This is my first attempt at sailor moon fan fiction; please don't get angry at me if it doesn't fit my normal pattern. I'm trying for something a little more mature…but I've never attempted anything like this and if you knew me you'd know I'm pretty prudish…so lets see what happens….its as new to me as it is to all of you…I own nothing and please read and review…let me know if this is a terribly bad idea…The rating, by the way, is an insurance policy, my plans are to make things very complicated for Serena and those complications could lead to mature notions…as I said, I don't usually go there so let's see how this works out. I'm basing this on a cross between the American version of the manga and the tv show, so if I mention some evens you aren't familiar with, remember they could be from either work. I will be happy to clarify anything you need to know.

I hope you like it,

Katrina…

Now on with the story…

Kisses…running down her side she could feel the hot breath dancing on her skin, setting it on fire…She could only see the top of his head, his fair hair running complimentary to her pale skin.

Serena jolted out of bed like she'd just been lit on fire…for the third time this week she was oh so very awake..

"shit" she said, brushing her moist bangs from her forehead. If these images didn't stop, she didn't know what she'd do. It was bad enough that it seemed like heart snatchers had made it their personal mission to make sure she never got to bed early, but when she did finally manage to sleep she was confronted with disturbing images, things she knew she was too young to be thinking about…

She glanced at the ceiling, saying a little silent prayer that Rini was not staying with her tonight, it seemed that every time she'd had a bad dream of some sort Rini would come rushing in saying she had a nightmare and could she sleep in Serena's room tonight. The younger version of her mother would have to cave, what choice did she have really, it was after all her daughter and it didn't matter really that Rini wouldn't be born for quite sometime.

Serena was pretty happy with her ability to turn her thoughts to Rini, it helped to stave off these disturbing images if she reminded herself of how much she loved Darien and how very badly she wanted that future that Rini had once spoken of. Rini had told Serena of what Neo Queen Serenity was really like, and hearing the wonderful things she would be capable of made her heart swell with happiness. True, Rini rarely said much about Crystal Tokyo but Serena was riveted by every word and would often think about the little things she had heard as part of a larger narrative of what it would've been like if she and Endymion had been able to marry the first time.

Serena had lately been searching her memories of Serenity and Endymion, trying to find a context for those disturbing dreams. She knew two things, one that they felt like memories and two this man she kept seeing was not Darien. That's what had her bothered. That she was having inappropriate dreams was embarrassing but not liable to scare her. What scared her was the thought that, even for a moment, another man would rob her true love of his destiny, that someone else would usurp his place in her heart. She had the horrible feeling that if she couldn't find the answer in the past than it might mean something horrible was in store for her future.

She had died for him. Because life without him wasn't living. Serena could still see herself taking that sword and- no that's not going to help matters. Serena knew she couldn't think about her suicide because every time she did she saw her mother (in this life anyway) sobbing her eyes out. Yes it had been a very long time ago, but the idea of leaving her parents or Sammy over some guy, even her soul mate, was unbearable. She'd had some close calls since becoming Sailor Moon but she'd never wanted to die, and certainly never wanted to take her own life. This was something that her present life and her past life were never going to be able to see eye to eye on. She knew why Serenity had done it but she also knew that it was a decision she would never have made. She almost wondered if her past self regretted that decision and if that's why she looked at it with such horror now. She knew that if something happened to Darien he'd never want her to follow him. He'd be the first one to try and shake some sense into her.

But lately, these dreams have been having a strange effect on her. She was starting to consider things she'd never considered before. It could've been the lack of sleep but she recalled quite clearly that one morning she'd caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and screamed. She looked pale, gaunt and makeup or no she couldn't make herself look carefree or normal. But it seemed that she was the only one who saw this new persona, none of her friends had commented on it and she was starting to wonder if it was all in her head.

Knowing sleep was a luxury that she wouldn't be allowed access to, Serena rose out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Her family wouldn't be up for hours and perhaps a nice soak in the tub would make things better. As her tired hands struggled to work the complicated knobs on the faucet, she realized that things were getting worse. She'd seen his hair again, never his face but it was enough to convince her that it wasn't Darien that she was dreaming about. 'Oh Darien' she whimpered as she settled back in the tub.

Problem was, every time she saw a fair head of hair on a man all she could do was imagine Prince Diamond, and how he'd kissed her and vowed to make her his. She cringed at the memory of his heavy frame pressed against her and how afraid she was of what he was capable of. True, when he had kidnapped her, he'd tried to win her affections. But if she hadn't managed to get away, she was quite sure that he was capable of being much less gentile about the matter.

Oh but that was over. She settled down, letting the warm water massage her muscles, trying to smile. Nemesis and Prince Diamond were gone. She'd seen him die with her own eyes, there could be no doubt that he was gone and that the chapter in her life where she had to fear him was over. But it didn't change how she felt, how even when her dear friend Andrew had touched her hand the other day, she'd reeled back from him in horror, afraid and suspicious. She'd never get the sight of his wounded expression out of her mind no matter how hard she tried. Andrew was her friend…her fingers curled into a fist…and she'd treated him like he was a monster. What was wrong with her…

She found herself slipping under the water, her eyes closed tight and she failed to care what happened to her anymore. She was drifting, too tired to care but too afraid to sleep. It was only the shock of the faucet suddenly running cold which jolted her out of the tub.

"what did I almost do?" she said in horror, not thinking of the fact that no one was around to respond to her question. She'd almost drowned herself and she had no idea why.