The last chapter and thank you for your patience again. Love to Lyrium Flower who is the beta goddess of patience, adverbs and Drama and whose encouragement has been a huge help and her friendship beyond invaluable. Special thanks to kawaiicreole, RayneEthelwulf, GrimsonAshes, EmzEmz, Skull Bearer, Siha Shap, Redglade, Sussorator, Day Of The Wolf, femegade, 2009, JadeMadGod, xXx Phoenix xXx, autumn tempest, quenofthieves, starcrossedstanzas, Adams, M-Angel 05, Cruellae, ErsbethShadowSong, Kazassin, midnightzengarden, burnedlittlefingers, Kuro Rei, Jonesy E, servantofclio, kinokokichigai, Briannel, Mysteltainn, Starlight Sanctuary, Shukumei-of-another-world, ZoEva, LadyPainefanfic, BaiLia, Sharlena, OptimisticTheory, Allie, Abyssis, Ms. Vakarian, Jedi Kacee, 97, braxy29, A Talking Dinosaur, for their kind reviews and lastly to everyone who alerted and favourited. It's been a long, strange ride and I couldn't have done it without you x

Chapter 15 – Against A Dark Background

She drifted through the ship, a black clad ghost treading through the silence that remained in the empty rooms, the atmosphere worn thin with absence. Time was immaterial; the plan would either work or it wouldn't. All that was left was to trust in her crew and to offer a prayer for fair winds at their backs. Trust in her crew. They had trusted her, the ones still held fast in the web of nightmare, trusted her to the end. The others, well, she suspected some of them would be parting company with the Normandy at the next available port and she couldn't find it in her heart to blame them after everything that had happened.

The armory was dimly lit, the guns glistening dully in their neat rows, ordered and reliable much like the man who tended them – sorry Jacob, never got to spill those drinks. She ran a fingertip along the bench he used to prop himself on, arms folded, head tilted quizzically. His expression was attentive in her memory and...kind. She turned the image over carefully in her mind and then stored it away with those of the other soldiers lost under her command.

The dull red light of the AI core stained her hands. She stood there for some time turning her palms over and then over again, the lack of background noise scattering her thoughts. Technically Legion had never been alive, a thing of moving parts and logic and innocence. Not much different to her in the end apart from the innocence. She pinched the bridge of her nose feeling old and stained and weighted down with the knowledge that despite everything it's absence from the room made her feel like she was in an airless metal coffin. She left quickly, feeling the walls beginning to close in around her.

The Life Support lettering seemed too lurid as she exited the elevator, crawling across her vision and raising the hairs on the back of her neck. She paused in front of the door for and contemplated the scuffed grating between her boots, letting the anger, regret and frustration burn long trails through her gut.

Not productive she thought fiercely. Weak, self-pitying. She palmed the door control. You're wasting time.

The rebuke didn't stop her striding in, teeth gritted, ready to turn around and leave instantly but a dark figure gilded by the wash of the glow from the Core jerked in surprise and she was scrabbling for her gun with a smothered yelp before it resolved itself into the familiar shape of her turian crewmate.

"Commander."

"Garrus." He watched silently as she re-holstered her pistol and leaned against a nearby wall, folding her arms and affecting a casual air she certainly did not feel.

"What are you doing here?"

"Same as you, Shepard," he scratched at the edge of the table with a blunt talon. "Always room for a little more self-loathing," he added, turning his head to look out at the Core behind him. "Anyway, I was going to come up and talk to you after I'd finished in here."

"What are you doing in here, Garrus?" She asked curiously, pushing off the wall and moving to stand beside him. "Self-loathing aside I'm touring the ship. Something big's about to go down, need to make sure she's okay."

Say goodbye, you mean," he tilted his head slightly to regard her, "just in case."

"That too. You still haven't told me why you're in here."

"I don't really know, if I'm honest," he said with a sigh. "When I left your cabin I was so...angry. I went straight down to the gym and kicked the crap out of the practice dummy."

"Is it still in one piece?"

"Not entirely."

Shepard chuckled and bumped his arm with her shoulder. "What with you, Jack and Grunt-" she faltered then recovered, swallowing hard, "-we've had to replace the damn thing four times now so I made sure we had spares." She turned him to face her gently at his huff of amusement. "We okay?"

"Yeah," he lowered his forehead to touch it to hers gently. "I don't even know why I was so angry with you, Shepard, I'm sorry." He admitted, running tentative hands up her back. "It was a lot to take in and I was still on edge after...what happened..."

"Get over it, Vakarian," she growled, pressing herself into him and touching her lips to his mandibles until a careful, exploratory tongue danced over her mouth and his hands drifted lower and squeezed.

"Careful, Commander," he rumbled, sending delightful vibrations through her chest, "you might start something you can't finish." Laughing at her frustrated moan, he swung her around suddenly to sit her on the table, stepping forward in between her thighs. He tipped his head back to watch the sudden tightness in her face as he brought the back of one hand to skid down her abdomen, knuckle stroking lower and then stilled, his attention caught by something behind her. Tracking his gaze she saw he was looking at Thane's empty chair and then stood without a word, dropping a last soft kiss onto his chest.

"We'd better go find the others. Get this over with." She left without looking back.

"All right, Shepard," he murmured to the empty room before following slowly.

The crew stood on the Bridge arranged in various attitudes, watching her silently after Mordin had finished outlining his plan. It was dangerous, crazy and a large part supposition and conjecture but it was the only one they had and it might just get them away from the probe intact. She was acutely aware of the prone bodies on the floor and the missing crew members and she paused for a while, just watching the slow rise-fall of the organic chests and the dim pulsations of the inorganic one. They're still alive she thought, guilt scrambling her thoughts until she forced herself to concentrate, sweeping each of the crew in turn, noting how Tali avoided her gaze and that Miranda's eyes were suspiciously red-rimmed.

"Say your goodbyes now," Shepard said roughly. "Whatever happens next this is your last chance to-" blame me "-honour them." They helped saved the galaxy, were the words left unsaid. They don't deserve to go out like this. "Honour their sacrifices." She folded her arms, fists clenched tight. "I'm just sorry I couldn't do more."

"Jacob was a soldier," offered Miranda softly, not looking up. "He would have said his sacrifice was necessary and that he'd have been proud to have served with you." Shepard regarded her with faint surprise.

"You believe that?"

"I do."

The only responses she was capable of would have been banal, lip service to calm the jolt in her chest at Miranda's quiet suggestion so instead she stepped back to lean against the railing instead and gestured, trying to force down the rising nausea. "Take some time, people."

She stayed where she was, watching as the others moved between the still figures, some pausing, some stopping to kneel but all whispering quiet, private thoughts into unhearing ears. Goodbyes. A luxury she herself couldn't afford – she was the instigator, the scapegoat, the Commander and their deaths like so many others were all seared onto her conscience, burns that a few hurried murmurings would never completely salve. She turned away and started at the still figure that appeared in front of her suddenly. "Tali?"

"I...would like to return to the fleet, Shepard. If we get through this, of course." The quarian shifted uncomfortably as several heads turned to listen in on their conversation. A warning glance from Shepard dissuaded their attention and a small, waiting huddle grouped in front of the elevator, determinedly looking anywhere but at the two of them.

"Can't say I blame you," she replied evenly. "Kind of expected it, in fact. I'll be sorry to see you go, Tali."

"Shepard-"

"I broke your trust. As far as I'm concerned that's the worst thing a CO can do."

"No, that's not it," Tali shook her head fiercely. "That's not why I'm leaving. I thought I was beginning to find my place in the galaxy, finally, after leaving the Fleet. I thought I knew myself. But I don't at all," she added bitterly, wrapping her arms around herself. "All this, you. And now I'm watching the enemy of my people die and hoping that the bosh'tet has enough of a soul so it can find peace! I don't know who I am any more, Shepard. Part of me knows I would do the same thing you did to me and calls for forgiveness and the other part hates you for it. I can't stay here."

"It's okay, Tali. Whatever you need." Tali gave a short nod by way of a response and with one unwilling backwards glance at Legion, went to join the little knot of people waiting expectantly. Shepard watched her go, catching Garrus' eye as she passed him, relaxing at his reassuring nod.

"Professor," Mordin trotted over eagerly at her gesture. "Everyone briefed?"

"Yes, Commander."

"This going to work, Mordin?"

He nodded several times in succession before catching her eye and shrugging. "Many variables, data incomplete. Any instability in modified throw field will cause probe to react. Jack aims shockwave incorrectly, probe will react. Defensive capabilities of probe unknown, Normandy may not get to safe distance before probe- "

"- reacts, yes I get it. It's beg a deity time." She zipped up her spacesuit and raised her voice, shooing the salarian towards the others. "Let's do it, people. Anyone who doesn't need to be on the Bridge, leave now. Samara, Jack, time to suit up." A warm hand moved from her neck down to the small of her back leaving unseen goose-pimples in its wake and she smiled involuntarily. "Get out of here, Vakarian. Don't make me kick your turian ass."

"Shepard," he took hold of her chin gently. "In case this doesn't work-"

"It will work, Garrus." She smiled up at him with as much confidence as she could muster. "No goodbyes. I'll see you on the other side." Shepard tilted her head to peer around him. "You too, Joker."

Her pilot scowled mutinously. "You're gonna let EDI drive? What happens if the probe gets a hold of her?"

"Statistically unlikely, Jeff. If the plan 'goes to hell' as you put it, the VI will react with force rather than try to commandeer the Normandy's systems."

"See?" Smirked Shepard. "More chance of exploding than getting your ship dented, so play nice and let EDI have a turn. Off the bridge, Flight Lieutenant - I don't want to see you broken in half by a stray shockwave."

"Fuck you, Shepard," countered Jack, tugging at her spacesuit irritably. "Ain't nothing stray about me."

"Yeah, you got a bell on that collar now, Jack," she grinned as the other woman flipped her and then frowned.

"Gotta say, Shep, feeling the pressure a bit."

"We will be fine," interjected Samara smoothly, throwing a neutral glance in Joker's direction which had him hastening off the Bridge, much to Shepard's amusement - even Samara's tamer looks inspired guilt as well as a subtle reminder to the subject that they should be Doing The Right Thing. "The Goddess will protect us."

"Whatever," muttered Jack. "Just don't fuck up the field."

"I will endeavour not to do so," replied the asari with a faint smile, turning to follow Shepard's gaze as the doors finally slid shut on the hovering group. "Are we ready?" She touched her gently to get her attention, watching as the Commander dragged her eyes away from the empty space where the others had been standing.

"EDI?"

"Core is ready to go online on your mark, Shepard."

Unbidden she felt Jack's hand slip into her right, Samara's into her left.

"Let's do it. On three. One...two...mark- "

In the end she was never quite sure whether things had happened in slow motion or too fast for her to process; every time she tried to go back over the series of events in her mind all she could recall were brief flashes of sensation. The feel of hands gripping her own, the shuddering of the Normandy as it accelerated away, bright biotic flares and a roaring in her ears before a ringing silence fell. The grating was cold under her head, her neck ached and there was a metallic taste in her mouth. There were voices at her ear but she couldn't make out the words, slurred and garbled as they were; her limbs were heavy and unco-ordinated

- the hell I'm waiting out there –

- life signs are stabilising –

Shepard sucked in a deep breath, pushed past the spike of pain in her head and sat up gingerly, opening her eyes to see Jack and Samara looking at her with some concern. Their forms wavered and she blinked a few times, bringing her hand up to feel wetness on her lip.

"Your nose is bleeding, Commander."

"I'm assuming it worked."

"Yeah," said Jack quietly. "It worked..."

"And..?"

The biotic shrugged, not meeting her eyes. "And nothing. No explosions, no fucking anything."

Shepard frowned. "I don't get it. EDI?"

"Jack is correct. The probe and connected crewmembers were safely ejected and the Normandy achieved the calculated minimum distance. I have detected no change in the probe's status."

"The-" she forced the words out around the tightness in her throat, "- life signs?"

"I detect neither life signs nor power signatures, Shepard."

That was it? She pressed a hand to her forehead and winced, her blood splashed onto the metal of the floor. Not with a bang but a whimper.

"Launch a warning beacon, EDI. No-one is to come within fifty clicks of that thing." Heaving herself up she staggered to the cockpit and peered out of the window – the probe was beyond what she could see but the image of the gently wheeling forms of her crew, frozen and floating against a dark background pressed at her. She turned away without a word and headed to her quarters, waving away the quiet offers of help.

"I don't understand," She pressed harder against his long, lean body, curling herself around him as the stars blurred past overhead. The cool blue of the fish-tank cast shadows over his face and a brief chill raced over her at a flicker of memory. Shattered glass, blood -

"Don't second guess yourself, Shepard. It could have gone either way. I'm just thankful things turned out okay, you should be too."

"I know...but it almost seems too..."

"Anti-climactic, I know. But I'll take that over exploding in fiery death any day." He turned to face her, arranging himself carefully in the nest of blankets. "How are you feeling?"

"Doc says I'm doing alright," she shrugged. "My head aches, things are a bit blurry round the edges...weird flashbacks but she says that'll fade over time. " Easy. That's what I wanted to say. Too easy-

"Good," he ran a gentle hand down her flank and her train of thought evaporated. For a while all was touch and sensation, fingers gliding, exploring bringing warmth and urgency until her breath was coming fast. Her head spun and she arched helplessly into the mattress, heart beating wildly in her chest.

- his arm feels nice around her so she leaves it where it is, the sun is hot on her face and a light breeze pulls at her hair. Miranda gestures with a pointer and Joker heckles lazily -

- we had her, we fucking had her but the patterns are merging again –

- her hands move gently over the unburned parts of his chest as he lies on the grated floor of the Bridge, tracing the outlines under the pretext of checking his bandages -

- do something! –

- he's lying in a pool of his own blood as Thane watches her with something undefinable in his eyes and her chest is constricted so much she can't even cry out -

- Shepard, you have to –

- she's telling him she can't go on without him as the muzzle of the pistol presses cold against her forehead –

- we're losing her –

- there's nothing left for me back there, Garrus. The tears are burning down her face and the echo of distant voices licks at the inside of her mind -

- Shepard! –

- not without you. His body is warm and reassuring against hers, his presence an anchor when she begins to float away. When he's with her the din is muted and everything -

"Shepard?"

She jerked against him and gasped, static flaring and ebbing at the edges of her vision meeting the bright eyes shaded with concern. "Shepard, are you okay?"

"I'm...fine. I'm fine. Just-" She shook her head feeling his warm hand stroke the back of her neck. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I need a little time." He touched his forehead to hers, warm breath heating her suddenly chilled face.

"Stay with me?" He nodded briefly before pulling the sheets up around them until they were completely cocooned, the darkness soothing and comforting her, stilling the clamour in her head and the throbbing behind her eyes. "Don't let go."

"I'm right here Shepard, just relax," he whispered, cradling her to his chest. "Sleep," he urged, pulling her close.

"I won't let you go."

- END -