Arrived

Shepard listened to the gentle hum of the Normandy as it traveled to the coordinates relayed to her by Admiral Hackett. She listened to the bubbles of her fish tank. She listened to her breathing, surprisingly steady.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, hunched over, resting her arms on her knees and holding her helmet. Most of her armor was already on. She was just waiting for Joker to send word that they'd arrived at Aratoht. Not too much longer now. How long had she been sitting here, deciding?

She respected Hackett. He'd always had her back. Had even recommended her to be a Spectre. He'd asked her to help Dr. Kenson. She would. She'd go into Batarian space, sneak into a prison, rescue the doctor, and look into her evidence about an impending Reaper invasion.

He'd asked her to do it alone. She would.

Shepard had wanted to think. Decide what to do about the mission, about her crew. About Garrus.

The comm. flashed. "Shepard."

"Joker."

"We're here."

She chewed on the inside of her lip, weighing her options. She'd waited until the last minute to make this decision.

Lots of people called her a hero. Heroes were brave, right? Faced any challenge, no matter how dangerous or painful, to benefit others. Dealing with problems head-on. Racing around the galaxy. Saving people. Killing bad guys. That'd been her life since she joined the Alliance. She didn't feel brave doing it, but she'd never felt like a coward. Until now.

Joker knew the location. EDI had access to the chat logs with Hackett. Miranda had been briefed on the situation. Enough of the crew knew. Decision made.

"I'm on my way to the hangar. Shepard out."

She got up and headed out of her room. The elevator was empty and she was thankful, though she hadn't really been expecting anyone. No one who would try to talk her out of going in solo would know yet. The doors closed behind her and she tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. The guilt rising like bile in her throat.

He'd just worry the whole time. I'll be in and out in a couple hours. I'll be back before he finds out. How can he get mad when he sees it all went fine?

As she entered the shuttle and watched the hatch close behind her, she breathed a little easier. Too late to change her mind, but the relief she felt was because she hadn't run into anyone on her way there.

Jane Shepard had never felt like a coward. Until now.

Garrus was in the main battery, assessing the damage from the Collectors and coordinating repairs. Ever since they'd survived the hell of a Human-Reaper, they'd been traveling through various systems, trying to rally support against the Reaper threat. Everyone had been pulling double-shifts, just trying to get things back to normal. Or at least what could pass for normal on the Normandy.

His omni-tool beeped slightly and he stopped his work to look at it. 1700. Dinner time.

He finished up the last of his calibrations, then shut down his terminal. Usually he'd work well past the standard dinner time, not often feeling the need to socialize. But lately he and Shepard had been meeting up for meals. It was a welcome change to his routine, and somewhat – in his mind anyway – solidified the fact that they were in a relationship.

Assuming they were in one. He wasn't always sure. They'd been careful to avoid actually talking about that. Wake up in her quarters. Breakfast together. Work. Lunch together. Work. Dinner together. Work. "Blow off steam" together. Sleep. It'd been a very constant pattern ever since the Omega-4 Relay, one that he had no desire to break and that Shepard also seemed to enjoy.

Mind full of thoughts of Shepard, Garrus walked into the mess hall. Most of the crew was there, eating their various meals or ration packs, depending on their personal preferences. Even Miranda, who had kept mostly to herself before Shepard had helped her with her sister, was at one of the tables, reading some reports as she sipped on her coffee. Jacob was nearby, trying to engage her in conversation, but her mind seemed to be elsewhere. That should've tipped him off.

Garrus grabbed some dextro-rations and took a seat at the table he and Shepard usual sat at. She wasn't there yet, but that wasn't necessarily surprising. She wasn't always the best at keeping track of time. She'd get lost in working on upgrades, mining for nutrients, talking to the crew… So he just made himself comfortable, slowly poking at his food and listening to the conversations around him.

After a while, he looked at his omni-tool. 1730. That was later than he'd expect from Shepard. Even if she couldn't tell time, her stomach sure could. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He was able to distract himself for another two minutes by wondering when he'd picked up this human gesture of impatience, trying to track down the exact moment or person. But he could only divert his attention from the fact that Shepard wasn't there for so long.

"Where's Shepard?" Garrus was relieved that he didn't have to ask – Kasumi had done it for him. He tried to ignore his concern. Kasumi was the ship gossip. She was everywhere thanks to her cloak and she knew everything about the crew's business. If she didn't even know…

Most people shrugged or grunted or gave some other indication that they had no clue. They looked at each other, figuring someone knew something. He could feel several of them look at him for an answer, but evidently they say that he was just as clueless. Eventually, all eyes fell on Miranda.

There was a long pause as everyone in the mess hall watched Miranda, who seemed to think her cup of coffee was quite fascinating. "She's on a mission," came the terse reply.

Shepard had taken him on every mission since they'd met on the Citadel. The only exception was when she defended Tali to the Admiralty Board – instead of bringing him, she'd brought Legion. He hadn't been hurt by that – his first reaction was actually to burst out laughing. The gall of that woman… he thought fondly.

But she hadn't brought him this time.

"Oh," Garrus managed, finally speaking up for the first time. "Who uh... who did she take with her?" He felt awkward asking. Really, why was it his business who the commander took with her on missions? Even if they were sleeping together?

The pause was longer. Everyone looked around, mentally counting who was and wasn't there, trying to figure out who was watching Shepard's back. His befuddlement turned into a nauseous spinning in his head. Everyone was there, short of Joker and Legion. Everyone.

They all knew the answer now, but they needed to hear it. If it had been any other circumstances, Garrus would have felt sorry for the way their eyes were boring into Miranda. She did her best to keep from shifting in her seat, but her discomfort was palpable.

"Commander Shepard went on her own for this particular mission."

The words hung in the air. There was dead silence. If Harbinger himself had walked in right then, no one would've batted an eye.

Then there was a loud bang and then a cracking sound. It took Garrus a moment to realize he had dropped his mug. His ears were ringing. He was pretty sure he'd forgotten how to breathe. He felt like he was going to be sick.