Author's Note: Aaaaand one shots are back! Whoo! Sorry for the long wait time, folks. Hero sucked up a lot of our attention in the past few months. But! Now we are back and ready to do hilarious things of hilarity! And so, to start that off, we are doing a one shot for one of our reviewers, Clear as Mud! We gave her this forever ago and have, sadly, been neglecting her. Unacceptable we say! And so, without further ado, here is our gift for CaM!

NOTE! This story DOES NOT, we repeat, does NOT have ANYTHING to do with the characters and world that we have created. This one shot is based off of the most recently released Predator movie and will not have Evie, Marie, Tvrtko, or Dho'mago'te in here at ALL. Understood? Good! Carry on, then.

Disclaimer: We don't own the old Predator movies, the new one, AvP, or any of that! Whatever characters we make up are ours. Otherwise, nope! Moving on.

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Aw, shucks!

Glaw stumped along, grumbling loudly about his fate. "I can't believe this! Can't believe it! After countless years of being a great and noble hunter, I am reduced to THIS!"

Torkel shrugged, scratching at his upper right fang. "It's not all that bad, Glaw. At least we don't have to go join the servants like poor Lovro. I hear they've got him cleaning out the pet cages. Can you IMAGINE?"

Shrugging his still broad and strong shoulders, Glaw grunted. "Yeah, well, Lovro was never the best OR the brightest when it came to hunting. I still maintain that he lucked his way into getting the killing blow on the Queen."

Torkel waved his hand. "You're just grumpy because it wasn't you, you old fogey. You've been whining about that kill for YEARS. I think even Lovro has forgotten about it by now, but not you."

Sniffing indignantly, Glaw took his place as the pilot in their small ship, starting up the engines. Torkel sat next to him, grunting a bit as he sat. Glaw looked over at him. "That knee still bothering you?"

Torkel humphed. "The same it's been for the last hundred odd years. That knee is telling me that this is going to be more trouble than it's worth."

Snorting, Glaw guided their ship out into space. "Well, tell your knee that it should shut it."

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Gently, Glaw guided the cloaked ship down onto a flat, desert area. Stretching, he stood, squinting out into the bright sunshine. Grumbling, he stomped to the back of the ship, grabbing up his weapons and strapping them on.

Torkel came behind him and quirked his head. "Are we going to need our weapons? After all, we've been sent just to capture some Oomans. Not to kill them."

Glaw waved him off, straightening his shoulder armor. "Bah. When DON'T you need a weapon? Always good to be prepared. That sort of thinking ahead has kept me alive for this long!"

Torkel shrugged, grabbing his things as well. "Just don't get carried away. You know how you get in fights. We can't afford to mess this up. I don't WANT to clean the Hunter cages. I heard they ate someone a little while back."

Walking to the door, Glaw waved off Torkel's concerns. "Those mutts couldn't do much of anything. And those servants are replaceable. So, why are we here again?"

"To capture some Oomans alive, so they can be put on the hunting planet. Your memory is really going these days, Glaw."

Glaw punched Torkel in the arm. "I know WHY we're on this backwater planet, you ninny! I want to know WHY we're at this particular SPOT on said backwater planet! Got it, rocks for brains?"

Torkel crossed his arms. "Well, I don't think I WANT to tell you now! You COULD ask more nicely."

Growling, Glaw glared at his companion. "If you don't tell me what I want to know, I'll shove my spear right where you never want ANYTHING to hit. That asking nice enough for ya?"

"Hmph. I don't even know why I stick around with you. You're so unpleasant. Fine. We are HERE because apparently there are some Ooman warriors in this area of the world that instill fear and terror into the hearts and minds of all the other Oomans. That good enough for you?"

Glaw grunted, marching out into the shimmering heat, with Torkel close behind. Staring around, they attempted to pinpoint an area with the prey they needed.

Pointing, Torkel went to the edge of the cliff and squinted. "I think there's a battle of some sort going on over there. Oh! Perhaps we should move the ship down a bit closer."

"What? But I just parked!"

"Well, we need to be closer. It's not that far."

"No! We can just walk from here!"

"But, getting the Oomans to the ship will be easier if it's closer."

Glaring, Glaw turned and stomped back to the ship, spitting out curses the whole way. Torkel blinked, and followed placidly behind. "This area does have such lovely, warm weather."

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The craft re-landed closer to the battle zone. And, in Torkel's opinion, they were a bit TOO close. "Glaw, I think we need to park just a bit further away. That fight is REALLY close to the ship."

Slamming his hands down, Glaw turned and leveled a mean stare at his friend. "NO. This damn thing is PARKED. It will not be UN-parked until we have the damned Oomans we need. GOT IT?"

Before Torkel could respond, they both heard a strange screaming noise. Looking out the front window, they spotted a dark skinned Ooman stumbing backwards, having been injured. Then, the injured Ooman did something, screamed something else, and all of a sudden there was a loud bang.

Blinking, Glaw and Torkel looked at their now splattered window. Glaw humphed, crossing his arms. "I didn't do anything. That thing just splattered itself all over the front of our ship by itself!"

Torkel gaped in horror. "But, I just CLEANED the ship! It will take forever to get the Ooman goo off! THIS is why I told you we should park a little farther away! Your laziness has ruined all my hard work!"

Grunting, Glaw stood. "Whatever. You don't have anything better to do than clean this hunk of junk anyway. I'm sure you'll have fun doing it when we get back."

Torkel crossed his arms. "Ha'ieno is NOT a hunk of junk! She flies us straight and true!"

Groaning, Glaw shook his head. "WHY did you name this thing? You know what? Never mind. I don't care. Let's just get this over with, all right? I'm already sick of being here."

Torkel stood, gently patting the control panel. "Don't you listen to that grumpy old fussbucket, Ha'ieno. You're the best."

Finally, the two old warriors went out into the heat of the day and the raging battle.

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A few hours later, Glaw and Torkel shuffled back onto the ship, looking distinctly worse for the wear and very disgruntled. Chittering in disgust, Glaw tugged off his chest armor, tossing it to the side before going to the pilot's chair and sinking into it with a small groan. "That was AWFUL. Who knew it was so hard to get these buggers alive? They're so… Squishy."

Torkel sniffed, dumping the Ooman on his shoulder to the ground. "Well, no thanks to YOU, that took far too long! We could have gotten that last one, but nooo…. The almighty Glaw had to go and STAB IT IN THE FACE."

Glaw shrugged. "It ran into my spear. Nothing I could do."

Torkel threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "And what about the ten before that one?"

"Their fault for being so delicate. I didn't know their heads would do that."

Growling, Torkel went to the front, leaving the one Ooman they had captured in the back. "This is a TERRIBLE job. I think I'm getting envious of Lovro."

As Glaw began starting up the ship, they both heard a strange screaming noise from behind them. They turned back in time to see the Ooman, standing up, waving its arms, before hitting something and exploding.

After the dust had settled, Glaw and Torkel made their way to the back area of the ship. There was dust, smoke, blood and gore everywhere, but the ship was unharmed. Glaw clenched his jaw, growl building in his throat. "Torkel. Did you remember to take the button away from it?"

Torkel withered a bit after hearing Glaw's tone. "Well, I thought I had. See?"

He held out a small black object with three buttons on it. Torkel hit one and they both heard, from somewhere in the distance, a weird beeping noise. Looking down at the black thing, Torkel shrugged. "Who knew there was more than one button thing?"

That was the last straw for Glaw. "You IDIOT! You KNOW we needed to get the button from it! Those vests are the worst! And just LOOK at this mess! It's everywhere! You're cleaning it up!"

Torkel snarled. "Of COURSE I'm cleaning it up, because YOU never do ANY of the work around here! It's always me! Me me me!"

Throwing up his hands in disgust, Glaw stomped back to the cockpit. "That's it, we're leaving. These aren't worth the trouble OR the mess! I'm finding us some Oomans that won't SPLATTER as much!"

Torkel made a face. "Ew. There's brain on your chest armor back here."

Glaw huffed. "Then, wipe it off!"

Torkel did so, then became mildly alarmed as the brain matter got stuck to his finger. "Agh! Why is Ooman brain so STICKY? It's stuck on my finger!"

Flailing his arm about, he launched the small hunk of brain, where it unfortunately landed on Glaw's forehead. The pilot hissed. "You twit! It's on my HEAD! Yuck! Don't spread the mess!"

Torkel sighed. "This job isn't worth it. Maybe we can trade spots with Lovro, before anymore Oomans mess up poor Ha'ieno."

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End Author's Note: You may all blame Clear as Mud for this hilarious atrocity. We have now fallen in love with Glaw and Torkel, and our grumpy old man predators now get their own miniseries! We'll update that on occasion, as they are HILARIOUS. Hope you all like them as much as we do, cus you've not seen the last of them!