Not Meant for That kind of Life

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Author's note: Alright, this is my second fic ever and my first attempt at writing one in English (my native language being French), so I'm counting on you to warn me if you spot mistakes or expressions that don't seem to make too much sense. I hope no unfortunate reader of mine will end up yawning uncontrollably due to the lack of intense fighting action and to some of the annoyingly cheesy or melodramatic lines they are likely to find in this amateur piece of fiction. (You have been warned! Therefore, I am not responsible for readers falling asleep on their keyboard during break and waking up with their boss/teacher/parents/hamster frowning at the key marks temporarily printed all over their face.)

To explain this quickly, I happen to be fond of impossible love stories and of TMNT as well, so regrettably, the crush Donatello appears to have on April O'Neil in the animated series is just what I needed to get drawn into the wild realm of fanfiction, where I know many have ventured before me and succeeded better in giving justice to the original material... but whatever, I was just surfing on a wave of nostalgia and boredom that day.

The idea is mostly based on the 2003 cartoon produced by 4Kids Entertainment, which in my opinion had the best character development (that is, before the style changed dramatically with Fast Forward), although my favorite incarnation of the turtles as for their physical appearance would rather be Imagi's CGI movie (TMNT) released in 2007. It doesn't really matter in what universe you picture them, since I got my inspiration here and there, you know... This is more like a personal interpretation of those characters in general than just one version of the story I prefer, and I hope that you will still recognize in them the turtles you know.

Disclaimer: I obviously do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I make no profit whatsoever out of this (which I believe would be pretty hard to sell anyway, as the website I uploaded it on displays it for free)... I have a lot of respect for the original authors' work and I am using their creation for harmless "entertainment" purposes only. As anyone coming across this probably knows, since I don't suppose many non-fans would bother reading fanfiction dedicated to TMNT, the characters in this text are Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman's, and I read that the rights long owned by Mirage Studios have recently been bought by Nickelodeon. They're not mine, at any rate, for the pretty good reason that I'm too broke to get them, plus I'd probably ruin the whole franchise and get threatened by hords of furious fans if I were to make official comics based on my own ideas. I don't live that dangerously. I'm just a borrower, though not of the kind that lives under your kitchen floor. There! (Pronounced in Davy Jones' hilarious fashion for effect.)

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I hate to see my bro hurt like that. I know I'm not usually the first to realize when something's wrong with one of my siblings, but it would've been hard to miss the expression on his face when Mikey hung up the phone and joyfully announced us the "good" news, earlier today. That grim, absent gaze he had the whole time we were finishing dinner... When Leo asked him if he felt alright, he just mumbled he must be tired from staying up on the computer too late, but our fearless leader obviously didn't buy it, and neither did I. He barely ate anything, and he's been in his room all afternoon. Alright, not that he usually shows up a lot more than today, but I can tell when he just wants to be alone.

I didn't really get what was going on with him 'til I heard Mikey mutter something about missing all the fun the "real" families would have at the wedding party. Then it hit me and I felt pretty dumb. Of course, the wedding. How could I not have guessed that right away? The idea seemed rather senseless at first, but the more I think about it, the clearer I can see why Donnie would react negatively to the announcement of Casey and April's engagement.

I should have suspected it from the start, with all those not-so-subtle signs... you know, like the glances he keeps throwing in her direction when she ain't looking, the rare enthusiasm with which he puts himself to work if she needs his help for anything, his sudden talkativity whenever she's around, his all too visible unease if she touches him, or his bright grin every time she calls his name... The guy's reserved, but that kinda stuff any dummy would have noticed. It's not all there is, though. Just the way he behaves with her in general, it's never left much doubt, I gotta say. Everything he does shows that he cares about her deeply. I think I actually saw it long ago, but I hadn't realized just how much she really meant to him. Or perhaps I've deliberately ignored the obvious, so that wishing better luck to my human pal than to my own brother wouldn't make me feel like a traitor...

I hear the doorbell ring. It's gotta be our friends. We're expecting them to come over for the evening so they can tell us more about their plans and all. Besides, they haven't visited us in a casual context since Christmas and I have to admit we were beginning to miss their company, so we all thought this was the perfect occasion for a little family gathering. Mikey's rushing past a much calmer Leo to open, followed by master Splinter, who just got something out of the oven and didn't take the time to put away his mitts. I can't see the door from the corner of the lair where I'm standing, but I guess I'll wait till all the frenzy over their arrival has died out a bit before I go congratulate them myself.

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It must have started with their common knowledge of science and technology. Heh, geeks! From the day when we first met April, those two connected instantly. And whenever they go discussing some kind of technical stuff from which none of us understands a word, they still sound like they're speaking a secret language of their own invention. It was unusual to see Donnie get so passionately involved into conversations. From as far as I can remember, we'd labelled him as the quiet one who prefers staying in his own little world, but all of this has me thinking, maybe that's because it's us who never were interested in the things he likes. He's not the kind of guy who insists when other people's indifference is plain to see. With April here, he could talk with someone who truly shared his interests, for once. And he does talk an awful lot when somebody actually listens to him. Gosh, I'd swear I've heard his voice ten times as much during the last three years as in his whole life before she appeared!

Anyway, I knew he had a particularly strong bond with her, only I had imagined it must be something similar to my own friendship with Casey. You know, when you meet someone so much like you it's almost creepy, like you've come face to face with your soul's reflection or something... You don't choose your siblings, you learn to appreciate them even though they often see and do things in a way that tends to get on your nerves; but a best friend is like a spiritual twin you've found, who was put into a different container, yet to whom you feel you can tell anything. In Donnie's case though, I fear it's more like he's found his soul's missing half, or so he thinks. And the cruel part is, now that he's aware of that hole in his heart, he's bound to remain incomplete.

Ah, there they are. I can hear Casey's voice, but he's still behind the thick wall in the doorway. And here's April, letting Leo hang her coat onto the wall. She's dressed in a dark turquoise silk dress that makes a nice change from her usual baggy pants and purple shirt. They probably had dinner out earlier. Mikey whistles and shows her thumbs up.

"Wait till Donnie sees you, hehe! Now that should lift his spirits."

Sheesh, I think I'll need to have a word with that clown. Leo looks thoughtful and I wonder if it's for the same reason as I am. He always seems to know when something's the matter. In fact, he worries about others way too much for his own good. Looks like he's influencing me today, for some reason, but it's not like he asked me anything.

I guess I'm just too used to minding my own business. We've gone through a lot lately, and the fact that we haven't quite recognized our quiet brother since he's been back from some futuristic dimension might be the main reason why I feel more concerned about him than usual. I don't know, there's something terrible he saw there, but he's refused to tell us anything about it. All I know is that he spent even more time at April's place after that, like he often did when times were especially hard here. With her sincere empathy and her discretion, she's been a much appreciated confidant for my brothers. Especially for Donatello, who rarely lets anyone else invade his personal space. You see, he'll only risk opening up a bit to someone he trusts completely, and April's just the kind of attentive, understanding person who can break through his shell without even trying. He can be sure she won't judge his unusual perception of things or repeat a single word entrusted to her. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd let her know part of what's been on his mind lately, though his feelings for her he'll have concealed for sure. It's all so absurd, he'd probably die of shame if she found out, and the last thing he'd want would be to make her feel sorry for him.

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Of course, I'd been aware of the hundred little changes in Donnie's behavior that betrayed him, I'm not blind... but I guess I had only interpreted that as the same kind of naive little crush we all had on her when she first came into our lives. What, it was only natural that a bunch of teens who had never approached a human being before, and who'd never had any kind of interaction with anything female either, would go a little goo-goo after rescuing a pretty lady right in their home sewers! I kept it to myself and stayed on the defensive, to avoid looking like a vulnerable fool and giving the others a good reason to tease me, but you should've seen Mikey. Boy, the time he got his first video game for our ninth birthday – an old one that Master Splinter had found while going through the trash near an electronics shop one night, and that Don had managed to repair – well, it was nothing compared to that. There was no way to stop him for a minute from repeating how totally awesome it was to see a real human from so close, complimenting her and asking her a thousand annoying questions, and bounding around to show her every darn thing in the lair, as if she needed to be told how our wreck of a microwave worked.

Donnie seemed as curious as ever, if not particularly intrigued with this "beautiful specimen", though at first he remained very quiet and avoided meeting her gaping eyes, visibly not entirely at ease with the way they kept going from one of us to another as if we were aliens. But he didn't stay in his corner very long when the lady got over her initial shock and started telling us about her collaboration with Dr. Stockman. And once we lost them in the first of their many nerdy conversations to come, it was almost as if they'd known each other for years.

As for Leo, well he was responsible for bringing her home as Mikey had very convincingly pleaded, so he had to explain himself to Master Splinter, who was pretty upset with such an unthinking decision. But with her, of course, he played Mr. Gentleman, offering all the help he could think of and apologizing a hundred times for the untidiness of the place, blah blah. I gotta say he did look perfectly cool as usual, but I'd bet my sais she didn't leave him so indifferent either.

We couldn't help acting all tough or ridiculously helpful around April, even weeks after our first encounter with her, even though we knew perfectly well it would've been useless for any of us to even dream we stood a chance with her. Logic had nothing to do with it, nor even actual feelings. I think we instinctively sought to impress her, each in our own way – yup, even me, though I was more distant and careful to make it seem like nothing more than the macho attitude I always hid behind – just to earn a smile or a friendly shove on the shoulder, as if deserving her admiration and trust could confirm we weren't monsters, but people in her eyes. She made us feel like real men and that was a whole new sensation for us, who'd never thought someone from outside could ever come to regard us as equals, let alone to accept us as friends. It all seemed very surreal, as the existence of those humans we'd only been vaguely aware of had suddenly taken a very concrete form for us to wonder at.

After a while, we grew used to having a feminine presence lighting up the mood in our murky lair and we slowly came back down to earth, knowing that, had we been human boys, besides the fact that we were several years younger than April, none of us would have been her type anyway. After all, we were ninja. And outcasts... There was no denying we'd all grown fond of the girl we had saved, but we considered ourselves lucky enough that she'd been so willing to offer us her friendship, and we learned to see her more and more as if she was our long-lost big sister. In our darkest hours, she even gave us a taste of the selfless motherly love we'd never known, always devoting herself to giving a huge amount of her time, even when she had problems of her own she should have viewed as more important, and constantly trying to encourage us the best she could. Not that we needed a mommy, don't get me wrong, but... there's still something special about that sensitivity of hers, something so delicate, yet at the same time so strong and determined... It reminded me of our adoptive father's comforting attention and care when we were toddlers, but of a different nature rather hard to describe.

It's almost exaggerated, the way she'd keep coming to take news and to make sure we didn't miss a thing – we must have cost her a fortune in groceries, pieces of furniture and equipment of all kinds so far – so much that it gave us guilt at one point. We thought we were unworthy of all that unconditional generosity. We had nothing to give her in return and, personally, I even found it irritating at some point. It made me feel lame, in a way, that we who had survived through so much by counting on nobody but ourselves, were suddenly growing dependent of a human's charity. I liked her, but I didn't want her pity and I didn't want to owe her anything. Plus, although it appeared that she could be trusted, I didn't quite believe at first that she'd keep coming down that hole indefinitely to visit us once her curiosity satisfied. I mean, why the heck would a smart young woman want to spend so much time in the sewers with creatures like us, when she wasn't in danger anymore and could hang out in much more interesting places with other humans? Didn't she already have a family and friends of her own kind? I didn't understand what it was she liked so much about us. And yet... although clumsy at expressing it, deep down I was grateful like my brothers, and even touched that she insisted so much in becoming part of our strange gang. One thing's for sure: we soon came to have the greatest respect for that woman, who was unique among her race for being able to see beyond the color and the scaly texture of our skin.

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I genuinely rejoiced when I learned that our two dearest friends were gonna get married and I know my brothers are glad for them too. Even Donatello, in his heart of hearts. True, it's a depressing reminder that such a day will never come for us, and as much as I hate sounding like a softie, I have to admit that looking at their joined hands and their tender gaze, as mushy as it sounds, does bring a certain longing that's even worse now that springtime has come – blame it on the turtle genes, or maybe it's just that somewhere inside I'm a pathetic self-denied sentimental, I don't even wanna know. But it gives us a glimpse of what it must feel like to have found the right one, if there's such a thing, and being allowed to share their happiness is enough to chase some of the gloom away.

I supposed the years would gradually turn Donnie's pointless infatuation into brotherly affection as they did for the rest of us. Boy, was I wrong. I can see now how it only deepened and grew stronger with time, but that guy's so hard to read... They say some people are like an open book. Take Mikey, for instance: give him a present and you'll witness either an explosive burst of sheer joy, or an awkwardly repressed expression of disappointment that he won't be able to keep from showing on his face. No matter how hard he tries, he just can't fake it. What you see is what you get. Well, Donnie's more like a twelve-volume encyclopaedia placed in a closed bookshelf. He's anything but transparent, and whenever you think he is, you can be sure there's a whole lot more going on beneath the surface that no one can see. While a couple of things are easier to decipher when you know him, there's no way to know exactly what he's thinking that he won't tell, and that can be really unnerving! His feelings run deep and complex like the roots of a big tree, and you can never tell if his ever-calm facade hides a still pond or a raging sea. We're complete opposites, actually. I guess that's why I have a harder time understanding him than my other brothers. When I bother trying at all, that is.

The guys are so used to seeing me storm in and make everything fly across the place at the least of arguments, that maybe we tend to take for granted that Donnie's usually peaceful composure must translate his state of mind the same way my tantrums reveal mine. But I know he feels as strongly as I do, even though he manages to somehow keep everything inside. Leo's a bit like that too, except of a more aggressive nature, and he shocked everybody when his long accumulated anger and pain exploded all at once. Even I was left speechless that time, 'cause I had always seen myself as the frustrated, misunderstood one, and seeing how even Leonardo, the perfect son, had some tormenting wounds of his own which he simply never let show... it made me realize that my brothers too were mutant teenagers forced to live in the sewers, that we all suffered deeply sometimes, and that we experienced similar things despite the completely different ways we dealt with them. It's much easier to just focus on my own emotions when the others all seem to have theirs under control, but I don't want to make the same mistake again by pretending everything's fine with Donatello, and to learn one day that he's been slipping into some kind of depression for months. I'd rather not stick my nose into the others' emotional things, and I get ticked off myself when Leo tries too hard to analyze my behavior with his supposed elder's insight... but I guess sometimes brothers need each other, and I want to be there if he ever needs me.

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I wonder if Donnie intends to show his face soon. April apparently brought Mikey the CD he didn't stop talking about the last time she came, and he turned up the volume more than high enough for someone to hear from inside any room... And speaking of April, she's coming this way.

"Hey. Waiting for something, serious guy?"

"Hey April."

She lays a frail white hand on my arm and leans over to kiss both of my cheeks, like she often does when she hasn't seen us for a while. For a long time, I was the only one to grunt and turn away whenever she did. I guess I imagined that being rude was the best way to save what was left of my tough guy reputation. I was so selfish, after all she'd done for us... She carries around a faint smell of vanilla, as usual. It still amazes me that she doesn't look the least disgusted by our appearance. From what I've seen on T.V., a lot of women seem to fear or just despise reptiles. I mean, we consider ourselves people, and our skin's not all slimy like some would think, but it ain't soft and warm like hers either... Yet, ever since she accepted the fact that we were real, she's always treated us like we were normal guys. And there she is in our modest home again, untroubled by the dampness of the walls and the lingering smell of the underground. A radiant soul, really. And a witty, open-minded one. I can see why a sensitive intellectual like my brother would fall for her so easily. She smiles all the time, a sweet smile with the power to make anyone weak, but tonight her eyes are sparkling with a contagious joy.

"So, how are you doing? My, I can't believe how much taller you seem every time I see you!"

"Yeah, I've gained a couple more inches this year. Been working out a bit too."

How pathetic: I can't restrain myself from standing a little straighter, as if to prove what I just said. My brothers have been gaining some altitude too, of course, but I've outgrown them all. I'm still a bit shorter than her, though.

"By the way, you look great tonight."

"Thanks, Raph."

I think she's blushing a little. She points to her hair, usually straight and tied up into a bun, now only partly held by a small brooch, the rest falling in loose curls over her shoulders.

"I was thinking of something close to this style for the wedding and I wanted you guys to tell me what you think."

Already making plans for the big day that's still months away! That's just like April, to think about every detail long in advance. I nod and let myself smile a bit.

"It'd be perfect."

I gotta say it does suit her features beautifully. There's a brief silence and now she's looking around.

"Have you seen Don?"

"Oh, uh... he probably wanted to finish something in his room. Y'know how he is, must be so absorbed into his work he hasn't even noticed all the noise. I think I'd better go get his head out of his tool box before he misses the entire evening."

I feel bad for making up such a lame excuse. I hate lying to her and Donnie doesn't need me to overprotect him.

"It's okay, no need to disturb him if he's busy. I'll just see him later. I've really missed being here with all of you, guys."

"Hey, April!"

That's Mikey calling from across the living room. He's holding up a plate filled with huge chocolate chip cookies.

"You gotta try these before Casey eats 'em all. I made them myself and I'll owe you half of my comics collection if it's not my best batch so far!"

One last smile and there she goes. In the meantime, I'm going to warn Donnie in case he'd need some time. It's not gonna help if everybody starts worrying about his absence. I knock softly on his door and wait... I think I might have heard a faint: "Enter," but there's no way to be sure with all that chattering behind me. I open and find him sitting in his chair with a huge book in his lap, but he obviously ain't been reading. He looks completely lost in thought to me.

"Yo Donnie, erm... it's just to tell ya our guests have arrived, if you didn't know. April was lookin' for you."

He raises his gaze from the pages at the mention of her name. Poor guy, he almost succeeds at looking impassive, but sad eyes like that don't lie. The apparent dullness that clouds them makes them look even darker than usual. I wish there was something I could say to cheer him up.

"Listen, uh..."

The slightest of frowns creases his brow and he looks away. I guess I'd better just pretend I haven't noticed. He certainly doesn't want to talk about it and I have no idea what to tell him anyway. Darn it, it's not my fault if I suck at having serious conversations! That's Leo's department.

"... It's nothing important. She just wanted to say hi, when you have the time."

"Ah. And Casey's there too?"

His voice is a tad lower than usual and sounds dejected.

"Yeah, they came together."

"Great. Thanks. I'll be there in a moment."

I close the door with a sigh and head towards the group to find Casey. I haven't even talked to him yet. Mikey comes running to me.

"Master Splinter says supper's gonna be ready in less than an hour. Donnie's still in there?"

"Yup."

"Is he gonna be okay?"

I shrug. Don't feel like explaining anything.

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"Well, you know... Looks like he's been feeling down today, so I was just wondering."

"Ah... so you noticed too?"

"Dude, I don't know what it is, but it was practically written on his face. And he never stays locked in that long when our friends are here. Even April looks worried."

"By the way, would you knock it off about April? Silly jokes like you did earlier..."

"Whut? She knows I was just kidding, right?"

"Well, you'd better find somethin' else to joke about. There's no need to make everybody uncomfortable, y'know."

"Why, it's not like anyone would take what I say seriously. What would Donnie care anyway?"

I'm getting annoyed, but I can't find a better answer to give him than a hard stare. With a little luck, he'll just stop arguing and get back to whatever he was doing... His confused expression suddenly turns into a concerned one.

"Wait, wait! You don't mean he really lov..."

"Sshhh!"

I frown at him, before turning my head towards the hall. To my relief, April and Casey seem to be lost in a jolly conversation with our sensei. Leo's right behind them, but he's looking in our direction.

"Listen, I don't mean to say anything! Just lay off the subject, will ya?"

"Woah..."

He looks unusually serious for a moment.

"So, that's why he's not coming, huh? Man, that sucks. I mean, we all could tell he had a soft spot for her, but I didn't know it was something serious. Just never really thought it could be, immune as he sounds when he talks about those things. Remember how he used to say strong emotions had to do with instinct and made people do illogical things, and then he'd serve us one of his theories about the chemicals of the brain and stuff… He seemed to know everything on the subject and to be high above that."

"Yeah, well that was before he knew what the shell he was talkin' about. But whatever, I don't want to discuss this any further and especially not with them here."

"Still, don't you think it's ironic, that the most rational member of the family had to be the one stuck with feelings that don't make any sense? If the science guys up there heard a giant mutated turtle could fall for one of their women, they'd believe they're in some bad sci-fi show for sure! I feel bad for Donnie... Do you think she knows?"

Gees, has he even been listening to me?

"It's none of our business, Mikey, nor anybody else's for that matter. I don't wanna hear you mention it tonight."

"Alright, I got it! Like I wouldn't know better than to go tell her that now. I may like to tease my bro but I'm not cruel, you know. Come on, Klunk, time for your evening snack."

He picks up his cat, which had followed him into the dark corridor, and trots back to the kitchen. I know I tend to be a bit hard on Mikey. The guy has a special talent for getting on my nerves, but he ain't the stupid brat I keep sayin' he is and he knows it well... I think. I guess I could make an effort once in a while, though. His sense of humor might be annoying sometimes, especially when I'm not in a great mood, but I prefer not to think of how dull it would become here, should he lose that childlike brightness… Alright, let's see that big bonehead now.

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I walk into the living room and suppress a chuckle. It's hard to believe that the distinguished man stepping out of the doorway usually looks like he's back from the gym... or maybe not that much. He just tripped on his untied lace and would have dropped the whole carton of soda cans he's been carrying, hadn't Leo been there to stop his fall. That's our good old Casey alright. He's a goofball and bit of a weirdo at times, but that's the way we've come to like him. We make harmless jokes about some unusual behaviors of his that kinda took us aback at first and still make us laugh, but he knows how glad we are to have him around. He's far from being a moron, really. He's a good guy and the best buddy I could have wished for.

Although we're still very protective towards our April, I know this is right. Those two together is the best thing that could happen. Looks like they were just meant to be, that's all. I think we all could feel that it was just a matter of time. He needs her to keep his feet on the ground, and as clumsy as he may be, he loves her deeply. We can be sure he'll treat her right and take care of her more than anything.

It still kills me to see the effect this whole situation has on my brother, but he's a big boy. He doesn't need me to remind him how ridiculous it would have been to go imagine she ever could have chosen him. Sensible as he is, he knew better than anyone from the start that this could never work, even if she had somehow felt the same way about him. I guess it's just that as long as there was nobody else, he could still allow himself to dream. Not that he might've had any real hope, but at least like... just the dim glimmer of that crazy possibility. And as her best friend, he was always the one who was there for her when it was her turn to need a comforting presence. Now that she's officially taken and probably for good, he just needs time to get over it once and for all. If he ever can, that is. It's not like there could be someone else out there to eventually take his mind away from her...

At least I'm glad that he and Casey can still get along fine. And I know April ain't the superficial kind of girl who only looks on the surface. Even then, we couldn't really blame her if she was repulsed by a bunch of freaks like us. But she truly does care a lot. She's proven it many times by putting her life on the line to help us, and I'm sure that if she felt Donnie was the right guy for her, she wouldn't mind his turtle beak, huge three-fingered hands and all. I even suspect he's been her favorite out of us all along, but she only loves him like a brother. It's plain to see that she's fallen for Casey and it's better this way, for everybody.

Even without Casey in the picture, I know Donnie would never ask her to come and live down here with us. We grew up in this stinkin' hole, we're used to it. But she's not, and she has a right to live a normal life. Offering us her friendship has already caused her enough trouble, and I'm not even talking about our hard training or the ever-present risk that we might be attacked. Plus, getting involved in such a relationship would naturally distract our brainiac from the team, and I gotta admit we really need his full presence here. He knows how lost we'd be without him. As outcasts of society and of the entire human race, our family is all we have in this world and, as much as I enjoy having some freedom and doing my own thing, when I look down over the city all alone at night, even I soon feel the need to come back home where I belong.

We've always been perfectly aware that we could never lead an ordinary life, like that of the people we like to observe from the city rooftops. Still, when I see them ride their bikes and go anywhere they want, free like the wind, sometimes I wish so hard we didn't have those creepy shells on our backs to keep us from walking among them in broad daylight. We all wish we could somehow approach humans without making them faint or scream their heads off, and... just be part of that world. But that kind of life ain't for us. Thats the way it is. I tend to see it as a curse, but there's something inside telling me that in a way, it should be thought of as a privilege to pursue a greater purpose than our own comfort. Every life I can save makes me glad that I was there, and even though I can't be seen, just knowing that I've made a difference gives me the feeling that my existence means something. How many of those creatures are working themselves sick to lead what they think is a good life, without ever taking the time to appreciate the simple things that matter the most? I've come to realize that having everything doesn't fill the void inside if the essential is missing, and that being surrounded by thousands of their own kind isn't enough to keep some of the folks up there from drinking all night to drown their sorrows. I used to resent my life as an underground refugee, but the more I learn to recognize the value of what we have, the more I believe we really aren't that miserable, after all. I'm even thinking, perhaps finding true happiness is possible even with a sewer for a home…

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The bedroom door facing the wall I'm leaning back against finally opens. Donatello slowly drags himself out of the half-lit hall and stops at the threshold of the living room, where the others are starting a video game. From the shadows, I watch him take a deep breath and lift up his head, struggling a moment to mask the melancholy that keeps pulling all of his features down, before walking bravely straight to the spot where his dearest friend is now sitting.

Seeing him approaching, she instantly gets up to greet him. I think I saw a trace of concern pass over her face, but Donnie must have succeeded in putting on a convincing enough happy face, 'cause now she's beaming up and visibly telling him how much she's missed him. He looks awkward for a moment, his shy gaze having fallen on her new diamond ring, but he quickly regains his composure, and swallows hard as she draws him into a tight embrace. Poor April, if she only knew...

I don't want to be nosy. I just hope Donnie makes it through the evening without letting his pain show. It would be a shame if the whole thing caused their friendship to change... No, I'm sure my brother's gonna handle this professionally like the ninja he is. That's the way we always do things, in all matters. It's the only means of defense we've learned to survive this harsh life. We mutants are bound to be a lonely race, but we could've had a much worse fate. On countless occasions, one of us could have been killed by our enemies, or seen by someone outside who could have gotten us captured to be dissected in the name of science, go figure. We may not have it easy, but at least, after all the hardships we've gone through, we're still alive and together. We're all in good health in a place we can call home. And most of all, despite our conflicts, our bond remains strong over the years. We've been taught all we needed to know by a loving father and we even have a handful of friends from the surface we can trust. April is part of our family now and we're determined to never let anything bad happen to her.

Our master raised us to be survivors, independent from the world outside. The shadows are our refuge, the streetlights our stars and the lair neon's our sunlight. We've lived down here our entire lives and we probably always will, unless in a near future the world is ready to accept us... but there ain't much hope for that. As opposed to those humans in the crowds above our heads, we have nobody else like us we can rely on. But we're used to this reclusive kind of life. Although we do like to have some company, we're complete when we're united.

Now that things are settled, it will be back to just the four of us. Of course, our friends will be welcome here anytime they want. They're family. But they might eventually want to have a family of their own, and then we won't see them as often as we do now. Seriously, what kind of parents would bring young kids in a place like this, especially when foes are still around? Maybe that will be enough to help Donnie's feelings grow dimmer with time... But whatever the future holds, we'll be there for him. We'll always have each other, no matter what, because that's what family is for. Our unbreakable brotherhood is all we have, but it's something precious I wouldn't exchange for all the comfort in the New York from above. And although I've never really told the others, it's the one thing that makes me love being a turtle.

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Author's note (again): Soooo... that was it. I'm not extremely pleased with the way it turned out (as I never am with anything I do), so I might come back with something different later if I have the time, I don't know... By the way, sorry for the strange narration style. I wanted to keep a somewhat literary writing, but I hope that didn't make Raph sound too much out of character. (You might have noticed that I have a hard time not making extra long sentences…) At first, the fic wasn't supposed to be told from his point of view, but I felt like remedying to the fact that he and Don didn't have a lot of interaction in the series, and I thought that Casey being his best friend, it might add a little something more interesting than if it were Leo narrating.

As I mentioned in my interminable introduction, I'm mostly a fan of the 2003 animated series. I have to say that besides the characters' complex enough personalities and the whole family dynamics, the subtly suggested love triangle between Donatello, April and Casey (or at least the hints of a one-sided crush from Don) is actually one of the aspects of the show that I found the most potentially interesting; not that I believe it really could have worked and made a good "love story", but being fond of uselessly melodramatic fluff, I just happen to find the subject of unrequited love pretty fascinating, which explains... uh, what you've just read. By the way, I learned not very long after I started writing this that Casey and April do get married in Back to the Sewers, and I noticed that Don seems okay with it (possibly because it was indeed just a little crush and he got over it, or because the scriptwriters were bored with the idea and just decided to make it disappear suddenly in the newest seasons, as it frustratingly enough seems to be the case)...

Anyway, even back when it was more obvious, it probably was nothing as serious as what I depicted here. I deliberately made Don seem a lot more hopelessly in love than I think he really was, and I gotta say that part of my inspiration for this came from reading too much fanfiction. More precisely, princessebee's awesome story, "TMNT: SHE IS: Lover", is particularly responsible for making me fall head over heels in love with the idea, though I won't pretend mine is nearly as good as hers. (Frankly, that lady wrote some of the best turtles fics I've ever read, and I encourage all TMNT fanfiction readers to have a look at her work, especially all four parts of her awesome "SHE IS" series.)

That's pretty much all I had to say to justify my humble attempt at just one more little story on the site about this popular enough subject. You, brave readers who have survived the depressing "soapiness" of this, are welcome to express yourselves! No need to be shy, even if you didn't like it. You fell asleep while reading and missed your favourite show because of me? I'm sorry. You think I'm some kind of genius who should get published right away? I don't think so but thanks for being kind! You want me to stop typing now? Alright, I'm done. But more seriously, I do appreciate honest criticism that will help me improve what could be better, so don't hesitate to leave me a little comment!

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Update: I would like to thank nim draug, my first reviewer, for the positive feedback and for the favorite. That made my day!

RavynandRika yami's lovers also did me the honor of faving my fic and left me some sweet comments as well, for which I am grateful.

Finally, I owe Lady of Myth a big thank you for her super kind words. It means a lot to me. :)