Title: Dinner-time Small-talk

Character(s): Trisha Elric, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Alfons Heiderich

Pairing(s): Ed/Hei

Rating: K+?

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Summary: The problem was how to tell your mother not only that you're gay, but also dating a boy from a parallel universe who looks exactly like your younger brother. AU

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Fullmetal Alchemist. But if I did…. *daydreams*

Author's Note: Alright. So I made a list of the main Fma characters (52 in all) and used a random number generator to pick two random people for me. The RNG picked Alfons Heiderich and Trisha Elric. So this story is the product of that. Naturally I had to bend a few things; pretend like Trisha's still alive (I know that's a lot of ask for) and that Alfons came to Amestris with them after the movie. Italicized words are thoughts.

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"I think this might be a bad idea," said Ed as he shuffled his feet on the train platform.

"Oh please, you've been saying that the whole train ride!" Alfons countered as he took their bags from the assistant and handed some of them to Ed.

"But that's because I think this is too soon," Ed replied feebly, grumbling slight and frowning.

"Oh Hei, is he doing this whole routine again?" Al teased as he jumped off the train, and helped to take some bags from his doppelganger.

"Haha, yup," Alfons chuckled, not seeing the angry glare that Ed was attempting to throw at him.

"Niisan, come on, if I'm fine with all of this, then mom definitely is going to be too!" Al reassured Ed for the billionth time.

It had been three months since Alfons had come back to Amestris with Ed after the whole Eckhart fiasco. That wasn't the problem though. The problem was how to tell your mom not only that you're gay, but also dating a boy from a parallel universe who looks exactly like your younger brother. And here was Al and Alfons acting like it'd be the easiest conversation in the world. Ex. Hi mom, it's nice to see you again, here's my boyfriend…no, that's not Al…That's Alfons. Mmhmm. Simple really.

Ed let out a deep, heartfelt, angst-y sigh, but chocked on the ending a bit as Al elbowed him in the ribs. "Come on Niisan mom's waiting for us! And wipe that look of doom off your face; otherwise it might stick like that!" Al called back as he started to run down the dirt path that led to their house.

"Don't worry Ed," Alfons said gently in that soft voice he knew could always make Ed relax. "Your mom will always love you, and so will I." He smiled at Ed as they took ginger steps after Al.

"Alfons, I know you will, but—"

"Come ON you two! At this rate, I'll have to carry both of you just so we can get there in time for dinner!" Al shouted from the top of the hill.

Alfons chuckled again and turned back to Ed. "Let's go then, I can't wait to meet this woman I've heard so much about." And with that he took a few jogging steps so that Al wouldn't start yelling again.

"…This is not going to be fun," Ed said to himself, shaking his head, before he ran to catch up with his brother and boyfriend.

Today was going to be a long day.

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Trisha sat at the kitchen window. She had been peeling potatoes and carrots for the stew that was almost done cooking. After she put them in the pot on the stove (and a bit of milk ;D) she saw her sons a way down the road. She felt her heart leap with excitement. It had been a while since she had seen them, and had been looking forward to this all week. As she looked, she saw that a third person was with them. They were still too far away to see who, but she could tell it was another boy.

"Hmm, that's interesting," she said to herself and the black and white cat that lounged on the floor.

So she pulled up a chair and watched as the three boys strolled down the country lane towards her.

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"Niisan, you're gonna have to knock on the door…"

"I don't think that I can."

Al sighed. "Niisan, Hei and I don't have a hand to knock with. You're gonna have to knock," he repeated, giving a very stern look at Ed.

Ed ignored the look and continued starting at the door like a deer trapped in the headlights of a car.

Alfons rolled his eyes. "Seriously Ed, you're over thinking things again!" He put down one of the bags and knocked firmly on the wooden door of Ed and Al's home that they had grown up in.

"What did you do that for?" Ed shouted, looking frantic.

"We're not going to stay here on the front step all weekend, Ed," he said in a serious tone, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

Before Ed could complain that they probably could if they slept standing up, the front door opened. There stood Trisha Elric, a huge smile on her face, wearing a green housedress and a pink apron.

"I was wondering when you were going to get here! What took you boys so long?" she asked, politely teasing.

Al dropped his bags and dove into Trisha's arms for a hug. "Niisan was taking such a long time walking mom, I practically had to drag him." Al turned his attention to the cat and bent down to pet nuzzle it. "Socks! I missed you too!"

Trisha looked at Ed, giving him a bit of an incredulous look. "Aren't you going to give your mom a hug, my Prince of Cool?" she teased again.

"Mooooom," Ed whined. "Of course I am." He put the suitcase down and gave her a hearty hug, mumbling about not liking that nickname. They broke the hug and Trisha turned to the new boy standing there. A look of surprise covered her face.

"Oh dear!" she looked at Alfons, then at Al, then back to Alfons with a quizzical look. "And who is this?" she asked, putting a grin on.

Alfons smiled gently and extended his hand. "Hello m'am, my name is Alfons Heiderich and I'm Edward's—"

"FRIEND! He's my friend," Edward almost yelled. He laughed awkwardly and rubbed his neck. Everyone stared at Ed for a moment, but Trisha broke the awkward silence by turning back to Alfons. She looked at his extended hand, but didn't take it. Instead she pulled him into a hug as well.

"Well any friend of my sons are welcome here," she chirped cheerily.

Alfons looked shocked for a second, but quickly recovered. "Thank you so much m'am."

"Please, call me Trisha," she pleaded. "Now, why don't you all come on in? Dinner's ready and it's starting to get cold out here," she explained while she ushered the boys into the warm and cozy house.

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"So Alfons, where are you from? I noticed a bit of an accent…" Trisha asked, making small talk while they sat at the dinner table.

"Um…" Alfons made quick glances to Ed on his left and Al on his right. He turned his attention back to Trisha. "Well, I'm from-uh… a place called Germany."

"Hmm, Germany? I've never heard of it… Is it on the other side of Xing?"

Alfons fidgeted for a second. "Damn, why didn't I study the geography of this world? Should I guess?"

Luckily, Ed interrupted, "Uh, it's very, very far away mom," he explained, not looking up from his stew.

"Oh," she said lowly. "Well, what do you do Alfons? I'm very curious about you. Ed and Al never bring anyone home."

"Mom," Ed whined again. "We don't need to give him the third degree," he tried desperately to change the subject.

"Well, he seems like a very nice boy, and I just want to get to know him. He's very cute too."

Ed spewed his stew and started to choke a bit. Alfons had to hit him on the back a few times until Ed finally calmed down. Al just put down his spoon and rested his head in his hand, sighing deeply. Trisha hardly seemed phased.

"What?" she asked seriously. "He is! Alfons, you must have a girlfriend, right?"

Alfons turned his attention back to Trisha and blushed furiously. "Well…uh…"

"Mom!" Ed shouted, exasperated.

"Seriously Edward Elliot Elric! Let the boy talk." She turned back to Alfons and beamed brightly.

Alfons shifted in his seat and desperately looked at Al for some help, but Al was too busy cleaning up the stew that Ed spilt.

"No m'am, I don't have a girlfriend…"

Al chuckled quite loudly at that. "Some people could argue that on—OUCH!" he yelped as Ed kicked him under the table.

Trisha ignored the chaos descending on either side of her. "Well, that's such a pity…a boy like you being single," she said with a small frown.

"Well m'a—I mean Trisha, I'm not actually single…" he started.

"MOM! Did I tell you what happened the other day with Winry?" Ed shouted over Alfons.

"Niisan…" Al said disapprovingly. "You should really just get it over with already."

Trisha mistook what Al meant by that though. "Oh! Are you finally going to ask Ms. Rockbell out on a date?" she asked enthusiastically.

"What?" Ed gasped, almost knocking his glass of water over again. "Mom, she's like a sister to me!" It took him a second to realize what he had just said, but then groaned and buried his face in his hands. Al shook with the laughter that he was trying to hold in and poor Alfons just sat there; his hands in his lap and quite a large blush across his cheeks.

"Really Edward. When are you going to find yourself a nice girl?" Trisha asked, taking a sip from her glass of milk.

"Yeah Ed," Al nudged.

"Ed?..." Alfons nudged too.

"Ed?" Trisha nudged three.

"ALRIGHT! Alright!" he yelled, standing up at the table. "Mom, I'm not going to ask Winry or any other girl out on a date because I'm gay and my boyfriend is Alfons!" He rushed out all in one breath. He sat back down in his chair, and bowed his head.

Al and Alfons just sat there, shocked at the abrupt delivery. Ed never was very good with words…

Trisha sat there for a moment stunned. The smile slid off her lips and she delicately put her glass back down. She folded her hands and looked directly into Alfons' eyes.

"Oh dear God, should I try to make a run for it?"

"Alfons Heiderich. Is this true?"

Alfons gulped audibly. "Yes m'am."

"I'm only going to tell you this once. You had better take good care of my son. Otherwise, this momma bear will be forced to take action." She stood up and walked around the table until she stood right next to Alfons' chair. "Do you understand?"

He stood up to meet her gaze; mainly because he was too scared to have her looming over him like that. "Yes m'am?" he tried.

Trisha then leaned over and gave him a huge, rib-crushing hug. Alfons was so shocked that she knocked the air out of him and he struggled for a breath.

"Good! Welcome to the family, Alfons!" she said excitably. She finally released him from her death grip. "Now, who wants dessert?" She walked over to the counter and grabbed a pie and some plates.

Alfons sat back down at the table to meet an awestruck Ed; dazed, mouth open, and starting at his mom, and a giggling Al, who would start laughing harder every time he glanced at Ed's face. Trisha sat back down at the table too, and started serving them all pie.

"So, is dinner like this all the time here?" Alfons asked tentatively.

"More or less," Trisha said.

Ed hid his head in his arms and didn't even touch his pie, so Al ate his piece too.

Author's Note: I'm thinking I'm going to do a group of stories using the random number generator list (RNGL). But of course, I'm still open to any requests. And remember, humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. Peace