So this is my first CM fic, but I am a huge fan of the show. I wrote this today and thought I would share it. Hope you all like it :)

Not Silent

I am not a man of faith.

I do not believe in miracles or mere coincidences.

My beliefs are based on scientific facts.

Seeing as I have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187, I am a genius but I don't know everything. Obviously I still don't. I didn't know you were hiding something, I didn't know you were going to die.

In all honesty until that moment I had never given much thought to faith, or what I believed. I guess I thought I was agnostic. Even in that moment, sitting in the hospital, the smell of antiseptic on everything surface seen to the naked eye, I prayed.

My faith (what little of it I had) was spread so thin, but I kept praying. That you would still be alive, that I would see you smile and laugh at my random facts. That you would still beat me at poker and chess and that I would be a sore loser about it.

I couldn't risk loosing you. I had already lost too many people in my life, I needed you to stay. So I kept praying. I don't know to whom or what or why, but I prayed. While our team sat watching the emergency door swing open and close, all of us on edge to hear of your fate.

That is until JJ came out. We all knew the inevitable. Eyes glazed, tear streaks down her face. You were gone, there was no denying it. Unknown to me at the time that look was one of guilt, because you were still out there, you still are out there.

Your name had died, not you. Last time I checked JJ said you were now Paige something or another. Emily is long ago buried under the dry Philadelphia soil. Fidelity. Bravery. Integrity. That is where your name lies; this is how you are remembered.

It's been a year. 365 days, since I've seen your smile, heard your laugh, or one of your many smartass remarks. That's way too long. I miss you. So I sit this letter on the cold hard granite that has plagued my thoughts, filled them with nightmares and night terrors that I could never begin to describe.

I leave this letter with a rose. You're favorite. JJ says you'll get this, thought I am doubtful you always seem to have your ways.

As I walk away from the endless rows of graves, heading back to my car I look over my shoulder. I see a woman in a white long trench coat and a short black bob. She looks up at me and smiles that all too familiar smile, the one that I have missed so much.

She gives a slight wave after bending down and picking up the letter with the crumpled edges and the simple lonesome rose and walks into the distance as I get back into my old run down car lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts.