Title: The Ass and the Bee

Author: Wyntir Knight
Summary: Eventually every braggart is found to be an ass.
Characters:Bumblebee and Sunstreaker, with Cosmos, Cliffjumper, Powerglide, Windcharger, and Sideswipe.

Universe: G1
Rating:T

Warnings:Language, violence, implied potential slash

Disclaimer: Transformers belong to Hasbro and Takara, and are licensed to IDW and Dreamworks. My original characters are my own and any similarity between them and any existing characters from canon or fandom is purely coincidental. I claim no ownership by writing this work.

A/N:Special thanks to Bittereloquence for taking a look at this and offering some much needed advice.

"Who knows himself a braggart,
Let him fear this; for it will come to pass
That every braggart will be found an ass." Shakespeare

Bumblebee entered the commissary and looked around at all the assembled mechs. It was as it always was after a battle. Everyone got together for a drink, to unwind, and to celebrate the victory. In this case, there truly was cause to celebrate since no one on their side had been seriously hurt. Even Tracks was brushing off his scratches as minor. The tiny spy smiled at everyone as he entered, greeting everyone as he passed, until he arrived at a table filled with other minibots.

"Hey Bee! You're back!" Cosmos said with a grin as the little yellow mech sat down. "Apparently we missed all the fun. Powerglide was just telling me about the battle."

"Cosmos! When'd you get back?" Bee asked as he reached out to squeeze the green mech's hand affectionately.

"Oh, about two hours ago. I just got cleared," Cosmos replied. "Well maybe not cleared exactly, but Ratchet didn't say no when I left."

"Yeah, and I bet he never saw you sneak out either." Bumblebee grinned and squeezed Cosmos' hand again. He never quite withdrew it. It had been a long time since he'd seen the little UFO and he'd missed him. A lot.

Powerglide noticed the look between them and bit back a chuckle before launching into a repeat of the story he'd been telling moments earlier.

"So the Twins are taking out Skywarp and Thundercracker, and for a couple o' groundpounders their doing damned good!" Powerglide was warming to the subject, hands moving animatedly. Suddenly he caught the derogatory word and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. You know what I meant. Anyway, I guess they didn't see Starscream, or forgot about him in the excitement. Either way, there he was, Starscream, hiding in the sun. And he just sweeps down on them, guns blazing! An' I knowthat they don't see him, so I sweep in, an' that's when 'Charger gets his idea, an' it's brilliant!"

Windcharger laughed and took over the story. "Yeah, I jumped on Powerglide, we got close enough to Screamer and I latched onto that damned turkey. You should've heard him!"

"It was like watching a shrieking Buckin' Bronco trying to knock 'Charger off!" Powerglide crowed, mimicking the whole thing enthusiastically with his hands and arms, nearly knocking over Bumblebee's energon in the process.

The small spy chuckled softly at the display and moved his cube out of the way. "Oh I can see it now! Then what happened?"

"And then he rolled and dove and still'Charger stayed on. It was fantastic!" Cliffjumper crowed, slapping Windcharger on the shoulder.

The little red TransAm grinned in response. "It was a beautiful thing. Screamer didn't know what hit him! And then 'Glide here swooped it! It was a thing of beauty, Bee. We couldn't have plannedit better!"

"Yeah, the two of 'em showed up the Lambos andthe Aerials!" As Cliffjumper continued to laugh, he was glaring around the room as if daring the Aerials and the Lambos to prove him wrong.

Bumblebee's internal warnings started going off as Cliffjumper became more and more arrogant. On the far side of the room, he saw Silverbolt lay a staying hand on Slingshot's arm. In the other corner the Twins were glaring at the minibots angrily, Sunscreaker's hands already clenched into tight fists.

"I wish I'd been there to see it!" Cosmos said with a grin as he took a long swig of energon.

Bumblebee just shook his head and chuckled. "Me too," he admitted with an appropriate amount of awe in his voice. "But what possessed you to even try it?"

Windcharger shrugged. "Eh, you know how we do things, Bee. We did it because no one told us we couldn't. Sides, someone had to take out Screamer, what with the Twins dealing with the other two Seekers and the Aeriels busy with Bruticus. And really, there's no reason why any of us couldn't have done it. Given the opportunity."

"Yeah, I suppose so. Well, you and Brawn certainly," Bumblebee admitted before finishing his energon.

"Nah, all of us could do better than those two." Cliffjumper glared at the Lamborghini twins across the room and raised his voice. "Those two are just lucky, that's all. What 'Charger did took skill!"

Bumblebee shot a glance and an apologetic smile over toward Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. "Come on, 'Jumper, don't antagonize them. They're good warriors the both of them."

"Oh, don't pull the peace keeper act, Bee. We all know they're just wastes of plating and wannabe Decep-"

"Cliffjumper, that's enough!" Bumblebee interrupted sharply. "We're all Autobots here and don't you dare imply otherwise."

Cliffjumper glared at Bumblebee. "That promotion went right to your head, didn't it? What? Now you're pulling rank on us?"

"This isn't about rank, 'Jumper. This is about not being an aft," Bumblebee replied. His voice was calm but there was an edge to it.

"Of course it's about rank and it's about you spending too much time with that traitor Mira-"

"That is enoughCliffjumper!" Bumblebee snapped. There was no room for argument in his tone.

"So that's how it's gonna be, is it?" Cliffjumper sneered. "You get a damned handout and suddenly you're one of them, are you?"

The other minibots watched the exchange in silence, pulling back from the argument. When Cliffjumper got it into his head to get into a fight there was nothing to do but walk away. Of course, Bumblebee was unlikely to do that and they all knew it.

"A handout?" Bumblebee growled. "Is that what you think this is?"

"Yeah. I do. I think that that's exactly what it is," Cliffjumper spat back in an equally dangerous growl.

All other conversations in the commissary stopped and all optics were on the two minibots. In the far corner Sunstreaker snickered and something low to his brother.

"Yeah, that's about right, Bro," Sideswipe laughed. "Dumb luck and tryin' to hold on to it as long as possible." He obviously knew his words would carry, and he glared at the minibots as if daring them to deny it.

"Yeah, you'd know all about that wouldn't you, Sideswipe?" Cliffjumper sneered, all anger at Bumblebee forgotten. "Luck's about all you and your twin have going for you. That and the fact that he's probably got intimateknowledge of how 'Cons think." The little red Porsche inclined his chin toward Sunstreaker, optics daring him to react.

Sideswipe's optics narrowed, but he stayed in his seat, refusing to rise to the bait. Sunstreaker wasn't about to take to perceived insult lightly though. The large frontliner stood up sharply, sending his chair crashing away from him and to the floor with a clatter loud enough to silence any remaining conversation in the room.

"That had better not mean what I'm thinking you mean, pipsqueak," Sunstreaker growled.

"It means exactly what you think it does, Sunshine. It means just what all of us know and no one's got the bearings to say!" Cliffjumper stood up tall, glaring at Sunstreaker, never flinching as the tall mech started to approach.

Sunstreaker's entire demeanour changed. One second he had been smugly snickering with his brother, and the next he was stalking across the room, cold anger radiating from him. Any sane bot would have backed down at the dangerous gleam in the Lamborghini's optics. It was a look that promised nothing but pain.

Bumblebee looked around the room for an officer, but found none, save the retreating back of Silverbolt as the Concorde lead his flock of Aerialbots out of the common room. With a half-bitten back sigh, the little Beetle took a step forward to get both Sunstreaker and Cliffjumper's attention, without actually stepping between the two.

"All right, that's enough, you two! 'Jumper, quit trying to provoke Sunny and apologize to him," he ordered. "We've got enough enemies out there without you seeing them in here too. We're all Autobots and we're all trustworthy!"

There was a faint snicker from the back of the room, but Bumblebee wasn't about to look at who it was from. This was going to be a battle of wills, and unfortunately, even with his recent promotion, he was coming into this at a distinct disadvantage. Being everyone's small, cute 'little brother' was great when he wanted to get sneaky, but it was hardly the best command position. Thankfully, he felt the other minibots come up behind him, offering quiet support. There was no way that Sunstreaker would do anything while they were all there and in front off witnesses. At least Bumblebee hoped he wouldn't. But with Cliffjumper insisting on provoking a fight, there was a good possibility that Sunstreaker might just snap.

"Frag off, Bee," Cliffjumper growled, optics never leaving the Lamborghini. "This is between me and Sunstreaker. Go back to your energon and-"

"No, that's enough! Now let's go." Bumblebee grabbed Cliffjumper's arm and pulled him away.

The Porsche spun and glared at Bumblebee and the other minibots. His lips compressed into a tight line and he was about to lash out at them all when Sideswipe spoke up.

"Hey, Sunshine, come on Bro. I have no desire to spend another night in the brig.," the red twin called out from his table. "We've got plans, remember? He's not worth missing out on tonight."

Sunstreaker continued to glare at Cliffjumber before finally huffing softly and turning back to his brother.

"Yeah, let's get out of here," he growled. "And don'tcall me Sunshine." He punched his brother in the shoulder for emphasis as he stalked out of the commissary.

"Yeah, run off like a little bitch!" Cliffjumper called out in a voice just loud enough to be heard. "Just proves you both know I'm right."

Windcharger slapped the Porsche upside his head. "Yeah, you made your point, fragger. Now let's get out of here before we overstay our welcome any more than we already have." His tone was light but his hand was firm as it closed in around Cliffjumper's arm.

As a group, the minibots herded the red Porsche out of the commissary in the opposite direction away from the Lamborghinis. As soon as they were out the door Cliffjumper shook off Windcharger's hand and stalked angrily away.

"Oh come on, Jumper," Windcharger called after him. "Don't sulk."

"I'm not fragging sulking, Charger!" Cliffjumper shot back, never turning around.

Bumblebee shook his head as he watched the two walk off, still arguing.

"They just need to get a room and get it over with," Powerglide chuckled.

"I doubt the Ark would survive if they did," Cosmos replied, a smirk obvious in his voice, even though nothing showed on his masked face.

"Okay, enough of that noise. I seriously need to hit the washracks, but I'll see you later, right, Cosmos?" Bumblebee asked.

Powerglide shook his head and chuckled. "It's cute how you two think you're fooling people. Real cute."

Ignoring the glare from the UFO and the Beetle, he turned away and headed off toward the front door. A flight was in order, and if his path took him by Astoria's place, then all the better.

XXX

Sunstreaker stalked away from the quarters he shared with his brother. Sure, they might have had plans for tonight, but the fragging minibot's insults had put him in a foul mood and Sideswipe's attempts at cheering him up had made everything worse. So with the choice being to either beat the slag out of his brother or take a walk, he chose the only option that wouldn't scuff his armour. He was almost at the washracks when he saw the unmistakable shadow of Cliffjumper heading into the showers and a feral grin pulled at Sunstreaker's lips. Just what he needed; a chance to play punt the minibot.

He slipped into the otherwise empty room and keyed in a privacy code to temporarily lock the door.

"There we go. All alone with no one to interrupt our little chat," he said in a conversational tone that did nothing to mask the anger. "So, shall we take up where we left off, Cliffjumper? Now that there are no witnesses to get in the way?"

"You want to chat? Fine. How about we start with how pissed off we're getting with you and your brother constantly trying to beat the slag out of us?" came the low, irritated response from within the stall.

"It's all you're good for," Sunstreaker replied with a casual shrug. "Now get out here so that I can turn you into scrap metal."

"Oh yeah?" the other mech asked. "Fine, let's get this over with. Bring it, Sunshine!"

Sunstreaker growled at the nickname that he so hated, and darted forward, fully intending to pull his quarry out of the stall by force. He slammed one massive black fist into the space and froze just before hitting the back wall. Cliffjumper was nowhere to be seen.

"Where you hiding, you half-pint cassette-wannabe?" he called out. "Let's talk about how you think I'm a 'Con, hunh?"

A shower on the far side of the room turned on with a hiss of pressurized water.

Sunstreaker spun toward it and growled. "No games, Cliffjumper. And don't you even think about running. One way or another I'll find you and I will teach you some RESPECT!"

There was the barest hint of a splash behind him as another shower turned on. He spun just in time to see a shadow disappearing into another stall.

"I don't know what the frag you think you're doing, but all you're accomplishing is pissing me off," Sunstreaker hissed. "Now quit hiding so I can kick your aft!"

A third shower turned on, followed by a fourth and a fifth, until they were all going and the room was roaring with the sound of blasting water.

Sunstreaker fell into full battle mode, glaring around the room looking for the minibot who was trying to humiliate him again. He never heard the footsteps behind him; never got any warning before he was kicked hard in the back of the knee. He spun to face his attacker, striking out like a coiled snake. And hit nothing. A weight landed on his back and sent him sprawling onto the wet floor as a dozen small fists impacted against his sides like miniature jackhammers.

The big frontliner heaved up and fell backwards, fully intending to crush his opponent into the floor. The room was filled with sound of metal clanging against metal as Sunstreaker impacted the floor. A sound came from behind him and he jumped to his feet only to have them slip out from under him sending him falling flat on his face. He groaned, and then the smell of cleanser filled his olfactory sensors. The floor was covered with it!

"You little fragger," he growled low. "When I get my hands on you I'm going to rip you limb from limb. Even Ratchet won't be able to put you back together."

As he spoke, he carefully moved out of the pool of cleanser and got his feet back under him.

"I know what you're doing and it won't work. You think you can make me mad. You think you can goad me into doing something stupid. Well I've got news for you, you microbot, you're not smart enough for that."

There was a soft, menacing chuckle from behind him near the door before the lights suddenly cut out, plunging the room into pitch blackness. Sunstreaker activated his night vision, but the steam created by all the showers was making the room too warm to read properly. Turning on his headlights helped a bit, but the light bounced off the water droplets in the air, creating a strange and creepy fog-like effect.

He stalked toward the door where he had last heard the chuckle. If he was effectively blind, then so was Cliffjumper. All he needed to do was think this out carefully and act accordingly and pretty soon he'd have the annoying little fragger in his grasp. All he needed was to get his hands on the minobot and then this humiliation would be over.

A shriek of metal against metal rang out in the room, coming from somewhere behind him, and he spun in its direction, never noticing the small, round shadow, sneaking in from the doorway. His only warning was the squeal of tires before he was hit hard in the back of the knees, sending him flying onto his back as his opponent slammed into him from behind.

He landed hard. Far too hard, and he felt his spoiler bend under the impact.

"You little-" Sunstreaker broke into the foulest of Cybertonian curses. "You scratched my paint! You bent my spoiler! You are DEAD!"

Then, his enemy made his first and last mistake. He turned on his headlights and laughed, gloating and goading Sunstreaker on. Without any hesitation, the yellow Lamborghini transformed and roared toward his opponent. Yes, he'd scuff himself up more when he hit Cliffjumper at these speeds, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was making the minibot pay.

The need for brutal vengeance was the last thing to pass through his processor before he slammed into the mirror on the back wall of the wash racks. He transformed in a daze, fighting against passing out.

"Wrong minibot, jackass," Bumblebee hissed as he keyed open the door and walked out of the washracks, leaving Sunstreaker to pick himself up and lick his wounds.