Hey everyone, this is the start of my new fic, Learning to Live Again which is an AU where both Harry and Lily Potter survive Voldemort's attack thanks to James's sacrifice (however Harry still has the scar and is The Boy Who Lived) The fic deals primarily with Lily Potter (although other POVs will be seen) and how she picks up the pieces of her life after her husband's death; raising Harry as a widow, and her interactions with Sirius, Remus, the Weasleys, Dumbledore, Severus and others. I hope you enjoy it!

October 31, 1981 6:00 PM.

The Rosier Manor had fallen into a state of disrepair since Evan's death at the hands of Alastor Moody. Though the house's façade was still sturdy and tall, the inside of the villa was shabby and mostly covered with dust. For all intents and purposes, the Ministry thought the place was abandoned, a falsehood that Voldemort meant to encourage. It would not do for the government to realize that the manor was his new base of operations, especially since he had found out from his two spies that the newest strategy devised by the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix was to assassinate him directly to finish the war.

The Dark Lord had taken the old study as his personal room, and it was in the middle of this that a young greasy haired man stood, conversing with the tall pale skinned man about the latest activities of Albus Dumbledore.

"So the old fool has no inkling about our upcoming raid on the wizarding portion of Aldershot?"

"None whatsoever my lord," answered Severus Snape. He had told Dumbledore about the raid, but they had agreed to only send a token force to protect the town; they could risk Snape' s true allegiance being discovered on so small a town.

"Good, you have done as I expected. You may go."

Snape turned to leave, but paused for a second, knowing that doing so might incur the Dark Lord's wrath.

"My Lord…has there been any word on Sirius Black?"

Voldemort looked amused. "Lucius told me of your hatred for that man." His amusement quickly faded, "No, he has not been tracked down, and most unfortunately we cannot get the Potter's location unless we do. Are you planning to force out the information yourself?"

"No, though I'd wish to," said Snape languidly. "No it's about-"

"The Mudblood? I already told you Severus that I will honor your request, puzzling as it is. You did me a great service in bringing me the details of the prophecy, so I have given you this one…desire."

"I thank you very much, my lord," said Severus fervently. "But…this is about her husband….is it possible to spare him too?"

The slits where Voldemort's nostrils once sat flared outwards. "I was under the impression that you despised James Potter. Why would you want him to live, Snape?"

Snape immediately registered the use of his surname and explained. "I want him to suffer."

Voldemort's long pale index finger stroked his chin. "And death will do not this?"

"I want him to know I'm involved, my Lord," explained the new Potions master, doing his best to adopt a look of fanaticism. "I want him to see me take his wife for his own, I want him crushed, to let him see that the Dark Arts have prevailed; I want him to know that I finally triumphed over him!"

"He would make a powerful ally," mused the Dark Lord. "He has defied me and my Death Eaters three times before though…" He paused, still lost in thought. "Use the Mudblood wife against him. Use her as a hostage if you must. Her captivity in your hands will ensure his obedience to the Dark Arts."

"Yes my Lord."

"I am curious though, Severus. What do you plan to do with Lily Potter? This is only lust, is that right?"

"Of course my Lord," answered Snape, feeling a bit of relief that the Dark Lord had renewed his use of his first name. "I desire her, that is all." He was counting on the Dark Lord's ignorance of love to mask his lie, which thankfully he seemed to accept.

"Well, work it out of your system soon, Severus," said Voldemort with a mirthless laugh. "Salazar knows that your blood line is diluted enough. Mating with a Mudblood would be perverse"

"Of course my Lord."

"Good, good. You may tell the old fool that we are planning to conduct raids on the communities of Aldershot, Accrington, and Wolverhampton. With luck, Dumbledore will spread his Order to thin and we may kill some in the process."

"Very well," answered Snape.

"And Severus, do be careful with your requests next time. Next thing I know you'll be wishing for me to spare the Potter boy."

"I would never do that, my Lord," answered Snape passionately as Voldemort stared directly into his eyes. Apparently satisfied with what he saw, Voldemort gestured toward the door.

Recognizing the sign of dismissal, he kissed the hem of Voldemort's robes and swiftly walked out the door, brushing against a short squat man lurking outside in the shadows before he exited the manor.

Years later, Severus Snape regretted not looking back at the man he had left in his wake, one of the many regrets he had in his life. He was too engrossed in his own thoughts to recognize Peter Pettigrew.

The traitor slipped into the ancient study, fidgeting nervously, yet sporting a twitchy smile.

"Yes, Wormtail? Have you news on Sirius Black's location?"

"B-better than that m-my Lord…"

October 31, 1981 9:00 PM

"Nice costumes, Mr. and Mrs. Foley!"

The excited tone of a young boy reached the ears of Lily Potter, who was standing in the kitchen, using her wand to clean up dinner. In the next room she could hear her young son giggling in mirth. She knew that her husband was playing Harry's favorite game; conjuring rings of smoke from his wand for their son to catch.

It really was a shame that they could not leave the house. She knew James was getting antsy, and to be truthful she was losing patience as well. They had spent nearly a year in hiding, and they were approaching their second Christmas in a self-imposed exile.

She sighed as she heard James's laughter along with Harry's. Halloween was always their favorite holiday. They had loved the feasts in Hogwarts and she smiled in remembrance of the various stunts that James would pull to impress her, usually to no avail. Even a year after they graduated, the Marauders, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas went out trick-or-treating; seven eighteen year olds dressed in silly costumes and asking for candy.

And now Marlene and Dorcas were dead, Sirius was in hiding as well, and Remus, bless his heart was suspected of being the one feeding Voldemort inside information on the Order. They were all astounded when Moody and Dumbledore had reached that conclusion; no one had believed it at first. But after Sirius's girlfriend Marlene and her entire family were murdered, Sirius and Peter began to believe the evidence. The only reason they had been found had to have been because of a traitor, and Remus had visited Marlene on Sirius's behalf two days prior. As far as she knew, she and James were the only ones to still believe in Remus's innocence. Remus was always very intelligent and she and her husband believed (though with no proof) that a spy wouldn't give himself away so easily by ordering the murders of a family when he had been the last one to see them. They still had no earthly idea who the traitor was, however.

Finally finishing washing up, she tossed her wand onto the table and walked into the living room. She smiled as she watched James play with their boy. And she couldn't help chuckling softly that just five years ago, she would have exploded in fury if anyone had ever told her that she would marry and have a child with James Potter.

She didn't know how everything changed. After Severus had shown his true colors, she had felt extremely betrayed and abandoned, yet her friends Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald had been there for her. For the few remaining weeks in fifth year and all summer really, she had harbored a passionate grudge against all four of the Marauders, even Remus, for what she felt was their responsibility for setting up that terrible situation. Yet, through talks with her friends and her parents (Petunia was out of the question) she had come to realize that even if the Marauders had not pushed Severus to that breaking point, something like that would have happened anyway. Her former friend was too close to Mulciber, Avery and Regulus Black for anything else to have happened.

The beginning of sixth year was more of the same old thing. The Marauders still committed pranks, James still asked out Lily, yet as the year went on she noticed a change in her future husband. The boy actually tried to listen to her, to find out things about her when they managed to have civil conversations (which were few and far between). Lily was initially under the impression that there was some longer con game underneath it all, but Marlene, who was beginning to spend more time around Sirius, tried to reassure her that James actually was beginning to change.

Slowly she began to see James Potter in a different light, and by March, her animosity had practically disappeared and their arguments were now the things that were few and far between. She still disapproved of his pranks and would do her best to talk him out of pranking Severus, but James's growing passion in fighting back against the ever present danger of Voldemort was slowly attracting her. She now saw him as a mature man, who was passionate in all things, especially standing up for what he believed in. His constant speeches in the common room every week, exhorting the Gryffindors to stick to the Light, infected her with a desire to fight back against the Dark Arts…and infected her with a growing desire for him.

That summer, she had taken her parents to their first Quidditch game, a match between the Holyhead Harpies and the Tutshill Tornadoes. There she had run into James, who was also there with his parents, and later, while everyone's attention was riveted on the high-scoring game, they shared their first kiss underneath the bleachers. They began to owl each other every day and when they returned to Hogwarts for their final year as Head Girl and Head Boy, they had finally started to date.

Memories of that year, their engagement soon after leaving Hogwarts, and their low key wedding swam through her mind as she watched James and their baby boy play. Harry soon began to yawn and Lily picked him up to put him to sleep.

"Are you going to work on your book some more?" she asked her husband.

"Maybe in a bit, I'm going to take a little nap first, I think, then I'll get to work on the tenth chapter," James answered as he too gave a big yawn.

"All right, but don't' stay up too late," she warned. "You woke me up at two in the morning yesterday."

"All right," he replied. He began to waggle his eyebrows. "Are you going to stay up for me tonight?"

Lily smiled at his cheeky grin. "Of course, as long as you don't work until an ungodly hour!"

"That's incentive enough," said James roguishly. He gave her a quick peck and collapsed onto the armchair as Lily gathered up her sleepy son and started up the stairs.

A loud crash sounded from outside, and for a split second Lily thought that a car had broken through their front gate until her instincts took over and her husband shouted.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Lily dashed up the steps and groped for her wand, but realized to her horror that she had left it on the kitchen table, and the high cold laugh of Voldemort meant it was too late to retrieve it. It would have been useless anyway. James was the better fighter, and if he couldn't slow him down, neither could she. Even if she had her wand, it was useless to Apparate; the wards that kept anyone from coming in, also prevented them from Apparating out…just like Hogwarts… She mentally slapped herself; now, at the end of all things, it was silly to dwell on the past.

She burst into Harry's bedroom, tossed him in the crib, and immediately began piling every bit of furniture she could find in front of the door. Deep down she knew it was useless; Lord Voldemort would casually blast it aside, but she needed to do something; anything to slow him down, if only to give her son another few seconds of life.

Harry, who had started to cry from his father's shouts and the frenzied escape, suddenly fell silent, looking at his mother. Lily looked back and suddenly realized why her son had stopped crying. It felt as though a balloon was rapidly expanding inside of her, but instead of anything physical, it was a feeling…a feeling of love…but…it wasn't her own feeling…

Everything seemed to slow down as the love inside of her swept over her entire body; she felt calmer than she had since before they forced to go into hiding and it was in this instant that she recognized that this love was somehow coming from James.

A memory, long buried under the millions of things she had learned in her lifetime swam to the forefront of her mind.

December 12, 1979

The two of them were sitting on a bench outside Potter Manor, looking at the snow swept grounds while James stroked his wife's hair

"You know Lils, all those romance novelists have a point, sometimes love is the most powerful thing in the world."

"Um…James I thought you hated romance novels?"

"Oh I do. Sappy, tacky trash that's not fit to lick the boots of great literature, or even great love stories, but what I mean is that although the characters drone on and on about feelings and the power of love, they have a point about the latter."

"You know, if you're trying to seduce me, you did so a long time ago," chuckled Lily.

James's piercing laugh echoed around the surrounding hills. "What I mean, is that one time when I was a young kid, I saw my parents arguing something fierce. After it was over, I asked my dad whether he still loved my mom and he said, "of course." So I asked him why they argued and he said that everyone does, but it doesn't mean they don't love each other."

Lily listened intently as James swept some snow off her jacket.

"So he gave me an example of love, apparently one of our ancestors, Ignotus Something-or-the-other, discovered thethat love can be used as a shield."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it apparently came to pass that Ignotus's older brother, Antioch or Cadmus, I can never remember which…anyway it came to pass that the brother went mad and tried to restore his dead fiancée from the grave but failed. Supposedly Ignotus's wife was the twin sister of the dead fiancée and for some reason this caused the elder brother to attempt to kill her. Ignotus stepped in front of the two while they were dueling and the elder brother told him to get out of the way. Ignotus refused so the elder brother killed him, but while doing so he did placed a protection on his wife that protected her so that when Antioch or Cadmus tried to kill her, his curse rebounded and killed himself."

"That sounds…incredibly tragic," said Lily softly.

"Oh it is," agreed James. "But imagine if Ignotus hadn't done that?"

"True, true. Did the secret die with Ignotus?"

"No, apparently his wife, Cymbeline, I believe her name was, spent years perfecting it and passed her down to her and Ignotus's children. It's been passed down ever since, and few others know about it."

"Did you ever learn it, James?" asked Lily as she leaned her head into his shoulder.

"Yes…my dad taught me…would you like me to teach you?"

"Definitely," said Lily. "With this war…who knows what might happen?"

"I will then. The best part about it, I find, is that it doesn't even require a wand..."

October 31, 1981 9:09 PM

This was James's sacrifice, Lily realized. He must have stood toe to toe with Voldemort, and emerged the bigger man by not dueling him. But why would Voldemort want to spare his life? If the Dark Lord did want to kill James, then he technically didn't have to cast the blood sacrifice…it only worked if James had a chance of survival. Unless Voldemort felt he could turn James, and that was foolish indeed.

Harry and Lily locked eyes as she bent over to give him a kiss on the forehead, knowing that James would have ensured their lives. A moment later she actually felt James's mind in her own, just for a split second.

"Please take care of Harry and yourself. You know that I'll love you, always."

"I love you too," she breathed back, but seconds later her heart shattered in two.

"Avada Kedavra!" shouted a high cold voice, and Lily knew that she would never find happiness again.

James didn't know what he was doing, running at the darkest wizard of all time while his wand lay on the sofa. It was as if his brain had split into two, one half doing nothing but acting, and the other observing and screaming at the dominant half to pick up the wand!

He drew back his arm, and the observer half of his brain marveled at the fact that he was actually trying to punch Voldemort in the face, at least until a curse hit him and he found himself standing stock still in the doorway, unable to take another step,.

"Brave of you, James Potter," said Voldemort sardonically as his eyes traveled over this threat. "But ultimately foolish, I have no desire to kill you."

"What…what are you talking about?" asked James, who looked extremely surprised. Upstairs he could hear crashes, he could only imagine his wife was barricading herself and Harry in, since they couldn't Disapparate with the wards in place.

"I do not wish you, or even your Mudblood wife to die," repeated Voldemort. "Your son is the only one who will perish tonight."

"And that's one person too many!" shouted James. Questions poured out of him like a torrent, even though he knew Lord Voldemort could kill him at any time. "What are you talking about; why do you want to spare us? How did you even get here? How long did it take to break Peter?"

Voldemort grinned maliciously. "You placed your trust in the wrong person."

James's eyes bulged in horror.

" I admit that was taking a terribly long time to track down your friend Black, even with Pettigrew's help but imagine my surprise when your rat friend told me that you switched Secret Keepers to him? He only told me a few hours ago, I imagine that you made the switch not that long ago."

"Just…just…yesterday," said James, looking completely broken. How could Peter have done this? Had he been placed under the Imperius Curse?

"No, Wormtail did it of his own volition, coward though he is," said Voldemort, as if he could read James's mind, something which the Potter patriarch remembered he could do. "Now, step aside Potter, I do not wish to spill pure blood."

"So that's it!" shouted James as the crashes continued above. "You're going to recruit me to your side? Don't waste your breath!"

"And what if it saves your Mudblood wife's life?" asked the Dark Lord.

"Lily would never want me to turn to the Dark Arts, she'd die before she saw me do so, and so would I!"

Voldemort cocked his head, as if he was now seeing James in an entirely different light. The man's scarlet slit pupils bored into his, and James met them dead on, managing to fill his thoughts with defiance and hatred for the Dark Arts, until a realization wormed into his mind.

"Was it Snape who told you to spare Lily?" he asked. "You never would spare a Muggleborn's life, even if it were to turn me to your side."

As James asked this, he closed his eyes and began to concentrate on his wife and son. Memories of the two loves of his life forced their way toward the top of his mind, so that he was no longer listening to Voldemort's vicious confirmation of his question.

He focused on the two of them, transmitting his yearning for the safety so forcefully that it was almost as if they were standing right next to him. In his final moments, he swore he could touch their minds, in fact he wondered if for his last seconds on earth he was actually in their minds.

He smiled down on Harry as the puzzled but happy boy's essence met his. He felt himself merge with his wife's mind for a second, and he knew he wanted to say one last thing to her.

"Please take care of Harry and yourself. You know that I'll love you, always."

The final words he heard in his mortal lifetime were "I love you too," whispered by Lily so passionately and so urgently in his mind that he never heard the two words that took his life.

Seconds, or possibly days later he found himself lying on what appeared to be cool wet grass at first touch.

James rose and shook his head, looking confusedly around him. Where was he?

The dewy grass was neatly manicured and as James's eyes traveled along the freshly mown trails he saw that it terminated near a stately manor house that he recognized as his childhood home, a place he had not seen since his parents had been murdered there one year previously.

He jogged towards the villa, noting that everything seemed to passing by him quickly, almost as if he was on his old Quidditch broom. Just scant seconds later he was approaching the doorstep and to his heart-stopping joy he saw his late parents standing in the doorway.

"Mom? Dad?"

"We've been expecting you son," said his mother. "Though I wish it wasn't this soon."

They smiled at him, both traces of sadness and joy visible in their faces.

"Lily and Harry will be alright, you've seen to that," said his father proudly.

"Come inside, son," said his mother, and as he walked in, James's journey to the afterlife was complete.

A loud crash interrupted Lily's grief, and she instinctively shielded Harry's crib with her arms. Voldemort stood on the threshold, his wand leveled at her face.

"Stand aside, stand aside now."

Lily felt a surge of anger at the Dark Lord, and even though she knew that she and Harry were protected, she still defied him

"Not Harry, you won't take Harry!"

"Stand aside you silly girl! Stand aside now!"

"You killed my husband, you think I'll just let you take my baby?"

Voldemort's blood red eyes found her bright green ones.

"Your husband didn't have to die, I offered him his life and he foolishly chose to throw it away. Now, Mrs. Potter, stand aside now."

"Never!" she yelled viciously back into his face.

Voldemort regarded the Muggleborn for a moment. It really would be prudent to finish off the entire Potter family. In fact, he was doing a great favor for Severus, giving him a Mudblood to use for his own enjoyment, but if the girl didn't cooperate, then he didn't see any need to give her another chance.

"This is my last warning! Stand aside, silly girl, stand aside!"

"You'll have to kill me," said Lily with a triumphant smile.

Voldemort paused for a second at the woman's grin. She seemed unfazed by his threat, and this displeased him greatly. No…killing her now would rob him of witnessing her suffering. It was better to kill her son in front of her and see her pain; then finish her off while she was sobbing for her lost ones.

The Dark Lord flicked his wand, and Lily Potter was sent flying across the room to smash into the far wall. She lay pinned against it, woozy and dazed from where her head had smacked into the smooth stone wall.

Voldemort's thin pale lips curled into something of a snarl. "For your insolence you get to watch your son die before I deal with you."

Through the haze of her pounding head she saw the Dark Lord raise his wand and point it at her crying son. Although she knew Harry was safe thank to James's last actions, she still cried out as Voldemort screamed those hateful two words.

A green flash lit around the room, nearly blinding Lily, and the force of the spell blasted the entire roof off, pelting her with debris. Immediately Lily knew something had gone right, the Killing Curse was not supposed to destroy a room.

When the dust settled, Voldemort was nowhere to be seen, not even a body was left on the ground. She hobbled over to the crib where the sound of crying brought relief to her heart.

"Harry…you're safe, Harry…"

She sank to her knees, as the void of unconsciousness overcame her.

I hope you enjoy it, please read and review!