Title: Whatever Will Be #5: The Experiment

Author: SMB814

Rating: T

Warnings: Zelos being Zelos - i.e. adult themes, mild language, innuendo, mild sexual situations, etc.

Category: Romance/Fluff, Drama, Angst, Character Study

Pairing: Zelos/Sheena (a.k.a. Sheelos - if you don't like it, don't read it)

Time Frame/Spoilers: Part 5 of the Whatever Will Be series. If you haven't read the first four stories in the series (Mental Holiday, Trust Building 101, Exceptions to the Rules, and Crossing the Line), then do that first or you won't understand the place where these two are currently at. (The seven stories in the series are, in order, Mental Holiday, Trust Building 101, Exceptions to the Rules, Crossing the Line, The Experiment, Guardian Knight, and Worth It.)

Summary: To get the results you want, sometimes you have to take a few chances.

Disclaimer: Alas, Tales of Symphonia and all its lovely characters don't belong to me. They belong to Namco-Bandai Games. I'm just borrowing them and not making any money off them, and I promise I'll return them unharmed (and probably happier than they ever were before) when I'm done playing with them. Any characters you don't recognize from the game, like Michi, belong to me.

Feedback: Feedback is love and fodder for future fics. It will probably motivate me to finish the rest of the series faster, too.

History: Plotting began December 2008, completed July 17, 2009. Rough draft begun May 29, 2010, completed July 6, 2010. Final version completed April 4, 2011.

Author's Notes: Yep, this story is even longer than the last two. Tough. Zelos has some major decisions to make, so give the guy some time to get his thoughts in order.

Unfortunately, I can't vouch for the accuracy of the ninja stuff - doing research on such a secretive subject is really quite difficult. I did the best I could, but I finally had to give up trying to find reliable 'Everyday Life in a Ninja Village' resources that had the information I was looking for. I do have to give a huge thank you to Daidairo, though, who did correct a basic ninja mindset for me when she betaed this. Hopefully my modifications a) make sense, and b) more accurately reflect their way of thinking, and if they don't, well, let's just say Mizuho is based on Japan but doesn't mirror it in every detail. If anyone knows of a book about ninja life, though, could you please let me know? It really would be handy to have a good resource on the subject.

Also, the bell scene has been in this story since my very first draft of it, written nearly two years ago, long before the Symphonia OVA came out with that lovely Sheelos scene, so no, I didn't copy it. I was delighted to see such a beautiful visual of a similar scene, though! In fact, the whole Tethe'alla arc of the OVA is loaded with awesome Sheelos scenes, so if you haven't seen it yet, you really should try to track down a copy.

Love, hugs, and thanks to Daidairo and Trickksi for being willing to read through the (extremely) messy initial draft(s) of the series, encouraging me to keep working on it, and giving me some helpful pointers to improve it, although any mistakes or typos you find are still solely my fault.

Also, many, many thanks to everyone who took the time to read the first four stories and leave such incredible feedback. This series was written first and foremost for me, because I apparently needed to figure out a few things for myself and this series gave me a way to do that, but if even one other person enjoys it or gets something out of it, then I'll consider it to be a success.

If all goes as planned, the next story will be posted within the next few days.

And now, on with the show!

0~*~0

Part 1: The Guilt

Even after thirteen years, the pain of this particular anniversary never seemed to go away. And if it tried to, Sheena wouldn't let it.

She had been sitting in the cemetery on the outskirts of Mizuho two hours now, sometimes looking at the graves before her and other times letting the memories engulf her. She didn't think about it often anymore, all these people who would probably still be alive if not for her, but on this particular day she couldn't hide from it, and so she wouldn't even try. She owed it to them to suffer for what she'd done, and so she would. A few villagers had stopped by to pay their tributes and leave an offering for their lost loved ones, but none had spoken to her, and soon they'd left, leaving her alone again with her pain. Seeing no one around, she wrapped her arms around her legs, lowered her chin to her knees, and closed her eyes, listening to the howling wind and losing herself to the memories.

It had been amazing and exhilarating the day Grandpa had announced he had a job for her, one that would prove how special she was. She'd studied summoning a little before that, enough to know she could, but to be given the opportunity to prove it...she'd been so proud and excited. Proud and excited, yet as foolish and naïve as only a seven-year-old could be. She knew now that her attempt to form the pact with Volt couldn't have turned out any other way, but at the time she'd thought it would be simple. She'd been so eager to prove herself, not only to Grandpa, but to all of the villagers - maybe even to her parents, wherever they were - that she'd eagerly accepted his proposal.

Looking back, she couldn't fathom how stupid she'd been. Of course she'd failed; how could she have succeeded? After all, how could a child have known an ancient language even her people didn't? How could she have known Volt hated humanity? How could she have even conceived of the immense power summon spirits possessed? What tortured her most now, though, was that she had been so sure at the time; she hadn't even felt nervous walking into the Temple of Lightning. Maybe that was because she'd been so childishly certain she would succeed, or maybe it was because her young, innocent mind couldn't comprehend of anything disastrous happening when she'd had so many fine ninjas with her, but that lack of understanding and respect for Volt had been her fatal mistake. It had only been as she'd stood before him, listening to him speak in that crazy language, that fear had finally sunk in, when she'd realized how wrong she'd been. And then that first lightning bolt had pierced the air, striking down Orochi and Kuchinawa's mother, and then their father had fallen, and then another person, and another, one after the other, like ants being flicked off a table, and it had all seemed like a twisted, surreal dream.

She'd been paralyzed at the time, gaping at Volt in growing panic and helplessness, desperately waiting for the nightmare to end so she could awake safe in her bed. But the nightmare had been real, and she'd quickly gone numb, unable to process and react to everything, to the people falling around her...the people who, she'd realized, were dying around her. She'd had no idea what she'd done wrong, why it hadn't worked like her grandfather had assured her it would, or why she couldn't understand Volt. She was a summoner; why wasn't that enough? She knew she'd gotten all the words right; why wasn't Volt listening to her? Why weren't her people fighting back? 'But we're ninjas, and ninjas always win!' she still remembered thinking at the time.

And then she'd heard it, like a distant voice through a tiny tube: Grandpa shouting at her, instructing her to run, to leave the temple. Her legs had been frozen, though, and she still couldn't move, waiting for the solution to strike her so she could get things under control like a summoner was supposed to be able to do. And then Grandpa had picked her up and began running, fleeing Volt...only a second later his body had jolted and he'd fallen down the steps. She hadn't understood what had happened, that he'd been struck, until she'd found herself pinned beneath him on the cold stone ground, unable to breathe beneath his crushing weight. For a moment, she'd been certain she would die, but suddenly he'd been rolled off of her, revealing Tiga above her. Tiga had lifted her up and passed her to another ninja, and then he'd dropped to his knees beside Igaguri, trying to revive him. Sheena had watched, stunned, uncomprehending tears streaming down her face, as he'd worked, but then more lightning had flown through the air, tossing another ninja against the wall like a rag doll, and Tiga had given up, grabbing Grandpa and hauling him from the temple.

No one had dared return to collect the bodies until the next day. Sheena, having been injured in the fall, suffering a broken wrist, numerous cuts and scrapes, and several bruised ribs from being crushed to the ground, had been stuck in bed at the time and hadn't even realized what they were doing until afterward. In her daze, she hadn't understood it, what had happened and why all these people - her people, people who had believed in her - were dead. But as distressing as that was, and as distraught as she was about Grandpa, who she'd only learned was in a coma after begging Tiga to let her see him, what devastated her most was that the same people who had wished her luck the previous day were now avoiding her and looking at her like she was a monster. Only Tiga and, after a few days, Orochi, who'd dragged Kuchinawa along with him, had actually talked to her and told her what had happened. Tiga had treated her neutrally, if a little distantly; Orochi had been devastated by his parents' deaths but had still treated her kindly and had gently tended to her injuries; and Kuchinawa...well, Kuchinawa had been angry, at her, at Volt, at Grandpa, at the world. It had taken a few weeks and several long conversations with Orochi, but eventually he'd begun talking to her again, and in time, they'd returned to being friends.

Ha. Friends. Yeah, right.

Ever since their duel last year, Sheena had been replaying everything that had happened after the Volt accident, trying to determine if Kuchinawa had ever truly forgiven her, like he'd once said he had, or if he'd been resentful of her all that time and had just hidden it behind a façade of friendship, at least until her failure to kill Colette had revealed his true feelings. The latter was obviously the case, she now knew, but for so long she'd been convinced he'd been a true friend. And to think, it had been his and Orochi's friendship that had gotten her through the worst of the years, when the guilt and loneliness had threatened to consume her. They'd reassured her it hadn't been her fault, that it had been an accident and they didn't hold her responsible, and while she'd never completely believed them, not when she could never forgive herself, it had still gotten her through those despairing days. Orochi, yes, she still believed had forgiven her, although even now she still wondered at times if a part of him did hold her responsible. But Kuchinawa...

Sheena tightened her hold on her legs as the knot in her gut tightened. Oh, how she wished that situation with him had turned out differently. If she hadn't disappointed him so badly, would he have become a turncoat? Would he have challenged her and then left Mizuho upon losing? Over the years, his resentment had grown so strong, and while she deserved it, she'd still missed seeing it until too late. He'd hidden it so well, and she hadn't wanted to see it so she hadn't. Now she would probably never see him again. Part of her had hoped he would come back here today, to pay tribute at his parents' graves, but deep down she'd known that was just wishful thinking and he never would if it meant running into her here.

And oh, how she missed him, that old friend who had helped shape her into a capable ninja. This was the first year that, on this particular morning, he hadn't sat here with her, even for a few minutes, to remember his parents. She understood why it was this way, but she still missed him. She missed the Orochi she'd once known, too. He had sat with her awhile this morning, but he hadn't said anything, and she could feel a strange tension radiating from him so it had actually been a relief when he'd left. She'd been noticing it more lately, the odd looks he gave her that, when caught doing so, always made his face turn red and made him look away in what appeared to be embarrassment, even though that made no sense to her. And every time he wasn't doing that, he still acted stilted toward her - most likely, she figured, because he disapproved of her relationship with Zelos.

The one she missed most, though, was Corrine, the final casualty of her encounters with Volt. His absence left a gaping hole in her heart that still hurt so badly at times that she couldn't breathe. Sure, he lived on as Verius, but that wasn't the Corrine she had known, nor did it erase the pain of not having her friend here with her. He had always encouraged her and comforted her whenever she felt down; simply by being a summon spirit who chose to associate with her, he had given her courage to become the experienced summoner she now was. Not having him here today, cuddling against her and telling her he would always be here for her, made her want to burst into tears and beg him, again, to forgive her for her lack of faith in him. Reaching into her pocket, she searched again for his bell, but as she'd discovered earlier, it wasn't there. Tears pricked her eyes, and she squeezed them shut. She'd grabbed his bell at home, intending to bring it here with her, but she must have dropped it along the way, and while she wanted to look for it, she didn't want to run into anyone with tears streaming down her face, so it would just have to wait until later.

Taking a deep breath, Sheena opened her eyes, hugged her legs tighter, and peered at the gravestones. So many lives lost because of her...so many that even now, years later, Mizuho still hadn't recovered its numbers to a safe level. It was one of her greatest fears, that because of how she'd decimated its population, their numbers would continue dwindling and they would either die out or would have to merge with the rest of Tethe'alla. As far as she was concerned, neither option was acceptable, and she already knew it was a problem she'd have to address as chief. She'd already killed too many of her people; she didn't want to be responsible for killing their culture, too. At least the remaining villagers were more accepting of her now that she'd returned successful from the regeneration journey, and most days she didn't dwell on the past, but it still hurt to know all these people who had once been willing to die to protect her weren't here to see everything she had accomplished in their honor, trying to make amends for everything she'd done wrong.

And that was why she was here: to honor them and assure their spirits that even if she'd subdued Volt and found unexpected happiness the past few months, she would never forget their sacrifice. More than that, though, she was here to present herself to them, unarmed and unresisting, and give them a chance to judge her. If they believed her unworthy, that she was making no progress for everything she had cost them, then she had no doubt they could strike her dead with a lightning bolt, considering how dark and cloudy the sky was. It was still winter, and it was probably too early in the year for a storm, but it wouldn't be unheard of for the ancestral spirits to speak like that, and she would give them the chance to do so if they so chose. And so this was where she would sit, for however long necessary, until they either judged her or decided to let her live another year.

With a low sigh, Sheena closed her eyes, letting the tears fall and reveling in the silence of the cold, dreary day, broken only by the mournful wind blowing through the cemetery. Minutes, maybe hours, later, though, she heard soft footsteps approaching, slowing to a stop beside her, and a moment later, the person sat down. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes again, expecting to find another villager paying tribute to a lost loved one...and was surprised instead to find it was Zelos. She blinked, confused. He hadn't said anything about dropping by, and she had told him she was busy today, choosing not to tell him about this anniversary because she didn't want to worry him or hear him say all the standard 'boyfriend' stuff, like that this wasn't her fault and that she should cheer up and then do something stupid to make her laugh on a day when laughing wasn't appropriate. And suddenly, she was afraid that if he'd just dropped by to say 'hi' or had needed to cool down after seeing Seles, then this would turn into a disaster because of her shaky emotions and because she had a very different method of handling grief and guilt than he did, one that involved facing sorrows head-on instead of running from them.

Sniffling and brushing at her face to wipe away the tears, even though he'd probably already seen them, she took another deep breath, looked away, and cleared her throat, trying to compose herself. She had to handle this carefully because she really didn't want to offend him, and since he still hadn't said anything, that meant she had to speak first, before he could ask what was wrong or chide her for succumbing to her guilt. Now, if only she knew what to say...

Okay, just be honest, she told herself. He can't possibly know what today is and so he probably really is here because he's bored or was missing me and wants to go do something, which isn't possible today. He'll understand, right? "I...I'm sorry, Zelos, but today isn't a good day for us to do anything," she whispered, watching her knees carefully.

He shrugged. "Eh, that's okay. I didn't have anything in mind for today."

...Huh? "You didn't?" Sheena turned toward him and blinked again, confused, as he shook his head. "Then what are you...why are you...?"

Zelos gave her a faint smile and motioned at the graves. "A few months ago I noticed the dates on most of the markers matched, and I figured that was V-Day for you guys. And when you insisted you were busy today but wouldn't tell me what was going on, I figured my hunch had to be right. That's why I'm here - 'cause I thought you might like some company."

He...knew? And here she hadn't wanted to bother him with something that didn't impact him. She should've guessed he would figure it out anyway. His sharp perception was both a blessing and a curse sometimes, it seemed.

Blinking again, Sheena looked away from him, struggling to think clearly after the hours she'd spent lost in fuzzy memories. "I...I probably won't make for good company today."

Zelos nudged her shoulder with his. "You aren't the company, Sheena. I am. There's no reason for you to be alone with your thoughts when I'm perfectly happy to spend the day with you instead, right?"

Just like that, the clouds cleared. Zelos was doing the same for her that she'd done for him on the anniversary of his mother's death. While she was touched by his thoughtfulness in coming here for her...she couldn't accept it. Her method of helping him through the pain, like he was undoubtedly planning to do, had been to drag him to Altamira to keep his mind off of everything. But this she wanted to think about. Thanks to him, she had been so happy for so long now that she occasionally felt guilty when she'd recognized that happiness was leading her to forget about the guilt and, with it, these people who'd sacrificed their lives for her...people she never wanted to forget. The least she could do was spend today honoring their memories and letting them punish her if they deemed that appropriate.

Sheena sighed and closed her eyes. "I appreciate the offer, Zelos, but I...I really need to be here. This, today, isn't something I can run from. I can't, and I won't."

She opened her eyes in time to see him nod. "I know, sweetheart. I'm not asking you to."

He wasn't? Then why had he...oh, wait. If that wasn't why he was here, then her initial explanation had to be right: he was here to tell her this wasn't her fault, that she shouldn't dwell on things she couldn't change, and that she shouldn't feel guilty anymore. It wouldn't be the first time he'd done so. But he just didn't understand how it felt. Well, he did - he knew exactly how guilt felt - but he had a different way of approaching it than she did.

She sighed and shook her head. Right now she couldn't handle hearing his carefree, 'don't worry about it' mentality, and so she had to stop him before he could start. "I know what you're going to say, Zelos - that this wasn't my fault, that I'm not responsible for these deaths because I was too young to have subdued Volt, and that it was thirteen years ago and I should move on. But it's just not that easy. I can't let myself forget these people or their sacrifice for me; I can't forget the sacrifice every surviving villager made in losing their loved ones because of me. The least I can do is honor them today and let them judge me, the person I've become and everything I've accomplished. I owe them far more than that, but right now it's all I can do. I don't expect you to understand why I need to do this, but please, let me. You deal with grief one way; I can't handle mine the same way."

He sighed softly. "Sheena, relax. I know. You need to do what you need to do, and I'll let you. I'm not gonna give you grief about this." Sheena looked sharply at him, her eyes widening, and he met her gaze. "And for the record, everything you thought I was going to say? I wasn't."

What? Agh, she wished she could think clearer; this was just was confusing her further. "You...weren't?"

"Nope." He tilted his head slightly. "Well, okay, I'd be lying to say I hadn't considered it, but then I realized that would just piss you off and make it look like I didn't respect your feelings or something equally insensitive, and so instead I opted for the W.W.L.D. method, because Martel knows that always went over better with you than mine did."

Sheena blinked at him blankly. "The...W.W.L.D...method?"

"The 'What Would Lloyd Do?' method."

For a moment, she just watched him, positive he was making a joke to lighten the mood, even though he looked completely serious. But he had to be joking...right? "You can't be serious."

He arched an eyebrow. "Actually, I am."

...He was serious. Zelos, copying Lloyd? It took her a moment to find her voice again past her disbelief. "And this method involves doing...what, exactly?"

"Sitting here with you for however long you want me to and serving as a reminder of something I know you already know but that it never hurts to reemphasize," he stated.

And again, all she could do was blink at him blankly. "A reminder of...what?"

Zelos gave her a soft, empathetic smile. "Of the fact that not everyone who loves you and stood beside you when you faced Volt died while doing so. And of the fact that some of us actually owe you our lives because of how you protected us by doing what you do best: kicking the butts of anyone who threatens those you love."

Sheena stared at him, stunned. That was, quite honestly, the last thing she'd expected him to say...but the fact that he'd chosen to go that route to comfort her, even thought it went against his nature, melted her heart. And the meaning behind it...she was touched, deeply. She had been certain he wasn't connected to this incident, but he was - and that was why he had every right to say that, because he had stood beside her last year when she'd faced Volt. He was saying he had survived that encounter because of her, because after Corrine's death she'd finally taken control, put Volt in his place, and acquired his respect and power. It was easy to forget that amidst the guilt still haunting her from the first time: she had faced Volt a second time, and unlike that first time, when she'd been a naïve, eager-to-prove-herself child, that second time, when Tiga had insisted she face her past regardless of her terrified protests, she'd won. She'd succeeded where she'd failed before, thanks to the strength and support of her friends.

And really, he had a point. Today did feel different than it had in previous years. Alone with the guilt, yes; regretful over Kuchinawa's self-banishment, yes. But today was the first anniversary of this day since their journey had ended, and everything was different because she had now succeeded. She felt lighter, somehow, like a weight had been lifted from her chest. She was still sad and felt incredibly guilty that she hadn't been able to do the first time what she had the second and that these people were buried in the ground because of it, but she'd achieved her vengeance. She controlled Volt now. She'd proven he'd been wrong to dismiss her and hurt her people, and she hadn't let history repeat itself. She'd wanted to give up after Corrine's death but hadn't - and this man sitting beside her had played a pivotal role in making sure she'd pressed on when everything seemed hopeless, simply by believing in her and fighting Volt alongside her.

Sheena lifted her eyes to his and gave him a faint but sincerely appreciative smile, feeling another wave of tears building. While it was awkward and embarrassing to be in the position of accepting such comfort, she'd be damned if she didn't make sure he knew how much it meant to her. "Thanks," she whispered.

Zelos returned her smile, then held up his hand to her. "Here. This was lying in the flowerbed in front of your house."

Sheena's eyes narrowed as she lifted her hand to his, and another wave of tears flooded her eyes as he dropped a small bell in her palm. Her hand closed around it, and she clutched it tightly to her chest, her eyes sliding shut. It must have fallen there earlier. Relief and a sense of rightness swept through her - as did another wave of gratitude to the man who'd recognized she would want it with her now.

"Your own sacrifice to achieve that victory for us didn't go unnoticed, Sheena," Zelos went on softly. "Neither did Corrine's. And I think he'd be proud of everything you accomplished because of it." He paused, his voice lowering further. "I know I am."

And finally, Sheena couldn't resist any longer. Knowing no one else was in the cemetery, she scooted closer to him, curling into his side and letting her left hand, still clutching the bell, rest against his chest. "Thank you, Zelos."

Zelos wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close so she could rest her head on his shoulder, then he pressed a kiss to her forehead that was so loving that it decimated her ability to restrain her tears. Letting a few stream down her cheeks, she held him to her, hating to be crying on him like this and yet trusting him not to hold it against her. And too weak to refuse his comfort, even if it meant letting him see her like this, Sheena succumbed to it, relishing in his warm, protective embrace and feeling his heart beat beneath her fingers, a reminder of the fact that he truly was alive because of her. While she still missed Kuchinawa, Corrine, and the old Orochi dearly, Zelos was here, and while his presence was different, he was still making sure she didn't feel completely alone. No words existed to express how grateful she was that he'd come here for her like this. It was a simple gesture, going against his nature to comfort her in a way he wouldn't otherwise, but it still reiterated why she loved this man so damn much.

An indeterminable time had passed - maybe seconds, maybe minutes, maybe hours, but long enough for her tears to run their course - when Zelos suddenly tensed and then shifted, lifting his head and looking around sharply, his arm falling from her back. Her eyes narrowed as she looked up at him curiously. "What is it?"

For a moment he just looked around, but finally he relaxed, gave her a faint smile, and wrapped his arm around her again, drawing her back to him. "I just thought I'd heard something. Must've been my imagination, though, since I don't see or hear anything now."

Her eyes narrowed further as she scanned the cemetery - it wasn't like him to 'imagine' things - but she didn't see or hear anyone, either, and so she likewise relaxed. Maybe he'd just heard the wind, or maybe the wind had carried a sound from the village here. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened. In fact, for years she'd been convinced the sounds she'd heard here were the spirits speaking to her, until Orochi and Kuchinawa had persuaded her otherwise.

Convinced no one was around, Sheena lowered her head to his shoulder again, sinking back into his warmth. She'd just closed her eyes when a sudden sound startled her. Opening her eyes again, she looked to her left...and instantly bolted upright as she realized her grandfather was now sitting beside her. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. He was one of only a handful of people who'd ever been able to sneak up on her, having mastered the art of stealth long ago, but she hadn't expected him to demonstrate that skill right now. Zelos quickly turned to see what had startled her...and instantly his eyes widened and he released her as if she was on fire, scooting a few inches away from her.

"Chief Igaguri!" he said, his face flaring and panic raging in his eyes as he glanced briefly at Sheena. As impressed as Sheena was that Grandpa could sneak up even on someone with angel senses, this was still the worst possible timing.

Igaguri bowed his head and gave them a tight smile. "Sheena. Chosen."

"Grandpa," Sheena said, her face hot and her heart racing. They'd been so careful the past six months not to let anyone see them in any sort of intimate position, and then the person who found them like that was her grandfather? This was bad.

Zelos, likewise, seemed to recognize how problematic this was. "Sorry, sorry," he said, giving Igaguri an awkward smile. "I...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been holding Sheena like that here; it was inappropriate of me. If I'd realized anyone else was around, I..."

Igaguri shook his head, his smile softening with something that looked, oddly enough, like fondness. "Please, Chosen, do not worry yourself. I saw nothing inappropriate here."

...Wait, what? Sheena blinked several times, then glanced at Zelos, who was also clearly confused. There was no way her grandfather hadn't noticed how he'd just been holding her. "You...didn't?" she ventured, turning back to him.

"Of course not. I see nothing inappropriate in someone comforting a friend who is hurting." Igaguri arched an eyebrow. "Do you?"

Nothing...inappropriate? That wasn't what she'd thought. Mizuho's rule on male/female relationships was extremely clear: don't let anyone see anything that could be construed as romantic. And the way Zelos had been holding her, and the way she'd been curled into him, was painfully clear, especially when coupled with the fact that everyone in Mizuho undoubtedly knew by now, even without any shows of affection, that they were dating. Stunned, Sheena cast another glance at Zelos, who just blinked back at her uncertainly. But Grandpa's words and implication were also clear: he saw no reason why they shouldn't return to that position. And considering how cold Sheena was without Zelos's warm arms around her, she refused to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"No," she stated carefully.

Igaguri smiled warmly, and after considering that a moment, Zelos scooted closer and hesitantly slid his arm around her again. Still her grandfather just smiled at them, though, and finally Sheena relaxed and rested her head on Zelos's shoulder again, breathing in his masculine scent. Bowing his head to them, Igaguri turned toward the graves, his smile vanishing, his eyes sliding shut, and his head dipping downward in prayer.

Only then did she realize what he was doing: like her, he was paying respects to their fallen people...only in his case, this was the first time since the accident that he could do so. And as she watched all peace and happiness on his face fade into grief that left him looking like a frail old man, it hit her that more than just sorrow, he felt guilty about it, too. He'd lost many dear friends that day, too, and really, he was just as responsible for it as she was, having pushed her to do something she wasn't ready for. He'd learned as powerful a lesson that day as she had, about risking others' lives and showing the summon spirits respect, and he'd lost as much as she had, too - people he cared about who had trusted his decision to push her to form the pact. As punishment, he'd lost thirteen years of his life - years he would never get back. In fact, also like her, he was probably wondering how he had survived that tragedy at all when so many others had not.

Her heart burned with empathy. She had never recognized how much he hurt for what he'd done by pushing her. Sheena didn't blame him for the accident, not when she had jumped at the opportunity with such blind eagerness, and ever since he'd revived, the other villagers had likewise made it clear they didn't blame him by welcoming him back as chief. After all, how could he have known how anti-human Volt had become? And how could he have known, too, that Volt spoke an indecipherable ancient language and would lash out at them? Sheena was certain he recognized all of that, but the guilt on his face still told her he, too, held himself responsible for these deaths. And since she still hadn't found a way to forgive herself yet, she didn't know how to help him erase his guilt, either.

Some time later, Igaguri's eyes opened again, and he lifted his head and gave her a faint but sad smile. "I am certain, Sheena, that these people are proud of you and of everything you have accomplished since their deaths."

Her eyes fell to her knees and she clutched Corrine's bell tighter as Zelos gave her a squeeze. The words were what she wanted to hear, but her uncertainty wouldn't let her accept them. "I hope so," she whispered.

Igaguri gently touched her arm. "I know so, child, because I was once one of them. You have proven their faith in you and in the strength of your spirit to be warranted, as you have proven mine to be; you have made their sacrifice worthwhile, and I know you will continue doing so in whatever choices you are yet to make."

Her face grew warm, but she knew he meant that. He had his moments of joking and of not taking things seriously, but she also knew when he said something like that, he meant it. And even though she wasn't sure she believed that, it still touched her that he'd said it at all, words she'd desperately wanted to hear since she'd been seven.

"Thanks, Grandpa," she said, biting her lip to hold back another wave of tears.

He smiled, leaned over, and kissed her cheek, then rose to his feet. Once standing, he breathed in deeply and slowly released it, looking down at them again, his voice resuming its normal tone. "I will be hosting a memorial dinner tonight in honor of our fallen clansmen. Sheena, you will join us?"

...Oh. Right. She did remember him mentioning that. It wouldn't be the first memorial dinner Mizuho had held on this anniversary, but it would be the first he'd be attending. She really didn't want to go to a public dinner, relive the past, and face her people's angry stares as they remembered who it was who had put their loved ones in these graves, but it would be too obvious if she didn't show up, and so she would. Besides, her grandfather was the one hosting it, and turning down the invitation, especially when she'd played such a huge role in the accident, would be poor form.

She nodded. "Okay."

Igaguri bowed his head, but then, to her surprise, his eyes snapped to Zelos, his eyebrows rising expectantly. "And you, Chosen?"

Instantly, Zelos's eyes widened and his lips parted, clearly as taken aback by that as Sheena was. While she trusted her grandfather to make Zelos feel welcome here, especially after all the times she'd talked to him about Zelos and explained why he should be allowed here, this, inviting him to something that barely affected him, went way beyond a simple welcome. In fact, it went so far beyond that that Sheena had no idea what his real intent in doing so was; she just knew it had to be more than simple courtesy.

Zelos's gaze darted at her, but then he let out a soft laugh and looked back at Igaguri, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Oh, ah, thank you for the invitation, Chief Igaguri, but that's really a Mizuho thing. I'm just an outsider here. I don't think I belong there..."

"Nonsense," Igaguri cut him off. "You are the only person here who was with my granddaughter when she formed the pact with Volt last year. Please, join us. My people would appreciate hearing what happened from someone who experienced it firsthand."

Sheena blinked several times, then met Zelos's alarmed eyes again. Seriously, why was her grandfather doing this? Sure, having Zelos there when the memories got to be too much would be a tremendous relief, but she just couldn't fathom why her grandfather would even consider inviting an outsider to this. It was...well, honestly, it was weird.

"Please, Chosen," Igaguri went on a moment later, offering him a faint, almost - Sheena could barely believe her eyes - pleading smile. "I believe hearing your account of how this story ended will bring my people closure, especially since Sheena has made it clear she does not wish to speak of it herself."

Zelos continued watching Igaguri uncertainly, but then he turned to Sheena, the question obvious in his eyes: 'What do you think?' The problem was, she wasn't sure what she thought. While she supposed her grandfather had a point (although she wasn't convinced closure was his only reason for inviting Zelos), she already knew she wouldn't be able to talk about it herself, not without breaking down into tears over Corrine's sacrifice, which was frowned on here. But she didn't want to make Zelos do what she was too weak to do herself, either - nor was she sure how the villagers would react to it. The villagers, while not outright hostile toward him, still questioned why she invited him here, and she knew they'd grown to tolerate him only because her grandfather had made it clear he wouldn't kick Zelos out. But if he suddenly showed up at this dinner...would they accept him or insist he leave? She wanted him and his strength and support there with her, desperately, but she didn't want him to feel he had to.

When he still didn't answer, she schooled her face into a blank visage, not wanting to influence him either way, and whispered, "It's up to you."

Zelos searched her eyes another moment, clearly conflicted, but finally he looked back at Igaguri and nodded. "Okay. I'll be there."

"Thank you," Igaguri replied, smiling again. "I appreciate your willingness to share your story with us. Then I shall see you both this evening." Bowing his head one last time, he turned and slowly began heading back to the village.

Once he was gone, Zelos turned back to Sheena, his brows furrowed as if he was still unsure what had just happened. "That is okay with you, right? Or would you rather I didn't stick around for that?"

Sheena smiled shyly and shook her head. "No, that's fine. In fact, I'm glad you will be there. I just...I didn't want you to feel obligated to stay for something long and boring and depressing that I know you aren't interested in just because of me."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I don't mind. Really. Martel knows you'd do it for me in a heartbeat. And trust me, sweetheart, whatever account your grandfather makes me give, I won't embarrass you." He pulled away enough to give her a soft smile. "If it was any other day, I might be tempted to, but I'd never do that to you today. I promise."

"I know," she whispered, smiling as he pressed a kiss to her cheek before drawing her against him again.

Returning her head to his shoulder, Sheena sank back into his protective embrace, returning her hand to his chest. That was one thing she no longer doubted: while Zelos still liked joking around and teasing people, her included, he truly did know when it was safe to do so and when it would backfire and adjusted his timing appropriately. For so many years she'd been certain he was an insensitive jerk, but now she knew the truth: he had only acted like that to keep her off guard and at arm's length from him. She was just glad she now knew that so she could trust him at times like these not to humiliate her.

They sat in silence another minute, but then she sighed and her eyes slid shut. "So how long are you sticking around today?"

She could feel his lips curl upward into a smile. "Well, through dinner, obviously. And however long you want me to stay after that. I cleared my schedule for the day."

Oh, thank Jizou. While she never could have asked him to come here for her, she was glad he'd figured it out and come anyway. As much as she preferred to deal with her guilt and grief alone, the things he'd pointed out had helped, and his simple presence was a tremendous comfort, one she never wanted to...

Her eyes flew open as an idea hit her. Tonight would be the perfect night to ask him something she'd never had the courage to ask before. The dinner would undoubtedly run late into the evening, far later than he usually stayed in Mizuho. When she was visiting him in Meltokio, he never let her walk home alone when it got dark, pointing out how dangerous the Gaorrachia Forest was at night. She had been considering asking him this for awhile now, but she hadn't yet because every time she started thinking about it, she quickly became too nervous to actually do so (something even she realized was ridiculous at this point in their relationship), but tonight...it made sense tonight. And she truly did trust him not to take advantage of her state to do anything perverted. After all, he'd earned her trust the hard way, making a concerted effort to hold to his promises and behave himself with her, despite how difficult she knew it was for him.

Biting her lip, she lifted her head and turned to look at him. Just say it, she told herself. You're already emotionally weakened; use it to your advantage. Don't worry about your pride or how it will look to everyone. Once you've done it once, you won't have to do it again, because he'll know the invitation is always open, so just get it over with! "How...how would you like to stay overnight?"

He blinked once, then twice, then suddenly his brows furrowed. He had never asked her to let him stay - not because he'd never wanted to, Sheena knew, but because he'd never wanted to impose on her, invite himself, or make her have to tell him 'no' for fear of making a scene in Mizuho. The point he'd made to always leave here early enough to get safely back to Meltokio had proven that. No, she knew if he was ever going to stay overnight, it had to be by her invitation, just like he'd given her an open invitation to stay at his mansion. This was just the first opportunity she'd had to legitimately reciprocate the offer.

His surprised but hopeful expression indicated he, too, seemed to recognize how significant this was for them. "You serious?"

Sheena looked down at her knees and nodded faintly. As embarrassing as it was to be admitting how weak she felt and implying that his being here would help, she didn't want him to leave, either, and it would be even worse after the dinner tonight. She didn't want to be alone today, and he was the only person she trusted to stay with her.

"On the couch in the main room, of course," she clarified, giving him a pointed - but undoubtedly weak - look. Sure, saying that was unnecessary because not once had he seriously tried to seduce her, and she knew he wouldn't tonight. The fact of the matter, though, was that she was nervous about asking him this, and slipping back into their old antagonistic routine at such times usually put her a little more at ease. Even now, she still occasionally found herself feeling shy with him and had a hard time believing they really were together. She arched an eyebrow. "Or are you gonna try something funny?"

He gave her a soft, knowing, but thankfully not insulted smile. "What do you think?"

Sheena chuckled shyly. "Didn't think so."

Zelos grinned, but his eyes quickly narrowed as he watched her, his smile fading. "But what about the impression that would give your village?"

Ah, so that had been one of his concerns. She shrugged, even as her cheeks grew warmer. "I don't care what they think." And she didn't. If Grandpa hadn't scolded them for sitting here like this, then she didn't doubt he could talk down any other complaints about them, too. Granted, by letting Zelos stay overnight, she was guaranteeing her grandfather would ask her directly if they were sleeping together, but since it wasn't a lie to say 'no,' she wasn't worried. After all, he couldn't see through a lie, something he was good at doing, if she wasn't lying. "It isn't like we're going to advertise it. Besides, it'll be late by the time dinner ends, and it's not like you have anywhere else to stay here."

"Yeah, well, it's not like anyone else would even let me in their home," Zelos murmured.

...Well, yeah, that was probably true, but she knew better than they did what kind of man he was. She just wished she could point out all of the amazing things he'd done and all the ways he had matured without making it look like she was defending him just because he was her boyfriend. But right now she couldn't, so she would just hope they'd eventually realize the truth for themselves.

Biting her lip, Sheena looked at him hopefully. While she suspected she knew what his answer would be, she still needed to hear him say it or else there was still room for doubt. This place, after all, wasn't his home and didn't have the luxuries he was used to. Maybe that, too, was why she'd never asked him to stay before: because she didn't want him to feel resentful for having to 'scale down' his accommodations for her. Sure, he'd spent nights camping outdoors during their journey, but she also remembered him whining about not having a comfy bed or a decent place to bathe, and the truth was she didn't know if he'd seriously hated that or if that had been part of the spoiled, pampered Chosen act. And...well, her couch wasn't exactly comfortable, seeing as its cushions were flat, designed for sitting, not sleeping, and while she liked her bed, it was still basically just a foldable mattress on the floor and was nothing like his.

But then, he had stayed overnight in Mizuho during their journey, and really, they'd stayed in far worse accommodations than anything Mizuho could offer (like that cold, damp campsite they'd set up outside the Temple of Ice once, and while Zelos had hated it, he'd also survived it). He'd spent plenty of time here and knew what he'd be agreeing to by staying. While she still felt uncomfortable offering him her pathetic couch for the night, the truth was...well, she couldn't rescind the offer when she needed him here too much.

"Please stay," she whispered, her blush deepening.

Instantly, his face melted. Lifting his free hand, he gently touched her cheek, smiled, and gave her a tender kiss. "Of course, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."

While that was the answer she'd expected, relief still swept through her. Returning his smile, she leaned into him again, closed her eyes, and whispered, "Thank you." Besides, she realized, maybe beyond simply needing him with her tonight, she wanted the villagers to get used to seeing him here more than just a few hours during the day. As she'd decided last month, their relationship wasn't going anywhere yet, and she wanted them to feel comfortable with him - and the only way that would happen was to give Zelos an opportunity to show them the real him. Having him stay overnight in her home, while, granted, sending an incorrect message about what they were doing together, was also sending the message that she trusted him implicitly and believed everyone else should view him the same. Whether it worked or not, though...well, only time would tell.

Finally feeling more relaxed, Sheena nuzzled her face against him, relishing in his warmth and his heartbeat and taking it as the reminder he'd intended that not everyone had died because of her. And that knowledge, combined with her grandfather's words of pride, really did help. It wasn't complete healing - it probably never would be, considering how deeply that wound ran - but it was better than it had been, and she would take it.

They sat in silence several minutes, until suddenly Zelos cleared his throat and motioned at the graves. "So tell me about these people."

Sheena lifted her head, her eyes narrowing. "Hn?" She motioned at the three pebble-surrounded stone statues clad in red hats and bibs of Mizuho's protector, guarding the cemetery. "Who? These Jizou statues?"

He let out a soft laugh and shook his head. "No, no, not Jizou. You've already told me plenty about him and his kindness and generosity and his strange yet admirable hobby of helping miscarried and stillborn children build towers of pebbles so they can cross that one river into the afterlife." Wow, she thought, her eyes widening. He'd actually listened when I told him about Jizou. Who would've thought? She'd figured he had zoned out long before she'd reached that part, but she was impressed he hadn't. "I meant about these people buried here. I know next to nothing about them, other than that they obviously cared enough about you to stand beside you when you faced Volt." And again, Sheena blinked at him. He wanted to know about these people, even though they were dead? Seeing her uncertainty, Zelos smiled. "Seriously, what better way is there of honoring them and making sure their sacrifice is never forgotten than telling someone else about them? Y'know, making them real for someone who never met them? I mean, I already know I respect them for protecting you, but it would be nice to know who they were."

"...Oh." That made sense. But still, he made talking about them sound so easy. "I...I never knew most of them. I was only seven, and that was thirteen years ago..."

"I know," he quickly said. "But I know you, Sheena. Even if you barely knew them then, afterwards you would find out everything you could about them so you knew who these people who protected you were. You'd want to know exactly who gave their lives for you."

He really did know her too well, didn't he? And the thing was, he was right; after the funerals, she had gone out of her way to learn about these people. But still...since when did he care about long-dead strangers like this? "You really want to know?"

Zelos smiled faintly. "Yeah, I do."

And the strangest thing was that he meant that; she could see it in his eyes. She didn't understand his curiosity, but she couldn't deny his sincerity. But then, she did like his idea of honoring her people like that, and if he was willing to listen, then she would tell him, at least until he got bored with it. "Okay."

"Thanks," he said, his eyes soft, then he pointed at the first grave marker behind the statues. "Start with that one."

Sheena took a deep breath, then nodded. She could do this. "That was Chiyemi, Orochi and Kuchinawa's mother. Beside her is Daichi, their father. Chiyemi was a soap and candle maker. She made the finest scented soaps and candles Mizuho has ever seen, and to this day, no one's been able to replicate them. Daichi was a shoe maker, in addition to being a highly respected ninja."

"Go on," Zelos prompted as she paused.

She shook her head faintly, still marveling that he really did want to hear about these people, but then she laughed softly and started up again. One by one, Zelos lured out stories about every person there who had died that fateful day. And to her amazement, instead of being depressing, it actually felt good to share their stories with him. Explaining why they'd been such good, hardworking, honest people made her feel like they were still alive and were sitting beside her rather than being forgotten names on a grave marker. And for guiding her to do that, she was immensely grateful to him. He had gone out of his way to help her through a day that would have otherwise been filled with guilt and sorrow for the people whose lives would one day be lost to time. But now she knew they wouldn't be forgotten, that their legacies would live on, that their stories had been shared with another person and maybe, beyond that, one day to another generation.

In the wind - a wind that felt warmer than it had an hour ago - Sheena was sure she could feel it: their spirits approved of the honor she was bringing them. They had accepted her penance and were granting her more time. And now, because of that, she could keep pressing onward and let peace and happiness replace the guilt and turmoil in her soul. Maybe one day, if she was lucky, she would even be able to accept this day completely and no longer look forward to it with dread.

And the truth was, she thought she might almost be halfway there already.

0~*~0

(Continued in Part 2: The Boy)