A/N: STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD. IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY VARIATIONS ON THE STANDARD, PLEASE DON'T READ. THIS FF IS FOR ADULTS ONLY.

Charlaine Harris owns the SVM kids; I'm just making them eat dessert. And talk about lots of sex. And have some sex afterwards.

FAIRIES AND PIES

I arrived at around lunch time on a Saturday at my cousins' house. They shared a pretty ranch in the suburbs of Monroe, closer to Bon Temps than the city of Monroe itself. I'd called ahead and they told me to come join them. My cousin Claudette was making lasagna with fresh rolls, and I'd baked two apple pies that I wanted to share with them. I already knew of the fairies' penchant for all things sweet, so I was sure they would be ecstatic with dessert.

As I walked to the front door I admired their home. I knew my cousin and sort-of-fairy-godmother Claudine was an avid gardener. It sure showed. The house looked like it was professionally landscaped. Since it was the winter, only the bushes and shrubs were thriving. Then I saw it. In one corner, near the door, the quintessential garden gnome. I started laughing so loud I didn't have to ring the doorbell. My cousins heard me.

The most gorgeous man on Earth (after my husband, of course) opened the door. It was my cousin Claude. He was six feet of pure tanned muscle, with long shiny black hair like his sisters, a face that would make any sculptor salivate, and a perfect smile. He liked to be antagonistic sometimes, but mostly with his sisters. I suspected there was a bit of sibling rivalry going on. I'd learned that he was considered the youngest and the runt because he was born last. I certainly couldn't see it. He was a little over six feet tall of all good things male.

"Hello, Cousin Sookie. Nice to see you," he said, and gave me a devastating smile. I had to remind myself that he was family or I would hyperventilate. He took the pies from my hands and brought me in for a half hug. He smelled like yummy expensive chocolate, the kind you buy one piece at a time. Actually, all fairies did. Eric's vampire blood in me made me enjoy the scent of fairies more than I should have. Not that I wanted to eat them. They just made me wish I could make candy bars appear out of thin air.

"Hi, Claude! I brought dessert," I announced as he steered me through the house to the kitchen.

It was such a cute house, with large soft furniture in pretty floral patterns, bright walls painted in all kinds of different colors (the living room was a mint green, the kitchen was a buttery yellow), and everything that was wooden was painted white. I could tell that girls lived here, girls that read Better Homes & Gardens.

"Did you say dessert?" Claudine asked as I walked into the kitchen with Claude. She grabbed me for a hug too. Fairies love to touch.

"I made five apple pies last night, so I brought two to share," I said and shrugged, like it was no big deal. And, in truth, it wasn't. I wanted pie, I wanted to share pie. So I made pies. Plus I had a thing for apples.

"Thank you so much! That was so nice of you," it was Claudette's turn to give me a hug. She smelled of all the spices and things she'd used to make the lasagna. And of chocolate, of course.

"Come, sit, sit! Lunch is almost ready," Claudine said, showing me to the part of the kitchen that served as the dining room. They had divided it from the kitchen by painting it sky blue. The round table was also white, with a checkered blue tablecloth, and was set with tableware that had butterflies on it. This house screamed FAIRY. I was enchanted. I wondered if Eric would let me buy furniture with flower patterns and such. Somehow I just couldn't imagine him here inside this house, the actual fairies that lived here notwithstanding.

Claudette served lunch and we all tucked in. The lasagna was amazingly good, and she had made the rolls from scratch. I felt spoiled.

"So, how's tall, dead and handsome?" Claude asked waggling his eyebrows. He had a thing for girls and boys, and my guy in particular. Just like the few times we'd met before, he reached into my purse that was hanging from my chair's backrest and pulled out my cell phone. Claude liked to look at the pictures of Eric that I had in there. I let him. Sometimes Claude was just one of the girls... until he stretched and showed me he was certainly one of the guys. But he didn't do that at the table. He did have some manners.

"He's good. He's been acting weird lately, ever since we were told about the necklace. It's like he's... watching me," I answered.

"He probably thinks you're pregnant," Claudine pointed out.

"Well, yeah, I gathered that much, but how? We only used the necklace twice," I said, and sure enough I gave my cousins a show. All three could read my thoughts easily. Claudine had already seen what had happened, but Claudette and Claude were stunned.

"Sookie! You and that man sure are SEXY!" Claude said.

"You did the nasty while he was asleep?" Claudette asked. Her face showed a mix of astonishment and respect. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Yeah..." I said sheepishly. "He suggested it! I totally had his consent," I said quickly.

"We don't doubt it," the three said in unison. That was creepy.

"Did he like it?" Claudette asked.

"He loved it, of course. He said he'd been dreaming of making love to me and when he woke up, there I was. To be honest, it wasn't doing much for me until I wore the necklace," I said, and took a bite of lasagna. God, it was good!

"We think that the necklace activated yours and Eric's pheromones. Yours are easy, you're alive. Activating Eric's pheromones and dead swimmers was the true miracle," Claudine said in a dreamy voice. I think she was imagining babies. She had a soft spot for all things cute, since she was well on her way to becoming an angel.

"Okay, so other than that minor hiccup, how are things in the love department?" Claude asked, making his voice deeper when he said "love."

I blushed and looked down, trying to suppress a smile. "They're good," I said, and filled my mouth with food. It didn't matter. Talk of love made my mind wander into private territory, now not-so-private because my cousins were privy to my thoughts no matter how I shielded.

The triplets stayed quiet for a minute or two. They pretended to simply be eating, but I knew they were searching my memories.

Claudine chuckled first. "He's so tender."

"Sometimes, but he's a sexual dynamo. We're going to have to teach you some things," Claude said to me, and Claudette nodded.

I felt like that silly girl Bella in Twilight, blushing furiously as embarrassed as I was. "Please, guys! Can't we just have lunch?"

"This is a 'Lunch and Learn,' Sookie. What good is having fairy cousins if you don't learn anything from us?" Claudette asked. She wiped her mouth and leaned forward. "Do you want to have unfettered passion with your vampire?"

Unfettered? I searched my mental dictionary... yeah... I could use some unfettered passion. I didn't know it was fettered to begin with. I took a deep breath... "Okay, but I'm scared," I agreed reluctantly.

"First of all, have you done anal?" Claude asked.

I balked. "NO! Ew! WHAT? !"

"She was innocent until she met Eric. He's trying to take it easy with her. They've only been at it for a few months," Claudine explained my reaction. I hadn't known Eric was "taking it easy" with me. I'd thought we'd been pretty passionate and daring. I must have been wrong.

Reading my thoughts, Claudette said, "Eric has been very considerate. It's obvious that he loves you very much. But we think it would be good for you to learn a couple of new things to take care of your Viking."

I finished the last of my lasagna, not tasting the last bite at all. I grabbed a roll and said, "Bring it," with a new courage. And a red face.

"When was the last time you had sex in public?" Claudette asked.

I thought about it, trying to get into the spirit of what my cousins were doing. "The closest we've come to a public place was in his office the other night. I tried to be quiet, but he wasn't, so I'm sure everyone knew what we were up to."

"That's good. Next time go outside to the back of Fangtasia. I'm sure the hood of that Corvette is more than adequate," Claudette said. God! They knew my every thought!

"Everyone will see us," I whined.

"Not necessarily. They may think you're sharing a passionate kiss instead of a passionate embrace. Wear a skirt, no panties, take him out back and let him take things from there."

"Next," I said, wanting to get this talk over with.

"Anal sex is highly pleasurable when done right," Claude chimed in. Of course he did. "You both have to be careful because he seems very large..." Claude's voice drifted. He read my mind as to how large Eric was. It was as if I had mental diarrhea instead of verbal (or anal, for that matter) and anything they said would trigger a new thought or memory. My cousins by now probably knew more about Eric and me's sexual history than I did. "Oh, yes! He's very well endowed."

I smacked my forehead, telling my brain to shut up. Claudine snickered and Claudette and Claude laughed out loud. "Let's not peek in anymore and let her answer as she wishes," Claudine said.

"You can give him some pleasure in the same area too. I can teach you a couple of things," Claude offered.

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. "No, thank you."

"Don't be such a ninny. Be a woman! Pleasure your man!" Claudette said and smacked my arm. She didn't do it hard enough to hurt me, just hard enough to jolt me into accepting to listen.

"Wait! Let's serve dessert and we'll school her properly," Claude said, getting up and gathering plates. I rolled my eyes. I didn't know that coming to my cousins' was going to turn into a Sex-Ed class.

Claudette and Claude returned with plates bearing giant slices of apple pie. I had to say (not to toot my own horn), it came out good! I'd overdone myself. I had tweaked the recipe a bit and it had served me well.

All thoughts of how good my apple pie was flew out the window when Claude made a fist and explained what I should do to my husband's... Oh, God! I'd been pretty daring by taking advantage of Eric while he was sleeping, but I didn't feel brave enough to touch him there. It's not like he used the bathroom, but still.

"Have him lie on his back, and make sure your fingers are nice and lubricated," Claude explained, and showed me with his own fingers.

"I don't know, Claude. What if he doesn't like it?" I asked. Eric specifically said that he preferred women. Maybe anal play wasn't his thing.

"He will like it. Trust me. And you will have him screaming your name in no time," Claude said with a knowing smile. Well, Eric screaming my name in pleasure had its merits. Sometimes I felt inexperienced. Maybe if I showed him I'd learned something new and exciting I wouldn't feel that way anymore. I don't think Eric cared one way or another, but I cared.

"Okay, Claude! We know you like it up the ass, and we know Eric will be gentle with Sookie if he ever tries it on her, but let's move the conversation along..." Claudette said.

"Fine!" Claude huffed and took a huge bite of pie. His angry expression cleared as he chewed. He liked my pie. "And you're an exhibitionist," he added as an afterthought.

Claudine laughed at her sister and Claudette shrugged. "So? It's fun to have sex in unorthodox places. It's the thrill of knowing you can get caught at any time." Claudette turned to me. "Invest in skirts, lots of them."

"I'll keep it in mind," I mumbled.

"My favorites are elevators with mirrors, the side of the road, commuter parking lots, rest areas off the highway, dressing rooms..."

"Claudette! You embarrassed me that day!" Claudine yelled. I didn't have to read their minds to guess Claudette had used the dressing room at Nordstrom's where Claudine worked.

Claudette was unfazed. "He was cute! Where was I? Oh, yes, having him go down on you under the table at a restaurant..."

"Eric is too big to do that," I interrupted this time.

Claudette thought about it. "Yes. I can see that would be a problem. But you can still play with each other. If you sit together at a booth with a tablecloth, you can just reach over and take out that snake he has for a penis. He can give you a good finger-fuck too, if you're both sitting close enough."

I covered my whole face. I'm a prude, what can I say? They did not relent while we finished our pie slices, and I went home that afternoon knowing way more about sex than I ever thought I would. I also knew they hadn't given me all of it, just what I could honestly handle. I was sure that in the world of sex there was much more that they hadn't told me. I wasn't sure whether to be grateful or not. Sure, I wanted to learn. Yeah, I was as curious as the next person, but could I put it into practice?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Things were getting hot and heavy the next night. Eric and I had sat to watch a movie and started making out instead, like teenagers. I was half naked by the time we decided to move things to our bed. Eric helped me take off the rest of my clothes before picking me up and throwing me on the bed. His smile was wicked and his lust barreled into me with the force of a hurricane. He was naked in the blink of an eye and jumped on the bed with deadly accuracy. He straddled my legs and held my arms above my head while he carefully placed cool open mouthed kisses all over my hot skin.

I felt suddenly bold, and without thinking about it too long I ask for his cock. Eric smirked and lied on the bed, helping me up so I could do my work, so to speak. I kissed the tip of his cock, and licked away the tiny drop of sweet fluid. He was so hard, so ready. I wondered if I could put my new knowledge to use. I reached inside my nightstand for the lubricant Claude had given me. It was top of the line, or so Claude had said. Eric watched with a curious expression.

"What are you doing, Sookie?" he asked as I applied a dollop of the slippery lotion on my fingers.

"Um… My cousin Claude assured me you'd enjoy this. Are you game?" I asked, feeling a little shy.

Eric arched an eyebrow. "It depends," he answered.

I didn't say anything and started kissing his cock again. I put him in my mouth and started pumping lazily as I concentrated on playing with his entrance, making the muscle soften and give. Eric groaned from the top of the bed, so I must have been doing something right. After about a minute of gentle pressure I was able to insert the tip of my middle finger. I stopped my assault on his cock to make sure I was doing everything right. I brought his legs up and made him open up to me, gaining a little more access inside him. Little my little he allowed me in, moaning with each little thrust. I felt dizzy with power. I made his entrance accept another finger and he jumped and dug his heels into the mattress, his cock jumping too and leaking some more.

"Do you like that?" I asked, unable to make my voice come out sexy. Instead it came out high and unsure.

"YEESSS!" Eric hissed. Well! Imagine that…

I continued my gentle invasion, looking for the spot that Claude had told me about. I found it and rubbed it, making Eric howl in pleasure, his head thrashing on the pillow. Okay. I had this. I was a woman, not a ninny, and I was pleasuring my man. I swallowed him again and timed the thrusts of my fingers in counter-rhythm to the long pulls on his cock from my mouth. He almost gagged me when he moved his hips in an unconscious thrust. I felt my own arousal build and pool between my legs, and I just knew that when this was over I was going to get it, and I was going to get it good.

In the meantime I enjoyed hearing Eric's cries of pleasure, so much different now than when we were making love. His mouth slacked open and his eyes closed tightly. His voice came out in something that sounded like "ah-ah-ah." I knew he was building up to a mighty orgasm, so I kept my pace steady, enjoying the sensation of being the one who got to penetrate.

Eric began to chant my name, and I had a hard time stopping his hips from moving so I could continue sucking. One last rub on the little nub inside him made it swell and Eric came with an anguished roar. I swallowed his cool seed, feeling accomplished. I'd pleasured my husband beyond his wildest dreams.

He reached for me, almost desperate, made me lie down and entered me quickly. I moaned in pleasure because I'd been wanting him so bad. He was still so hard. I was so hot, and he was so cool. He kissed my mouth over and over, invading me with his tongue as he invaded me with his cock.

I crossed my legs over his waist and held on to his neck. I moaned my pleasure into his mouth, feeling my own orgasm as it crested. One last thrust of his hips against mine and I was gone, yelling my bliss and taking Eric with me.

We lied limp and spent on our now dirty sheets. I hadn't noticed that Eric had shed tears as he had come at my hand, and he'd stained the pillowcases. The lubricant on my fingers had made the sheets a little sticky. Oh, well… that's why God invented detergent. I smiled to myself.

"What else did your cousins teach you, my love?" Eric asked. He was running a lazy finger around and around one of my nipples.

I chuckled. They'd taught me a lot. I already had several dresses and skirts ordered and had begun thinking about all the places where I wanted to make love to my husband. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

TBC

A/N: For the original butt play, please read Terri Botta's "Let Love In." There's a link to it from my Favorites on my profile. And, no, Eric is not gay.