A/N: Sorry guys for such a long wait, I tend to do this however. I start off strong and then the periods become super long. I haven't given up on this I promise, I just sometimes find inspiration coming in only short bursts instead of long trails. So without further ado, I give you the next installment.

Warnings: Child murder and mass murder

{Year Four}

I sat atop the hill watching the daily bustle of life down below, the pain in my chest was neither imaginary nor real, it just was. I missed that. I missed everything that being a human meant. I missed freedom and ice cream and bicycles and toothpaste. And I suppose it was torture in its own right, but I couldn't make myself turn away from the sight. I wanted what they had and had no means in which to gain it.

"Come on, Bree, you've been out here too long," his voice was like a balm to my frayed nerves, to my quivering stomach, and for just a moment, I basked in its glow.

"Yeah, okay," I responded as I stood, a last glance towards the city before turning and strolling to his side, my shoulder brushing his.

The last year had been long and grueling, both protecting and training the newbies until collapse. They had to be ready, I couldn't leave them despite Felix's warning and I had to get out of here. Soon, I reminded myself silently, soon we would all be sprinting to freedom. But like most days of my captivity the responding answer was always the same; but not today.

"How's Nadine?" I asked as my eyes betrayed my hard voice, I was their leader, and later I could show compassion, right now I had to be strong.

"She's…dealing," he responded as he held the door open for me, I ducked below his arm, which I hardly needed to do, and entered the dank hallway.

Nadine had not been used to the normal vampire diet, and after she accepted her imprisonment, the killing of humans had been the hardest for her. I hadn't lied when I'd said she'd had a gift, only at the time I'd had no idea what it was and had been completely off. She held a certain sympathy to the humans that I had never seen before, and though I was sure it wasn't a gift the Volturi particularly wanted, it was one that I envied. So every death, every tortured scream weighed so heavily on her that she often disappeared completely for several days; Fred was the only one who could ever find her. The first time it had occurred the entire guard had been called and the fortress completely searched, not a trace found. When she'd come out our masters had been furious and punished her severely, I could still remember the screams, we'd had to physically hold Fred back for two days. After the twenty-second time our masters had finally given in and now we just accepted the fact.

I nodded my head as we head back to our corridors, a special section left to the elite force, a reward I was sure, I found it suffocating. Each of our rooms was lavishly furnished, only the finest furniture for the destroyers of life. Our beds were all velvet and satin, the frames lined with gold that gleamed in the crystalline light. My bed had not been touched; I had no need for sleep and no want for other activities. Though I knew most of my peers had made good use of them regularly, thick walls could only hide so much from our hearing, and mental blocks could only wipe clean so much from our memories.

I quietly shut the door behind me, watching with a twinge of jealousy as Fred met Nadine at the end of the hall, his strong capable arms wrapping around her petite frame. She fell into his embrace, her eyes shutting as she absorbed his aura with no qualms. They were true mates, complimenting each other in every way and I instantly had to shut out the vision as heartache swarmed me so suddenly I nearly doubled over.

Sitting on the thick mattress I let my mind wander to lazy afternoons spent beneath trees, running as branches brushed our cheeks gently. It was a nice escape, a dream that I could never truly experience. As more and more time passed I missed the feel of losing myself into the numbness of nothing.

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Jane threw the poor soul up against the wall, her wild hair circling about her as sadistic delight filled her, the only real emotion she seemed to experience. Alec stood at my side, his face bored as we waited for his sister to finish with her business. We were all anxious to finish this mission, it had been long and tedious and above all dangerous. Werewolves always were.

"Come sister, let us leave," Alec called as she threw the child across the clearing; I tried to ignore the scent of fresh blood and the sickening snap of his spine.

"Fine, this is obviously wrong," she intoned, as she twirled around before lifting her hood about her head, shadowing her scarlet eyes.

I followed the two, not at all interested to join them at the front. We were the most experienced elite on this mission, something that I found suicidal. I was sure this was Fred and Nadine's trial run, one that should have been left only to the best of the best, not the rookies. Three others were along as well, each one more arrogant than the next. They felt honored to be here, to be sent out to serve our lords. They were pawns trying to be knights and I had a gut wrenching feeling they were horribly outclassed.

Russian terrain could be rough, the deep forests concealing much. I didn't know what we would find, but at any turn we could meet our most feared enemies head on.

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Two were dead, lying in burning piers as purple smoke clogged my already hindered vision. The ground was filled with writhing bodies, the snow smoldering with spilt venom and stained with streaks of blood. I grimaced as I was thrown back, my back connecting with a pine before toppling the whole thing over. This was a massacre, we didn't stand a chance.

Fred stood to my right, his aura working enough to keep him and Nadine safe. Jane and Alec were faring well enough, though Alec had lost at least one arm and Jane had a chunk out of her face. The guards stood in the midst of it all, their agonized screams doing little to move my cold heart. Why would sympathize with those that were nothing but glorified murderers?

I was no different.

Grunting I snapped a males neck, his massive fangs shredding my shoulder, but I did not stop. The foul stench of them confused me for a moment, disorientation hitting me hard. Losing oneself in the midst of battle is never a good idea and this time was no different.

I fell hard, my hands barely keeping the claws from running me through, her putrid breath burning me as I tried to struggle away. I knew I was dead the moment I ended up in the snow; once you're down, you usually don't get back up.

And that's when I saw him.

He was young, couldn't have been more than a few years, his dark eyes watching me closely. He stood before a hut, his tanned skin gleaming in the afternoon light as cries and blood flew up all around him. He wasn't scared; he didn't sob or hide, only curled his small fists and lifted up the corner of his lip.

It was a snarl.

My heart melted.

Distractions were killers, but as I lay beneath the beast, my arms automatically working against her, the fear from earlier died away. Peace and acceptance flooded me as I smiled at the child who held up his pudgy fists and growled at any of us vampires that strayed too close to the hut he protected, the hut that housed the village's humans and pups. And suddenly I was alright with dying here, being torn apart by massive jaws and dagger like claws because despite their horrid smell and fearsome appearance, they had something to protect. I was killing them for men I held no love for, slaves to demons that were better off dead. They were fighting for a future, for their children.

My arms grew heavy as my struggles slowed and my eyes closed, ignoring all around me. My vision grew dark as memories danced before, tangible but always out of reach. He was there, sitting by a river, dark hair sweeping across his forehead as a gentle breeze tugged and pulled at the shirt he wore. The sun was shining; there was no fear or hatred, just miles and miles of peace. It was a balm to my fraying nerves, to the sliver of fear that shivered through my cold shriveled heart.

Whether there was an afterlife for my kind or not, I would be joining Diego soon, and that was enough. That would always be enough.

I felt my arms fall to my sides, my eyes opening lazily as I stared up into the momentarily stunned expression of wolf eyes and razor fangs. Her breath seared me, already the flick of flames licking my skin danced across my nerves, her body radiating so much heat I felt my muscles coil. But even as my body prepared itself to flee, I held myself back. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to turn, and through it all I was okay with it.

The explosion shook me, and the high keening of an animal in pain tore through my ears, rendering me deaf. Later when I thought back on it, I would come to realize that the scream of terror and agony was my own, but at the time I could not focus on that. The boy from earlier, the one whose bravery and courage had touched me so deeply now lay severed before a towering tier of flames, the orange glow flickering across his blood and torn flesh.

The one above me raced off, her howls filling the air before Alec brutally cut her down, her blood and saliva covering him from head to toe. I moved to stand, my limbs shaking, all I could see was the body and the fire, the haunting cry of death echoing in the air around me. Screams of pain filled the night as the ones inside burned before me.

It wasn't a conscious decision, these things hardly ever were. With lightning reflexes I ran forward, dodging bodies both cold and hot, my gaze never straying. I felt my clothes shred, felt skin peeling back, I paid them little mind. The cries grew in volume, the fire blazing as I stood before the structure, my skin bubbling as I reached for the engulfed door, my fingers clenching around the red hot handle. I bit my lip, ignoring the pain, grabbing my forearm with my still good hand, willing it to turn.

Arms encircled me, I screamed and kicked, struggling to return as the cold winter snow soothed the molten skin all along my right half. I didn't want the comfort, didn't want the coldness to seep back into me once more, I wanted the heat, the flames, the pain. I didn't see who had grabbed me and I didn't care. Briefly I considered the consequences, the pain of the purification process I would have to endure, but like all the other events around me, it quickly faded away.

Wails of mourning filled the sky before quickly falling short, the guards making short work of the remaining village. The screams were turning stale, a few moans falling to my ears before even those fell short. I felt my heart break and my own cries filling the ringing air as I let the pain of my failure, the lives of those I had let down, fall on my shoulders.

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I stood before my masters, two guards holding me as the rest of the murderers stood behind me, waiting for my judgment. A deep scowl fell hard on Aro's face as Marcus smirked behind him, his arms crossed across his chest, scarlet eyes gleaming. I felt no urge to snarl, to attack, the pain from my mission still coiling within me so deep that I cared little for this outcome.

So many lives.

So much bloodshed.

Too much.

"Take her to the dungeons, she must be purified," Aro snarled, his gleaming white teeth flashing in the low glow of the hall. "We will decide her punishment in her absence."

The guards nodded their heads silently and drug me along, I didn't struggle. I kept my eyes down, steadily avoiding the probing glances of my comrades. I didn't need their sympathy or confusion, I didn't want their pity. I had made my decision and I would accept all that came with it with steadfast resolve.

I grunted as I was thrown on the floor, my blemished arm rising to cover my eyes, the white dots filling my visions before I shut it all out. I didn't flinch when I felt their teeth dig into my shoulder, my arm, my leg, and I didn't cry out as the first flicker of pain fell across me.

Later I would.

Later I would twist and cry out and scream until my dead lungs nearly burst. But for now, for this split second of bone deep agony I would remember.

Just remember.

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I lay on the cold stones, my arms brushing gently across the floor as I tried to will myself to look at my new skin. I had laid here for days, no one entering and refusing to leave. I didn't know what I resembled, but this was my second purification and the fear of what I now resembled haunted me. I knew I was to be whiter, unblemished, but the flash of paper skin so fragile looking as newly fallen snow stopped me. I couldn't deal with looking like them, as long as I looked different maybe I could convince myself that I was better than they were.

I didn't move when they entered, didn't acknowledge the burning in the back of my throat as the hauled me to my feet. I had known for some time that the thirst was nearly tearing me apart as much as the flames and venom had tried. I knew that soon I would had to have moved, my instincts taking over without my permission. I supposed I liked it better this way, this way I could still pretend that if they hadn't entered then that I would have still been there on that cold floor remembering.

I could sense the fear; feel the quiet murmurs just a few walls away as they herded the meal into the great hall. I tried to ignore the pain that ran across my throat and churned deep within me, but already I could feel my senses clouding over. My muscles already bunching as my teeth scraped against one another in sick anticipation.

The heavy doors swung open before us and the entire mass of my captors stood watching me enter, the sadistic gleam in Aro's eye causing me to falter. The mass of humans stood to my left, their breathing haggard and rapid as they watched the crazed gleam in each predator's eyes. The main doors slammed shut in finality.

The first one thrown before me I barely saw only relished in the cool relief as their thick blood coated the clawing burns deep in my gut. Their struggles felt like fingers tickling across skin and their screams of fear nothing but annoying background noise. All I could feel was the cool relief, the raw gnawing pain soothing away until there was no more left in the body and the flames licked me again.

Soon another appeared, my mind briefly registering that I was the only one who ate, but quickly turned away. This one healed where the one before only soothed. The richness of the flavor made me squirm as I latched on more firmly, my mouth moving ferociously as I hissed at any who got too close. My mind was still feral, a kind of detached reality sinking into me as I let my body nourish itself without regard. I knew that I would feel it, feel the pain sooner or later, feel the lives growing around my feet, but not now.

Later.

Always later.

This one too came dry too soon, and I keened, the suffocating nausea turning me as I scrabbled for another, anything to stop it. And soon another was placed before me and I quickly attacked, slowly my mind returning as the haze of blood red fell from my vision. Around me was carnage as the others fell onto the cowering mass, their cries of fear and pain pulling at my heart as unshed tears filled my vision.

More lives.

Always more.

I felt the body fall to my knees as I pulled back, my eyes unblinking as I took it all in, the mass of fear and carnage so great that my body instinctively tried to retch. It was useless, nothing there for me to rid myself of, but it was still a reminder of just how broken I truly was. Despite my struggles, despite my steadfast will, in some small way they had still won. The hardness from my earlier days, the unfeeling lack of sympathy had somehow slipped away before my realizing and now I was nothing but a broken mess on a stone floor.

I glanced down at my victim, a mistake. Dark soulless eyes stared up at me, blood falling unchecked from his open mouth. His cheeks were still rounded and he was missing his two front teeth, now stained pink with his demise. Dark hair wisped across a clean forehead, unmarred by life's toils. Small hands were fisted in my clothes, even after death still pleading for his too short of life.

I doubled over, pain rocketing through me as I clutched the tiny body to my chest, rocking back and forth, keening for his loss. He looked so much like him, his tanned skin what I imagined his skin looked like before death had taken him as well. Only this one would not be returning, this one would be gone forever.

A child.

I had killed a child.

My self-loathing blossomed in my chest as I prayed for the burn of fire on my skin, for the pain of blistering boils as my skin melted away from steel like bones. I begged for the tearing of stone skin and the acrid smell of burning venom on hot timbers. I begged for my demise, for my murder. I had done so many awful things, so many lives falling to my hands, but this I could not handle.

I kissed his forehead, clutching him so tightly to me that my forehead touched the stone floor on the other side.

So much pain.

So much agony.

I was a monster, a true demon in human guise. He was innocent, brutally cut down before his time. The physical pain swept through me as I rocked again, my breaths falling short as I let myself succumb to my sorrow.

It was done.

I was done.

A/N: This chapter was the hardest of all the ones I had to write. Each torture I put into the years gets worse and worse, and this one obviously, had to be the most awful and pain filled of them all. I believe it's necessary for the psychological transformation and torment Bree must go through for this story. I had never planned for Bree to come out of this necessarily stronger or unbroken. This was not meant a rise above the ashes type scenario. I believe in the end Bree will become more of who she wants to be, she just has to go through all of this to get there. Remember the next chapter is the great escape! Ja!