i.

Kurt once had sex outside.

It was late and they were drunk and they were going to call a taxi but you know how things get, you know how the breath gets heavy and the moans reach a crescendo that can't be broken when you're wearing clothes, you know how it gets when you're doing your best not to tear the skin off your lover's body with your teeth, you know how much you can want it. They both knew how absolutely sleazy it was and Kurt could just imagine what his father would say if he ever found out, but he was shaking in his new clothes, and Blaine's hands were getting just a little too grabby to try to cool off.

It was the slutty thing to do. It was the cheap, dirty, whorish choice, and it felt so good as Blaine pushed him up against the wall, his face angled upwards to catch Kurt's lips in his – Blaine was still a few inches shorter than Kurt, and with his back pressed straight up against the wall, the height difference was even more pronounced – and Blaine's hands flitted around Kurt's waist, itching to get inside those tight pants of his. Kurt pressed his own hands against Blaine's hips, and then they were both fumbling at the entrance to each other's pants, as if in a race to see who could get to the other's-

Blaine gasped slightly as Kurt's hand gently touched his stiffening cock, and Kurt held it triumphantly, smiling against his boyfriend's lips. They were outside – admittedly in some darkened alleyway, how cheap, how typical – but they were outside and it's not like Blaine was being quiet, anyone could hear, anyone could walk past and see them, and the thought excited Kurt so much that he slumped against the wall, sliding down slightly to meet Blaine's lips, which Blaine was grateful for because he was finding it difficult to stay standing up, and he could barely reach Kurt's face when his boyfriend stood all the way up like that.

He could only touch Kurt's lips with his so much, but his hands kept a vicelike grip on Kurt's arms as Kurt's hand pumped faster and faster on Blaine's-

"Oh, fuck," whispered Blaine, pressing his face into Kurt's neck. "Fucking – fuck, Kurt, don't stop, don't stop-"

Kurt slid down the wall and Blaine dug his fingernails into the grimy brick because he didn't want to grab Kurt's hair because he knew how Kurt got about his hair but oh fuck he couldn't take this anymore, he was breathing harder than he thought possible and every muscle in his body contracted and-

Kurt called a cab after they were done. Blaine could only sit there at the corner, looking like an unconscious hobo until the taxi arrived and Kurt managed to drag him into it and then they just held hands as they went to bed together and it was the best night Kurt had ever had in his entire life.

ii.

Blaine was the defensive type.

Kurt was never one for all the fighting and shouting and nasty physical stuff that other guys seemed to think was so necessary. Kurt didn't want to fight. It was usually useless anyway.

But Blaine? Blaine didn't know how to shut up.

"You want a piece of me?" he hollers. "You think it's OK to mess with my boyfriend? You think you can get away with shit like that?"

"Blaine," mutters Kurt. "Let's go home."

"Shut the fuck up, Kurt," says Blaine loudly. "I'm having a conversation here!"

The guys who had been harassing Kurt just laugh at him. "Yeah, go home, homo," says one. "We don't need you people here."

Kurt takes his hands away from Blaine then because Blaine had told him to shut the fuck up and Blaine knew how much Kurt hated it when he swore at him but Blaine couldn't help it, he was so angry, and he sees red and he charges the guy, he really goes at him, pushing him all the way to the ground and getting on top of him and punching him right in the face, breaking a nose, knocking out a tooth or two – well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but Kurt has never been more fed up with but proud of his boyfriend in his entire life, and as the two other guys turn on him and pin him into the ground and step on his stomach, hard, Kurt can't keep quiet and he yells, "Hey! Back the hell off!"

They start to laugh at him and he takes out his cell phone and hits some buttons and puts it to his ear and says, "Hello, yes, 911, I'm calling to report an assault-" and he hasn't actually called 911 but the guys leave anyway and he puts his phone back in his pocket and just walks up to Blaine, lying there on the ground. His lip is split pretty bad, and he's going to have a bad black eye in the morning. Kurt kneels down beside him, even though he hates to get his pants dirty like that, and he gently pushes the hair out of Blaine's eyes.

"You're an idiot," he says.

Blaine smiles and laughs and coughs a little. "I know," he says, sitting up. "But people do crazy things...when they're in love."

Kurt rolls his eyes and helps his boyfriend to his feet. "Justifying your actions with Hercules quotes," he sighs, as they slowly walk back to the car. "I knew there was a reason I love you."

iii.

Their first time had been, romantically speaking, everything that Kurt had been expecting.

Blaine's birthday was in July and Kurt really would like to do it before Blaine turned eighteen, not that that really mattered but it was just one of those things, you know? And Blaine totally understood and so they planned it all out because Kurt was having trouble with the spontaneous things – one time Blaine had taken off his socks and kissed Kurt's feet and Kurt had gotten so hot he thought he was going to die and Blaine had just laughed and laughed at him. Kurt needed warning about these things. He needed to prepare himself.

It had been at Blaine's house because Kurt was afraid of Finn getting home while they were doing it and Blaine's parents were gone until Wednesday so it was just perfect. They kissed. Blaine slowly talked him through it. Kurt hadn't said much, just little, "Okay?"s and "Like this?"s and "What now?"s. And then it had descended into little moans and from there Blaine took over and gently showed him how it worked and what it felt like and Kurt completely fell apart. Every part of him was contained in the way that Blaine moved with him, in the way that they touched and explored each other, and Kurt was never more in love than in the moment where his moans mixed with Blaine's muted grunting, and in the end they were lying beside each other and he whispered, "I love you," into Blaine's ear, and Blaine had smiled and ran his hands right across Kurt's chest and replied simply, "I love you more," which wasn't possible but Kurt wasn't about to argue with the boy, not after he'd just taken Kurt's virginity. Blaine fell asleep but Kurt laid there for a while, the thought running through his seventeen-year-old mind. I'm not a virgin anymore. I'm not a virgin. I gave it to Blaine. Blaine.

He turned and looked at him, eyes closed, snoring softly, and for the first time in his life, he didn't feel quite so alone.

iv.

There were only a few more days until the end of school – the end of junior year – and Blaine was now at McKinley and he was going to stay, for Kurt, and they were smirking and walking with a little strut in their step because last night they'd had sex. It was something they wanted to scream to everybody – "We just had sex!" – but it felt so much dirtier if they kept in a secret, exchanged glances in class and across the halls.

And yet, everyone else always talked about having sex. It was so easily assumed that everyone else was having sex, and all the secrecy was thrilling but it was also kind of a lie, Kurt thought. And so he raises his hand and says, "Mr. Schue, there's something I need to say. And I think I have the perfect song to express my feelings, if I may."

Mr. Schue looks a little wary because Kurt's been acting a little different now that Blaine's been around and Blaine doesn't know exactly what Kurt's going to say but he brushes his arm with a smirk as Kurt vacates his chair to stand in front of the class. He takes a deep breath and he really can't shake the grin off his face as he says quietly,

"Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world. And you don't know how to express yourself. So you just gotta sing."

A few of them think they knew where this is going so they're already gaping, and then Kurt looks right at Blaine and gets a rush of confidence as he takes a deep breath and sings to everyone, unashamedly:

"I just had sex!

And it felt so good!

A man let me put my penis inside him!

I just had sex, and I'm-"

By now the entire room is laughing so hard that they can't even hear him anymore, but that doesn't matter because Mr. Schue's just said, "Woah, woah, woah, that's enough!" but Kurt doesn't really care either way because he's grinning straight at Blaine, who's already covered his face with embarrassment, but Mercedes is trying to drag his hand away, laughing that high-pitched little cackling laugh of hers, and Blaine's face is beet red and yet he's got the biggest smile in the world on his face and Kurt can't see anything but him, and Puckerman plants a hand square on Kurt's back in congratulations and Rachel keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God," and Quinn's the only one who's trying not to laugh and Sam can't breathe and Artie's catcalling and everything is wonderful and beautiful and Kurt just goes to Blaine and kisses him on the lips and Blaine mutters, "I can't believe you," and Kurt says, "I just had to tell somebody."

And it takes a long time to get settled back down and Blaine and Kurt are still holding hands and grinning and nobody's listening to Mr. Schue anymore and so he gives up and he says, "Class dismissed," and everybody's a lot more supportive than Kurt thought they'd be and Blaine just shakes his head and it's the cutest thing in the world, and finally finally finally they're alone and Blaine presses his forehead to Kurt's and murmurs, "That was humiliating."

Kurt replies, "But you liked it."

And Blaine doesn't say anything to that because there's no way he can deny it. He did like it. He liked it a whole lot.

v.

Kurt and Blaine have had fights before but not like this. This is one of those days when Kurt gets up first and locks himself in the bathroom and he's moisturizing but also doing something else. Preparing himself. Making up his face for another awkward day with somebody who he used to feel so completely connected to but now things are falling apart. He doesn't want anything to fall apart but he can't help it. When they eat breakfast they don't even say anything. Kurt stands up and goes out to the tiny balcony they have and he just stands there, leaving Blaine in the kitchen.

Blaine goes outside and catches him around the waist and holds him and says, "Hey."

Kurt looks away and shakes his head a little bit, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

"Hey," says Blaine again, and he's searching Kurt's face so hungrily, it's heartbreaking to be looked at like that, Kurt feels so guilty, and his heart is falling into pieces as Blaine murmurs desperately, "I love you."

Kurt brushes tears away from his eyes as he replies, "I love you too," and lets his lover hold him.

vi.

"I don't believe in God."

Blaine looks at Kurt. They're lying on Kurt's bed. They're not even holding hands. They're still getting to know each other because they only just really met each other a few months ago and there's years and years of history to go through because to Kurt the emotional is more important than the physical so Blaine has to learn to take it slow when he's talking before they can even begin to take it slow when they're touching and it's driving him crazy but at the same time he's stopped and he's looking at Kurt and he asks, "Why not?"

Kurt doesn't look back at Blaine. He breathes. "If he did exist," he says, "then he would have to be sick and cruel." He blinks because even thinking about this reminds him of the way his father looked when he was lying on that hospital bed, and that hurts far too much. "I mean," he says, "first he makes me gay and then he makes everybody else hate me for it. Do they think I'd really choose to be this way? Do they really believe that I want to be treated that way?"

Silence. Blaine says, "Well, I don't know."

Kurt looks at him. "You don't know what?"

"I don't know," says Blaine, "how I feel about that."

Kurt looks at him. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"I can see God being an OK guy," says Blaine, now looking right into Kurt's clear, beautiful, belligerent eyes. "I don't want you to be treated that way, either," he says, reaching out and touching Kurt's hair – something he's never done before, because he knows how picky Kurt is about his hair, but he gets the feeling that they're there, they're at that point – and then he continues, "But maybe he made you the way you are so you could find real, true happiness."

"Happiness?" asks Kurt, tears in his voice. "You think this is happiness?"

Blaine stares at him, and it's not the first time that that haunting, hungry look appears on his face, but it's the first time that it starts to mean something more and Blaine says quietly, "I want to give you happiness. That's all I ever want for you, whether it means me in your life or not." He pauses, running a finger down Kurt's cheek. Kurt closes his eyes. "But I'd like to think that I have to stay to make that happen," he whispers. "Maybe God made you the way you are so that we'd find each other."

Kurt puts a hand on Blaine's and they lay there for a while and Kurt still doesn't believe in God but he thinks that there might be some sense in the way that Blaine is holding him, and he doesn't believe in God but he believes in the way that Blaine kisses him on the neck and he believes in love and for the first time in his life there's a little fire in his heart and he's given the hope that maybe he's not as bad as he's always thought – maybe this isn't as wrong as he's been led to believe.

He lies there and cries quietly into Blaine's shoulder and lets Blaine whisper shhs into his ear and he believes that there is something to worship in the tender way that Blaine is holding him. And there is something so sacredly beautiful about the way they love each other. Kurt doesn't know if anyone else has ever felt like this. He doesn't really think that anyone could love somebody else as much as he loves Blaine.

He's caught up in Blaine's scent and the gentle way that he wraps an arm around his back, but he's not that far gone yet and Kurt catches himself before he even thinks it. What an idiotic thing that would've been to think. Thank God I found you.

Kurt doesn't believe in God.

vii.

Blaine is still very new to this so he's very very nervous so he doesn't know what to say but he knows what he feels and that can't be wrong, right? So he plans out all the words in his head and he stands in front of that door for a long, long time. Maybe he'll kiss him, if the time is right and if he's sitting in the right way and if the planets align and there's too many variables, Blaine's good at algebra but this isn't like math, he can't solve for x here and it's driving him crazy. He wants to walk right in there and sing a song instead of saying words. Words are so hard for him. He always says too much of them. But he always uses songs. And this is too important for that.

Blaine finally finds the courage – courage, what a joke – to walk into the room, and, oh God, he's already too adorable, Blaine can barely find the words when the other boy is surrounded by plastic gems and sequins, it's too much. But he manages the smile. "What's that?" he asks, because it looks so absurd and it's the only way to start this conversation.

Kurt looks up. He looks so sad. He has this miserable expression on his face, this sigh in his voice. He's decorating Pavarotti's casket. Pavarotti's casket. Pavarotti the bird, the one David and Wes bought for like fifty bucks at the shady pet shop in the mall. Oh, if only Kurt knew that poor bird's history. No wonder he was dead. Blaine was just surprised the dumb animal lasted so long already. Anyway, Kurt needs to hurry up and finish; Blaine's got a number to practice and he's going to take Kurt to the choir room and sing the song with him and at the end he's going to kiss him and confess everything, that's the plan, and then they're going to be in love forever. Flawless. Except Kurt's just thrown a wrench into everything because Blaine's getting carried away and as he says, "Emotional," he hates himself for sitting down.

There is an awkward silence.

And then Kurt asks a question that Blaine doesn't want to answer because he was meant to say this to Kurt, Kurt wasn't supposed to ask. No, no, no. This is all wrong, all wrong.

He looks at Kurt. And the words spill out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

"Kurt," he says, and he has to close his eyes because looking into Kurt's is too much at one time and he's trying his best to hold all his emotions in because now is not the right time now is not the right time now is not the right time now is not the right time-

"Oh," he says, as if he's telling some sort of stupid story. "There you are."

Kurt just looks at him with those wide eyes.

"I've been looking for you forever," he says, and he did plan those words but he didn't plan the way he just shifted slightly and oh, oh God, did he really just put his hand on Kurt's? What is he thinking? What is he thinking? He pats down all the panicked thoughts in his head and he says, "Watching you...do Blackbird. This week." It's as if he can't say the words all together, he's pausing, he's stopping, he's thinking far too much. He feels like he's confessing something secret and dark as he just barely says, "That was a moment for me."

Kurt looks...surprised? Kurt looks something. Kurt looks like he should take his hand away but he doesn't. Blaine doesn't know if that makes him happy or just more terrified.

"About you," he clarifies, but then he feels like an idiot. "And I love you," he tries to say but he can't, he just can't do it, and he needs to cover up so he throws out, "You move me, Kurt," in the exactly same voice that he would have said I love you in, and then finally it's out in the air – or as good as, because if Kurt didn't understand the words underneath what Blaine had said then Blaine might as well give up forever because he was being really obvious and it's humiliating so he just rounds it off quickly, he just finally admits, "This duet would just be an excuse to spend," he breathes, his breathing gets in the way of his confession, but he finds the strength and continues, "more time with you."

Kurt just looks at him. Kurt looks scared and he looks nervous but was that almost a smile? Blaine would like to believe that was a smile. Most importantly, Kurt hasn't moved his hand, not an inch. His chest is rising and falling. The silence is almost too terrifyingly long. He's breathing almost as hard as Blaine is, but that's not possible because Blaine's breathing so hard he thinks his lungs are going to shut down, and then he does something crazy and every cell in his body screams at him not to do it but he can't help himself, he really can't stop it as he leans forward, awkwardly, in the chair, and he puts his other hand to Kurt's face and then their lips touch.

It's as simple as that. Their lips touch. Blaine closes his eyes and gives it his all. He's never been a really good kisser – he hasn't had that much practice – but then again, neither has Kurt, so he figures that he wouldn't really know. And he sinks into the kiss. He loses himself in the kiss.

Kurt breathes deeply against Blaine's lips but Blaine doesn't notice. It feels like heaven. He's bent over uncomfortably and his face is at an odd angle and Kurt's just sitting there like a statue but Blaine feels, for the first time in his life, like everything is exactly the way it should be. He starts to even maybe think that he's the way that he should be.

Kurt's hand on his neck sends a shudder down his body and the kiss becomes more desperate. Blaine has had a taste of freedom and he's not about to let it go so easily.

Blaine sinks down slightly, but Kurt's the one who pulls himself away – well, it's more like he just barely manages to suction himself away, Blaine hadn't realized how committed to that kiss they had both been, and then Kurt takes his hand away and Blaine realizes how much of a mistake he's made and yet it felt so good and Blaine can't manage to make himself regret it.

He can't keep a stupid grin from appearing on his face. He's never felt quite like he does now. He doesn't even know what's happened, but suddenly it feels like he's outside on a warm day but before this he'd never seen the sun in his entire life. He'd never felt the way that its beams could warm his skin, he'd never known that he could feel so whole and alive. Kurt has granted him a kiss, just one, and if he died tomorrow then that would be all he would ever need. He can't hide the happiness. He doesn't want to hide the happiness.

"We should..." Kurt's staring at him; Blaine stares at the table. "We should practice."

And there is no reply from Kurt and Blaine is one hundred percent sure that he's just destroyed any chance of a real relationship when Kurt whispers, "I thought we were," and gives a nervous smile just like the one that Blaine was trying to hide and then, and then, and then they collide with the force of everything that's everything that's ever happened to Blaine in his entire life, and it's like Kurt knocks it out of him when they hit each other, and they both rise a little bit and it's kissing and kissing and kissing like Blaine's never had before and with each individual moment, with each second that their lips touch, everything in Blaine gets better and happier and suddenly everything seems to hurt a little less and it's then, right then and there that Blaine knows it. No matter what happens, come what may, in that moment, Blaine knows it forever.

In that moment, Blaine knows what true love really feels like.

Blaine and Kurt are in loooove.

Or at least they will be.

It takes a while for Kurt to get there, totally completely. He may love Blaine but it's hard for him, sometimes. It's hard for Blaine too but in the end Blaine has always loved him. Bah.

The discontinuity in the writing is on purpose, if that bothered anybody. And no, these events are definitely not in order chronologically but they may be in some other sort of order. Maybe.

The humor was in there because I think part of their relationship and part of Glee is comedy. And but beneath that there's real sentiment. And there's pride and love and gah. Stop me before I start ranting. I love the Klaine fandom so much.