Disclaimer: I'm only to say this once. I don't own Castle. Consider it repeated ad nauseam at the start of each chapter

Chapter 1

Beckett could still feel the frustration of the day coating her like a film of grime. Unfortunately that was the reality of being a cop, not every day was a win, and today was definitely in the loss basket. It had started out promisingly enough, they had turned up a witness who had seen a blue sedan being driven by a white male in his thirties leave the murder scene not long after the gun shots were heard.

That was enough evidence for them to bring in Sam Collins, the victim's drug dealer, in for questioning. Like many smart criminals who had been through the system before, he had lawyered up immediately. Collins had sat there with a smarmy look on his face the whole time, not saying anything except to his lawyer. They had got nothing out of him except for an alibi, which she was sure was fake.

Without any grounds to detain him further, they'd had to cut him loose. "Well I certainly enjoyed meeting you Detective. Let me know if you ever want to play cops and robbers again, but without the witnesses," had been Collins' parting words. His suggestion along with the leer that had accompanied it had made her feel as dirty as if he had actually touched her.

Castle had taken a step forward, ready to leap to her defense but she'd blocked him. There was no point in rising to the bait, that was what Collins wanted. Instead she'd said, "Let me know if you enjoy playing that game with your cell mate when I arrest you for murder later." It was petty and she knew it but she had certainly felt better for saying it.

By lunchtime they hadn't turned up any new clues and unfortunately Collins had somehow managed to get to their witness. The poor woman had been intimidated into recanting her story, so now they officially had nothing. She had tried to persuade her that the police would protect her but the witness hadn't believed it. Beckett couldn't blame her, scum like Collins weren't above hurting anyone who got in their way.

Her whole team had stayed late into the evening; looking over phone records, video surveillance, and forensic evidence, trying to find anything that would link Collins with the murder but to no avail. At nine-thirty she had finally called it a day, sending everyone home to get some rest, hopefully they would come back to it with fresh eyes tomorrow.

As soon as she saw the figure sitting next to her apartment door she got a sinking feeling. "Sorry Josh, I got caught up at work and totally forgot about our date tonight," she rushed to apologize.

He sighed as he followed her into the apartment. "This is getting to be a bit of a pattern with you isn't it?"

Why was it that she always felt on the defensive around him? They had both known that their respective jobs were demanding; there were long and often inconvenient hours. At first he'd been very understanding about it, but more recently it had become an issue. Not that they'd really had a fight about it, he was too nice a guy to yell or scream at her. It was more like an itch, right in the middle of your back, irritating and hard to scratch at.

"Look I am truly sorry but you know that my job can be like that sometimes. I won't always be able to keep our dates."

"I get that Kate, I do. With my job, I understand about missing events. It's not the fact that you stood me up that's the problem, it's the fact that you didn't even remember. If I can't make it because I'm stuck in surgery or I'm running late for whatever reason, I always try to call you or I get someone else to send you a message to let you know. That's because I make you a priority in my life. I'm just wondering when you are going to do the same for me."

She felt like utter crap because he was right. There really was no defense she could put forward. He was her boyfriend, he deserved so much more from her. Her job was a big part of who she was, but if she didn't want to burn out then it couldn't be the only thing in her life. However she couldn't blame everything on her job, there was another reason why Josh wasn't a priority for her.

That reason was a certain dark haired writer who had persisted in shadowing her despite her initial objections. He irritated her with his childish remarks, frustrated her when he wouldn't obey her orders and pushed her into doing things, sometimes against her objections. But when he was around, God, he made her feel alive.

There had been a moment last summer when she had contemplated having a real relationship with him. She'd screwed up her courage, ignored her fears and would have told him how she felt but he'd chosen that moment to go off to the Hamptons with his ex-wife. She hadn't heard from him for months after that, so she'd accepted the fact that he obviously didn't feel the same way she did, and told herself that she was over him.

Why she wasn't, was a complete mystery to her. He was rich, good looking and famous. But she didn't care about his money, Josh was better looking and Castle's celebrity status was actually a turn off as far as she was concerned, she had no desire to see her private life splashed on page six.

As far as boyfriends went, on paper, Josh blew him out of the water. Castle flirted with anyone female, had probably slept with more than his fair share of those women and had two failed marriages behind him. Josh only wanted to be with her, in fact he'd hinted about them moving in together.

Josh was calm and stable, the fact that they're not having a knock down, screaming match at the moment is testimony to that. She'd always thought that she wanted stability, the safe bet. Castle was like thunder and lightening, a rolling storm at sea, she can't seem to get her bearings around him.

None of those reasonable, logical arguments could sway her heart though, it wanted what it wanted. So she found herself in this cluster fuck of a situation, in a relationship with a great guy but with her foot half out the door because she was still obsessing over a man who'd disappointed her once before.

She had to try harder and that meant making it right with the man standing in front of her. "You're right Josh, I've not been fair to you," she omitted to tell him the reason why though. "You deserve to be a priority and I'm going to try harder."

He forgave her immediately, as she knew he would, he was a sucker for her and that only made her feel worse.

"Have you eaten yet? It's too late to go out but we could order some takeaways if you're hungry," he said as he hugged her.

"That sounds good, I'm famished," she tried to relax into his embrace, seeking the physical reassurance that their relationship was ok.

They sit at the table and talk about their day as they eat. Or rather he tells her about his day, an amusing story about the young, earnest med students who are currently assigned to his run. They're so eager to learn that they follow him everywhere like puppy dogs, to the point where he has to excuse himself just so he can go to the bathroom in private.

She doesn't tell him anything about her day beyond vague comments. After their 'not-quite-a-fight' earlier she doesn't want to darken the mood again. So she refrains from telling him about her frustrations with the lack of clues in her current case or how dirty she felt having to even talk to a scumbag like Sam Collins.

They are clearing their plates and the empty takeaway boxes when he pulls her in again for a kiss. "I thought I might stay tonight, I don't have to be in until nine tomorrow," he murmured against her hair.

Sex with her boyfriend should be a great way to relieve the stress of the day but in reality it's the last thing that she wants to do. But she knows that it would be the worst thing for her to admit to, so instead she tips her head back so that she can kiss him and then she leads him into her bedroom.

She's pulling her clothes off as she drags him over to the bed but he grabs her arms, stilling her for the moment.

"Where's the fire? There's no need to rush, I want to savor it, savor you tonight," he seems flattered, he probably thinks that she's in a rush to have him. The reality is that she just wants to get this over and done with. God, when did sex become a chore between them?

Beckett tried to get into the mood of it, there's a faint tingle of something as he takes his shirt off and drops his pants and boxers. But really it's more a clinical appreciation of his body than anything else. She could be looking at Michaelangelo's David for all the sexual thrill that she is feeling; a great work of art but still cold marble at the end of the day.

She knows that he can sense that something is off between them, she finds it hard to fake it in the bedroom. So she closes her eyes and thinks of someone else. She's not cheating on Josh. How can it be cheating, when physically she is here with him, even if her mind is somewhere else. In her fantasy it's blue eyes that stare at her naked body not brown. The hands that are playing with her breasts are more at home wielding a pen than a scalpel.

Finally she starts to feel the wet ache of anticipation between her legs. She rolls over so that she's on her hands and knees. It's easy to maintain the fantasy if she's not looking at him. When he slips inside of her she lets her body take over. There's no thinking as she rocks to an instinctive tempo, pushing back to meet his thrusts.

There are only sensations as she peaks, a delicious relief washing over her body. There is no thinking as she moans a name, the name of the man she's been fantasizing about and not the man who she's actually with.

"What the fuck?" Josh pulls out of her angrily. "Why the hell did you just say his name?" he spits out. "Is he the real reason you stood me up tonight? Don't keep blaming it on your job. Are you cheating on me?"

She doesn't say anything, because really what is there is to say? No, I'm not sleeping with Castle but I was fantasizing about him. She was sure that that wouldn't go down well.

He takes her silence as an admission of guilt. Now there is the screaming and yelling that was missing earlier. "Fuck you Kate," he says as he throws his clothes on.

She let him batter her with his words, she deserves every nasty name that he calls her. It's the least that she can do as penance for the way she's treated him.

"I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again," he grabbed his motorcycle helmet from the lounge before he stormed out her door.

Wonderful Kate, she mocked herself silently. That's the second decent relationship that you have managed to sabotage because you have a stupid crush on Richard Castle. Just get over it. Easy to say, but harder to do.

A/N: I was watching Castle and thinking about how much I wished that Beckett would just break up with Josh and this little scene popped into my head and refused to be shifted. I might try to do a sequel to my other story but only after this one gets out of my system.