and claim your prize."

Edward doesn't waste any time rising up and grabbing my cock in his hand, looking closely at its perfection before giving the head a nice slow lick lapping up the pre-cum that began to trickle from the slit. I bit my bottom lip and let out a subtle moan. He proceeds to suck on the head and then trail his tongue down my long thick shaft making it nice and slick.

"Stop fucking with me and suck me beautiful," I growl at him gripping both hands through his unruly hair.

He looks up at me and smiles wickedly before he takes all of me down his throat.

"Fuck!" I shout as my eyes roll back and my back caves in. He sucks my cock relentlessly as I grip onto him for dear life. "That's it beautiful, taste the rainbow."

Oh my fucking God Edward has an incredible mouth! The pace that he's going causes my eyes to water and my knees to buckle. I'm bucking into his mouth like a mad man because he feels so fucking delicious.

"Shit Edward… love ya… fucking… mouth," I pant as I feel the familiar tightening in my stomach. As much as I want him to continue, I don't want to cum just yet. "Slow down beautiful. You drain me out now and it'll be that much longer before I can fuck that sexy ass of yours."

That shit makes him abruptly stop. He gets up and eagerly devours my lips wasting no time driving his tongue down my throat. I press his body close to mine as my hands make their way down to his ass giving it a nice little squeeze.

"Beautiful?"

"I can get used to you calling me that," Edward smiles.

"I'll bet," I tell him licking and sucking his neck. "I want you to do something for me."

"Ask and it shall be done."

"I want you to go to that closet over there," I say pointing towards the one on the right. "And pick your pleasure."

Smirking at me, he makes his way towards the closet. Opening it, his eyes grow wide with excitement when he sees what's inside.

It's a walk in closet that consists of various costumes, sex toys, and S&M materials.

What can I say, I like variety.

Edward walks deeper into the closet so I can't see him now. I wonder what he's going to pick. I lie back on the bed and wait until I see him emerging from the closet wearing a brown cowboy hat and a pair of brown leather chaps with his cock and ass bare for viewing.

Oh Eddie was made for this.

And yes, now he's 'Eddie' to me now.

Eddie walks over to the bed as he stares me down. I lie there watching him step onto my bed and plant himself standing over me as I lie between his legs. He looks down at me and smiles wickedly.

"I must say, you're about the sexiest Indian I done had the pleasure of having between my legs. What's your name soldier?" Eddie says in a southern drawl that goes straight to my cock. Oh hell yeah, we're playing Cowboys and Indians. I lick my lips and play along.

"The name's Chief Black of the Quileute tribe. This is our land you have trespassed on and I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

He kneels down supporting his weight on the balls of his feet as he rests his forearms on his knees and leans slightly forward.

"You don't seem to understand Chief; I OWN this land here now and everything in it. Which means," he grips my cock and starts stroking it. "I OWN you."

I watch the intensity in his eyes as I thrust into Eddie's hand. I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him right now.

He's so fucking hot.

"Now as the new owner of this here land, it is your obligation to make me cum. And I'm gonna make damn sure you do."

"Is that right, cowboy?" I ask huskily biting my bottom lip.

"Mmm… Hmm… First you gonna open that pretty mouth of yours. Then, I'm gonna slid my cock in it and you're gonna love it. You know why?"

"Why?" I pant.

"Cause you ain't ever had anything taste as good as me. Then you know what else I'm gonna do to you?"

"Uh, uh, what's that?"

"I'm gonna ride that big cock of yours and you're gonna love it. You know why?"

"Tell me, beautiful."

"Cause you ain't ever had a fuck as good as mine," he tells me as he leans down and takes my mouth in his with greedy intentions. He pulls away and stares down at me. "Now open that mouth Chief, my cock needs you."

I obediently open my mouth as he moves up towards my shoulders and slides his hard cock inside of it. I have to say, I never had anything quite like the taste of Edward Cullen. His salty sweetness has me all twisted up and wanting more. I can't stop the moans I'm making deep throating his juicy cock. Eddie grips the headboard as he thrust his hips fucking my mouth relentlessly.

"So good, Jake… such a good fucking cocksucker… your mouth… is fucking perfect… fuck!"

I have one hand griping his ass cheek and another opening up my nightstand draw and getting out my lube and condoms. Flipping the cap open with one hand, I pour some lube between the crack of Eddie's ass, along with my fingers, and I slowly insert my middle finger through his entrance while pushing him further down my throat.

"Shit Jake, you're too good at this… Fuck, you're going to make me cum too soon," He growls as I begin to stick two fingers through his entrance twirling them around brushing up into his prostate. "Stop, I'm ready for your cock now."

Letting him slide his cock out of my mouth, he moves his body down mine so that he's straddling my hips and then brings his lips to mine for a succulent kiss. When he pulls away, I hand him the condoms and lube.

"Saddle me up and ride me cowboy," I tell him licking my lips.

He grabs for the condoms, tears one from the rest, rips the foil and then rolls the condom on my throbbing cock. After he applies some lube to my cock, he then positions my cock at his entrance while facing me.

"I can't wait to see you cum for me Eddie. Now fuck me beautiful," I command and with no further words, Eddie slowly eases himself down on my cock, pausing at times to adjust to my size. He's so fucking tight and he feels so good, I have to fight like hell not to cum right now.

Once I'm completely inside of him, he slowly lifts up and comes back down. I grip his hips for dear life as I force myself not to buck into him. His movements become quicker and I begin to meet his thrust.

"Fuck… you have… any idea… how incredible… your cock… feels inside of me?"

"So… fucking… tight," I growl ramming my cock inside of him. "I knew you were a rough rider… so fucking good. You like my cock beautiful?"

"I fucking LOVE it Jake," he growls riding the shit out of me.

"Good," I say and then quickly flip us over so that I'm now on top. I fuck him viciously hitting his prostate with every thrust. "I want you to always remember who fucked you this good."

"You're the… fucking… best," he praises as I lift him up, while standing on the bed, and fuck him up against the wall. "Don't… stop… Jake…"

"I wouldn't think about stopping this," I growl driving deep inside of him as I feel the tightening in my stomach signaling my orgasm is near. "You were right about one thing… I could get addicted to you, beautiful."

That did it for him. The next thing I know, I feel his muscles grip tightly around my cock and his face distort in unspeakable pleasure as he cums hard shooting his jizz between our stomachs.

"FUCK!" he shouts as a tear trickles down his face.

Looking at his sexy cum face, and feeling his muscles throb from his orgasm; my arousal was on overload as I cum hard inside of him. Feeling exhausted, we collapse back in bed with Eddie on top as we both succumb to sleep not giving two shits about the fact that we didn't clean up and that I'm still inside of Eddie.

2:17am…

"Hello? Hello? Jake, I know you're there. You've been calling me all night. I don't know why you felt the need to call me while you were watching some porno. At least that's what it sounded like. I couldn't make out what was being said but I know what moans and an orgasm sounds like and I know how you like to get drunk and jack off to Topher. Jake! Are you drunk dialing again? Jake! Whatever, I'm hanging up."

3:48am…

"Hello? HELLO? Stop calling me asshole! I'm trying to sleep. If you're going to call, at least say something! Jake! Fuck you, I'm hanging up."

5:56am…

"Hello? You're doing this shit again. Call me one more time with this shit and I'm coming over there. Bye."

8:42am…

"Hello? Jake? Again with this? You know what, I'm coming over there. This drunk dialing has got to stop. See you in an hour. Bye."

9:32am...

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Ugh…

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

What the hell…

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Ugh… it's too early for this shit.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Who the fuck is at my door this fucking early?

My head is spinning.

I open my eyes to the sight of reddish brown hair in my face.

Wait… what?

I blink my eyes a few times and back up a little because my eyes must be playing tricks on Jared's hair.

I look at the milky white skin, the wild sex hair, and the angelic sleeping face.

Wait, this isn't Jared.

This is… Edward?

Wait, EDWARD!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Shit! What the fuck did I do?

I look down at the chaps Edward is wearing, along with the used condom full of jizz lying on top of Edward's left ass cheek and it all comes back to me.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, I FUCKED EDWARD CULLEN!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

I slowly get out of bed staggering my way towards my dresser to put on a pair of black basketball shorts and then head towards the door. I pass by Bella sitting by the house phone on the end table next to the sofa and see the speaker phone light on. I look closely and see there's a number on the screen but I'm too hung over to care whose number that is. Clearly, Bella's been punching away at the speed dials. This little bitch is always doing something.

"Bella, get away from that phone. No wonder my last bill was high. The phone isn't a toy. Stop pushing buttons," I scold her as I end whatever call that Bella made and push her off the table.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Ugh, I'm not in the mood for this.

"I'm coming, shit!" I yell as I make my way towards the door.

It's probably Emmett coming here to scold me about what he knows I've mostly done with Edward. I'm really not in the mood to hear his mouth.

So I don't know if it's my hangover or my confidence in believing that Emmett has come here to scold me, that makes me not ask who is at the door or even look through the peep hole because when I open up the door, all life drains from my face. This cannot be happening to me.

"It's about time you answered the door. At least now I know it was the cat mistakenly dialing me all hours of the night and not you drunk dialing," Jared says putting away his phone and then looking at me closely. "You ok? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

I look back towards my bedroom where Edward begins to walk out of completely naked and then back at my boyfriend Jared who is waiting for me to let him in. Bella comes curling around my ankles and I kick her the fuck away.

The little bitch set me up.

"Well, aren't you going to let me in?" Jared asks trying to make his way inside but I block him. This is so not good.

Where's a Twix when you need one?

Ok, let me know what you think. I hope everyone understood the last line because if you never seen the Twix commercials that shows people rewinding fucked up situations with just a bite out of Twix candy bar, then you most likely didn't get it and it just went right over your head. That's ok, though, you're probably not alone in this... probably. You just might be. I don't know. Trying to make YOU feel better in this awkward situation that your in. All well, REVIEW:-)