So I wasn't planning on writing anything else for this, but then I got this idea stuck in my head.

.&.&.&.&.&.

Dean can feel Sam's eyes on him. He sets his jaw and keeps throwing his things into his duffel bag making sure he has everything: knife, gun, ammo, clothes, ect. Dean's about 97 percent sure he hasn't done anything to piss Sam off since he stumbled out of the shower, but Sam was a little bitch so god only knows what has her panties in a twist.

"What, Samantha?" Dean asks turning to face his brother with a raised eyebrow. Sam is sitting on the motel bed, his duffel bag packed and staring at Dean with bitch face number 75, Dean, you're being ridiculous.

Dean has seen this particular bitch face a number of times, mostly hazy memories of trying to talk Sam into things while drunk. However, this past year and a half, Dean's come to recognize it's second meaning Go visit Cas, you fucking douche wad.

While the thought has crossed Dean's mind a number of times, there was always a reason not to. Right after Cas decided that he wanted to stay in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, it was pride, if Cas didn't want to be with Dean well then fuck him. Dean didn't need him.

A few months after that, it was…well it was still pride, but Dean was thinking of stopping around for a booty call, because he could not go through with it and he had fucking tried. Dean was so desperate just to be with some one other than his hand, that he was willing to drop back into town to see Cas. Till Dean realized that he was Dean fucking Winchester, and he didn't go around looking for pity fucks.

Plus the whole 'if it's not Cas, I'm not getting up' rebellion Dean's dick decided on, just frustrated Dean and aggravated him. He was going to find someone to fuck, if it killed him. And it took forever to find someone who looked like Cas, and when they stumbled into the guy's apartment later that night, Dean finally getting laid. He didn't enjoy it. He walked into the hotel room, numb and empty, pushing Sam awake and telling him they were heading out early.

Dean might have felt a little too guilty about screwing a Cas-look-a-like afterwards to even think about going. Then a few months had turned into a year, and here he was half way through another year, and Dean still hadn't found his balls to man up and see Cas. He couldn't.

A year and a half was a long time. Dean is confident (mostly) in Cas' ability to adapt to human life. He sure that Cas has a job, a house, a life partner. And despite the months they had spent together, Dean imagines Cas with the waitress from the restaurant, with a kid on the way, and wedding band on his finger.

Who is Dean to go break that up? Dean didn't think he'd ever be able to leave the hunting life behind. He couldn't give it up a little more than a year ago, when Cas decided to stay. Cas obviously wanted something more; something that Dean couldn't provide him. It was all right, fine. Dean didn't mind it, so what. Many people have walked out of Dean's life, even if Castiel did sprout all that bullshit about a more profound bond. But Dean wasn't about to go have it rubbed in his face.

"Dean, you're not even listening." Sam sighs as he gets up, and starts pushing Dean's clothes into the duffel bag Dean has abandoned. "You're so useless now a days."

Dean smacks Sam upside the head before going outside, Sam yelling "AND MEANER," after him.

Dean pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, pulling out one and brings it to his lips. He groans at himself in his mind, as he fishes the lighter out of his pocket to light the damn thing. He doesn't even remember how he started this. It just became a habit, some excuse for his to leave the hotel room when the thought of Cas got too much, when he would wait for Cas to walk in with Sam, bickering about lore and geeking out over books Dean would never read. Dean finally lights it, and takes in a puff.

"And stupider." Sam says right beside him, pulling the cigarette out of Dean's hand. He throws it on the ground, stomping it under one massive foot. Dean stifles a moan, following Sam towards the Impala. Dean waits beside the driver side, while Sam throws both duffel bags into the trunk.

"What would Cas say?" Sam asks, as he shuts the trunk. Dean rolls his eyes, before climbing into the car. Dean's more worried about what Cas wouldn't say, because why would Cas still give a fuck about Dean.

"You know, we could swing by…" Sam starts, but Dean's heard this speech before. All it does is frustrate him, so he turns the ignition on hoping to drown out his brother. It doesn't work.

"Take a day or two, go round that way." Dean frowns at the road in front of him, and fiddles with his tapes trying to find something loud enough to stop the nagging.

"Dean, you're clearly a mess without him." And that is where Dean's patience ends. He pushes the first tape he gets his fingers on in, and cranks the volume. Baby Come On Home by Led Zeppelin starts to play, and Sam snaps his mouth shut, a shit-eating grin crossing his face.

Then one day, I set you up to walk right outta my life. Leavin' me all by myself, All alone, to cry every night.

This just proves there's a God, and he hates Dean.

.&.&.&.&.&.

Dean watches Sam out of the corner of his eye. Usually Dean doesn't question Sam's navigation, and just drives to where ever Sam directs. Still, he glances around at the nothing that rolling by him, its just endless green fields, and yet it feels familiar, really familiar. Dean can't pin point why.

If Dean didn't insist on driving through the night the perhaps he would've caught on to what Sam was doing, or at least ask questions. But Dean's tired, and hungry. So he pushes that weird feeling into the back of his head, keeping one eye on Sam, and one on the road.

He doesn't realize until they pull into the hotel parking lot where they are. Dean ends up parking in the same spot he drove away from a year and a half ago. He turns the car off, hands gripping onto the steering wheel hard enough to turn white.

Dean should've seen this coming from his brother, the constant pain in his ass. He also should have noticed the roads they were driving down, ones Dean had been avoiding since the day Cas ripped out his heart and gutted it.

"If I left it up to you, you would never see Cas again, and kill yourself." Sam says easing out of the car, and heading towards the trunk. Sam has got both duffel bags out of the trunk, and is shutting the lid before Dean even gets out of the car. Dean understands that Sam's worried because he's been taking more risks with hunting, and drinking more and now he's added smoking on top of it.

"Fine." Dean snaps, letting Sam win this one. "How the hell are we even going to find him, bitch?"

"It's not that big of a town, jerk." Sam replies easily.

Dean eyes him as he goes to get their room. Dean pulls out a cigarette, lighting it quickly. Sam huffs at him when he comes out tossing a key towards him. Dean throws his bag inside the room, eager to get something to eat. Sam, picks up Dean's on the way, walks into the room placing a bag on a bed.

Dean is bouncing on his heels, cigarette smoke floating around him. He finishes with it by time they walk to the restaurant, throwing it in the cigarette disposer. Dean is laughing at something Sam had said when walks in, but he stops just inside causing Sam to run into him.

Right there, right fucking there is Castiel. Dean is momentarily seized by the fear that he smells like cigarettes. Stop being a fucking girl. He chides himself mentally; it doesn't help him take a step forward, or open his mouth to say something.

"Dean?" Fuck, that voice. Dean missed hearing his name said in the gravelly tone. Castiel's head tilts in confusion, and Dean's happy that hasn't somehow disappeared with the rest of Cas. He's in nice fitting jeans, and a t-shirt. He's got an apron wrapped around his waist, and he's behind the counter leaning on the to talk to… and that's when Dean notices the other man there.

"Cas." Dean manages to grunt back. He sees counter guy turn and mouth something towards Castiel, before looking back at Dean. Sam steps in, starts talking to Castiel, asking him about his life. Dean isn't paying attention to anything that's going on. He's too busy staring at the guy that Cas was getting all cozy with.

Dean's almost positive he's seen the guy before, but from where he has no idea. The man had blond hair, was of slender build, and from what Dean could guess pretty short. The guy was wearing skinny jeans, and some weird loafers. He looked ridiculous, seriously? Total geek. Maybe that was Cas' type now. He had enough of broken men hiding behind leather, and old band t-shirts.

And fuck Cas, Dean never claimed that he was anything special. Castiel was the one going around telling Dean he was chosen, that he was the righteous man, with all that faith and devotion in his voice. Look where it got both of them.

Damn, that was so not the point.

"…that sounds great, Cas. We'll just grab a seat then." Dean smiles just at the right time for pleasant goodbyes, Sam is ushering him over to a booth. A pretty blonde comes over a few minutes later to give them menus. Dean looks it over quickly choosing a cheeseburger and fries, and Sam picks some healthy chicken shit.

As soon as the waitress leaves with their orders, and Castiel is back in the kitchen again, Sam kicks Dean under the table.

"Ow, what the hell?" Dean whisper-shouts, Sam just glares back at him giving him bitch face 46, I know you're upset but don't be a dick.

"He's happy here. Don't ruin this for him." Sam warns. Dean just pouts back. He has no intention of screwing anything up for Cas, if Dean recalled correctly, he didn't even want to be here. His eyes scan back to the counter finding hazel eyes locked on him. Cas' new boy toy is staring at Dean. Dean wants to glare back, but Sam kicks him in the shin again.

Fuck. If Sam kicked him one more time, Dean was going to beat Sam's ass. Fucking hurt. While Dean is planning his revenge on his brother their food comes. Because God does hate him, it's Castiel that brings out their food to them, not that Dean notices until Cas places the burger in front of Dean and he's caught in crystalline blue.

"Head chef, Cas. You're doing pretty well for yourself." Sam says eyeing his chicken appreciatively.

"We got a visit from the Head Chef?" Dean asks playful, smiling at Castiel. He can feel Sam's eyes on him for a split second, but Dean just wants to get out of this as quick as possible.

"Yes." Castiel replies easily, the two falling back into a staring contest before something snaps Castiel out of it. "Try a bite."

Dean looks down at the burger, before glancing up at Cas then Sam. Dean shrugs his shoulders, grabs the burger, brings it to his lips and takes a bite of fucking heaven. It has to be the best burger that Dean has ever tasted, and Dean has eaten tons of burgers.

"Fuck, Cas, you can cook." Dean says when he's swallowed enough for him to be able to speak; Sam wrinkles his nose at Dean blatant lack of manners, but agrees that his chicken is cooked to perfection.

"Thank you. Cooking is fairly simple, you just follow the recipe." Castiel dead pans, in his own humans are oh so funny humor. Dean can feel the grin spread on his lips at that, Castiel looks over at him, and Dean can feel his eyes running over him.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Castiel says, a little more husky than normal, and shit that's Cas' sexy voice. What a goddamn tease. Feeding Dean meat with a side of seduction. And that sounded so wrong, but so right at the same time.

"So, will you two be coming over this evening, then?" Castiel asks, and Dean sort of freezes in his movements because he doesn't remember these plans ever being made. They were probably made when he was standing there like an idiot watching Cas and his familiar ass boyfriend.

"Yeah," Sam says, telling Dean to stop being a dick with his eyes, "We'll see you tonight."

.&.&.&.&.&.

This is not what Dean needed. It was one thing to check up on Castiel, make sure he was all right, and get the hell out of town. If Dean had done this of his own will, he probably wouldn't have even spoken to Castiel. It's another thing to be forced into seeing Castiel, and then confronted with how awesome his life is, and have to spend time watching Castiel and his new boyfriend. Imagining Castiel having a great life with a new lover was different than seeing it live and in person.

Dean dreaded going over to Cas' since they left the restaurant. Sam basically having to drag him over, and up the stairs to the apartment they were standing in front of. Dean's standing slightly behind Sam, not wanting to be apart of this, wishing he could go drown himself in some Jack or itching to run downstairs for a quick smoke. Both ideas Sam has vetoed, many times on their way over.

Castiel opens the door, and introduces the brothers to Kyle. Dean remembers where he'd seen Kyle before. He was the librarian who was flirting with Cas when Dean came to pick him up. Which is great because Dean got dumped for a fucking librarian.

Castiel serves cherry pie and coffee. Pie that he made, and served ale la mode, with cinnamon sprinkled over it. Fucking show off, Dean thought, before his brain bitterly supplied, Kyle gets to eat like this every night.

The chat over pie and coffee transforms into stories of stupid things they've done, while all drinking beer, and scotch. Which fuck yeah, hard liquor, but Dean was worried. Images from 2014 filtering through his brain, but none of that happened, and it seemed like Cas wasn't an alcoholic or pill popper. Dean relaxed a little, sitting back enjoying listening to Castiel as he told public friendly stories of hunts and trips he had with the brothers.

It was under the guise of getting another beer that Dean slipped away. The air outside was cold, but it cleared his head and allowed him to focus. He pulls out his cigarettes, taking one and putting in his mouth as he lazily groped for his lighter.

Damn, Castiel had done well for himself. He has a job he loves, a good place to live, and fucking wonderful boyfriend. It was all the things Dean couldn't give to him, and Dean was happy for him. Not so happy that Dean would be visiting any time soon after the brothers left, but enough that he might call Cas every couple of months.

Dean just wanted Castiel to be happy. It wasn't his choice to end up a human, and Dean shouldn't have forced him into the hunting lifestyle. Cas deserved to experience things like a stable home, or working a job, or finding someone to love that wasn't a complete dick.

Dean's cigarette lit as soon as he heard a huff behind him. He turns around expecting Sam to being giving him bitch face number 23 (Dean why do you insist on being stupid?) but instead finds Castiel standing there, arms crossed.

"I'm just out getting some fresh air…" Dean mumbles lamely, feeling like a kid getting caught smoking by his Dad. Castiel raises an eyebrow at that.

"And a cigarette, I suppose." Dean grins sheepishly, and shrugs, "I do not approve of your life choice, Dean."

It's just been too long, and Dean laughs. A full genuine laugh, Castiel frowns at him even more, taking a step closer.

"Dean, do not laugh. Cigarettes have been shown to cause cancer, and heart disease. With the amount of greasy foods you consume, you should not add to your chances."

"Alright, Alright, though I didn't see that stopping you from feeding me a thoroughly greasy burger today," Castiel blushes at that, "But you shouldn't worry too much bout me."

"Dean, I worry a great deal about you."

"You should save that for Kyle," Dean admits, looking off into the distance instead of at Castiel, "Kyle, by the way. Great catch Cas, congrats man."

"Kyle?" Castiel questions, head tilting perfectly.

Dean just shakes his head and chuckles, "Yeah, Kyle. Your boyfriend, if he ever hurts you I'll make sure they can't find the body. Kyle."

"Kyle and I are not dating. We are merely friends and roommates." Castiel says, which fuck that's just awkward. What the hell. Dean doesn't know how to deal with this, and he can't just stay quiet, not after he went all possessive ex-boyfriend on Cas.

"Well, he's a fool if he's not in love with you. You should try to hit that, Cas." Dean says quietly, finding his shoes interesting and noticing that his cigarette has burnt out with out him taking another drag from it. He lets it fall to the ground and stomps it under his boot. He doesn't know why he's telling Cas to go for it, but he wants Cas to be happy, and if there is a chance Kyle can make Cas happy, Dean wants him to go for it.

"That's a very nice sediment, but my heart is set on someone else."

"Someone else?" Dean asks feeling his heart drop. He had been entertaining some idea where he could be with Cas again. They would work it out somehow, if this taught Dean anything it was that he was in love with Castiel, and he missed him. But fuck there was some other guy? How many gay guys lived in this small ass town anyways? Jesus, fuck, if there was some other guy, he was probably twice a great guy as Kyle, which meant he was about ten times better than Dean.

"Yes. He's quite dense, but I love him." Castiel says, and Dean can feel his eyes on him. He sighs, and looks up into blue eyes holding love and devotion, those eyes that will never be his again, never.

"That's great, Cas. Go get 'em."

"You think I should?" Castiel asks, and fuck Dean does not want to be giving him relationship advice. But he nods and considers getting another cigarette out.

"I just want you to be happy, Cas, and if he makes you happy, go for it."

"Alright." Castiel says, and pulls Dean closer, hands wrapping in his leather jacket, mouth pressing against Dean's. It takes Dean's mind a few minutes to put the pieces together, but when he does. Dean's hands go instantly to Castiel's hips, and pulling them close. Their bodies meld together, and Dean had forgotten how perfect Cas felt in his arms.

One of Cas' hands detangles itself from his jacket, to move up to cup his face. Cas licks at Dean's bottom lip. Dean growls and pulls their hips tighter against each other. Dean opens his mouth. Castiel's tongue invades his mouth, searching out every spot re-mapping it to memory.

Dean slides his hands up, and under Castiel's shirt, his thumbs tracing circles on Cas' slim hips. Castiel pulls away, and they both stare at each other panting. Castiel is the first one to move, and he ducks his head into the crook of Dean's neck.

"I missed you." Dean says, voice rough. Castiel kisses his neck, and he can feel the grin on his skin. He can also feel the grin disappear, and whatever Cas' mumbles against Dean's skin can't be good.

"Cas?" Dean asks as he leans back, to get a look at Cas' face. Cas pulls his head up, and looks at Dean in the eyes before he sighs, his hands letting go of Dean entirely, and trying to pull away. Dean just tightens his grip on Cas' hips.

"This doesn't change anything, Dean." Castiel starts.

"I know. I don't want you to give up anything, Cas." Dean says, thinking that he's getting too old to be on hunts. He's not twenty-six anymore, and he's always wanted to settle down right? He could do it, but Cas gives him a perfect Sam bitch face 66, I know what you're thinking, and its stupid, stop it. Sam had to have given him lessons.

"And I don't want you to give up anything either, Dean. You would hate it here. You'd get antsy, and want to go off, and one hunt turn into two, and then three and soon you'd be halfway across the country running away because you're trapped here."

How the fuck does Cas know all that. Dean could do it. He could stay domesticated for a while, who the hell did Cas think he was talking to? Like Dean was some jerk who would just disappear for weeks on end at one little problem… All right, so maybe Cas had some inside information.

"Then what's your solution?"

"I would prefer it if you would just stop by a few times a month…" Castiel says as he threads his hands around Dean's neck. Dean knows that he could do that, stop in on his trips from one side to the other. It might get tricky when he's too far for a few times a month, but he'd keep in touch in between.

"So, we're 'oh you happen to be in town, let's fuck' buddies?" Dean asks, not happy with this title. Cas gives his own special huff brand of laughter.

"Well, I'd like to think of you as being my long-distance boyfriend." Dean isn't too fond of this title either, "So we'd be exclusive."

Dean raises an eyebrow at that. Cas does have the decency to look a little sheepish. "Oh yeah, you should be worried, not like leaving you here with Kyle doesn't make me worry."

"Dean!"

"Oh so you get to be jealous, and insinuate that I sleep around, but not me?"

Castiel pouts at that. On that front Castiel has no leverage, Dean never slept around or cheated on any girl that he was dating. Those months with Cassie he never even looked at another girl.

Dean kisses the pout off of Cas' lips. Yeah, Dean thinks this could work.