Disclaimer: Julian, Logan and Derek all belong to the wonderful CP Coulter. I'd like to occasionally borrow Logan for hugs though...I think that's allowed.
Logan sat in the darkness listening to the music coming from somewhere across the hall and tried to block out the thoughts swirling around his head; thoughts mainly of the argument he had had with Derek only hours before. Derek, as usual, was trying to make him take his medication, and Logan had better ideas. It didn't end well and he hadn't seen Derek since.
He wasn't sure when the music started, but he gradually became more aware of it until his entire focus was put upon the soothing noises of the piano. He followed the music to its source and found himself stood outside Julian's bedroom where he leaned his head against the frame of the closed door and just listened. The music started out soft and slow, almost lulling Logan to sleep, but gradually became louder and more aggressive, as if trying to imitate Logan's moods.
He opened the door, not bothering to knock and leaned against the doorframe casually. He watched Julian play; he was leaning intently over the piano at the far end of his room, and smiled at the complete oblivion in which Julian was currently in.
The music wasn't something Logan was familiar with and the sections didn't flow perfectly but it was nice to listen to, and it was helping to calm him down. He waited until the part Julian was playing ended to make his presence known.
"You play very well...for an actor" Logan smiled, not as animus as usual.
Julian turned around and looked expressionlessly at Logan. He didn't want to deal with him right now, so he just gave Logan a questioning look and returned his attention to the piano.
"Making a habit of stalking me, Logan?" Julian laughed as he looked at the sheet music that was propped on the piano.
"Totally" Logan said sarcastically "Because I am your number one fan, and I have to know where you are at every given time" he smirked
"Hmm. Of course you do" Julian ignored the bittersweet feeling that the last statement produced inside of him. Julian's fans paid better attention to him and noticed things more than Logan did. He completely ignored everything that wasn't in direct relation to himself for the most part. He wished that Logan would actually look at him enough to notice half of the things his fans do, but Logan would never actually see him. Despite having a plethora of leading roles in a string of films and TV shows he would never play the leading role in Logan's life. He would always be the figure in the background; you know they're there, you just choose to overlook them. That's exactly what it felt like to Julian: that Logan chose to overlook him.
Logan however, who was completely oblivious as usual, to the workings of Julian's mind, began singing.
"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me. Papa Paparazzi"
"Oh shut up" Julian laughed as he turned to face Logan again and rolled his eyes.
"You know you love it" Logan teased
"So Gaga" Julian began in a mock-interview tone; one which he had a lot of experience of "How's the album coming along?"
"Just swimmingly" Logan smiled and crossed the room to sit on Julian's bed and smirk at his best friend.
"Swimmingly?" Julian laughed "What kind of a word is that?" he stared at Logan incredulously
"A damn good one!" Logan protested
"Of course it is Logan. If I ever thought that you were sane, I now have concrete proof that you are totally unhinged" Julian laughed
Logan just rolled his eyes at Julian.
"Did you want anything specific?" Julian asked. Logan didn't usually grace anyone with his presence unless he wanted something, and he felt like he was just stealing time; taking moments that he wouldn't ordinarily have but clinging desperately onto them regardless.
"Not really" Logan shrugged "You were playing" he nodded towards the piano "It was a good distraction from myself"
"Oh" was all Julian could say. Logan had never said anything like this before. Come to think of it Julian could barely remember a time when they had conversed outside of sneers and petty insults.
Logan looked down, embarrassed; he usually didn't speak calmly about what he was feeling to Julian. It wasn't really what they did; they were more the scream-their-feelings-at-each-other kind of friends. He was staring numbly at the floor when his eye caught on something at the bottom of Julian's bed; two suitcases with flight tags attached. Normally he would just assume that Julian had carelessly left them on without thinking, but he was close enough to read the date on them and was shocked to see that the date was for three days ago. What the hell, Logan thought. His anger levels were raising rapidly. He was just going to run away. AGAIN!
"Jules" Logan began, his voice low but anger evident
Julian saw the anger and intensity in Logan's eyes before he followed where he was looking and saw what his eyes were staring at... Fuck. He was looking at his suitcases. He had left them packed and ready to go in case he needed to get away. Not that that was a realistic option any more, but Julian could never know how much he would need to escape. He hoped Logan wouldn't pick up on the tags attached to the handle, but had a suspicion that Logan had already caught on.
"Yes, Logan?" Julian spoke slow and calmly.
"Why" Logan began, and took a deep breath; fighting to control his anger. "Why do your suitcases say you were leaving three days ago?" he asked as he raised his eyes to look at Julian with anger and mostly bewilderment
"Take a guess" Julian shrugged, not liking the direction this was going in.
Logan glared "I thought you said you weren't going to take this film..."
"Yeah, I changed my mind" Julian replied nonchalantly
"Any particular reason? You seemed set on declining the offer" Logan's eyes flared. He could tell when something was being kept from him
"No reason in particular" Julian smiled "Just fancied a change of scenery"
"Don't...lie to me Julian" Logan was quickly losing control over himself; the anger seeping into his veins and filling his mind with a familiar red haze "Why did you change your mind?" He asked through gritted teeth
"I'm just sick of Dalton. That's it" Julian applied everything he had ever learnt of acting to this in the hopes that he'd just drop it and let it go. But this was Logan, and nothing was ever dropped.
"You're lying Julian!" Logan seethed "Tell me why you want to leave!"
Julian struggled with his mind to think up a reason that he could possibly give for leaving
"Now Julian" Logan demanded
"What does it matter?" Julian shot back. He couldn't think of a good way out of this. "You couldn't care less about anyone but you!"
"Fine." By this point Logan was furious and barely managing to keep himself from throwing Julian into the closest wall "If that's what you wanna think...then whatever." He tried to calm himself down, and failed miserably "What the hell were you gonna do, Julian?" he began shouting "Do a midnight flit without saying anything?"
"And why on earth would I stay?" Julian shouted back "There's not exactly anything keeping me here, is there? I've got a career out there, and an adoring fan base. Do you think that this is better than all of that?" Julian laughed bitterly. A small part of his mind contemplated the reasons that he had always come back; because having Logan as his friend was better than all of that. He knew that Logan would never be more than a friend, but having that friendship had been enough to keep him here. Until now. Until he had to watch yet again as Logan destroyed himself and chased after yet another unattainable nobody, and unknowingly destroyed Julian in the process.
"You didn't seem to care about your 'adoring fan base' last week." Logan sneered "You seemed quite happy with staying here, and now all of a sudden you're leaving..." Anger suddenly trailed into to confusion. Why was Julian going to leave? What had changed so drastically that Julian had to run away to escape it? Logan shook his head. He had been far too absorbed in his own problems and woes and just plain stupidity to notice that something big was obviously going on with Julian. Something that, as a friend, Logan was supposed to pick up on. Maybe he should listen to Derek and medicate.
"It's just not worth it anymore" Julian said quietly, half hoping that Logan wouldn't hear. No such luck.
"What isn't? Why don't you at least try and make sense for a change!" The fire in Logan's eyes returned.
"You know what Logan. Maybe if you actually looked around yourself and stopped being so hung up on Kurt you might actually notice something once in a while." Julian stood up as they fell back into the easy routine of arguments and insults. They had always argued; it was their thing. It was something they could both understand, and something only the other could give them.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Logan shouted, standing as well to level himself against Julian.
"Oh I don't know. Maybe that you ignore everyone's existence except for his. That you couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone except him. Does anybody else actually register on your radar, Logan? I'm not gonna stick around and watch this play out again. I've had enough. I don't need any of your crap. I don't need you!"
"I actually never said you did..."
"Whatever, Logan. I'm outta here" he stormed past Logan towards the door but was abruptly stopped as Logan pushed back on his chest and stood in front of the door
"No, Julian. We are not finished here. There's something you're not telling me, and I'm sick of being kept on the outside of your damn life"
"Like you even care" Julian laughed
"You know what, Julian. I actually do. We're supposed to be friends, but the only way I ever learn something about your damned life is by reading the fucking tabloids!" Logan shouted, not caring what the rest of Stuart thought of their argument. They were probably used to it by now anyway.
"Well maybe you should take a fucking interest then, instead of locking me out of everything in your life"
"This is me taking a fucking interest, Julian." Logan practically screamed at Julian "Or are you just too dumb to realise that?" he smirked, and before he could process what was happening he was being grabbed by his jacket and slammed into the door he was just stood in front of.
"Don't. Push me. Logan" Julian glared, obviously trying to keep his anger under control.
"And why shouldn't I?" Logan said softly as he smiled sweetly at Julian, knowing that this would be the thing to piss him off the most. They each knew exactly which buttons to press to make the other explode into rage.
Julian pushed Logan back further against the door, causing it to close completely, and ignored the slight wince of pain from Logan that it caused. "Because, Logan. You know that I will always win you in a fight" he smirked; also knowing that this would be the thing to make Logan see red.
Logan pushed Julian back and for a moment they stood weighing each other up. It was Julian, however, who threw the first punch. He needed to release the anger he had building up inside of him, and as Logan was the source and cause of this, he felt it was fitting to take it out on him. Logan hit back of course, although Julian barely felt the fist hit his face. He didn't care that his manager would be pissed with him, he didn't care about the up and coming photo shoots that were scheduled for the next few weeks; they had make up to cover anything, he didn't even care about the paparazzi shots that would appear in the papers sometime soon discussing the fact that Julian Larson was sporting a new black eye. In this moment Julian only cared about one thing; Logan. He wanted him to feel what Julian felt, he needed him to know how angry he felt on a daily basis because of his presence alone. He needed to tell him everything he felt; the love, the hate, the bitterness, the anger; everything. But in true Julian-style he hit out instead, and left a trail of cuts and bruises instead of words and explanations.
The broke apart and glared at each other; trying to judge whether enough was enough or whether they needed more. This time it was Logan who threw himself at Julian; hitting him into the wall where the actor tried and failed to retaliate with his own fists as Logan pinned them up against the wall on the sides of his head.
Julian glowered at Logan, trying to figure out what Logan's next move would be. Logan glared back with the same level of animosity as his mind swirled with a rage that seemed to have no real point or purpose. And all of a sudden actions took over, and Logan had no control whatsoever of what he was doing; he couldn't even feel the anger in his head or hear his thought screaming at him from under the red veil. Logan pressed his lips against Julian's with a sense of urgency that neither of them had ever felt before.
Julian didn't know what the hell Logan was playing at – and he probably didn't want to know what was going on inside his head – but for some reason he found himself kissing back with the same level of anger and passion as Logan was. It was the best and worst kiss Julian had ever experienced, and Julian had kissed some of the world's most famous actors and actresses. But this, this was something in its own league altogether – It was hot and violent and everything Julian needed in this moment.
Logan pulled back to stare at Julian, totally confounded. His mind hadn't even started working properly yet
"What the fuck, Julian? Did you just kiss me back?" Logan said incredulously "But you're fucking straight!"
"Shut the fuck up" Julian glared as he wrapped his hand around Logan's tie and dragged Logan back to his lips.
A.N. This did start out as being influenced by a song...and then turned into something else...and I'll probably write my original idea eventually but for now this is all I've got. Do forgive my bad choice of title. Also it would have been longer with more parts after this but I decided to publish as it stands. I may have been influenced by some impatient people on tumblr... *Cough* The Three Musketumblrs and Tamara *Cough*