Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, BBC does.

AN: This is just a strange idea that popped in my head one day when I was watching Merlin. It seems like the citizens of Camelot seem to die all the time, yet there never seems to be a lack of them. So this idea was spawned. I hope you enjoy this!

SO YOU WANT TO MOVE TO CAMELOT?

Written by The Camelot Citizens Association

So you have been thinking about moving to Camelot, home of the Pendragon family, the famous Knights of Camelot, and at the very center of Albion. Who wouldn't want to move to our fair city? After all we have a thriving market, powerful government, and the view is quite lovely most days. But there is more to our city than you might think and before you set up shop here, we have a guide to making sure that your new life in Camelot is a long one.

Rule#1: Don't use magic, think of magic, or even say the word magic!

King Uther hates magic, so unless you want to be tomorrow's entertainment, we really wouldn't suggest you have anything to do with the M word.

(On a side note if you do happen to find a sorcerer, Uther does pay handsomely for tip offs! Velma reported her mother last week, and today she is living like a courtier!)

Rule #2: Don't live in the Lower Town!

It seems that most newcomers find cheap residence in the city's Lower Town, but whatever you do DON'T MOVE THERE! In the last year alone the Lower Town has almost been completely destroyed no less than 3 times!

Rule #3: Don't get a job in the castle!

Our royals are nearly getting assassinated weekly, and so it is best to just steer clear of them. For an example there was this one servant who prevented Prince Arthur from drinking poison. And what happened you might ask? The King made him drink the poison instead and it nearly killed him! So like we said, DON'T WORK IN THE CASTLE!

Rule#4: If there is a beast rampaging the city, STAY INDOORS!

In the last few years we've been attacked by a griffin, flying gargoyles, a bastet, and a dragon just to name a few. A word to the wise: avoid them.

Rule#5: Beware the undead armies!

Unfortunately our lovely city has seen its fair share of undead armies. So if one starts to attack, hide. They CAN'T die!

Rule#6: Plagues aren't a joking manner!

We have had epidemics run rampant in Camelot more than once in recent years. So if people are dropping like flies, DON'T drink the same water they do, you will DIE!

Rule#7: If you are nobility, DON'T be a Knight!

For more information, please see our guide: Knights of Camelot: More than just a fancy cloak!

Rule#8: If Camelot has an open tournament—DON'T ENTER!

We're not kidding, you will be beat and chances are you will die. End of story.

Rule#9: Don't mock Prince Arthur, it isn't worth the trouble!

Really it isn't!

Rule#10: Avoid the local taverns!

We know stopping for a pint of ale is a tempting, but Camelot's taverns are full of drunken, roughhousing men, shady men of unquestionable character, and sometimes even sorcerers in disguise.

(Another side note: If you do end up getting drunk as a skunk and can't afford to pay for it, DON'T say that Prince Arthur will. He will NOT be pleased.)

If you keep these few simple instructions in mind, we are sure that you will find Camelot to be a pleasant place to live and raise a family.

This Public Service Announcement has been paid for by the Camelot Citizen's Association with you in mind. Thank you.