Pride, Honour, Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own exactly nothing.

Warning(s): Dark and dub-con. But it gets better with later chapters, I promise. Some brackets abuse and odd imagery here and there.

Author's Notes: Part one of three. Updates will come as I see it fit; the story is nearly complete, but I take ages to edit, sorry.

If you have questions you want to ask me or complaints, please either PM or send me an email. E-mailing me is better though because FFN isn't being very cooperative these days (it's hedonisticdotopportunist at gmail com).

Seriously, I've not been getting review or fav alerts for days, which is annoying when you've got as many stories posted as I do.

…

Lelouch had never seen a more disgusting place in his life.

It was - grotesque and abominably shady in every sense of the word. Attached to a bar - with the usual strippers in g-strings dancing around a pole and the smell of whisky and nicotine - Creamy Productions studio was the last place he'd ever imagined finding himself in. A picture of a naked woman - dressed in nothing but leather high heels was at the door, clearly giving anyone with half a brain an indication just what kind of films the studio produced.

What exactly had he signed up for, here?

Lelouch felt the bile rising to his throat, no longer quite as certain about his fool-proof plan. The again, he wasn't sure it had ever been a plan in the first place - but more of a spontaneous action that had been borne out of despair. "Um, Miss Ashford - are you sure this is the right place?"

"Milly is fine. The sooner you learn to drop formalities around this place, the better. And don't make such a face, my boy. You said you wanted to make money, didn't you?"

Milly was in her mid-twenties, blonde and attired in a dress that would have been elegant, had it not been for the extremely low neckline and jeans jacket she was wearing. And the red boots.

But Lelouch hadn't come here to analyse this odd woman's fashion taste. Or lack thereof.

"Yes, I did. And you said you'd have a job for me. A good job," Lelouch said, hoping that his increasing anxiety wasn't becoming too apparent. "I'm just not quite sure what we are doing here."

When he'd thought of a job with good pay, he'd been thinking about professional gambling, not being led up into shady districts that were clearly part of the porn scene.

Milly's eyes widened, and she let out a laugh - hollow and nearly bitter. "Look kiddo, if someone chats you up in the middle of the street and tells you they've got a job for you, it's rarely going to be something decent."

Lelouch felt horror rising up his spine, his throat tightening. Panic shot through his veins, and he felt the urge to run. It didn't take a genius to figure out now just what kind of predicament he'd gotten himself into. "I- this kind of thing-"

The hard look in Milly's eyes softened and her tone was nearly sympathetic. "You know, you can leave now, if you don't want to do this," she walked up close to him and touched his cheek," just be aware that this is probably the easiest way to make money. If you've got nothing to lose, anyway. And you look like you need the money."

Lelouch knew that she was referring to his clothes, which - though far from looking tattered - were worn. He swallowed, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage as he looked at the picture (the woman's eyes empty, dead - like those of a slowly rotting corpse). He knew that he only had two options now: run away or face this like -

(like a man. like someone who knew how to fight, never mind the losses).

"I'll do it," Lelouch said, his voice firm though his body was trembling. "I'm ready."

Though he really wasn't.

…

"Hey, Milly," a blond-haired guy said," looks like you've pooled a really good fish out of the water."

"Of course, Gino. I aim not to disappoint."

Gino - the tag on his shirt revealing him to be the assistant director - walked over to Lelouch, surveyed him from head to toe and grinned impishly. "He's very pretty. Slender. Long-legged. A regular bishounen type - popular with our female clients."

Lelouch would have really appreciated it if they had stopped talked about him as if he were a sex object. But he found himself tongue-tied and too dazzled by the interior of the studio - which was nothing but one big room, in fact.

Everything was in bright colours - red, orange, neon green - and there were cameras all over the place and - he swallowed at that - a big bed with satin sheets at the centre.

The place of action.

Lelouch felt sick (Ineedtogetoutofhere).

"Hey, don't start spacing out - what're you called, by the way?" Gino asked, waving his hands in front of Lelouch's face. He was still wearing that disgusting grin.

"Lelouch Vi- just Lelouch." There was no need to mention just where he'd come from or what his background was.

"So, Lelouch," Gino said, rubbing his hands excitedly, "let me introduce you to the others. And tell me about yourself, your preferences - if you know what I mean," he winked at that, "and everything else we should know."

Lelouch frowned, not sure what to say, but Gino, thankfully, didn't waste a lot of time to wait for a reply. He walked slowly - indicating with a motion of his hand for Lelouch to follow - and led them out of the room into another one, albeit smaller and full of people.

People who Lelouch would have never, ever even dared to talk to under regular circumstances. They were all smoking and dressed in even worse attire than Milly. Lelouch didn't feel like observing them for too long.

"So, everyone," Gino said,"this is Lelouch. A new recruit who aims to become part of our happy, happy family. So, introduce yourself nicely now."

A bespectacled man with grey or white or something of the sort hair stepped forward and enthusiastically - far too enthusiastically in Lelouch's opinion - shook his hand. "I'm Lloyd, the director, and the woman over there," he pointed to a purple-haired woman dressed in some horrendous orange getup, "is the make up artist, Cecile."

"And I'm the camera 'man'," a woman with green hair announced. "Name's C.C, you'd better remember that because soon I'll know every angle, corner, and crevice of your body."

"Yes, C.C will also use every opportunity to make you work harder by insulting your manhood," Gino said, laughing, "I remember how she made my life hell when I was still in business."

Lelouch felt like he was in some weird alternate dimension, where logic failed and everything had fallen prey to crazy, warped rules. He was glad no one had asked him to say anything, because he wouldn't have managed a word. And he was usually known for being eloquent. At least, when he'd still attended school.

"God, the new one looks like he's about to faint any other minute," the one person who hadn't introduced himself yet said. "You sure, it's alright to make him work here, Gino?"

"Why of course. He wouldn't be here, if he didn't want this - right, Lelouch?" Gino slapped Lelouch playfully on the shoulder.

"I-" Lelouch tried, but found his words failing him again, his heart racing as he found everyone staring at him. Damnit, he had to talk, say something or -

Nunnally.

"Of course, I want to be here."

The man named Suzaku looked at him quizzically, an odd smile forming on his face. "For someone who wants to be here, you sure sound very displeased."

Lelouch gazed at him, feeling like he'd seen him somewhere before (a familiar face grown older, a familiar voice deeper - there was someone he'd known who'd had the same -)

But he couldn't place it, his mind too confused right now. Perhaps if he'd had more time, he could have -

Lelouch frowned, feeling like Suzaku's green eyes were probing into his soul (seeing everything, all his fears and weaknesses) but, thankfully, Cecile spoke before Lelouch could defend himself and possibly endanger his "future career" here.

"It just must be the nerves. Never mind him, Lelouch. He's just cocky because he's gotten too famous for his own good." She took him by the hand and led him out of the room, away from Suzaku's prying eyes and terrible smile. "So Lelouch, I think it's time for the make-up."

Lelouch froze and stopped walking. They were in another and smaller room now, full of mirrors and those little black seats you sometimes found at a hair-dresser's.

"What -now?"

Cecille frowned. "Of course now. It's not like we're going to waste time, you know? Besides, we need to check how compatible you are with Suzaku."

By compatible they mean -, Lelouch thought dimly and then let out a gasp. That - it couldn't be. Just now the full implications of the job and what was expected of him fully hit Lelouch and he realised that he'd been a bloody fool for not running away when he'd had the chance.

(I was born to lead, not to bend over and be fucked by someone. I was -)

"Lelouch, are you fine?" Cecile looked genuinely worried and pushed some strands away from his forehead. "You're hot."

"I'm just nervous." Big understatement. Lelouch forced himself to look nonchalant and proud, like his father always had before a public conference. Proud. Unmoved. Determined.

Never forget who you are, Lelouch. Even in your darkest hours - sometimes you have to lower yourself to achieve your goals, his father had always told him,and Lelouch knew that - even if his pulse was racing and his mind going no no no - he couldn't back down now. Not when Nunnally depended on him.

"Ah, don't be. We're not filming you today yet. This is just a test to see how well you perform before others." Cecile's smile was so warm and welcoming, so much indeed that, for a moment, Lelouch nearly forgot that she was part of this terrible establishment.

Lelouch didn't say anything, but allowed Cecile to lead him to one of the chairs; he sat down and watched as Cecile applied various creams, powders and what not to his face. Watched as she brushed his hair and applied light make-up on his face.

"You're so pretty," she told him admiringly, "such pale skin and beautiful eyes. Milly really knows how to pick them. I'll make you shine, you'll see soon enough."

Yes, she'd make him shine indeed.

(Like a pretty doll about to get burnt).

…

"Ah, you're finally done," Lloyd said smiling, "and what a beauty he is. Approximately 1,79, weight probably around 52 kgs, slender frame, pale skin and black hair. Aesthetically a perfect match for Suzaku Kururugi."

Kururugi?

Something about that name rang a bell in Lelouch's head, his father had -

"Oh, the princess is here." Suzaku was sitting on the bed, dressed in nothing but a red bathrobe of the same material as the bed-sheets. "Well, come over here and show me what you've got."

Lelouch felt sick as he walked over to Suzaku, a man whose smile would have been welcoming, nearly friendly in every other situation but this.

"God, you're always like this?" Suzaku was grinning, licking his lips. His eyes were twinkling, unspoken suggestions lurking there.

"Like what?" Just because Lelouch was doing this didn't mean he'd allow himself to be mocked.

"Like you've got a stick shoved up your ass. Which will happen soon enough - bad pun, sorry. But, for real, chill out."

"I'll 'chill out'," Lelouch replied through gritted teeth, "soon enough. And you're neither funny nor particularly witty. Don't you dare patronise me."

Something dark and dangerous smouldered in Suzaku's eyes and the grin left his face. "Well, I'm sorry, your Highness. I didn't know that I wasn't being respectful enough."

"But you should be. Just because I'm new doesn't mean I'm stupid." And Lelouch wasn't - he was fed up of people assuming that, just because he had a pretty face, there was nothing else about him. He was the son of Charles Vi Britannia.

"Why, I think someone's going to go home very, very butt-hurt, today," Suzaku said in return, his voice deeper now and dangerously close to a whisper. "Don't think I'm going to let you off easy, especially when you put on airs like that."

Lelouch's hand curled to a fist. He wasn't putting up on any airs -

"Look, they're perfect for each other," a female's voice - C.C - rang through the room. "Already totally into it. Even the dialogue between them is foreplay."

"Yeah," Gino said, "I don't think I've seen two porn stars argue like this before."

(Porn stars?)

Lelouch felt all the anger and indignation he had been feeling before leave him; in his eagerness to prove his worth to Suzaku, he'd forgotten that they weren't alone. That they were, in fact, in a room filled with people and bad lighting.

(whatamIdoinghereagain).

"Ah, not so brave, after all, when you're brought back to reality, eh?" Suzaku said as he rose and - in a movement far too fast for Lelouch to register - pushed him down the bed. "I think you're nothing but a guy who just likes to talk big."

Lelouch stared, wide-eyed at Suzaku, noticed the way the bathrobe had slightly slipped past his shoulders, revealing a muscled torso and tanned skin. Fear - genuine fear - crept up Lelouch's body as he realised that Suzaku - his eye blazing with fury, mouth tight and face expressionless - wasn't pulling his legs. He really intended to -

- have sex.

Hands were tugging at the robe, pulling it open - exposing Lelouch to Suzaku and the other people in the room. Making them see parts of his body he'd never showed to anyone -

This was no longer a game, no longer something he could just run away from, but real. Dangerously real.

Lelouch started to struggle, but Suzaku's body was too heavy and the grip on his wrists too strong, too forceful.

All of a sudden, his father's words and Nunnally even didn't mean anything to Lelouch. "Stop it. I changed my mind - stop it. Now."

Suzaku didn't stop, merely looked down at Lelouch and shook his head. A sadistic glint of amusement in his eyes. "What? You thought we'd be playing cards?"

"No, I-" Lelouch answered, his cheeks flushed from the struggling," I changed-"

"Too late," Suzaku said, and moved his hand to Lelouch's cock, starting to pump. "Besides - the virgin act really isn't cute, you know? Not on jerks like you."

Lelouch had lost the power to speak the moment Suzaku's hand had wrapped itself around his cock - too confused, too horrified at what was going on. Barely registering the up and down motions of Suzaku's sweaty palms, Lelouch's mind half-grasped what was going on, he suddenly felt numb, detached from everything -

(like a ghost floating above the ceiling, like looking at an old photograph of your mother, long dead, like seeing an old friend from your childhood, twisted beyond recognition-)

"I admit you're pretty -" Suzaku said, pushing Lelouch's legs apart, "it's just a shame that you've got such a large mouth. But, when it comes to sex, those things really don't matter."

Lelouch wasn't really paying attention to what Suzaku was doing - only heard the lid of something being opened and closed again, his body shuddering as Suzaku pushed one lubed finger inside of him, quickly inserting another - the sensation both terribly uncomfortable and painful. He hissed out loud when Suzaku's fingers pushed in deeper.

Feeling the need to cry out for mercy or something, Lelouch opened his mouth but stopped -

Remember who you are, Lelouch. Always.

Lelouch closed his eyes and thought of anything but the room, those fingers, the fact that he was doing something he'd not even imagined in his wildest dreams.

"God, you really don't need to act like this. I nearly feel like you're really new to this," Suzaku was saying as he pulled out his fingers. "But that would be bullshit. I mean, really no one would be so idiotic as to sign up for this without having some degree of experience."

Lelouch's eyes snapped open, feeling renewed anger flare up in him. That man, this Suzaku, he acted as if doing this was nothing but a simple chore. "That's just because people like you know nothing about pride. Or honour. Or sacrifice."

He didn't know what it was like to have a crippled sister waiting at home for him, a dead mother rotting in her grave, and a newly deceased father who hadn't once smiled at Lelouch while he'd been alive. Didn't know what it was like to lose friends, to leave everything behind.

The same anger shone in Suzaku's eyes again. And his voice grew dangerously low again. "Oh yeah? You think I know nothing, right? Nothing about sacrifice? As if doing this daily filled me with joy, as if I got off on having sex in front of a camera just to make a living, yes?" His voice no longer seemed to be exclusively aimed at Lelouch, the look in his eyes was wild, lost and, for - a sheer second - Lelouch saw who Suzaku was (saw past the facade, saw the raw pain in those eyes). "Asshole, I'll show you pride. And honour."

Suzaku took off his robe, threw it on the ground and settled himself between Lelouch's legs. And then he pushed himself inside, his cock entering Lelouch in one, clean go. And started to thrust, quickly, too quickly - in and out. Again and again.

Pain.

(i'm sorry Nunnally-)

Lelouch bit into his wrist, not wanting to cry out, not wanting to show the world just how much it hurt, how much he hated it - Suzaku, this blasted company, his father for dying and leaving him bankrupt, his sister even for being dependent, the world -

He knew he was crying then.

Suzaku froze. His eyes widening as realisation dawned upon him. He stopped and looked down at Lelouch, his face truly horrified. He pulled out immediately and a chorus of voices broke out in the room, but Lelouch could only hear Suzaku -

"You were a virgin? You were a fucking virgin and you-"

"Yeah, I was. And you're right; you showed me what pride and honour are. Even sacrifice."

Because he wasn't the one losing right now, was he?

…

"I can't believe, that's the most fucked up thing we had here for a while," C.C said, her face pale as she remembered what had just occurred an hour ago. "I mean, we've had relatively inexperienced people coming over here, but a virgin?"

An awkward silence made itself manifest through the room and all the people, seated either on red love sofas or leaning against the wall, exchanged quick, pained glances that communicated: "Don'tlookatmeokay. It'snotlikeIknew."

Gino ran a hand through his hair. "It makes sense now, his being so … nervous about the whole thing."

"I don't think nervous comes even close," Cecile said, "I mean, I'm so …," she frowned, her face regretful,"shocked I didn't see the tell-tale signs. He looked appalled, scared."

Gino patted Cecile on the shoulder. "Don't worry; it's not your fault. The boy came here out of his own volition. No one could have known. What shocks me though is how Suzaku just lost it. He rarely gets so emotional during sex."

C.C groaned, crossing her arms. "I know. I've seen him have sex with at least hundreds of people. He usually just treats it like a walk in the park, so to see him get that angry - I dunno. I didn't stop him because I thought it was exciting, until … yeah."

Gino sighed. "Look, I know we've had hard day, but can we just forget this. It's good that we'll probably never see this boy again. Though I'll really give Milly a good rant the next time she comes here. She shouldn't just recruit every pretty face she sees out there."

C.C nodded in agreement and then grinned. "But Lloyd will be disappointed. About Lelouch leaving."

Gino shot a confused look at C.C "Why?"

"He told me it was the best show he'd ever seen."

…

Gino knocked on Suzaku's door; he held a picture in his hand. No one replied. "Hey, I know you're there. Can I come on in?"

No answer still. Gino sighed and let himself in; no doors were ever locked here.

Suzaku was sitting on the floor, dressed casually in jeans and simple white T-shirt. It wasn't the first time Gino was struck by how ordinary Suzaku looked like this - just like the man in his young twenties as he was supposed to be.

Finally, he turned to look at Gino, his face oddly expressionless. "You know, when I started working for the company, I told myself I'd never allow myself to get too involved."

Gino walked closer to Suzaku, shaking his head and then plopped down next to him. "But it doesn't always work, does it?"

"It worked just fine, for me." Suzaku sighed and rubbed his temples. "When I entered the studio, fucked the random cunt, asshole or mouth, I could forget that I was Suzaku Kururugi, son of Genbo Kururugi, the former Japanese prime minister who'd gotten imprisoned for corruption, and female prostitution."

Gino laughed.

"What?"

"So you decided to get back at your father by becoming a prostitute yourself. Well sort of."

"No, I just wanted to wipe every memory of what I was, of what I once belonged to. It's a simple death. Maybe," Suzaku sighed loudly, "I was too much of a coward to kill myself, so I just decided to become what I hated."

"You're a weird one, Suzaku," Gino said and sighed - he wasn't really fond of listening to such depressing things for too long. "I just started working for this company because I loved sex. And pretty people."

"I get that, Gino."

"Ah yeah, that Lelouch. You know, I was thinking that name sounded vaguely familiar. Then I remembered that while in Britain - you know how they love our porn - I often heard the name Vi Britannia," Gino chuckled," I know cheesy, but-"

"Get to the point, Gino."

Really. Couldn't he be a bit faster? Suzaku had a headache. Among other things.

"I am. You see, the Vi Britannias used to be a very influential, aristocratic family. Used to, that's the point. Seems they too, just like your Pa by the way, were also fond of corruption. So yeah. Many of them ended up in jail, but the de-facto leader Charles and his family 'escaped' to the US-"

Suzaku slammed his fist against the wall. "Will you shut up?"

Gino rolled his eyes. What a dramatic man Suzaku was. "Just let me finish. So yeah. They come over here, but bad karma strikes. First the wife dies, then Charles himself, leaving the kids behind. A teenage boy and his crippled sister."

Suzaku was not getting it, but the wheels in his head were turning. He'd heard his father mention the Vi Britannias a few times, he remembered now. Often just briefly, but he'd mentioned their being in contact. He might have even met them once, who knew? He'd

been dragged to so many of these stupid parties of his Dad's –

(He didn't want to remember).

"Guess who the boy is - the picture is about two to three years old. Made around the time the family escaped," Gino said and placed the picture into Suzaku's hands."

Lelouch.

A younger Lelouch, perhaps. Around fourteen or fifteen. But it was the same face, the same eyes - proud and defiant - staring at him.

"So yeah, you weren't totally off-the-mark when you called him 'your Highness'," Gino said happily - far too happily. "Congratulations, Suzaku. You not only deflowered a minor, but an actual aristocrat too."

…