That Violent Show
(Teaser)
(The Formans' Basement)
Eric, Donna, Hyde and Fez are sitting on the couch watching television. Eric and Donna are angry because they want to makeout.
Hyde: Come on, Peter you gotta kick Buddy Hinton's ass. No, no Peter duck! Aw man. That's gotta hurt.
Fez: That mean ol' Buddy Hinton!
Donna: Please Hyde, you've seen that Brady Bunch episode what a dozen times?
Eric: Yeah, man. Why don't you and Fez go and yell at something somewhere else.
Fez: Is he throwing us out, Hyde?
Hyde: Yes, he is, my foreign friend.
Fez: Oh, in that case…
Fez tries to give Eric the finger but Hyde stops him.
Hyde: Come on. Let's get out of here. Hey Donna do you want to come with us? I'm gonna teach Fez some more stuff. You see how his improving his speed on giving the finger.
Donna: As inviting as that sounds Hyde I think I'm gonna pass.
Fez: Then you are gonna miss a lot of this…
Once again he tries to give the finger and Hyde stops him.
Hyde: Don't over do it. You don't want its magic to run off too quickly.
Hyde and Fez exit. Donna and Eric smile at each other and kiss.
Jackie and Kelso enter.
Eric: Great.
Jackie: Donna would you please tell Mr. Kelso that I don't want to do anything with him ever!
Donna: Why what's wrong?
Kelso: Eric why don't you tell Miss…Miss…um….why don't you tell Jackie that I don't want anything to do with her ever…either.
Eric: Um… you guys Donna and I are trying to…
Jackie: (to Kelso) I just can't believe you are acting like such a possessive jerk!
Kelso: You're the one that's batting her eye lashes at every single guy we walk by.
Jackie: It's not my fault men are attracted to my naturally full curly long lashes.
Eric: Guys…
Jackie: (to Kelso) God, How dare you threaten to break up with me if I don't stop using mascara.
Kelso: Well---
Jackie: I don't want to hear it. Leave.
Kelso: I'm not leaving! I…I… came to play Pong!
Eric: No!
Kelso turns on the Atari and starts playing.
Eric: No, no, no!
Jackie: (to Kelso)Fine!
Kelso: Fine!
Jackie exits.
Donna and Eric look at Kelso.
Kelso: What?
Donna and Eric jump on Kelso and try to snatch the game joystick away from him.
We hear a punch coming from outside.
Fez (O.S.) Ay!!!
Jackie (O.S.): Don't you ever give me the finger again!
(End of Teaser.)
(Segment 1)
(The Formans'- Hallway.)
We see the bathrooom door closed. Kitty is standing on front of it.
Kitty: Laurie are you done in there? Your father has to use the bathroom.
There's no answer.
Kitty: You better hurry up, dear. You know how he gets whenever he eats too much. And you know how I tell him to ease on the gravy, but no he never listens. Then I'm the one that has to sleep with the sheets over her face.
Laurie: Oh, mom please!
We hear Laurie throwing up.
Kitty: Honey, are you all right in there?
Laurie: Sure, mom. You know how I love vomiting in the afternoons.
Kitty: No need to get bitchy, honey. This is the third time this week.
Laurie: I don't think so, mom. I'm sure I'm bitchy more than that. Ask Eric.
Kitty: Laurie, you know what I meant. Young lady I am worried. We are going to the doctor first thing tomorrow.
The door is opened and Laurie sticks out her head.
Laurie: The doctor? Um, you know what? I think Hyde's brownies were a little too heavy for me. You know how delicate my stomach is, mommy…
Kitty: Steven baked brownies again? Isn't that kid just lovely!
Laurie: Yeah. Whatever.
Kitty: Well, you just lay off the brownies a bit, okay?
Laurie: Sure thing, mom.
Laurie and Kitty exit. Red enters running with a newspaper on his hand and slams the door shut.
Red: Do we have to keep telling you kids to flush after your done!
(The Forman's Basement)
Eric is making out with Donna.
Donna: I can't believe we are finally alone! I never knew a smelly dinky basement would be so romantic.
Eric: Yeah uh-huh. Kiss me.
Donna: Eric! Slow down. Stop it!
Eric keeps kissing her.
Donna: You know what? You take a cold shower. I'm going home.
Eric: Donna!
Hyde enters.
Hyde: Hi, Donna!
Donna shoves him aside as she exits.
Hyde: Woah, what'd you do Forman?
Eric: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Hyde: Tough luck, man.
Eric: I know.
Hyde: Hey have you seen Fez?
Eric: No, why?
Hyde: I think he got too excited about giving the finger and his giving it to everybody. (laughs) He gave it to Crazy Helen from across the street and she started chasing him and I haven't seen him since.
Eric: Oh my God that's terrible. That woman is totally nuts. Aren't you worried?
Hyde: No not really. Crazy Helen can take care of herself.
Red (O.S.): Run, Fez, Run! Come on! Get inside!
Fez: Ay! Help me, Mr. Forman! Ay!
Suddenly Red and Fez enter and lock the door. Fez hair is a mess and his shirt is all torn.
Red: What the hell is wrong with you kids???
Fez: Thank you so much, Mr. Forman. I don't know why I didn't think of throwing rocks at that crazy woman.
Red: Live and learn, son.
Fez: Oh my goodness! He called me 'son'! I think I'm going to cry.
Red: (To Hyde) And you…!
Hyde: Oh boy…
Red: You better stop teaching those nasty things to this kid. He's a dumbass just like you and he can easily get in trouble.
Hyde: But Mr. Forman—
Red: I'm gonna say this just once: either you stop it or I'm gonna kick your sorry little ass. Understood?
Hyde: Yes, Mr. Forman…sir.
Red: Good. (to Fez) Now come upstairs with me, kid. I gotta teach you some moves. Next time that Crazy Helen won't be able to kick you in the nuts again.
Fez: Oh, I hope so. That really hurt.
Fez and Red exit. Laurie enters.
Laurie: Eric do you and your stupid friends always have to be here?
Hyde: Good to see you too, Laurie.
Laurie: Would you two please get out. I'm not feeling well and I can't be upstairs. Mom's driving me crazy.
Eric: You know what? Fine, I'm leaving. Donna's definitely not coming back and probably won't be talking to me ever again, but that's okay. Nothing could be worse knowing that my lovely big sister is not feeling well because she's pregnant! Oooops! No surprise there.
Laurie: Shut up, Eric, you don't know what you are talking about!
Hyde: No, I don't think so, Forman. It's like she gets pregnant every week.
Laurie: Get out! Now!
Eric and Hyde exit. Laurie sits on the couch.
Laurie: I think I really blew it this time.
She puts out her hands to measure how big she would get if she is really having a baby.
Laurie: (crying) Oh God!
Fez enters.
Fez: I'll be right upstairs Mr. Forman. I'm gonna look for my Donna Summer eight track. I dropped it while Crazy Helen grabbed me by the legs and threw me to the bushes.
Fez sees Laurie crying and approaches her.
Fez: Why are you crying?
Laurie: It's none of your business.
Fez: It's okay, you can talk to me. I am a great listener. Just ask Jackie and Kelso. I listen to them suck face everytime we go to the movies together.
Laurie: You make me sick. (pause) Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up!
Fez: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you vomit.
Laurie: Oh, false alarm.
Laurie looks at Fez who doesn't know what to do. She reluctantly motions him to sit beside her.
Laurie: It wasn't you Fez. I've been a mess for a week now.
Fez: Why don't you go see a doctor?
Laurie: Great, now you sound like mom.
Fez: Oh, I'm sorry.
Laurie: If you must know, the reason why I can't go to the doctor is because… I know why I am sick, okay? . Actually I'm not sick at all.
Fez: Okay, now I'm confused.
Laurie: If I don't tell it to someone I'm gonna explode! (Whispers) You promise you won't tell anyone?
Fez nods.
Laurie: Fez, I'm pregnant.
Fez faints.
Laurie: What are you fainting for?
(The Pinciotti's Kitchen)
Donna and Jackie are sitting at the table.
Donna: So did you and Kelso really break up for good?
Jackie: Absolutely Donna.(pause) Um… not really. (pause) Actually we are back together again.
Donna: (sarcastic) Really? That I cannot believe.
Jackie: Yeah, just this morning. A guy blew a kiss at me and Michael knocked him unconscious. Isn't he sweet?
Donna: I thought you were angry at him because you didn't like him acting like a possessive jerk.
Jackie: Yeah, but…oh wait until you see the new mascara I just bought.
Donna crosses her arms and is frustrated.
Donna: Ok, I give up. Relationships are so stupid. It makes people act weird. I just wonder if it's worth all the trouble.
Jackie: Uh-oh. Problems with Eric, huh?
Donna: Yeah. I mean don't get me wrong here. I love making out with Eric. It's just that lately all he thinks of is sex. I just can't kiss him anymore without him trying to take of my blouse.
Jackie: I know that exact feeling. But I always manage to talk to Michael about that right after we do, you know… it.
Donna: (sarcastic) Good for you, Jackie. Gee, it's so great to be your friend.
Jackie: I know. People just love the fact that I was born with this dazzling personality.
Bob enters.
Bob: Hey, girls.
Jackie: Hello, Mr. Pinciotti.
Bob: Did you girls hear? Crazy Helen beat up some kid just a few minutes ago.
Donna: A kid got beat up by Crazy Helen? (laughs)
Bob: (laughs) I know. What a loser.
Jackie: (laughs) I wonder what kind of person can get beat up by a woman that---
Donna/Jackie/Bob: Fez
(The Forman's Basement.)
Fez is still unconscious and Laurie fell asleep on top of him.
Kitty enters walking down the stairs.
Kitty: Laurie, your brother just told me you are not feeling well again. You get your heiney upstairs and…
Kitty's mouth is wide open as he sees her daughter and Fez, with his clothes torn, on a very suggestive position.
Kitty: (mouthed) Oh my God!!!
She runs back upstairs.
(End of Segment 2)
(Segment 3)
(The Forman's living room.)
Red is sitting on the couch with anger on his face. Fez enters happily.
Fez: Hi, Mr. Forman. I'm ready for another self –defense class.
Without saying a word, Red rises grabs Fez by the collar and pushes him hard against the wall.
Fez: Okay, I wasn't ready for that move. I think it's a little too advanced for me. Can you teach me how to kick someone in the groin again?
Red knocks him hard again.
Fez: Okay that hurt.
Kitty enters.
Kitty: Red, what is that noise--- oh, Red!. Let go of him.
Red: You come near my daughter again I swear I'll find you house and shoot you in your sleep.
Fez: Ay no!
Kitty: Red… (tries to loosen his grasp) Red let go of him…let go!
Red finally releases Fez.
Fez: Thank you Mrs. Forman I don't know what's gotten into your hus---
Now Kitty is choking Fez.
Kitty: We treat you like a son and you just jump on our daughter on the first chance you get… in our basement???!!!
Kitty releases him shocked of what she's done. Fez has terror in his eyes.
Fez: May I ask what are you talking about???
Kitty: We understand that Laurie is a woman and what she does on her spare time is no longer our business…
Red: Yes, it is!
Kitty: Red, let me finish. We know you two are young and sometimes have and urge to…
Red: I can't hear this.
Red sits on the couch once again.
Kitty: What I'm trying to say is… Dear Lord did it had to be on our basement???
Fez: Oh, no. You already know?
Red/Kitty: Yes!
Fez: I guess she was more comfortable at the basement. I honestly don't know why she chose me to do it. She has so many friends…
Red: Oh, no you don't. Now you want to ruin my daughter good name?
Fez: I don't want to ruin anything! Please don't kill me. I am allergic to death.
Kitty: I just never expected this from you Fez. I am very disappointed in you.
Red: Him? What about Laurie.
Kitty: Oh yeah, right. I am very disappointed in her too.
Fez: This is what I get just for being a friend to your daughter and listen to her confess everything in such a desperate time. Next time she chooses me I'll tell her to buzz off.
Red: What desperate time?
Fez: Well, I don't know much about what women like, but I'm sure they don't like getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is.
Kitty/Red: What? You mean you guys didn't—/ What???
Laurie enters.
Red/Kitty: Oh my God: Laurie's pregnant???
Fez: Isn't that why you are upset?
Kitty: We thought you had sex with her!
Fez: Me? Oh, not me? Actually I feel honored that you thought…
Red rises again and raises his fist high.
Red: Kitty, you better get him out of here.
Kitty: Run Fez.
Fez: Ay!
Fez exits.
Kitty and Red turn their heads to Laurie who tries to slowly walk out of the room. She knows she's in trouble and smiles at them.
(The Forman's Garage)
Eric is walking out of the house just as Donna was trying to walk in.
Eric: Hi.
Donna: Hi.
(Pause)
Eric: So…
Donna: So…
Eric: Okay Donna. I'm sorry I got a bit too excited yesterday. I had just finished watching Charlie's Angles and you know how I get after watching Farrah Fawcett with a gun on her hand.
Donna: A bit too excited? Eric you scared me. And believe me that is a lot to say knowing that I am so much bigger than you.
Eric: Why do you mean by that?
Donna: You know I could knock you out if I wanted to.
Eric: (scoffs) Yeah right.
Donna: What you think I can't?
Eric: Of course not!
Donna pushes him hard.
Eric: Okay, that just can't be right.
Donna pushes him again.
Eric: Okay, now that is not definitely right.
Eric pushes her down on the floor and they fight.
(Flip to: The Forman's Kitchen)
Hyde and Eric sit at the table. Eric has a black eye and Hyde stares at him, grinning mischievously.
Eric: Just what are you looking at, Hyde???
Hyde: (laughs) Donna just kicked your ass, man!
Eric: Of course she did! But because I let her.
Hyde: Yeah right. (laughs harder.)
Eric: You tell this to anyone and you are out of the house.
Hyde: No need to get upset, my friend. I wouldn't want you to stress on me and faint or anything.
Eric: Faint?
Hyde: Well yeah, considering the delicate condition your girlfriend left you in. (laughs)
Eric: Shut up!
Hyde: Face it, Forman. Do you really want a girlfriend that beats you up? If I were you I would break up with her right away.
Eric: If you were me, your mother wouldn't have walked out on you.
Hyde: You know--- that's just--- don't ever talk to me about Edna okay? You know you are lucky I like your parents otherwise I'd kill you.
Eric: Give me a break.(laughs)
Hyde: Foreman, if Donna can kick your ass, I can kick your ass.
Eric: She's bigger than me!
Hyde: Foreman, you are such a sissy. It's pathetic!
Eric rises from the chair and stands dangerously close to Hyde.
Eric: You take that back.
Hyde: Why? You are a ninny. You can't even defend yourself against your own girlfriend. Face it, Foreman you are a loser.
Eric: Me? Loser? Excuse me, but I'm not the one that's got no family, no home and, face it, no chance to be anything more than a joke.
After Eric's last word, Hyde rises, furious and punches him on the stomach. Eric sits again, in pain as Hyde exits.
Red enters.
Red: What the hell happened to you?
Eric: Donna beat me up… and then Hyde punched me in the stomach.
Red laughs.
Eric: Thanks a lot, dad!
Red: Sorry son.
Eric: It's so humiliating!
Red: Haven't you gotten used to humiliation by now?
(The Forman's Basement.)
Fez: Mrs. Forman I am so sorry for whatever I did that upset you so much.
Kitty: No, no, don't apologize Fez. You didn't do anything wrong. Red and I spoke to her and she took a pregnancy test. Any minute now we'll know if she's ruined her life or not.
Fez: Oh, thank Goodness you are not mad at me. For a moment there I thought your husband wanted to kill me. But I know Mr. Forman is a very nice guy and I have no reason to fear him.
Red enters.
Fez: Bye.
Fez exits running.
Kitty: Are you okay?
Red: Yeah, yeah. It's just that our daughter's just ruined her life, you know.
Kitty: Oh, Red, how can you say such thing?. I could never say a thing like that about our own daughter. Besides we didn't exactly expect having Laurie either and we turned out all right. What's done it's done. We have to help her out. It will be like starting out all over again! Diapers and all! (laughs and the laugther turns slowly into moaning)
Red: I just can't believe this, Kitty. I mean it's Laurie! You'd expect this from one of those slutty college girls.
Kitty: Honey, sweetheart, um, Laurie is a slutty ex-college girl.
Red: Huh?
Kitty: Nevermind, nevermind. Um Red…
Red: What?
Kitty: It's nice that you came to the basement to speak to me. The kids don't really have to know about our opinion about you know… an innocent baby.
Red: What? I came to play Pong.
Laurie eneters running.
Laurie: I'm not pregnant!!!
Laurie hugs Red.
Kitty and Red sigh in relief.
Kitty: Oh, thank Goodnes!
Red: Laurie, I just hoped you learned your lesson. I know you are a grown woman and…just be careful.
Laurie: Of course I will, daddy. (kisses him on the cheek)
Kitty: We know you will. (shakes her head, frowning and exits)
Red: Well, sweetie I'd better go get myself a beer, do you want a soda or something?
Laurie: No, daddy. You are so sweet. That is why I love you so, so, so much!
Red: That's my girl.
Red Exits.
Laurie: (V.O) Okay, Laurie, you got lucky this time. You better start changing your ways…
Fez enters.
Fez: Oh, hi, Laurie. I am so stupid. I lent my Donna Summer eight track to Eric, but forgot to take his Saturday Night Fever record in exchange.
Laurie: (V.O.) Eric dancing to Donna Summer? Oh, no the image is in my head!
She looks seductively at Fez.
Laurie: (V.O.) Let's see, dad is looking for a beer so that gives me about three minutes…. (pause) Yeah, I can do Fez in two.
She goes over to him. He is shaking. She give him a long kiss and pushes him to the couch and they both land on it.
Fez: (gasping for air) I don't think this is right. (V.O) Fez, you dog! This is your lucky day. Remember: think hips should move like Tom Jones's.
She kisses him passionately.
Then, Fez imagines Red, dressed as a hunter, finding them and shooting him with a rifle.
Fez pushes her away.
Fez: It's true that my groin has never felt that way before…actually it has, but not with someone else on the room… But the truth is, your father can shoot me in my sleep. Good day.
Fez exits.
The End.
Note: Can be continued with the Donna/Eric situation. I also apologize for any dumb spelling, etc. mistakes. It's 2:26am