God Was I Drunk

This story starts in a particularly nasty day in potions in Harry's 5th year.

Ron: Why is it always Harry's 5th year??

Narrator: Okay, Ron's 5th year. Sheesh.

Ron: Never mind you're right, Harry is the main character and with a title like that…Well let's just leave it Harry.

Narrator: Whatever, as I was saying in this particularly nasty day in potions Harry, Ron, and Hermione were working on an Inebritus, draught potion, that was rather advanced for them.

Hermione: Professor, is it suppose to fume like this?

Ron: It's making me slightly nauseous

Snape: ( Deep Roller: In his very sexy voice! (Mistygurl.. Down Deep Roller…)) How many times have I told you to watch how mush wormwood you put in it. It must be exactly 8% of the total content weight! Not an ounce more!

Hermione: Ron you told me you checked the weight!

Ron: I did!

Hermione: Obviously you didn't!

Harry: It's okay, we just have to even it out by adding a bit more haring breadth.

Hermione: You're right Harry. Ron, this time just give me the scale.

Ron: Fine! You can have it!!

Narrator: At the end of lesson, Snape made each group bottle their potion to be tested the next day in class. Everyone then proceeded to their common rooms. Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way up the Gryffindor Tower when they bumped into a pair of extremely busy twins.

Fred: Kindly step out of the way, party planners on official business.

Ron: What official business?

George: Oh nothing of importance to you.

Harry: Did I hear the word party?

Fred: Correct, young wise warrior. The party is in the planning. And somewhere along the line we got wind that there's an Inebritus potion on the brew. D'you know how cool that stuff is? It makes for one wicked party!

George: We're all out, but you could kindly donate some, dear brother. (Smiles benignly at Ron)

Ron: Oh no WAY! I need this stuff for my grade! If I don't have it, I'll see my head mounted on Snape's wall yet.

George: Very well, he is in violation of Code Four.

Hermione: What in the world is Code Four??

Fred: Code Four (clears throat importantly) is the sacred party code. It states that all persons with access and capability to assist in a more enhanced party experience should selflessly donate whatever they have to spare. For such an experience.

George: Meaning you give us that potion or we beat it out of you.

Fred: We ARE Beaters, dear brother. It's what we do best. (Another benign smile)

Hermione: But that potion is just unsafe, it gets everyone nuts and crazy and…(trails off as she sees this has no dent whatsoever in the twin's intentions.)

Harry: Besides, we do need it for testing. Maybe you can con Neville out of his.

George: (snorts) Right, if we want to end up in Siberia, we'll use one of Neville's draughts. I want to stay here, thanks.

Hermione: Well, boys, we must be going!

Fred:  Well, we should just let them frolic off. Perhaps we can do without the potion.

George: But Freeeed! (whines) Code Fouuuurr.

Fred: (watches the Gang leave and puts a restraining hand on George) Patience, my party animal, patience. I have just the scheme to fully comply with code four. Just you wait! (They scurry off down the corridor.)

Harry: Hermione I think you should keep hold of the Draught. I know those two are up to something.

Ron: (Rolls eyes) Of course, when are they not?

Hermione: Well I have one thing to say…

Ron: That's a first.

Hermione: (scowls at Ron) Hmph, well at any rate we should watch what we're doing today.

Harry: Do any of you know what the party is for? (Ron and Hermione shakes their heads "No".)

Ron: They would use any excuse to throw one, you know them.

Hermione: Well, let just go on about our business. Whatever they're planning we're best kept out of it.

Ron: I'm starved, let's go get lunch.

Hermione: Do you ever think of anything besides your stomach?

Ron: (Looks thoughtful for a second) Yeah, chess.

Hermione: (rolls eyes and sighs) I should have known.

Ron: So you didn't know?

Harry: Ron, stop baiting Hermione.

Ron: (smiles) Me, baiting, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing to Hermione.

Harry: Yeah right…Let's go eat.

Narrator: So they all went to-

Neville: Wait! Wait! I'm late for lunch! I had (pants heavily) detention.

Narrator: Again? Well, you can just further the plot then. As punishment for your tardiness.

Neville: I'm scared now…

Narrator: Oh, stop being such a wimp. My teacher does it to me all the time. (clears throat and continues in Narrator voice) So Neville was late, and as he was leaving the common room, who should pop in but…

Fred: Neville!

George: So good of you to stay and chat!

Neville: Why?! (looks up at ceiling)

Fred: Poor dear boy, doesn't know what he's saying. (sounds remarkably like Lockhart, no?)

George: Neville, we need a favor of you.

Fred: Strictly educational, you know.

Neville: (mutters) Right.

George: Do you happen to know where exactly you put your Inebritus  potion?

Fred: (mutters) Any port in a storm. (Louder)Yes, it would be most helpful.

Neville: My…you want my Inebritus potion?

George: Well, who else's would do? We know you happen to be the most adept student in Snape's class. (elbows Fred heartily to keep the laughter down)

Neville: Well…when you put it that way…( Runs to his dorm )

Fred: George? What are you thinking??

George: Flattery will get you everywhere. Besides, the mishaps in Neville's draught (and we KNOW there are some) will make things more….interesting.

Fred: I hope so. I don't want everyone to end up blue or upside down or something.

George: Or in Siberia.

Fred: Yeah, that too. Well, to put a finer point on it, I don't want any of those things to happen to me. They're funny if they happen to others, however.

Neville: (emerging from his dorm holding a vile smelling vial of brownish green….gloop) Here guys! Just remember, I need it back in the morning, okay?

Fred: But we won't have it in the- (is elbowed by George once more)

George: Sure thing!

Narrator: So everyone was….sort of happy. Fred and George left the common room with the vial, headed for the kitchens, and Neville dashed to the Great Hall with no further thought for anything, except ham. He liked ham.

Fred: Look at all the house elves!

George: Like we've never been  here before. Now, let's find the fruit punch.

Fred: Too right. Easy as pie. (snaps his fingers )

House Elf: What be it sir? Oh coming sir! Yes yes! (lots of little groveling squeaks)

Fred: Where's the punch? We need it, please.

House Elf: Right here sir! Right over here! Take the whole jug, we can make more! Lots more!

George: Thanks so much. Maybe two might…(another jug held by an elf with an idiot grin suddenly appears at his elbow.) Right.

Fred: Just tip and pour, my good sir! (dips the vial into the punch) How about that, it blends in! I can't even smell it anymore!

George: I think you used the whole vial, so we'll just take this pitcher back to-

McGonagall: ( Like the Shadow of Doom) WHAT in the world is going on here?

Fred: Kitchen inspectors, m'am. They look tip top to me!

McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, I suggest that you and your brother make a beeline for your respective table. Before I lose my temper and get you both in real trouble.

George: Of course! Right after I get the punch. (looks for the punch, but now can't tell the pitchers apart)

McGonagall: NOW Mr. Weasley!

Fred: (tries to reach for the punch but the elves have already carried it away) Noooo!

George: Come, my friend. It can't be undone now. (sorrowful) We can always try again. (they march mournfully back into the Great Hall, McGonagall trooping behind them)

Ron: (looks up from his food) Uh oh, McGonagall is marching my brothers out of the kitchens.

Harry: Maybe it's not what it looks like.

Hermione: When Fred and George are accompanied by a teacher, a parent, or a police officer, it is always what it looks like.

Ron: Hey! Only I can pick on my brothers.

Harry: She has a point, Ron.

Ron: I know, but it's the principle of the thing.

Narrator: As we can see trouble has begun a chain. What will happen? Who is going to be the sucker who must drink that punch? Will Neville EVER get his ham?

Neville: But I did get my ham! See? (holds out his ham sandwich)

Narrator: (Glares with voice) Spoil sport. (Resumes Narrator voice) What will become of the party? What will happen to everyone?? The suspense is enough to drive one mad! MAD!!

Neville: Not really.

Narrator: Alright, that's it, what have I told you about…? (scuffling can be heard as Neville runs from the Narrator)

A/N: Hi there!!! This is the first fanfic my friend Erika A.K.A Deep Roller and I have co-authored. Well….not really the first but the first one we have actually posted. More will be out soon! ( Of course of course. Corn!) Erika, stop doing that! (Doing what?) The parentheses… (But they're so cool! And so is Snape. D'you know where he went?? ) No, and I don't care. (Snapey! Snapey!!) ~rolls eyes~ Bye and please review or be eaten by Lecter. ^_^