Author's Notes: There's something off in Neal's mind, but he's so very careful to hide it. Even has his meds smuggled into prison so no one will ever know. He only gets worse during stressful times and the new tension between him and Peter after the accusation certainly qualifies. You can go ahead and guess what Neal's condition is if you want ^_^

Mean to be after Peter has found out that Neal had nothing to do with stealing the treasure. Can be taken as OT3. Nothing explicit, but I do kinda ship it.

Summary: Even with the new rift between them, Peter thinks he still should have picked up on something. He'd chased Neal for years, after all. Luckily for them, they have El.

What He Didn't Want to See

Later, Peter would never be more grateful that he'd finally given in and tried to talk through his and Neal's strained relationship and Neal's odd behavior with El. He'd be grateful when she started asking him things about Neal he'd never thought of before and patterns he'd never seen. He'd be so damn grateful that he listened when his wife prompted him to go check on Neal, a wrinkle of concern on her brow. Because otherwise, he never would have known until something more horrific and maybe unfixable had happened.

When Neal hadn't answered the door and June wasn't at home to ask, Peter had taken a deep breath and gone on into the loft. His hand had been on his gun without conscious thought. It was instinct for him to go for his weapon when he walked into a room that looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to it.

"Neal!" his heart was in his throat when no answer came, but almost at the same time, he spotted the convict huddled against the cabinets.

Peter approached Neal carefully, avoiding the glass scattered on the floor. At once he knew that El had been right on with her questions and observations, 'Did you ever do a psyche profile of Neal?', 'You always say he does such rash things', 'His hands are still shaking'.

But the thief was always so put-together and perfectly composed, how was he supposed to know? The state Neal looked to be in now…Peter knew this was something he was never supposed to see. That it was something maybe even Mozzie had never seen.

Neal just bit his lip and looked like he was trying not to cry, or maybe laugh. It was difficult to tell.

Holstering his gun, Peter watched him for a moment, not knowing where to go from here. Peter was not a man who handled emotions well on his best days, and so much was stretched so thin between them…Peter had accused Neal of a huge crime without ever asking him if he'd done it. And he hadn't. Peter knew that now. He had just been so angry then...Now he didn't know how to make it right.

Now he feared he was going to have to make it worse.

"Neal…" He crouched down in front of the conman, attempting to see his eyes. "Neal, I know why you didn't tell me about this, but…this isn't a one time thing, is it? This has happened before."

Blue eyes stared straight into his, unflinching.

"…It's fine. I'm fine. I'll clean it up."

Peter shook his head.

"I'm not worried about that. It doesn't matter." He wanted to say, 'I'm worried about you'. But he didn't know if he had that right anymore. "I don't think this is something that's going to get better or go away, is it?...Neal, we need to find out what's wrong-"

Neal's on his feet and glaring at Peter.

"Stop." It's not a request. Neal turns around. He's more shaken up than Peter's ever seen him, even after Kate's death. His hair is wild and he's only wearing his pajamas. He's pacing on the glass covered floor and Peter has to physically grab onto the counter behind him to keep from reaching out and stopping him. He knows touch might be the worst thing for Neal right now, but his feet are already cut and bleeding, leaving a trail. And he doesn't even seem to feel it.

Peter wants to let all of this go, he really does. Tack it up to a stressful day and a high workload and have everything be right again in the morning. He's trying so hard to fix things between them and he can already tell that this is the mother of all sore spots for Neal. No confrontation on the matter can go well.

But the reason he needs to know, to press on, is to protect his partner, to help him.

Peter put up his hands in an effort to stop Neal from pacing and tearing up his feet anymore. Then he took a deep breath and tried to begin again from another angle.

"How did you get your meds in prison?" He had to have been getting them because something like this…not even Neal could have hidden that for years. He can only see Neal's profile, but he sees the uncommon twist of his lips as he shakes his head and slowly turns to face Peter, small, frozen smile back in place.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Neal, I don't know how you kept all of this out of your records, and it seems so clear now, but someone needs to know what's wrong with you."

"See? There's nothing wrong with me and what I don't want is to be tagged and labeled and- and catalogued like something is! I'm not gonna have that kind of paper trail where everything comes with a warning label."

Neal was getting more and more agitated and erratic and Peter could only think, 'god, why didn't I see it before?'

"If there were ever a mix up with your pills, if something were to happen-"

Neal's a foot from Peter's face.

"You'd probably be happy to be rid of me."

Peter's shocked silent and Neal backs away a bit, looking somewhat deflated, like he knows that was unfair. But he doesn't apologize. Peter gears himself up to ask the question he already knows the answer to.

"You don't trust me?"

Neal looks at him like it physically hurts to push the word out, but he does, tears in his eyes.

"No."

Peter nods somberly, accepting. They stand there calmly, neither looking at each other. They had both been hurt by the other and knew that pain only mattered because they mattered to one another. They just didn't know where to go from here, how to make it better.

"…What about El?"

Neal looked up, confused.

"What?"

"Do you trust Elizabeth?"

"…Yes."

"Then you tell her-"

"She'll tell you, I'll get taken in and put under a microscope-"

"No. No, she won't tell me anything because we'll tell her not to." Peter carried on before Neal could start again. "No papers. No need for anyone else to ever know. If there's ever…an occasion where the information's needed, I'll send El. Alone. I'll never know."

Peter could see the doubt in his partner's eyes. He was thinking about it.

"Neal…you said you trust her and you should. She will never lie to you and she will never betray you." 'Like I did', Peter thought grimly.

Blue eyes darted back and forth, he chewed on his thumb absently. Peter waited what he thought was a reasonable amount of time before beginning again.

"Neal-"

"Okay." Neal nods, but doesn't look at Peter. "El. Okay."

Peter nods, at once relieved and hurt that it couldn't be him.

"Alright. Let's go see her now." Neal almost looked like he was going to say no, but relented, nodding stiltedly. Peter moved towards him, but refrained from touching him in case he reacted badly, guiding him with words instead. "We just gotta get your feet taken care of first, okay?"

Neal looked at him in confusion before looking down. Peter saw surprise and a little fear in his eyes as he took in the sight. Peter had been right, he hadn't even felt it.

"Neal…Neal." He snapped his partner's attention back on him and spoke to him softly, taking care to be gentle, but not slip into a placating tone. "Just come sit down and I'll have a look, okay?"

He watched Neal walk the few steps to the bed like he was in a daze. The fact that he hadn't noticed the damaged he'd done to himself seeming to have cooled him a bit.

When he was seated, Peter went to get a towel and look for bandages. He pressed his cell against his shoulder and made sure he spoke loudly enough that Neal could hear, lest he think Peter was trying to keep something from him.

"El, honey. I'm gonna bring Neal to the house. You were right and there's some things Neal needs to talk to you about."