How to Lose Your Yeerk in 3 days (or less)

Humor/Parody

Inspired by "The Power of Music" by Corpium and various real life experiences as well "Just Like Heaven" and the host of Viser 4. Behold the power of cheese!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All songs, books, and anything else referenced belong to their various owners.

How to Lose Your Yeerk in 3 days (or less!)

In the cage of the unwilling meat puppets of the galactic slugs Tom, older brother of the Animorph Jake (though he doesn't know it), was sitting with a new comer who was possibly the most annoying person on the planet.

"I've been shuffled around so many Yeerk this past month that I'm setting a new record!" the annoying person said.

"They're going to kill you," a spineless blob said.

"So? What's the point of being alive if you don't get to live," the annoying person, whose name was Maryanne Susan.

"She has a point and since escaping by usual methods won't work maybe she's onto something," Tom said.

"Well, they can't lash out at us physically cause they need us meat puppets, and they can't damage our characters lest they alert the rest of the populace something is up. So, they will drag up old painful memories. I've taught myself to embrace Hakuna Matata, and that the past is the past. No shame for it and we all need to move on. So recommended techniques? Well this one guy told me to recite Shakespeare to drive the Yeerks mad but that would drive me mad too so I stick to annoying songs. Most effective are "The Song that Never Ends," "99 bottles of beer on the wall," anything at all Disney, "I Know a Song that Gets on Everybody's nerves," and my personal favorite, the Barney songs both "I love you" and that Yankee Doodle knock off," explained Maryanne Susan, "Take my last Yeerk, Aftran 667, they nearly squirmed out of my ear in broad daylight. Preferring to face Kendrona starvation then deal with me another day. Your mission is to drive them to the brinks of their insanity and spread this to as many of our enslaved brothers and sisters as possible."

When Maryanne had her head placed in the water a new unwitting Yeerk entered her head.

'A new victim,' Maryanne said startling the Yeerk.

'Foolish human, you have no clue who you-,'

'99 bottle of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take one down pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer on the wall….'

2 Days Later

'Won't you say you love me TOOOOOOOOO! This is a story of a lovely lady! Who was raising up three very lovely girls. They had blonde hair, just like their mother, the youngest one in curls...'

'Where did you ever hear that infernal song!' the Yeerk sneered.

'You're the body snatcher, just read my mind. You're always on my mind! You're always on my mind…'

'GAHH!'

Four Hours Later

'Yo-Ho and blow the man down! I'm Pop-eye the Sailor Man! I-,' Maryanne began.

'Will you shut up! Or I swear I'll-'

'You'll what? You learned on day one my memories are oh-so-ineffectual, that threatening to alter my behavior patterns would alert my parents that something is wrong, and that you need my body as a meat puppet. Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! She is the one named Sailor Moon! She will never turn her back on her friends! She's always there to defend! With her Sailor Scouts to help fight she is the one named Sailor Moon!'

'AHHHHHHHH!'

After the last Animorphs book (Book 54 I believe),

While the surviving 'Andalite Bandits', the Animorphs, went on with their lives so did the former Controllers. Those who were not Coordinators were given extensive therapy while the Coordinators were tried for war crimes. All's fair in love and war they say. And sitting with a book deal was the still very much alive, Maryanne Susan with her best-selling book, 'How to Lose a Yeerk in 3 days (or less!) an account of how I went through over seventy yeerks in Hell.'

Songs with lyrics used:

Pop-eye the Sailor Man song,

Sailor Moon Theme,

Blow the Man Down,

I love You,

Brady Bunch Theme,

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall,

You're always on my mind

NOTE: This was a sort of random thought that I had when I was reading Animorphs that if I ever ended up under Yeerk control I'd annoy the hell out of them. That whole thing with Viser four in that one book that 'technically' never happened because of paradoxes, cemented that that would be the best way to get rid of a Yeerk.

Also, I am a SM fan, but the English Dub version of Moonlight Destiny is extremely annoying.