Disclaimer: I don't get money from this story. Castle and its characters doesn't belong to me but to their respective owners, I'm borrowing them to write this story, my homage to a show I find smart, interesting and so emotional it hurts.

Athor's notes: This is my first attempt in writing a Castle fanfic, I just couldn't wait a month after the end of Countdown so I opened my word processor and started convulsively to type. English is not my first language, so forgive me if you'll find some mistakes. A personal thanks to Stana and Nathan, they're so good together, and to Rob Bowman, it's so good to see you again, pal!

Stairway To Perception

Chapter 1: Frozen

They stopped trying to get out about fifteen minutes ago. Now they rest against the cold wall, their bodies close in the vain hope to gain some body heat. Castle watched her in the blue glow of the chamber, his concern growing. He couldn't see her face, but she had frost all over her hairs and clothes and he could bet her lips were a frightening shade of blue by now. Obviously she was feeling the effects of the cold much more quickly than him. Her body was less and less shaken by tremors and her voice came out weak and sleepy. He had done enough research for his books to know this was a bad, bad sign.

"I'm s... I'm sorry." he said, his voice broken by the chattering of his own teeth.

"For what?" she asked feebly.

He shuddered uncontrollably. "Fo-for being me... for going rogue, getting you into... into this. If we hadn't gone on our own..."

"Shh, Castle, no. Okay?" she hushed him. If he wasn't facing the back of her head he could have actually seen her almost rolling her eyes. "Shh. Shh." she took a deep breath with some effort. "You were right, we found the bomb. We were just too late, okay?"

She could feel her eyelids grow heavy, it was difficult not to just let them close. She slowly turned in his arms and snuggled in closer, resting her cheek on his shoulder. She nestled quietly there, searching more comfort than warmth. There was no more warmth to give or take. They were slowly freezing to death and they both knew it, despite is everlasting optimism.

Her voice was barely audible to her own ears when she whispered his name. He looked down at her as she raised her eyes to his face, her trembling fingertips touching gently his chin in a tired caress that she couldn't even feel.

"Thank you... for being there."

He understood what she was implying and his lips curved slightly upwards. "Always."

But though he could see her hand lowering from his chin to his coat, he didn't noticed her eyes closing. She was fending off sleep with her every fiber. When she spoke her words were a mere whisper.

"I just want you to know how much I lo..." Words died in her throat, no longer able to come out.

He looked down at her with worry just as her body went limp and her hand dropped to her lap. This is not happening, he thought. He hugged her tighter then, trying to shake her out of slumber.

"Kate." No response. "Stay with me. Kate?" he passed his hand on her face then, to be sure she was still breathing or to stroke her face he didn't know. "Shh. Shh. Stay with me."

He pressed his cheek to the top of her head and squeezed his eyes shut as to block out the terrifying image of Kate Beckett dying right there in his arms. Only two words echoed in his brain as he succumbed to the cold. Me too.

...three days later

The buzzing of the doorbell came not at all unexpected, so when he opened the door it came as no surprise for him to see her standing on the threshold. Her curly brown hairs hugged her face gently, adding to the contrast to her stern gray eyes, shining with something he couldn't quite place. Was it anger? Actually it seemed more hurt. Hell, probably both of them.

"So you're back from the Hamptons?" she said taking off her gloves and storming into the loft not waiting to be invited in.

He closed the door behind her, and followed her into the room. "Hi to you too, Detective Beckett." She fixed him with a death glare, so he just answered her question.

"Yeah, mother an Alexis are due back later this afternoon. I came back just an hour ago, had some business to take care of." he said vaguely, but his hope she wasn't there for the reason he supposed her to be faded with her next words.

"This business of yours includes faxing your resignation to Captain Montgomery?"

As always he tried his best cards, humor in association with his charming smile. "I thought I couldn't resign since I never got the job in the first place."

"Castle." she said as a warning, raising a perfect eyebrow to emphasize the point. His smile faded quickly as he took in the picture, she wouldn't take any bullshit from him, not tonight.

He sighed heavily. "I asked him not to tell you."

"And then what?" she said crossing her arms on her chest, not really waiting for an answer. "You'd leave without even letting me know?" she fixed him with her accusing eyes, hurt now evident all over her features. "I thought I deserve more than this."

"You do. I just... " he lowered his gaze to the floor. He didn't want to tell her the whole truth, so he opted for an half truth. "It's not you, it's me. I just can't cope with what happened in the last few days." he paused briefly, then raised his troubled eyes to her face again. He saw confusion in hers, so he further explained. "I saw you slip away, Beckett, right in my arms, and I couldn't do anything to bring you back to me. I was so scared."

She softened at his words, maybe she misunderstood his motives. Maybe the empty and hollow expression she saw on his face when he was leaving the precinct after the whole bomb mess, was because in fact it had been a hell of a day. Maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that he was heading home alone leaving her in the arms of her caring boyfriend, after she actually told him he was the one she wanted. She felt a weight being lifted from her chest. They could fix it, she could fix it. She reached out to grab his hands, tugging at them gently to get his attention.

"Castle, listen to me. I know that facing death three times in less then twenty-four hours is an high standard even for cops, but we're here now, we're ok." she tried to reassure him.

"Are we?"

Such a simple question, despite it held in itself more than one meaning. Each of them were not lost to her, even if she tried to ignore them.

She took his right hand with both of hers and place it directly over her heart, covering it with hers. He could feel her strong pulse under his fingertips. He closed his eyes focusing on her strong and steady heartbeat and let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.

Deeply touched by his concern for her she squeezed his hand gently. "I'm here, Castle, and I'm alive. Thanks to you."

He chuckled at that. "As much as I would be glad to take the credit for saving your precious life, detective, truth is we just were lucky." he said opening his eyes and smiling coyly.

"Yes, we were." she returned his smile. "But fortune favors the braves. When I gave up all hope to stop the countdown you still believed you could do something. That's what saved us."

"I had to do something. I couldn't stand the look of terror on your face when the bomb was ticking out... God, I'll never forget that face, it haunts me in my nightmares, Beckett."

She knew exactly what he was referring to, because his own terrified face was distinctly imprinted in her mind every time she closed her eyes.

Suddenly she felt the urge to comfort him, or maybe she was the one needing to be comforted, she didn't know for sure. She closed the gap between them and hugged him, resting her chin over his shoulder. It was just a matter of seconds when she felt him relax in her embrace, circling her waist with his strong arms. Neither moved, neither spoke. Yet it was not awkward, each giving strength, each receiving it from the other.

"I can still feel the chill in my bones, you know." she spoke quietly in his ear, clinging to him.

He sighed. "Me too."

She closed her eyes and nuzzled his neck lightly with her nose. "You are warm." Warm like no one else in these past three days.

"I thought I was hot." he faked hurt, and she chuckled in his shoulder. Trust Castle to make a silly joke while discussing something so serious. He could feel her smile against his skin as her body rocked with laughter.

Then she went quiet again. "You can't leave me, Rick. You said always."

He pulled his head back slightly to see her eyes, the same eyes that were boring into his. Funny how they could change their colour with her mood. The cloudy gray of before was replaced by a warm shade of green.

"Beckett-"

She knew she shouldn't asked this, she knew she was taking a huge risk. But she needed to know, so whatever he was going to say she cut him off. "Did you mean it?"

Seeing him hesitate, with a note of urgency in her voice she asked again. "Did you mean it, Castle?"

His answer was barely a whisper. "Yes."

Beckett visibly relaxed and gave him a smirk of her own. "Good, cause I meant every single word I said in there too."

She cupped his face then, an hand on each cheek, then slid down slowly and gracefully to linger for the briefest moment on his lips. Her eyes followed her fingertips and rested on his mouth as her expression clouded for a second.

She felt him stiffen under her caress, causing her to suddenly realize how dangerous and unfair this was.

"I really should go." she said, removing her hands from his face as she'd been burned.

She turned to leave then, but his hands were faster and grabbed her arms, pulling her back to him. The other hand came up to the back of her neck, and they looked at each other just for a split second before their mouths collided, hot and hungry.

The kiss was frenzied, and the physical need to touch him in every possible way brought her flushed against his hard body as one of his hands slid down to the small of her back to make sure she stayed that way. Her fingers weren't idle either, and tangled in his hairs as they explored each other mouth, both of them fighting to take control of the kiss.

The intensity of the kiss was overwhelming, mouths clashed and tongues caressed where teeth had previously bitten. He left her mouth to descend along the column of her neck, eliciting a groan from deep inside of her when he sucked on a particular sensitive spot.

Hearing her own passion filled voice somehow took her out of her trance. She could feel the blood roaring in her ears, louder than all her other thoughts. But not loud enough to cover the single word her mind was screaming. Josh.

Oh. My. God. What the hell was she doing?

"Castle..." she tried to get his attention, but squirming in his arms only added fuel to his desire. He bit not so gently where her shoulder met her neck, right on her pulse, causing her to moan again. No no no, this wasn't supposed to happen. She had to stop this, and fast.

"Rick, please... Rick stop."

She pushed slightly against his chest so he pulled back slightly confused. No part of him was currently touching her except for her hands on his chest. They looked at each other, both breathing heavily, both at a loss for words. But she recovered quickly and spoke first. "Castle, we can't."

He flinched at the resolve in her voice. Little he knew that though her voice sounded steady, her heart was pounding so fast she thought it could burst from her chest at any second now.

He sighed heavily and collapsed on the couch behind him, his head between his hands. "Kate, I'm sorry I-"

"No need to apologize, Castle." she stuttered trying to compose herself, "We... we were on an emotional roller coaster these last few days, things just got out of hands." she didn't sound convincing to her own ears. "Let's just forget this."

He tiredly looked at her as she leapt for the door, stopping with her hands on the doorknob. "See you tomorrow at the precinct?" she asked hesitantly, hoping their actions hadn't mess things even more than before.

At his slight nod she just left the apartment walking towards the elevator. With a ding the sliding door opened, welcoming her in, then closed as she rest her back heavily against the opposite wall, her head toward the ceiling and her eyes tightly shut.

As the elevator went down all she could think of was that once again her brain got the best of her heart.

A/N: I'll be glad to hear opinions and suggestions from you guys, so please review! I'm currently thinking of how the story should proceed: they'll forget the kiss or there will be consequences?