hey my readers. Im back and will be updating my other storys. It has been years and i have to reread them to remember what the heck i was writing and its gonna take a while. but take heart in knowing that i missed you deeply and I will not abandon you. Consider this side piece my apology. Idk if its gonna have a happy ending or not but enjoy. Goldragon01

His life had been nothing but this: Waking, eating, training, enduring, sleeping. What had been so crucial to him before was now insignificant. The future that stretched before him was nothing more than a barren wasteland of emptiness and pain. He had dreams once. But now after recently turning fifteen he realized he was beginning to forget. Forgetting who he once was. There was no other choice. Who he was before had to be shed away, molted like the outgrown skin of a lizard, a snake, some inhuman thing. That was what he was, wasn't it? That was what he was in their eyes. Did they even see him as an animal? Of course not. Even a dog was thrown the crumbs from the master's table. Even a dog was petted and spoken kindly to when he performed his tricks. He learned their tricks through painstaking training. He excelled beyond others regardless of their skepticism, regardless if it took more time and work. He was strength and skill incarnate. A walking machine created and finely tuned to kill and die without a second thought when needed. Now here he stood in the lush woods outside of the gates of the village he loved more than himself. His fingers dripped in the blood of the scout at his feet. Seconds before, he searched the body for some sign of who he was and who he worked for. He found nothing that told him who this corpse who had recently been a man had been.

All he found

was a blood stained letter

…

There was nothing more. Itachi was dead. Orochimaru's head bumped against his thigh as he walked, his fingers tangled in the limp hair, nearly tripping over the vertebra that dragged along the ground beside his throbbing feet. Vengence was his. He had reveled in the adrenaline of a victory against the all powerful Sanin and tasted the coppery crimson satisfaction of revenge. That was when he realized that there was nothing left to mask the guilt. After running his brother through and watching the man he once worshipped fall to his knees before him, Itachi looked into his aniki. The brotherly love there made Sasuke's heart freeze solid and his sword clattered to the ground with a sharp twang. He dropped to the ground catching Itachi before he could face plant into the ground. The long hair of the dying man spilled over his shoulder as Itachi rested his forehead against it breathing his last breaths.

"Foolish little brother." He taunted. Sasuke could hear the smirk and the pain mingled in the insulting sentiment. "If you think you feel like shit now, wait until you hear the truth."

…

He took his time walking though the village immune to the sneers and burning glares. It was not that he did not notice them, he just did not care anymore. He did not have it in him to care. He was so deep in his own thoughts that he did not sense her chakra. He tensed as someone stepped in his way and he glared before he realized who was addressing him. Seeing her green eyes his expression relaxed but did not quite soften. The leaf colored orbs appraised him with a look that was not quite hope. She wasn't naïve enough to hope, but she hoped to hope.

"Was it him?" the gentle voice asked almost conversationally. He looked at her for a moment taking in the beautiful heart shaped face and the rose lips that matched her silken hair. He briefly remembered love and then was grateful that he was able to rid himself of it. He knew that silently stepping around her was cold, but it was an answer to the question she plagued him with every time he returned from a mission; a question that reminded him that not everything can be won through hard work and determination. Because after all, failure was a part of disappointment and disappointment was unavoidable in life. The rest of rookie nine bled into a blur of concerned faces as he passed them. The Hokage tower loomed over him and he stepped gingerly up each step passing Shizune with a numb nod. He entered Tsunade's office without knocking and stood silently at her desk as her brown eyes searched his. Her expression saddened and she looked away.

"Was your mission successful? Did you find and identify the scout?" she asked as she fiddled with papers strewn carelessly on her desk. There was a brief pregnant silence that always preceded every statement that was wrenched from his silent form. She could not bring herself to look into those distant eyes that were neither cold nor warm.

"Depends on your point of view." Smooth, soft, steady. Empty. She glanced up briefly, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The tan hand, still caked in blood, unfolded the letter. He paused, seeming to read it again silently before reading aloud.

My Itoshii,

I risk my life to write to you, but I cannot go another day without you. Every morning the sun rises, but without you by my side there is only darkness. My betrothed keeps me locked away in his compound and I am forbidden to leave. He comes to me at night demanding that I perform my "wifely duties" and I doubt that my excuse to wait until we are married will last. He hurts me. Before one bruise heals another covers it. I don't even bother with makeup anymore. Bouquets and gifts of fake apologies cover every surface in my gilded cage. Funny, I used to love roses when you gave them to me now I hate the scent of them. The jewels on my wrists, fingers and neck feel like chains and I can't breathe! I can't marry him. Not when my very soul is, was, and always will be yours. I can't sleep or eat. I don't even want to live without you. Since they sent you away a part of me was ripped out and I don't think I can take it. I have heard word of an outsider sneaking around the village. I have no doubt that it is you. Please stay away. You will be killed on sight if they find you. This will be the last letter. Things are getting to dangerous and I couldn't live with myself if any harm came to you. You must find a new life without me. If I cannot be free and happy at least let me find comfort in knowing that you are. But no matter what happens Koibito always remember this; I love you with all that I am and I always will.

Love

He tossed the heartfelt note on her desk as if it were nothing, the motion bringing his bloodied hand into view. He looked at it briefly before wiping it his pants, smearing the orange with the browning red. Tsunade's eyes closed in a pained expression before looking down at the note and taking it gently into her hands. Her fingertips glided feelingly over the words skewed with tear stains. Beneath the blood she could smell the orange blossom perfume that was sprayed on the page. The beauty of the heartfelt words were mirrored in the feminine calligraphy and a shuddered gasp left her parted lips. She didn't want to believe that the young man who Naruto pulled the note from was dead, but she had no choice. She dismissed the blond shinobi as silently as he left. When her office door shut behind him she allowed herself to wallow in the pity of sending a killer to murder one of their own. She mourned to loss of the young man who died outside the gates of his home.

And she mourned the loss of the one dying before her very eyes.

…

The murmurs seemed so loud against his migraine and the sun was much too bright. Guards surrounded him with kunai in hand and fists clenched just waiting for him to make a wrong move. He did have the energy or the will to smirk. It had been difficult to pull the lifeless and decomposing body of his brother onto his back as he dragged Orochimaru's head along the ground beside him but he managed. He was determined to reach the Hokage tower before he collapsed. Pink hair and green, tear filled eyes crowded his vision. Warm, soft hands petted his dirty cheeks but she was unimportant. He ignored the pleas to let her help and only had the strength to gently push her aside, her soft gasp of concern nearly unheard. As soon as he stepped into the shadow of the hokage tower his migraine lessened and he could think a bit more clearly. It was then that he felt it; the powerful chakra that he recognized in even the largest crowd. In the back of his mind he expected this meeting. It was unavoidable. But deep down he knew he wanted it, even yearned for it. He managed to slowly lift his head under his burden and saw those eyes that were just a little too blue. He didn't feel the corner of his mouth lift into the smallest humorless smirk or his heart rate pick up as the blond approach him standing nearly toe to toe. He barely registered the excitement coursing through him at the close proximity after being apart for so long. But he did feel that pain. He felt the cold seep into his bones. He felt a betrayal deeper than what he felt of his brother years before when the dobe stepped around him like a stranger in the street and continued on his way without so much as one word.