Chapter 3: I Want To Tell You

I want to tell you
My head is filled with things to say
When you're here
All those words, they seem to slip away

When I get near you
The games begin to drag me down
It's alright
I'll make you maybe next time around

But if I seem to act unkind
It's only me, it's not my mind
That is confusing things

I want to tell you
I feel hung up but I don't know why
I don't mind
I could wait forever, I've got time

Sometimes I wish I knew you well
Then I could speak my mind and tell you
Maybe you'd understand

I want to tell you
I feel hung up but I don't know why
I don't mind
I could wait forever
I've got time
I've got time
I've got time

'Well, I think Blaine's version of the song is actually better than the original.'

'But it's not in his natural key.'

'How dare you!'

The voices rang out, but all Blaine could hear was the pounding of the blood in his head. He had a headache, and he didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to have them arguing over his solo. 'Enough,' he said, shaking his head and holding up his hand for silence. 'I'm tired of this.'

'I agree. I think we should just let you pick the song you want to sing.'

'No!' he argued. This wasn't his point. His point was that other people needed a chance to show what they had to. And he wanted to be able to show Kurt that he wasn't a stuck up jerk who thought the Warblers were all about him and his talent. 'I'm tired of the Warblers being all about me.' He grit his teeth and rolled ahead. There was no turning back now. 'David, make sure everything I say now gets put down in the official minutes.' He paused, waiting for the attention to be placed solely on him for this last time. Finally, he spoke. 'We are going to lose at Regionals.'

The uproar was palpable, every voice rising in anger, heads being shaken, fists hitting tables. But Kurt's head only rose from his hands and watched Blaine as he continued.

'I'm incredibly grateful for the belief you've given me as a junior member in leading you in all these wonderful songs this past year. But from what Kurt has told me about New Directions, I just know I can't beat them on my own.' Another pause, another intake of breath. From the corner of his eye, Blaine watched Kurt, evaluating his reaction, and hoping against hope that he was doing this right and not making another mess up of their friendship. 'Which is why I propose we rearrange our eleven o'clock number and turn it into a duet.' Again the wave of angry voices rose, and he hushed them, speaking as loudly as he could. 'To showcase other talent in this group.'

People were angry with him, he knew, but he had to strive forward. He'd made this movement. There was no way he was backing out now. 'Point of order. Now, we all lost one of our own this week. Pavarotti's voice was silenced by death and I don't want to silence anyone else's voices in this group. I think Pavarotti would roll over in his tiny, tiny grave.'

'The placement of which has yet to be determined,' Kurt interjected, and Blaine hid his smile.

'Alright,' Wes said, calling the Warblers to order, and the silence ensuing showed Blaine just how little real control he had in this group, and how right it was that he was delegating his opportunities. 'Who's in favor of Warbler Blaine's proposal for a dual lead at regionals?'

Without hesitation, Blaine raised his hand, looking around the room to see who would follow his lead. A chorus of hands rose, and the knot that had held in his stomach loosened.

With a grin, Kurt turned to Wes. 'Can you put my name down on that audition list?' he winked.

'No.' Blaine's voice was adamant and it surprised Kurt. 'No auditions.' Kurt's eyebrows rose, watching him pensively.

Blaine took a deep breath, centering himself. This was what he had been waiting for; this moment was the pivotal one, and how it would be received could turn into one of the best or worst moments of his life. 'I want to do the duet...' His gaze ran the room and finally fell on his best friend's face. 'With Kurt.'

The younger boys shock was evident, and his mouth fell open into a perfect 'o'. 'That's ridiculous,' he said with a shaky laugh, glancing about him. 'I mean, there's so many great voices. Everyone deserves a shot at that honor.'

The confidence permeated Blaine's voice now as he held his hands behind his back, smile broadening across his face. 'All in favor of Kurt being my duet partner at Regionals?'

All hands went up, and, for Blaine at least, all was right in the world. Kurt was getting his chance to truly shine, and for everyone to see how amazing he was.

'Decided,' Wes said, banging his gavel. 'Congratulations, Kurt.'

And it was all over. Hands patted Kurt on the back as the Warblers stood as one and exited to the room. Blaine only sat back down in his chair and smiled.

'What's that?' Blaine asked, stepping into the empty commons. Only Kurt was there, surrounded by construction equipment, and sparkly decorations. His concentration was fixed on the box in his hands, and nothing else was a concern to him.

But Blaine's voice pulled him from his reverie and he looked up, a smile crossing his face. 'I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket.

'Well, finish up,' Blaine said. 'I have the perfect number for our duet and we need to practice.'

'Do tell,' Kurt said, but his hand was still on the box, as if almost afraid to separate himself from the mournful little casket.

'Candles, by Hey Monday,' Blaine voice came as almost a breath, and he was glad to get it out into the open. He couldn't turn back now, couldn't stuff the words away. This conversation was happening, and it was going to happen now.

'I'm impressed,' Kurt said, finally relinquishing his grip on Pavarotti's casket and placing it on the table. 'You're usually so top forty.'

Blaine moved closer to him, sitting down in the chair opposite him. 'Well, you know, I was looking for something a little more... emotional.'

And with that single word, Kurt's breath hitched in his throat. All pretext of normalcy was gone, and his eyes were dark and confused when he turned back to Blaine. 'Why did you pick me to sing that song with?'

The pause was thick with tension, and Kurt was impatient for an answer, but he could see that Blaine was steeling himself, drawing his courage up to say the words that apparently meant a lot more to him that Kurt could ever imagine. His friend was torn up by some kind of emotion, and Kurt was more than a little curious. He knew better than to assume that Blaine liked him as more than a friend. He'd been there once and he wasn't going to jump to that conclusion again, but the glint in Blaine's eye and the cautious way with which he prepared each word made Kurt's heart beat erratically and betray his own emotions.

'Kurt,' Blaine breathed. 'There is a moment when you say to yourself, "Oh, there you are"...' He turned to catch Kurt's eye, and any pretext as to the nature of this conversation was gone. '"I've been looking for you forever."' Blaine scooted his chair closer, placing a gentle hand over Kurt's. The soft connection of skin on skin sent a thrill through his veins, but his voice was calm when he spoke. 'Watching you do Blackbird this week, that was a moment for me, about you.'

Every thought possible was flooding Kurt's mind, and he couldn't help but let the smallest smile grace his face. He listened as Blaine struggled for the words to say; perfect Blaine who had an answer for everything. Blaine was speechless, and on the verge of tears. 'You... move me, Kurt,' he managed to say, and Kurt's eyebrows rose through the roof, his chest rising and falling with an increase in breath. 'And doing this duet would just be a reason to spend more time with you.'

Kurt's eyes were glued on Blaine's face, trying desperately to calculate his next moves, decide whether this was really happening or if it was just a very life-like dream. He could see Blaine swallow, and as he leaned forward and closed the gap between them, each second seemed like an eternity. Every line on the older boys face was clear as day to Kurt, and he loved each and every one of them, and the way they gave wisdom to Blaine's face, the way that despite all that, in this moment, he seemed innocent and out of place.

And then their lips were connected and any thought that either of them was making a mistake, or that they weren't ready for this, or that it could ruin their friendship, was gone, and all Kurt could feel was the pressure of Blaine's lips on his, and the feel of his hand on his neck, holding it firm. His hand clenched against the table, and suddenly he couldn't resist bringing it to Blaine's face and laying the palm flat on his cheek.

The older boys lips pulled against Kurt's, the pressure raising goosebumps and suddenly the kiss was over and Blaine was leaning back into his chair and Kurt's hand hit the table with a thud. All he could do was stare at Blaine and watch him as a small sigh of contentment left his lips. He had finally felt what it was like, and nothing he'd ever experienced was comparable.

Now, that tension was broken, Blaine couldn't catch Kurt's eye, and instead, he ran a hand across his forehead and rested his chin on it. 'We- we should practice,' he said.

Kurt's breath was heavy as he grinned, unable to contain the happiness that was seeping through him now that he'd had a proper, real kiss. 'I thought we were.'

And suddenly Blaine could contain himself no longer, and his lips crashed again against Kurt's and the world was forgotten.

His house was cold and dark when Kurt arrived home, on cloud nine. There was a skip in his step, and he couldn't help but take the staircase to his room three at a time.

Blaine had cornered him in the side hallway of Dalton before he had left for the day and made him promise that he'd call when he got home. He'd then ran a shaking hand along Kurt's jaw and laid a tentative kiss on the corner of his mouth before turning away with a quick wave and heading for his own dorm to finish his homework before dinner. 'I'm gonna miss you!' he called back as he climbed the stairs.

And now Kurt was sitting in his room, feet jittery against the carpet. He was attempting to do his own homework, but his pen would touch paper and be drawn away again at the thought of Blaine's hand gripped in his, or his lips trailing a sea of kisses along his jaw.

Kurt's phone sat on the desk beside him, and he kept shooting glances at it, hoping Blaine would call. With half a sigh he bit his lip and turned to his homework again, rereading the question he was attempting to answer.

Was it too early to call? Would it sound too needy? Would it sound desperate?

A quick glance at his phone proved his point that calling was totally out of the question until he'd done his homework, and it was late enough for Blaine to be in his room and not in study hall. Kurt took a glimpse of the clock, and he was surprised that it was nearly six. That was a suitable time, wasn't it? It wouldn't be odd if he called now?

And once the decision was made in his mind, it took him bare seconds to find the number in his contacts and press call. The tone had hardly finished one ring when the line connected.

'Hey,' the voice on the other end said, with a half sigh. 'Finally, Kurt. I was starting to get worried.'

'Worried?' Kurt asked.

'Yeah,' Blaine replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'You said you'd call when you got home and you should have got home over an hour ago. What have you been doing?'

Kurt could feel his face flush at the thought that he could have called so much earlier without any awkwardness whatsoever. 'To tell you the truth,' he said slowly. 'I was staring at my homework wondering when would be an appropriate time to call.'

'An appropriate time?' Blaine was nearly laughing, and it didn't help the blush that was making its way steadily around Kurt's neck and up his cheeks. 'Did you seriously think I wouldn't want to talk to you if you called too early?'

'That wasn't my issue, no.' Kurt could almost hear the raised eyebrows on the other end of the line.

'Then what?'

'I thought...' Well, there was no backing out now. If there was going to be anything between them, they better start with the truth. 'I thought you'd think I was needy if I called straight away.'

Suddenly, the laugh was gone, and Blaine was all seriousness. 'Why would you think that?'

Kurt wanted to shrug, but instead he only breathed, 'I don't know.'

'Well, don't,' Blaine's reply was indignant. 'If I hadn't thought that you might not be home yet, I would have called as soon as I got back to my dorm after dinner.'

The sigh that escaped from Kurt's lips was almost palpable, solid. 'You're not considering... I don't know... breaking up with me or something?'

Now the laugh was back in Blaine's voice. 'Do I need to come up to Lima and knock some sense into you, Kurt? It's like since you've stepped out the door, your brain's turned to mush.'

It was Kurt's turn to laugh now, as he held his phone against his shoulder and made his way over to his bed, lying down and spreading out over the coverlet. 'I think it turned to mush long before I left Dalton.'

Blaine didn't deny the fact. 'Maybe it did, but you still had no reason to believe I'd break up with you for calling me, or not calling me, or anything whatsoever. In fact, I miss you. Like crazy. Which is stupid, because I saw you only a few hours ago and I'm seeing you tomorrow but... I miss you, Kurt.'

The grin spread across Kurt's face from ear to ear. 'I miss you, too. I wish I could stay at Dalton with you.'

'You know you could never do that.'

A small sigh escaped his lips. 'I know. I couldn't leave my dad here, and Carole needs my help around the house - God knows Finn doesn't do anything - but I really wish I could see you more often.'

'I wish I could see you every moment of every day.'

Kurt gave a shaky laugh. 'You're only saying that.'

Blaine's reply was a breathy whisper. 'I wish I was.' There was a slight pause and then, 'Can I tell you something, Kurt?'

'Yes?' The younger boy could hear the hesitance in his own tone.

'I know it seems like I've been incredibly stupid these last few months.' Kurt couldn't deny that. First, the manager at the Gap, and then Rachel. 'But I want you to know that this wasn't a rash decision. I didn't make up my mind on the spot that I had to kiss you, right then.' He took a deep breath, loud enough to be heard by Kurt on the other end of the line. 'What I'm- what I'm trying to say is... I think I've had feelings for you all along, since I first laid eyes on you, on that staircase. I just- I just didn't know it.'

'Mm,' Kurt murmured in response. He didn't know if he could form anything more coherent.

'And then, now, I feel as if I'm going to explode, because I can't see you. Is this normal?'

The question felt almost wrong, coming from Blaine's lips. Blaine didn't ask questions. He knew exactly what he wanted, and he acted on that.

But today, Kurt had learned something about Blaine. Maybe he wasn't as perfect and composed as he made out to be. 'That's perfectly normal,' Kurt stammered quickly. 'I feel that way every day.'

And then he desperately wished he was with Blaine right now, because the older boy's breath hitched in his throat audibly and it made Kurt feel as if the base of his stomach was going to fall out or he was going to melt. He stood up quickly, backing up until his knees hit the bed and collapsed against it. The covers crumpled beneath him, soft against his back.

'Blaine?' Kurt asked, biting his lip. 'I know its been, like, half a day, but we're friends, right?'

'Yeah.'

'And I want to tell you something. About- about how I've been feeling since I first met you.' Kurt paused, biting his lip. This was too soon. Definitely too soon. What was he doing? He was going to freak the guy out, and then he'd dump him on the spot! 'Blaine, I- When you came down those stairs, and you lead me to the first ever Warbler's performance I had heard, my hand felt like it was on fire, because I'd never had a guy just... grab my hand before and take me anywhere.'

Kurt could almost hear Blaine smile on the other end of the line. It gave him courage. 'And then, we became friends easily, but I knew straight away that for me, you were more than that. Mr Schuester came to Dalton at Christmas, and he asked me about you, and I told him. I told him I was in love with you, and that I considered it progress. At least you were actually gay.'

The smile was gone now, and it was replaced with a pensive thoughtfulness. He was hanging on every word, considering it, mulling over its meaning. Because Kurt had said those words. "In love." It was out there, and it was said, and it couldn't be taken back now.

'And then, I watched as you thought you were falling for all these different people, and I wanted it desperately to be me, but you didn't even notice me. And I was okay with that, in a way, because you were still my friend, and we could still hang out and do things, and I had opportunities to impress you and make you see me.' He took a deep breath. 'And then to learn that all I had to do was sing, and that did the job. That makes me feel like I could have sorted this out long ago, if I wasn't just trying so hard.'

Kurt listened as Blaine took a deep breath. 'I wish I could say anything different, except that I don't want you to change, any of you. I want you to stay exactly as you are. And I don't care that it took Pavarotti dying for me to realise how much you mean to me, but please, stay exactly as you are. Don't lose yourself, Kurt. You are amazing.' He smiled, and Kurt couldn't help but smile too. 'And stop talking like this. I want to kiss you again.'

And that made Kurt happy, because the idea of Blaine's lips on his was like bliss, even if it was only an idea, and they were separated by miles, and a phone line.

'I miss you.'

'You said that already.'

'But I do.'

'I'm going to see you tomorrow, Blaine.'

'Tomorrow's not soon enough. You didn't give me enough time to kiss you before you left.'

And now Kurt knew he was definitely flirting around, but he only sighed and leaned back against his pillow, the smile warm on his face.