Author's Notes!

okay, so i got buttfucked by inspiration. the second chapter of vices happened and i personally adore it~

it gets more of the M rating than the first chapter as well.

the writing style is a bit different. it's a bit more abstract, like reid, whereas the first chapter was simple and straightforward, like hotch. well, i think so at least.

read and review, my pretties!

Disclaimer!

i still don't own criminal minds.

SPOILER ALERT, LOOK AWAY IF YOU DIDN'T SEE 'LAUREN':

you think they'll have another girl or guy replace prentiss? such bullshit that they didn't tell the team, i was bawling as soon as reid started crying. ;^;

xxx

It wasn't unusual for a man to have vices. Spencer Reid had always had vices, but he'd never remembered having one quite this strong.

He'd had a number of vices before. Books, that was one of them. Ever since he was a child Spencer depended on books to take him away, to keep him safe. Maybe he could go on for hours about the differences between Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, and Star Trek: Enterprise. Maybe he did like to coop himself up in his apartment and play World of Warcraft for hours.

He'd had stronger addictions than that. The dilaudid, that was the worst. If you had ever told Spencer that such a tiny little vial could bring him crumbling to his knees, tear his life apart, he wouldn't have believed you. He never thought drug addiction was something that could happen to him. Not to him, Doctor Spencer Reid. He was smarter than that, wasn't he? No, even this he overcame. Even addiction wasn't his vice.

His vice, the thing he needed most, was SSA Aaron Hotchner. What he craved for most was his kiss, for his touch, for his words. Just seeing the man he was proud to call his lover made his heart skip beats, made him lose all self-control. This was the man who could break apart the world and not bat a lash. This was the man who understood him, understood his thoughts and feelings, listened to him, got inside his head when all Spencer wanted to do was scream at the world, "I am human! I can feel! I am not a machine!"

So maybe Spencer didn't always understand what he felt, what others were feeling, but he did his best. Understanding the emotions of others was almost impossible for him, but his own emotions? That was what was really impossible, that was what he struggled with the most. He felt, contrary to popular belief, and he felt strongly for his entire team. So maybe he wasn't sure how to go about things, how to explain himself and what he felt. So just maybe standing in Hotch's office, tears in his eyes, screaming, "I love you! I'm in love with you!" wasn't a common, natural thing, especially in the FBI. But it worked for them. He still remembered vividly (and would even if he didn't have an eidetic memory) the way Hotch pushed him back against the wall with a gentle viciousness, crushing a kiss to his lips, closing all space between them. That's when he knew, when he understood what Hotch really was to him.

If you asked him now, Spencer could tell you that he had kissed Aaron Hotchner a total of 315 times, made out with him seventy-nine times, given him thirteen hand jobs, twenty-seven blowjobs, and had sex with him nine times. If you asked him how long they had been together, he would tell you seven months, twelve days, seventeen hours, fifteen minutes…

If you really wanted to know, Spencer would admit with a blush that physical closeness was far from his forte. He'd whisper to you that it had taken him three months to give his lover the shyest, most awkward, nervous hand job that ended with him almost fainting in terror as Jack ran into the room, screaming 'DADDY!', only moments after Aaron had finished. He would tell you that he had never felt so terrified of ruining a boy's childhood because honestly, how would you give an answer to the question he knew Jack would ask? "Spence, what are you doing to Daddy?"

Spencer could tell you more than that, though, how nervous he was to be touching Aaron. He could explain in impeccable detail how fast his heart was beating, how he had to fight to keep his hands from shaking, about how shivers would run down his spine when Aaron gave soft, lusty groans of his name, "Spencer…" He could tell you how hard it made him, how much he needed to be touched (and would have been, had Jack not interrupted with demands to watch the Lion King as a family. Spencer had to excuse himself for a brief bathroom break, thank you very much), and how nervous he was at the thought of Aaron doing that. Hell, the boy could make himself clam up in a nervous frenzy at his own naughty fantasies. How do you think he could handle these things actually happening?

But two weeks later, Spencer got his turn. Aaron had been trying since the first time to repay the favor, but every time he tried Spencer would pull away before things got too heated. It had been beyond frustrating for Aaron, who could get no answer of why Spencer was so reluctant to be touched. The conflict was only resolved whenever Aaron cornered him and demanded to know, "Tell me why you won't let me touch you. Tell me what I did wrong."

Spencer couldn't avoid it anymore. He had to tell him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he was just nervous, good god, that he was utterly terrified. He didn't know why, but he was. He wasn't used to this, had never had a physical closeness before and just didn't know how to let himself relax enough to be touched. Spencer was shaking as he admitted this, as Hotch pulled him close, as he kissed him, as he carried the other to the bed. Aaron was slow, making sure not to scare him, letting his lover cling to him in desperation, trying to silent soft moans and cries of pleasure as Aaron stroked him. Aaron told him that he loved him, whispered it into his ear, and told him that he was beautiful as Spencer arched his back, reaching his orgasm. Spencer still remembered the way his heart swelled as Aaron smiled and kissed him, pulling him close as he fell into the best sleep he'd ever had in his entire life.

At five months, Spencer could admit with a laugh about the circumstances that lead to him giving Hotch a blowjob. He could tell you about how Aaron hid him under his desk as Chief Strauss walked in for sudden talk, avoiding an uncomfortable scenario had she seen the two together. Spencer, thankfully so lanky, fit easily underneath his desk and curled up with his head in Hotch's lap. Hotch's fingers toyed with Spencer's hair and, damn his sex drive, Hotch could practically feel that hot breath ghosting across his length…

By the time Strauss left, Hotch's erection was straining against his pants, pressed against Spencer's cheek. He looked down at the younger man, grinning faintly as the other blushed. "Wanna help me out while you're down there?"

So Spencer, on a whim of curiosity (or perhaps something of an exhibitionist nature?) did so. Thank god that Hotch kept his blinds closed, because being caught like this, wanton and on his knees, greedily sucking off his boyfriend in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, because if anyone were to see him, he would simply die of humiliation. Not to say that Spencer didn't like it, quite the contrary. That day he and Hotch both got to find out that Spencer had somewhat of an oral fixation.

As for Aaron, he repaid the favor that night when they got home. He didn't give Spencer the opportunity to protest, he just tossed him to the bed and Spencer was lost. He'd never felt something so amazing, so hot and wet and…

"I still prefer to give them," Spencer told him between pants after Aaron had pulled off of him, a bright, crimson blush on his cheeks as Aaron ruffled his hair and pulled him close.

Spencer, if begged to tell you, might admit how he apologized fifty-nine times for getting too scared and backing out the first time they almost had sex. Six and a half months had passed and Spencer thought he was ready. Truth be told, he wasn't. Hotch, who was slicking up his fingers, was more than surprised when his lover suddenly bolted from the bed and locked himself in the bathroom. The words that Spencer was whimpering out from behind the wood of the door made his hear sink a little. "I'm sorry, I-I can't do this yet, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Aaron, please… I'm sorry…"

Slowly but surely, Aaron lured him out, holding him close, telling him that it was okay, that it was alright and perfectly natural for someone to be scared. "You think too much," he told Spencer, stroking his hair as the other balled up into his chest, "Don't think so much whenever we try again. Just listen to your body."

Spencer would be ashamed to admit how closed off he was for the next few days. Almost every other word he said to Hotch was an apology, when he spoke at all. This lasted until Hotch couldn't take it anymore, until he jerked the other close into a crushing embrace, told him to quit apologizing, that what happened meant nothing. Aaron loved him and nothing would ever change that.

Most of all, however, Spencer could explain with a shy smile about how twelve days ago, on their seven month anniversary, he let Aaron take his virginity. It wasn't what either of them expected to happen, but it did. They had gotten home from a lovely date that involved ice cream and the pretty bouquet of roses that Aaron had given him. Aaron wasn't exactly one for dates, for public displays of affection, but he seemed to become somewhat human when he was just around Spencer. He wasn't Hotch, he wasn't SSA Hotchner. He was just Aaron. Spencer loved all sides of Hotch, but he loved 'just Aaron' the most.

When they got home, it was like any other night. Spencer put the roses in a vase of water; they tucked Jack into bed so Jess could go home. They went upstairs to get ready for bed and, like a normal, happy couple, things got a little heated in the process. Just as Spencer had slipped out of his clothes and into button-down shirt that once belonged to Aaron (Spencer adopted it for himself, it was his night shirt), Aaron snuck up from behind, arms curling around him before Spencer could even button one button. Kisses were pressed to the other's neck, strong hands traveling over the smooth expanse of Spencer's skin as Aaron held him, protectively, needing that closeness. Spencer couldn't help but moan, but squirm in need, and pretty soon he was being laid upon the bed as Aaron discovered he couldn't get out of his clothes fast enough.

Every article of clothing excluding the long shirt that Spencer wore quickly hit the floor. Soft kisses soon became frantic, passionate ones, each one causing Spencer to get lost again and again. Aaron's touch scorched his skin, the friction between them was almost too good, almost unbearable. There were no words said, only names, and the look in Aaron's eyes as he pulled back for just a moment asked Spencer what he wanted. His reply wasn't even a nod, just a fierce kiss, and Aaron knew Spencer wanted this. This time, he was sure. They were both sure.

The pain was something Spencer wasn't quite expecting, but Aaron made it as easy for him as he could. One finger became two, became three, stretching him as gently as he could, finding Spencer's prostate and sending the boy crying out, had him seeing stars. Aaron pushed inside of him, whispering in his ear to try and soothe the pain, to ease his shaking. Spencer was nervous and both of them sort of figured he always would be. It was just another reason why Aaron loved him.

Thrusts gradually became harder, faster, deeper. Whimpers of pain turned into screams of ecstasy. Time had stopped for them completely and only started back up whenever they climaxed together, Aaron groaning as Spencer gave a last cry, hitting the bed. With that, there was happiness. Kisses were exchanged, Aaron held him in a way he'd never held them before. The love between them only burned stronger.

"I love you," Spencer had whispered to him, just before falling asleep, "I love you more than I'll ever be able to describe."

"Neither of us are the poetic type."

It wasn't unusual for a man to have vices. Spencer Reid and Aaron Hotchner, however, had something more than a vice. They had each other.

-fin-