The Bad Touch Trio & the Goblet of Hilarity

Disclaimer: Muse wishes but does not own Harry Potter or Hetalia or Nyotalia.

~.~.~

It was safe to say that in a magical school, the term"strange and unusual" did not apply. When you can ride a broom, when staircases periodically changed directions, when you went to potions instead of chemistry, when you went to arithmancy instead of math and where the art of sleeping in class was perfected during a history class being taught by a ghost, it was safe to say that the line that separated the abnormal from normal was completely non existent.

Most of the time.

But sometimes "most of the time" seems to be forgotten in lieu of something else. At the moment Pansy Parkinson was trying to remember why she had ever agreed to come to Hogwarts in the first place instead of going to Beaubaxtons.

"I am going to murder that Hufflepuff bastard!" Pansy growled from her hiding place. She peered from behind the suit of armor. "How does he keep finding me?"

"Well, maybe because you are talking so loud, oui?"

"Shut up Bonnefoy!" She hissed at her French classmate. Francis laughed ( A hon hon hon~) and frolicked with such bravado that deserved a standing ovation Pansy had to clench her fist not to clap. "Ponce..."

Pansy made a mental list of all the people she would burn alive (Muggle style. On a stick) and preceded to mentally place Francis Bonnefoy The Insatiable Gryfindor on the mental list, beneath Gillian So Not Awesome Beilschmidt, her dorm mate. Those two, she thought venomously, were just as bad as the Hufflepuff bastard!

And thinking about the Hufflepuff Bastard, Pansy suddenly had the overwhelming feeling of dread that was now becoming incredibly familiar. Apparently he was near by, she thought, near by and waiting to pounce, the bastard!
It was times like this Pansy wished she had never broken up with Draco. At least with Draco acting as a sacrificial shield Pansy could have had enough time to get away. Oh why had she broken up with him again?

Oh wait, she remembered now. Gillian Beilschmidt. The freak had actually demanded that Pansy break up with him.

'You're nowhere near awesome enough to date my apprentice Coco!' Those were the albino girl's exact words right before pouncing on Draco and hauling him out of the Slytherin common room kesesese-ing with thought on who to prank next.

What happened after that, the day after the forced breakup, was possibly the most horrifying series of events to ever befall Pansy. All beginning with bumping into the Hufflepuff oaf who upon sight had decided that she was to be his date to the Yule Ball.

The nerve.

"Damn it, damn it all." Pansy whispered. "I have to use the bathroom and that damned Hufflepuff Bastard is somewhere here, lurking and waiting...damn it all! I don't care!" Pansy stepped out from behind the suit of armor. When nothing happened she smiled triumphantly and took one step-

-and was pounced upon by a heavy muscular body-the infamous Yellow Flash of Hogwarts.

"GET OFF!"

"AW BUT PANS-"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT, SELF RIGHTEOUS TWIT!"

A punch to the stomach, a head butt and a particularly hard kick to the chest and Cedric Diggory still seemed to hold onto Pansy Parkinson as though she were, literally, a part of his own body. He smiled down at her dreamily.

"Oh, Pans, you're so silly!" He grinned stupidly. Pansy refused to even acknowledge that she thought it might have been an attractive crooked grin. "You were absent this morning. Greengrass mentioned that you were feeling under the weather."

"Well, that was obviously a lie. I just wanted to get away from you. Stupid."

"Oh look, you're flushed! You have got to be the most adorable Slytherin I have ever met!"

"I. Am. Not. FLUSHED!"

Because Cedric Diggory, idiot extraordinaire, Lord of Stupidity, King of the Moron's, Tsar of the Thickhead's, Supreme Ruler of the oblivious seemed to believe that he and Pansy were something of an item.

Or that they were destined to be something of an item.

"You know," Cedric swung his arm around Pansy's shoulders and began to walk, pulling her so that she had to follow him. He grinned down at her wickedly. "I have been taking Spanish lessons from Antonio."

"The idiot Ravenclaw?"

"He has mentioned that I'm a bit of a fast learner." Cedric ignored her quip. "I am becoming well versed in the language of passion."

"Do you have a point because I need to get to the loo."

"No. No point...querida."

~.~.~

"Merlin...I hadn't realized Cedric had attained such a beating from the first challenge! He looks as though the dragon has chewed him up and spit him out at least a dozen times."

It was true. Cedric Diggory was sporting some of the worse bruises Cho had ever seen. Purple and green bloomed at his cheek and there were distinct handprints at his neck as through someone were attempting to strangle him. He walked with a very obvious limp.

"Did he get into a scrimmage with the Bulgarian's?"

"No amiga," Antonio Cariedo Fernandez swung an arm around house mate Cho Chang's shoulder, missing the look of obvious disdain coming from the Hufflepuff table from Lovi. "He decided to try out his Spanish on Señorita Parkinson." He sighed. "Al parecer, ella no aprecia la lengua española."

"English please."

"Lo siento, amiga, I forget to use my English sometimes." He gave her a little squeeze ignoring the growl emanating from the fourth year Hufflepuff who was now ignoring the concerned and terrified Ve~ing of her third year sister.

"So, changing the subject from Cedric's obvious abuse, Antonio, what are your plans for the Yule Ball?"

"I don't have any plans."

"Oh? Well, I was thinking, since we're such good friends that perhaps you and I can go together."

"Well-"

"Friends Antonio, just as friends. I understand too well your obsession for Lovina Vargas." Cho whispered. "This might be the incentive she needs. If she thinks that you're moving on she might just admit how she feels about you."

"Incentivo?"

"Si."

He could go with Cho and have a great time. Antonio liked to dance, he liked various types of music though he was still getting used to Wizarding music.
Cho was great company. Sure she was a bit whiney now and then especially with Cedric Diggory having changed his affections from Cho to Pansy. There was, of course the fact that Cho liked to play up the fact that she was remarkably intelligent and wave it around in his face, but other then that she was good company.

She was also very nice, she enjoyed hearing stories about Antonio's madre and about the farm and she even got along with Gilly. Going with Cho to the Yule Ball might not be so bad, considering that he had already asked Lovi and she had said no.

Nine times.

"Antonio?"

And she was really pretty. Not like Lovi no one was prettier then Lovi, but Cho had something about her that was very attractive, not that it was a date. Also, it didn't matter that Antonio was physically attracted to Cho anyway. It wasn't like going to a dance with a significant other it was going as friends.

That was all.

Oh, when had everything become so confusing?

"Si. We should go together."

While Antonio ignorantly missed the obvious pink blush spreading across Cho's face and the look of disbelief and hurt on Lovi's, across the room at the Gryfindor table Ron Weasley yelped.

Loudly.

"Bonnefoy!"

"Ah hon hon hon~"

"Get your hand out of there!"

"But cher Ronald, my hands get so lonely and you are filling out so nicely."

~.~.~

Ron Weasley had a problem, an incorrigible, blond, French, devastatingly handsome perverted problem. Usually French blonds weren't a problem, he was all for them, however this French blond was a perverted male. He buried his head in his hands and dry sobbed. He even shared a dorm with the beast!
If he went in that particular direction then it wouldn't be a problem at all. Seamus seemed to be doing quite well living in the same dorm with Bonnefoy but the rest of them; Dean, Neville, Harry and himself, it wasn't so easy.

When you were accosted on your way to Potions, pulled unceremoniously into a broom closet and snogged into breathlessness by your dorm mate twice in one week...and when you stopped minding...well Ron was beginning to care a little less which made him worry a whole lot more.

Nothing says boarding school like a sexuality crisis and in this case Ron might just have an aneurism before he figures out if he "like likes" Bonnefoy or if he's just in shock over the whole "male tongue on my tongue" thing. Especially after the rather confusing moment during supper where Bonnefoy stuck his hand in Ron's pocket and leaned his blond head on Ron's shoulder like he usually did.

What was different and had caused Ron to make a scene was when Bonnefoy's other arm decided to trap Ron in a hug...or more of an intimate embrace and what had made that moment worse then anything that Ron could have expected was the fact that Hermione had nodded to them and gave forth her opinion on Bonnefoy's rather intimate PDA.

"You make a dashing couple."

Ron had made a scene louder then any he had done with food in his mouth;

"Bonnefoy! Get your hand out of there!"

Justly said, Ron was the most affected by Bonnefoy and he was having none of it. If he had any attraction towards him then Bonnefoy had better make his intentions clear and commit.

Not that Ron wanted to be in a relationship with him but Bonnefoy had better take responsibility. That was okay.

Right?

"Damn it..."

Then again...maybe it wasn't.

~.~.~

Muse-Tan: Thanks for reading this one-shot. More will be added on a later date. I guarantee. Free writes after reading a very long message between myself and the awesome Black Rose Authoress. The BTT attending Hogwarts came up at awkward points and well, I reread the message and became inspired.

This story wasn't suppose to make a lot of sense and it was written very quickly. Anyhow I might add on, no I will add on since Tonio and Franny were introduced here I can't very well leave Gilly out.

And to those of you who are freaking out because Tonio is going to the Yule Ball with Cho...well all's I can say is this-he's a teenager (not a nation, maybe I should have mentioned that earlier) and as a teenage boy with a broken heart and hormones he is going to act on said hormones (not a lot mind you, he isn't Francis).

Oh, and Cedric Diggory stalking Pansy Parkinson? For the love of Merlin's pants, why would I pair them? Because...I...can...
No flames. This story isn't a serious one so no flames please. Flames will be used to stoke the fire in which Ron is having his near break down next to it...you wouldn't want Ron to brood so much that he throws himself into your flames, right?
Thats what I thought.

LoL

And did any of you catch the Naruto reference?