A/N: Hey there...well basically I decided to put this up as a little pass-the-time thing for my readers. This is actually a blog I wrote about myself (under a different name) but due to some asshole *cough Ex Boyfriend cough* it was ruined so I had to take it down..for more info I would be happy to let you know if ya want to know ;) I love to bitch about him :P..anyway...instead to it going to waste I decided to change the names and put it up as a fanfiction! So I hope it does better on here and lasts longer than it did as the actual blog! So please read and let me know what you think...if it doesn't work then I don't mind..it was just a thought :D
The Life Of A Teenage Virgin...
Friday 15th October 2010
Hey, my name is Isabella Swan. I know you don't care but to be honest you're here reading this...so suck it up…
I decided to write a blog about the thoughts and feelings of a 17 year old teenage girl...but not just any teenage girl, A VIRGIN! That's right people! I am a virgin. Big fat V. I'm still holding my V-Card...And it looks like I will have hold of it for a few more years. It very rare to find a virgin at 17 nowadays; especially at my school!
How did this project come to a reality you say? Well, I was on my way home with the biggest bitch in the world aka my best friend Alice. We started talking about Penis's...yeah, Penis! On a public bus with an old lady sat in front of us. *She has her car taken off her…shame.*
The conversation started while we were walking to the bus stop.
"Bye people!"
I turned to my other best friend, Rosalie with a shocked expression.
"People? That's all we are to you? People? I thought we meant more to you than that."
Rose just laughed.
"Bye Bella the Queen of Lesbians; Bye Alice."
We all cracked up laughing, me and Alice walking in the opposite direction than Rose.
"Woo Hoo! I'm the Queen of Lesbians."
Alice was cracking up with laughter along the path.
"I bet that you will be one of those girls at College who 'try everything' you know."
I waggled my eyebrows at Alice.
"Yeah and then I'll come back and you will be all like, what was it like; wanting to know all the deets and shit."
We chuckled, leaning on each other as we carried on walking down the road.
"I vow that if I'm not married by the time I'm 30 I am becoming a lesbian."
"If I haven't had sex by the time I'm 21; well I'm just going to be pissed off. It should be easier at College because the boys won't be so gay and get too scared to ask you out."
Yeah...somehow I don't think that boys will be much different in College.
We had finally reached the bus stop when Alice turned to me again.
"Bella, do you ever get it when you're in the middle of class and your thinking about sex and you start smiling to yourself and it's funny because no one else knows what you're on about?"
"Yeah, I totally get what you're on about."
"It's like when I'm thinking about fanfiction like when those vampire people have really hot sex."
"Hmm yeah but I normally just think sex in general and what it would be like with different people."
"Yeah totally. Like sometimes I think about what it would be like with Paul."
"Oh my God, I was just thinking about that too."
"I don't know about him. He seems like a good person to do it with."
"I know! It's like if I was to think about doing the deed with him, I wouldn't cringe."
"He's angry so you know it would be rough."
"Ooo yeah! And you know how much I love that rough sex!"
"So who else in our English class would we do? Mike?"
"Eww no! He would be all slow and tender. Cringe!"
"Yeah, it just doesn't work with Mike."
Just at this moment, a mother and her young daughter came and stood next to us at the bus stop. Alice and I took one look at each other and moved to the other end to continue our conversation.
"Okay, what about Quil."
That's what I was about to say...
"Hmm, well I would say he's in the middle. Not okay like Paul, but not completely cringy like Mike."
"Seth?"
"Aww, you can't put Seth and sex together. It's just not right! He's too nice."
At this point the bus had finally arrived and we hopped on, standing at the front.
"I guess our conversation about sex has to stop now." I whispered to Alice as we hung onto the bars of the bus.
"How about we do the whole of our year?"
"Sure."
There was a long silence while we tried to think of someone. Alice thought of one first.
"Jake? He's beefed up a bit. He must be packing down there."
"Or his newly found muscles are compensating for something else. (Wink wink) No. We don't like each other. It would just be weird."
"Hmm, I would still say yeah."
The most disturbing thought suddenly came over me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
"What?"
"I just thought of another one!"
""Who?"
"Your brother!"
The look of pure horror on my best friend's face was priceless! I just laughed as she had a mental breakdown, no doubt trying to remove the 'rough' image of her brother from her head. I know it was mean thing to do, but hey, what are best friends for?
"Okay, maybe we should move past people we know and do celebrities. We have to judge whether they've got the length or girth."
"Righty ho, you start."
"Ryan Reynolds."
"Oh yes! Yum! I bet he is perfect; he's got the length and the girth!"
"Yeah and looking at Scarlet Johanson, I don't think she would settle for anything less."
"What about Will Smith?"
I just looked over at Alice with an eyebrow raised. I leant in towards her so no one could hear me.
"He's a black man Ally! He's bound to be huge!"
She chuckled then punched me in the arm.
We sat down in some seats once we got to town and everyone piled off the bus. We sat in a few moments of silence before we pulled away again.
"Jackson?"
"Hmmm I don't know."
"I always imagined him to be a little thin but really long."
"Yeah I suppose."
"Kellen Lutz, I mean look at the size of him."
"Yeah, but it all could just be compensating for something else. I think he could be small but a little fat."
"Well, I've seen some pictures of him on set and there is always a bulge down there."
"So you think he's packing?"
"Yeah."
"Fair enough. Robert Pattinson."
"I don't know really."
"It's always the quite ones. He's got to be huge."
"Yeah, I defiantly agree."
I looked in front, to see an old lady sat in front. Shit! I bet she can hear us. I leant over to Alice and whispered in her ear.
"We're talking about penis...on the bus...with an old lady sat in front."
Alive looked at me before cracking up.
"I am so tweeting this."
I whipped out my phone and went onto twitter.
Talking about Penis on the bus with Alice_The_Pixie
"Eww, Bells. Don't use that word."
"What Penis?"
"Yeah."
"Why not?"
"It just feels wrong."
"What do you want me to put then? Cock?"
She started giggling.
"No! Not that! *Sigh* It doesn't matter. Just put whatever."
"So I can put penis."
"Yeah, but you of all people should know a better word for it."
"That is true. Penis, Cock, Willy, Dick, Shlong...wait, I'm going to put that instead."
Talking about Shlong on the bus with Alice_The_Pixie
"I can't believe you put that."
"I can't believe we are still talking about penis on the bus."
"Well, if you can't talk to me about this stuff, then who can you?"
Now that my friends was the million dollars question that started this strange blog! We all want someone to talk about this stuff with. God, sometimes it's just to make us feel better that someone else is talking about it. I decided to put my thoughts and conversations out there for you all to know! So this is what it is my little friends...The Life of a Teenage Virgin!
A/N: Where they you are people...what do you think? Please let me know cuz if its not a hit then I just won't bother but I have so much stuff to do at the moment I having a hard time finding the time to update my other stories but I'm trying and I don't want everyone to think I've disappeared so I'm putting this up to keep you all reading basically..so I might be "seeing" (lol) you soon if ya'll like this!
Lzielkalollypop!