I was going to write another chapter of SACC, but I had a mad stroke of genius (I hope) for a Valentine's Day/Single's Awareness Day (in my case) oneshot. Enjoy~!

Alice sighed as she walked through Joker forest. It was Valentine's Day in Wonderland, and it couldn't have been any worse. Not only had she been expecting this time a few months ago that she would be spending this day with her ex, the only man she ever loved, all of the roleholders had been trying to get her to be their valentine. Well, really, just Peter.

"Alice~!" the voice of Wonderland's white rabbit called out.

Alice's face turned a pale shade of green. As fast as she could, she hid behind a bush and tried to remain as still as possible until Peter left.

"Where are you my love? My gift from above?" Unaware to his corny rhyming, he continued to call for her. "It's Valentine's Day, it's beautiful weather, so don't you think that we should be together?" His voice slowly grew quieter and quieter as the distance between the two grew.

Alice let out a sigh of relief; that had been a close one. The stupid stalker rabbit hadn't stopped trying to get her to visit him since the day began. She stepped out from behind the bush and gazed at the sky. The rabbit had been right about one thing: the weather was great. The sky was blue as her dress, and the trees above her were decorated in spring blossoms.

"Hello, my dear Alice," said a voice behind her. Alice started at the unexpected noise, but refused to turn around. She'd know that voice anywhere, and it was not one she wanted to hear.

In a second he was in front of her, his crimson eye locked with her turquoise ones.

"Whatever is the matter? Has the cat got your tongue?" said White with a smirk as he reached out for a lock of her hair and kissed it before tucking it behind her ear. This shook the foreigner out of her daze and a red blush painted her face.

"N-n- no! I was just surprised, that's all."

"Mhm," said the jester, although he didn't believe her at all. He changed the subject, however.

"Wonderful day, isn't it?" he said in a seemingly carefree tone.

"Uh, sure, I guess… But isn't it always wonderful here?" she said confusedly.

"Yes, in the Wonderful Wonder world I suppose every day is wonderful… However, today is a special day, isn't it?" White prodded.

Alice had dreaded this topic of conversation would come up; Joker didn't seem like he would hurt her, but she knew what dark layers lay under his relaxed surface.

"I guess, if you're into that sort of thing…" stalled Alice. She really didn't want to be having this conversation with the one man she feared in all of Wonderland, not now, not ever.

"What if I am?" said White with a smirk, leaning closer.

You're not, f***tard! Black spoke out, venom in his words.

"So what?" laughed White, immediately changing the tone of the conversation but somehow still leaving an unpleasant aftereffect.

So, get your f****** facts straight before you go f****** around with other peoples' heads, a**hole!

White rolled his eyes as he muffled his counterpart's outburst with his hand.

"Anyways, before we were so rudely interrupted, I had something to show you." It wasn't a question if she wanted to see it or not.

"What is it?" she asked, not particularly curious but not wanting to get him mad either.

"Hah-ah-ah, it doesn't work that way! It's a game," he said, giving her a wink while shaking his finger in the "no, no" sign.

"… What sort of game?" Alice's curiosity was starting to get the better of her, and it wasn't good.

"It's a surprise! That's the funnest part!"

Funnest isn't a word, f***tard! said Black irritatedly.

"Neither is f***tard."

… SCREW YOU B****** W****!

"Anyways, for the game to be played right, you have to come with me somewhere."

Alice was starting to dread agreeing to the "game". "Where?"

"Again, it's a surprise." Before she could interject, the scenery around her was starting to distort and fade into the gray walls of the prison.

Alice shuddered. No matter how many times she had been forced to come here, she was always afraid of the demented-looking prisoners and the cold fluorescent lights.

"About time, b******!" shouted Black from behind them.

"You're so impatient," chuckled White, "I wonder what has you so stressed?"

"Don't f******* give me that s***! Another f****** b****-a** prisoner got away because YOU f****** FORGOT to lock the d*** cell!"

"Oh my, well isn't that a shame?"

"Easy for you to f****** say, you get to go wherever the f*** you want! You get to run the gay-a** circus while I have to run the f****** prison, which actually has some importance!"

White got a cold look in his eye. Almost like mirror reflections of each other, the both reached for the whips at their sides. Alice couldn't let this go any further.

"JOKER!"

Both the jester and the prison warden turned their heads. "Yes?" "What, b****?"

"Stop fighting, now!" she said while childishly stomping her foot and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'd like to see you make us, w****," sneered Black, arms crossed over his chest as well in a much more intimidating pose. "Who said we had to let you leave this place?"

Alice's blood ran cold. She hadn't expected them to threaten her today, and she should've known they would have something up their sleeves. It was an occupational hazard when dealing with the Jokers.

"Wait a second, Black," said White, yanking his counterpart over to a corner where Alice couldn't hear them whisper. The two consulted for a few minutes. Alice's head was reeling about the possibilities of the things they'd make her do now that she was stuck in their prison. Finally, the two strode forward to talk to her again.

"Have the judges finished deliberating?" said Alice sarcastically.

"Screw you, w****."

"No, thank you," said Alice snidely, wishing to stick her tongue out at the two.

Black's face turned red. However, before he could say or do anything, White had clamped his hand over his mouth and restrained him with his other arm.

"What he was going to say was that we will let you go after you finish playing our game," said White with a smirk over the muffled curses coming out from underneath his hand.

Alice pondered over it in her mind. If that was it, then it was a lot better than it could have been. "Fine, on one condition: You can't touch me or feed me anything poisonous or explode me or…"

"Fine, fine," said White, waving her comment off. "If you please, sit down right there," he said, gesturing towards a comfortable-looking chair behind her that she hadn't noticed before. Alice, wanting to get the whole thing over with quickly, sat down.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall now place a blindfold over our wonderful volunteer's eyes."

"Quit the circus s***, b******!" interrupted Black as he tied a piece of cloth around her eyes. Before her vision went black, Alice had just enough time to register that it was White's handkerchief. Hm, I didn't think a handkerchief would be long or thick enough to be used as a blindfold, but hey: he might even have to use blindfolds a lot, so I guess it's a good idea to have one around…

One of the Joker's voices, Black's, she presumed because of the swearing, interrupted her train of thought. "Is it tied tight enough, w****?" Alice nodded.

"To play the game, all you have to do… is open your mouth." Alice thought this a bit strange, but as she'd made them promise not to feed her poison or do other strange things to her, she complied. Something small and roundish popped into her mouth. Strangely, it was chocolate.

"Now, before you chew it up and swallow it, taste it. Explore the different balance of flavors and describe what you taste."

If this was all there was to the game, then Alice was extremely relieved. What bad could it do to just eat chocolate?

"Let's see… This one is chewy, and tastes like dark chocolate. It has nuts and caramel in it."

"Good, but try to describe the chocolate more. That was the easiest one." Another chocolate went into her mouth.

"Hmm… It's milk chocolate, but it's kind of creamier in the center. In the center it's smoother, and it has a slightly different taste to it. There is also some kind of nuts, I think they're macadamia nuts, in it too."

"Better. Try one more time." The chocolate entered her mouth, but this time the taste was different. The other chocolates had been the usual dime-a-dozen ones you get, but Alice had never eaten anything like this before; it almost seemed like a different dimension of chocolate. On the surface there lay mixed white and dark chocolate, seemingly separate. However, when you worked your way towards the other type of chocolate, it would transition through milk chocolate, seemingly without changing at all until at the end you realized it was a completely different chocolate.

While Alice's tastebuds went on a ride like a rollercoaster with a seemingly endless track, White (or, at least, that's who she thought it was) was talking to her.

"Did you know what they say about chocolate? It's actually very bitter in nature, but is sweetened by being roasted much like a coffee bean. It's good for your heart, like wine, but is deadly as well to certain species. However," White's voice accentuated this word, as if he knew she wasn't paying attention, "do you know what else they say about it?"

Alice shook her blindfolded head as a "no". Why were they asking her these questions, anyways? Normally Black would verbally abuse her and White would make her visit his circus or play a card game, but NOO, she couldn't have an easier option today.

While White had been talking, his voice had traveled so that it sounded like it was speaking individually into each ear. Wait, thought Alice, both ears? Alice raised her hands and felt to the side of her face: sure enough, she could feel two chiseled faces obscured by bangs and one eye covered with a soft eye patch with both hands. Both White and Black were whispering into Alice's ear, voices blending into one person while saying the exact same thing. "They say it works as an aphrodisiac, as well." Alice's breath hitched when the realization and Joker's words registered themselves in her brain. This didn't slip under the Jokers' notice, however.

"Oh," pouted the Joker on her left, who she thought was White, "it seems as though our guest has discovered our little game."

"Oh, well, b**** was gonna find out anyways," Black chuckled from her right. Hot breath tickled Alice's ear and a strange sensation shot through her stomach. "Care to describe that last chocolate, w****?" Alice was starting to wonder if it was really White that had been talking all along.

"It's… hard to describe," managed the foreigner, choking her words as sweat rolled down her neck.

"Try," whispered Black into her right ear.

"We told you it was the hardest one," whispered White into her left.

This isn't helping at all, thought Alice, all they're doing is distracting me! "It's confusing. The chocolate you think is a certain way really turns out to be completely different, but somehow it makes sense," she said as it finally dawned on her why they had picked that particular candy for her. "It's mysterious, strange even, but somehow it keeps you wanting more at every turn." A red blush painted her cheeks as she said the next bit, "It's like you, Joker."

Joker? Not Jokers? thought Alice subconsciously. No, Joker, confirmed her brain, because suddenly there wasn't White and Black, the jester and the warden, just Joker. The first was the second, and vice versa, and that was perfectly fine. Both sides, dark and light, were not separate like water and oil; rather, they blended into something magnificent, dark, and unknown.

"Well, how do you think we should reward the lovely lady for winning the game?" grinned Joker, but he already knew. Leaning down, Alice felt a soft pair of lips lean down to seal her own in a kiss.

Well? What do you think? I have been working on this since the night after Valentine's day, but I haven't been able to complete it until today because of a number things that I'm sure you don't want to be bored with, but include a lost flashdrive, sickness, TONS of schoolwork, etc., etc. Joker is my favorite bishie, EVER, so I felt like writing something with him in it. I have personally never played the game, but from what I've read I hope I've done a good job portraying him/them (however you choose to look at it) correctly. I kind of rushed at the end because I wanted to FINISH this d*** thing already, so deal :P R+R please!