I don't remember, not once in the three long years we'd been working together, ever seeing Rick Castle quite as affected by a victim as he appeared to be by this one.
We were standing in the doorway of a cheap, run-down motel room. The orange shag carpet was an affront to anyone with even the slightest bit of taste. The ragged, faded brownish colored wallpaper, and orange and brown plaid bed spread and curtains weren't any better. A deeply varnished, old chest of drawers held a chunky, old television. A mirror, purposely positioned to face the bed, sat on the wall beside it.
Needless to say, I wasn't the least bit surprised to be standing where I was. This was the kind of place where murders happen.
Lanie was kneeling on the floor on the other side of the bed. I could see her moving and assumed she was examining a body.
I was just about to step into the room when the look on Castle's face stopped me dead in my tracks. He had gotten to the scene before me and had obviously already been inside. Whatever he had found had spooked him, more than anything we'd ever encountered had. He was pale and if his large frame hadn't been hidden under a heavy coat, I could have sworn he was shaking.
" What is it ?" I asked, barely resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. We were at a murder scene it wouldn't have been appropriate. But I was so absorbed by whatever was affecting him so deeply, if it hadn't been for several uniformed officers drifting around my peripheral vision, I would have forgotten.
" It's..." He began. Then swallowed hard enough to make his Adam's Apple bob with the movement. He opened his mouth to speak again, then closed it and swallowed again. " I need some air." He finally muttered before brushing past me and stepping outside.
It didn't take me long to realize what his problem was when I crossed the room and found the victim laying face down on the ugly carpet. She couldn't have been more than sixteen or seventeen years old. She was completely nude, the only thing covering her was a tangle of long, reddish blond hair hanging nearly to her waist. Even I had to take a step back at the initial sight of her.
Alexis. It absolutely could have been Alexis. She was so similar it was eerie. No wonder he was so shaken.
Lanie threw a look at me over her shoulder and gave me a sad shake of her head. " I know. I tried to send you a text before you got here to warn both of you, but Castle showed up before I got a chance."
" Do we have an I.D. ?" I asked, needing to put another name to this girl.
She just looked too much like Castle's daughter for my comfort.
" Not yet." Lanie answered. " They're combing the place but so far they haven't found anything. I'd say she's about seventeen. C.O.D. Looks like strangulation. There is some pretty heavy bruising around her neck. I think I can almost make out a hand print and it's a big one."
I nodded in response. " How about a time ?"
She looked back at the girl. " One maybe two hours ago. I'll know more when I get her back to the lab. The guy next door said he heard a ruckus and called the motel manager. Manager said he called several times. Got a little busy up front and tried again. When he still didn't get an answer, he came down, saw the door was ajar and came in. He found her and called us."
" Let me know when you know more." I told her. Then turned to go find Castle.
He was leaning with his back against the rear window of my car. I joined him, adopting the same position and crossing my arms over my chest to fight off the chill in the air.
" You okay ?" I asked as I nudged his shoulder.
He glanced at me for the first time and the look on his face said he was far from okay. " I'll be fine."
" Are you sure ?" I replied, not believing him for a second.
" You have a case to work." He told me. " Go do what you do. I'll be okay. It just startled me."
I nodded. " I was a little startled myself. Have you called her yet ?"
" Just now. She's fine, working on a paper with Ashley." He gave me one of his ' you know me so well,' smiles and I returned it with a sincere one of my own.
" Why don't you go on back to the station ? I'll meet you there when I finish up here. It's freezing out here." I suggested.
" I took a cab here. I'll just wait for you in the car. It's not that cold." His breath was making a cloud of vapor as he spoke, only serving to prove him a liar.
" Okay." I answered finally. " But at least turn the heater on. I don't want to come out here and find you frozen to death in my front seat."
He ducked his head in the form of a response and I handed him my keys before walking away.
It really was freezing. I had heard several news reports that a blizzard was on it's way. That would make working this case that much harder. A big enough storm would shut down half the city as a result and make getting any kind of labs take that much longer.
There was only two witness to interview at the scene, the night manager that had found the girl and the man occupying the room next door that had called in the complaint. The manager didn't remember anything about the person that had rented the room except that it was a male. The man next door had only heard the struggle he hadn't seen anything that would help us. No one else saw anything useful.
Shit, I thought with a sigh as I headed towards my car. They were loading the girl into the ambulance and CSU was still sweeping the room. There wasn't anything else for me to do at the scene.
It was time to go look through missing persons records and see if something looked promising. It was going to be a long night.
" Well, what's the story ?" Castle asked as soon as I got into the driver's seat and fastened my seat belt.
He was in the process of fastening his own belt and our elbows knocked against each other in the confined space.
" Haven't got one yet." I told him. " All we know is she was young and she was apparently strangled."
" No sign of forced entry on the door means she must have known the person." He commented casually.
I tried to hide my smile. I was always a little surprised at how much he thought like a cop.
" Manager says all he remembers is that it was a man that rented the room. Ryan and Esposito are running down the credit card receipt." I said as I flipped on the windshield wipers before pulling out into traffic. The snow was already pelting my windshield in a pretty steady stream. I was beginning to think that the weathermen might have been right this time. It looked like it was going to be a bad one.
Castle leaned forward and looked out the front windshield. " It's really coming down out there."
I nodded. " They say we're in for a bad one. Want me to take you home before I go to the station ?"
" You aren't going to go to the station in this weather ?" He said, making it sound more like a question than a comment.
" I have a case." I answered.
" Beckett, that girl will still be dead in the morning." He glanced at his watch. " It's almost midnight. There isn't anything you can do for her tonight."
" I'm going to go through missing persons files." I informed him. " You know I can't just leave it like that. She deserves a name at the very least."
I nearly jerked away when his hand came to rest on mine where it was sitting on the gear shifter.
" I understand. You know I do, but it can wait till morning. Then I'll help you look over every piece of paper we can find. We'll find out who she was."
My car skidded a little as I turned a corner and I realized he was probably right. The roads were already getting slick. Going to the station would mean taking a chance of getting stuck there till morning. I certainly didn't want to do that. " Alright. I suppose you're right."
" You'll go home then after you drop me off ?" He pushed.
" I'll go home." I answered.
I pumped the breaks as my car did another skid.
Castle shifted and I glanced over at him. " Maybe you'd be better off just staying at my place tonight."
I rolled my eyes at him. " I'll be fine."
My windshield wipers were struggling to keep up with the heavy snow fall and as I turned another corner and did another, much more dramatic skid, I knew he was probably right.
God, I hated it when that happened.
He settled back in his seat with a smug smile on his face. " Do you prefer the right side of the bed or the left ?" He asked.
" I prefer the guest room." I rolled my eyes at him.
" But what fun would that be ? Seems a shame to waste a perfectly good cuddle opportunity."
I took my hands off the wheel long enough to hit him in the shoulder.
" Apples !" He yelled out his 'safe word' as he grabbed his arm like I'd seriously wounded him.
" You are such a baby." I said as I pulled into his parking garage.
" How about this ?" He suggested as we stepped into his elevator. " I'll make a fire. We'll have a little wine, maybe find a nice old movie to watch, cuddle up on the sofa under a blanket. It'll be like a grown up slumber party."
I couldn't help but chuckle at him. He was doing an admirable job of being his old obnoxious self. But underneath it was a hint of something serious. He really had been shaken by the girl at the crime scene and he didn't want to be alone. I could see it written all over his face, but only because I knew him as well as I did.
" Alright. A fire, a glass of wine, one movie and you stay on your own end of the sofa and I'll stay on mine." I conceded.
His head came to rest on my shoulder and he gave me a sad, bewildered look that I knew was just for show. " But how will we cuddle ? My arms aren't that long."
I jabbed him with my elbow.
" You are always so violent." He whined, taking a step backward.
" What can I say ? You just have a way of bringing it out in me." I answered as the doors opened
" Casablanca." He suggested.
He had a fire roaring away in the fireplace, a bottle of wine was opened between us and we were arguing over what movie to watch.
The apartment was apparently empty. A note in the kitchen said that Alexis was staying the night with Martha at her new place because she was closer to Alexis' school and if the roads were bad in the morning it would be easier for her to get there from her grandmother's. It made sense. It also made me very nervous. And I could tell that Castle was a little bothered by it. I knew he wanted to see her, to make sure, with his own eyes that she was okay. But again he was being a real trooper about the whole thing, refusing to let on how upset he really was.
I shook my head. " I'm really not in a Casablanca mood." I answered. Really I was just not about to sit here in the dark with Castle, sipping wine and watching a movie like Casablanca, alone in his apartment without our normal buffers to hide behind. That could only lead to bad things, really, really bad things.
I had admitted, at least to myself, that the man sitting beside me was growing on me. In fact, on the rear occasion when we didn't spend the day together I found myself missing him terribly. He had become my best friend. That I had admitted out loud. What I couldn't tell him or anyone else, was that I was incredibly, almost irresistible attracted to him as well. I kept telling myself the reason for that was because he meant so much to me as a friend that I simply didn't want to risk losing him by making this thing between us something more. I kept telling myself that my feelings for him were nothing more than lust and I would get over it eventually.
We'd been together for three years now and I still wasn't over it. And if I was honest with myself, I knew the reason.
I was rarely honest with myself. But deep down I knew my feelings for him had turned into something much deeper than lust.
I had the sneaking suspicion that I could very well be in love with him. I had never been really, really in love before. In all honesty I hadn't even believed in such things before he came into my life.
But there it was, just like they talk about in movies like Casablanca. Yeah, well, look how that worked out for them.
No, I was prepared to fight against this... whatever it was between us to the very end.
The reason for that was simple. I could see myself falling for this man beside me. He made me laugh. At times it felt like he could read my mind. He was a genuine good guy. I hadn't met many of those in my life. He had a heart the size of Texas. That was apparent in his earlier reaction to the victim. His love for his daughter was enough to melt the insides of any warm-blooded woman. Who could resist that ? But it was more than that. Somehow, he got me. He just plain got me. Few people really did. In fact, I wasn't sure I'd ever met anyone that understood me like he did.
So when I say I could see myself falling for him. I mean really, really falling and that thought scared the hell out of me.
I wasn't even sure I knew how to be that invested in someone else.
" Beckett ?" I heard him call my name and I turned to look at him.
He had gotten up and was standing in front of the entertainment center with a DVD in each hand, looking at me expectantly.
" Have you even heard a word I've said ?" He asked.
I gave him a smile and shook my head. " I'm sorry. I guess I was somewhere else for a minute."
He dropped his hand to his sides and came back to sit beside me. " If you're that tired, I understand. We can call it a night."
" No." I shook my head. " It isn't that. I was just lost in thought."
" Was it about the case ?" He asked and the concern on his face nearly turned me into a puddle of goo.
" No." I answered. " Actually it wasn't."
That slow, crooked smile that I love so much eased over his rugged features and his eyebrows raised suggestively. " Were you imagining me naked ?"
Wow, that was actually pretty close. Like I said, sometimes it felt like he could read my mind.
" Yes, now can I borrow your restroom ? I'm suddenly very nauseous." I teased.
He dropped the DVD cases and clutched at his heart as he fell back against the sofa cushions. "Detective, you wound me."
" I haven't yet but I will if you don't just pick a movie already." I answered.
" So you're leaving it up to me ?" He asked as he sat back up. He was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans tonight and I had a hard time not fixating on the way they hugged his muscular thighs as he moved.
" Yes," I muttered and took a drink of wine to fight against my suddenly dry throat. Why hadn't I noticed those earlier ?
Oh, the coat. I thought. Earlier he had been wearing a coat to conceal those jeans and the deep blue, button down shirt as well. The shirt that was the perfect color to make his eyes sparkle when he smiled.
Another drink of wine was suddenly in order. Or maybe that was my problem to begin with. But surely not, I hadn't had that much to drink.
He came back to sit on his end of the sofa and glanced over at me. " I think you'll like this one. It's a classic."
He nodded and I turned my attention to the television. I watched as the opening credits began and cast a look of exasperation at him when I realized what we were watching. " The Godfather, Castle ? Really ?"
He shrugged. " I was in a 'Godfather' kind of mood."
" Castle, it's almost one in the morning. This movie is three hours long and I have to work tomorrow." I protested.
He leaned forward and pulled the curtain from the window behind us. " About that," He told me. I followed his gaze and gasped when I saw what we was looking at. " I don't think anyone will be expecting you to be at work bright and early."
The snowing was falling past the window at an alarming rate. It takes quite a lot to shut down a city like New York, but what was happening outside the window might just do it. I hadn't seen snow fall like that in my life. Everything was covered in white. Some of the banks were high enough to reach halfway up the front doors of the building on the street around us. It was a blizzard alright.
" I have a case to get started on in the morning. That girl needs me." I replied, even though I knew he was about to argue with me.
" Kate, how much do you think you can get done if you are the only person in the city that goes to work tomorrow ? You know there won't be any labs. No courts for warrants. New York City is on hiatus at least for the next twenty-four hours. Can't you sit back and just enjoy it ?"
" Not when I have things to do." I answered defiantly.
" I'll bet you studied on snow days in school." He muttered as he turned back to the television and left me alone with my thoughts.
I had been one of those kids actually. But I wasn't about to tell him that. I had never been one for sitting around idly. That girl deserves justice and there was no way I could go to her parents and tell them that I would have caught the guy, but I needed to take a snow day.
My phone rang before either of us could say anything else. I grabbed my coat which was thrown over a vacant chair, pulled it out of my pocket and answered it.
" We caught the guy." Esposito said as soon as I'd said hello.
" What ?" I asked, startled. We hadn't even had a chance to investigate anything. How could they have found the killer ?
" Guy came into the station and confessed. Said they were playing a game and it went too far. He freaked and started to run, but he had a change of heart. We've got him in custody." He explained.
" Really ? Just like that ?" I asked, still not believing.
" Yeah, just like that." He replied. " Sometimes it's just that easy."
" We're sure he's telling the truth ? There isn't some huge coverup or twist to this ?" I pressed. Since I'd been working with Castle nothing ever seemed that cut and dry.
" No, hand prints on the girl's neck match his. His story checks out. It's true. Captain Montgomery was here at the station. He's calling the girl's parents now." He told me.
" Alright." I said. " I guess see you all tomorrow."
" Nope, unless something new comes in, Captain says we should stay home. Looks like a blizzard out there." He told me.
I was shaking my head as I flipped the phone shut and put it back in my pocket.
" What was that ?" Castle asked from right over my shoulder. He had gotten up and was now standing behind me, trying to eavesdrop on my conversation.
" The girl's killer just came in and confessed." I told him, then turned and realized exactly how close he was.
My hand went to the middle of his chest to steady myself. I had stumbled at seeing his proximity. I willed myself not to look up. He was so close I would have been staring into his eyes if I did.
" Just like that ?" He asked, though he didn't move away and his voice had dropped several levels in volume.
" Yeah." I said. " He panicked at first but when he calmed down, he came to the station and confessed."
I looked up, no longer able to resist the urge to do so. I wanted to see his face, and it was becoming awkward as I continued to speak into his chest. When I did, I found he was staring rather fixatedly at my lips. I snaked my tongue out to lick them on instinct. I wasn't even thinking when I did it. But he noticed and his breath hitched in reaction.
" It looks I can stay up and watch the movie after all. We aren't working tomorrow unless something new comes in." I told him.
" Well, we can hope nothing comes in. After all, there is a blizzard going on outside. It's too cold for people to murder each other." He answered.
Alright, Fuck ! It was time to end this. I needed to get away from him. He was too close. His voice too quiet, too husky. This was not good.
God help me, if he didn't move soon, I was going to kiss him.
There was a long pause where neither of us moved. We just stood there, nearly in each other's arms staring into each other's eyes and saying nothing. I could almost see him thinking the exact same thoughts that I was. It was spooky. For those handfuls of moments, it was like we were sharing the same brain.
Finally I squirmed a little self consciously. Castle took a step back in response reading my movement as the ' back off ' symbol it was supposed to mean. Like I said, he got me.
He settled back into his end of the sofa and I went to mine. We draped a heavy afghan around us and went about watching the movie in silence.
I had no idea how my feet ended up in his lap. I was leaning against the arm of the sofa in an awkward position, when Castle beckoned me to stretch out. I did as he suggested, nestling my feet against his leg as I did. The next thing I knew, he had my feet in his lap and he was doing absolutely exquisite things to them with his hands.
I don't even know what was happening with the movie. I had long since shut my eyes and let myself indulge in the feel of his hands on my skin, rubbing away the last of the day's aches and pains with a masterful touch. It was Heaven. I always knew he'd be good with his hands. Something about them just said that they were the kind of hands that knew what they were doing. But this was far beyond my imagining. He knew just where to touch, just how hard to rub. It was bliss.
" Are you hungry ?" He asked after grabbing the remote and pausing the movie.
I hadn't even noticed it until he mentioned it. Now it occurred to me that I was starving. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd slowed down long enough to eat. " I could eat." I said.
" I'll make us something. It won't take long." He offered.
He had just gotten to his feet when the apartment went black, save for the light coming from the fire in the fireplace.
He turned to me with a helpless look. " I think we just lost power."
" This building has a back up generator, right ?" I asked, getting to my feet beside him.
" I don't know." He answered. " We've never lost power before."
We stood there in the middle of his living room with blank looks on our faces, staring at the darkness surrounding us and waiting. And waiting.
" I guess we don't." He mumbled under his breath.
" Come on." He nudged my arm and gave me a crocked smile. " It'll be okay. It's like camping."
I huffed in frustration. " I don't camp. Have you ever seen me camp ?"
" Well no, but surely you've been camping before. You know out in nature. Being all natural."
I pulled my hair out of my face and let it fall back to my shoulders. " I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. " You can't go to bed now. You said you were hungry. What kind of host would I be if I let my guest go to bed hungry ?"
I sighed in defeat. " I thought you said you were going to cook something. You can't do that now."
He started for the kitchen, pulling me along behind him. " There is plenty to eat here that you don't have to cook. We'll find something."
We ended up sitting on a blanket in front of the fire nibbling on a tray of cold cuts, fruits, vegetables and cheese. I had no idea how we ended up there, but we had. It was ridiculous really. Like the cover of some ridiculous romance novel. At least we weren't feeding each other.
" You have to try this." He said from across the blanket as he held out a piece of cheese towards me.
I leaned forward, took the bite and thought, well there goes that.
It was very tasty though.
We were both dressed in one of Castle's sweaters. He had offered me something out of Alexis' closet, but it was upstairs and we didn't have a light. So I settled for one of his. It was a heavy, navy blue cable-knit and it was huge on me, of course. But it smelled like him and I was tempted to figure out a way of taking it home with me. I felt like I was being wrapped in a huge Castle hug and I found myself really liking the way that felt.
The man in question was currently turned with his back away from me, messing with something he had hidden.
I immediately became worried. This was Castle, after all. I was afraid that any second now I was going to be hit with a face full of whip cream or a lazer tag shot to my chest.
I started to lean forward so I could see around him, but his hand shot out and landed in the middle of my chest to stop me. Right in the middle of my chest. I think he was aiming for my shoulder. He missed and now he was sitting there with his large hand practically cupping both of my breasts. But by now my momentum had drawn me forward and he was the only thing keeping me from toppling over. So we were more or less stuck until I got a hold of myself enough to make an awkward shift so he could let me go.
There was just no causal way out of our position. There was no brushing it off and pretending like it hadn't happened. It had happened and we both knew it.
I moved my knees forward enough to take my own weight and moved out of his touch. Even through the heavy sweater I could still feel the heat from his hand. We were just staring at each other again, just like before. Just frigging staring and thinking. Thinking things neither of us had any business thinking.
I cleared my throat and tried again to look over him to see what he was doing. " What are you playing with ?" I asked him. I was going with the plan of pretending like nothing happened. It was a good plan. I used it often and usually it worked.
Castle seemed to shake himself physically as if he were shaking the thoughts from his head. Then he turned back away from me and reached to the floor.
" I was just getting this." He answered. He held a stretched wire hanger up and looked at me with a devilish smile.
See, I knew I was right to worry. I had no idea what he intended to do with the twisted piece of wire, but it couldn't have been anything good. Of that I was certain. The look on his face alone said he was about to misbehave. I knew that look. I worked hard to spot it on a daily basis before anything got out of hand. I shook my head mentally. Damn, I didn't need children of my own. I was too busy raising Rick Castle.
" What is that for ?" I asked when he continued to look at me like I should know what it was for and should be really happy it was there.
His look turned exasperated and reached behind him for something else. It was a bag of marshmallows and I gave a sigh of relief. How much damage could he do with marshmallows ?
Next came a couple of chocolate bars and a baggie of graham crackers.
S'mores. He was going to try to make s'mores in the fireplace.
" I haven't had one of those since I was a little girl." I confessed.
" Alexis and I used to do this all the time. During the winter when there's no way to go outside and play, we would pack a bag and go camping in the living room. For real camping, we'd sleep right here in sleeping bags and toast marshmallows and tell stories."
" Who does that with their kids anymore ?" I asked in amazement.
He shrugged. " I do. Alexis was the best playmate I've ever had. Still is, when she has time for me."
" She's growing up. It happens." I commented, then cast a look in his direction, " In most cases."
He was putting the last touches on the first of the s'mores and I found myself watching his hands as they moved. " What is so wrong with knowing how to have fun ?" He asked as he picked up his completed creation and held it out to me.
I reached for it, trying hard not to make a mess of the oozing chocolate and marshmallow coming out of the sides. He smiled as he watched me trying to wrangle the thing into my mouth without getting any of it on me. When I was done, it was all over my fingers. I really wasn't thinking about anything but the fact that there was really good chocolate going to waste. I began to lick each of them in turn before licking anything that might remain from my lips.
I was pretty absorbed in what I was doing so I wasn't paying any attention to Castle at all. I had almost forgotten he was in the room. I was so hungry and it was just that good.
When I finished it off and looked up at him. He wasn't smiling anymore. It was like his smile had oozed from his face. Now he just looked dumbfounded. He wasn't moving, wasn't saying anything. I thought he was doing that thing he does when he has a profound thought that breaks our case wide open. That was the look he was giving me.
" What is it ?" I asked when he still hadn't moved. I noticed I was fidgeting subconsciously and tried to stop.
" I'm about to do one of those ridiculously stupid things I do sometimes that always gets me in trouble and I really need you to stop me." He said after another minute stretched between us.
My eyebrow wrinkled in confusion. " What are you talking about ?"
He was completely facing me now instead of sitting in profile as he had been. And I could have sworn he was getting closer to me by the second but I didn't see him moving. Maybe because I couldn't' make myself look away from his eyes.
There was something there I hadn't really seen before. I had caught glimpses now and again, but never had I been a party to the full on ' Castle ' lusty stare.
It was a sight to see. Like one of the Wonders of the World. It captivated me so totally I didn't know anything else existed at the moment. I was fascinated as he grew closer and closer to me. He immobilized with that stare.
Did he say he was about to do something stupid ? Was this what I was supposed to be talking him out of? And then like a light bulb dinging on over my head, I understood. He was about to kiss me.
Castle was going to kiss me. That was the stupid thing he was about to do.
Then he paused with his lips almost brushing mine as he spoke. " Promise you won't shoot me."
I barely managed a weak, " I promise." before he was on me. His lips covering mine in the most delicious kiss I'd ever experienced. My hands were balled in fists where they sat on the blanket beside me, but only for a second. When I didn't immediately resist, he moved closer still and drew me into him. My hands went around his shoulders, burying themselves in his hair without my knowledge or consent.
Suddenly I realized that he wasn't really asking me not to shot him. He didn't really believe that I would pull my weapon on him. And this was far from a lusty afterthought, spur of the moment kiss. There was more than that. His lips moved over mine in something close to relevance and his arms were holding me so tightly it was hard to breath. And while it had started out as something heated, now it was gentle, tender. There was feeling in that kiss. Big feelings and I definitely wasn't sure I was ready to deal with those feelings. I had only just accepted the fact that I might be capable of feeling those kinds of emotions. Emotions so strong they made your entire world look different.
When we finally broke apart reluctantly, I could have sworn he was shaking. Or maybe I was. We were so close it was hard to tell.
" I'm sorry." He whispered as his forehead leaned against mine. I was pointedly refusing to look at him. He thought I was angry. Really, I was afraid that if I looked at him right then, I would cry. I was that close to losing control.
But Castle, being Castle, of course he couldn't just let it go and give me a moment to compose myself. Oh no.
His finger came up under my chin and he slowly raised my eyes to his.
The minute I looked at him I felt the stinging of tears. If he saw me tearing up, he'd know how much he affected me. I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't trust him with that kind of knowledge. My life, yes, but not that.
He'd said it himself, Great dad, really bad husband. I could not afford for Richard Castle to become my one and done. There was no way.
But if I didn't put some distance between us soon, that was exactly what was going to happen. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a huge abyss and I was slowly falling. The longer we sat there as close as we were with him completely surrounding me, the faster I fell.
Then he pushed the envelope even further and whispered my name. " Kate." I loved the sound of him saying my first name.
I lunged for him, kissing him again, this time kissing him the way he had kissed me. I wasn't ready to talk about how I felt yet, but I couldn't stop myself from showing him. Like my body was betraying me. It had been more than patient with me though, countless times over the last few years I had fought off the urge to just attack him. Now my body was overriding my mind. It didn't care what I thought about what was happening anymore. It just wanted him and it was taking him. Whether it was a good plan or not.
It wasn't. I knew it wasn't. I'd been continually warning myself against this plan. Now here I was, fists balled into his sweater as I yanked him even closer to me and deepen the kiss further. I had been vetoed.