A/N

Hey.

This story is me trying to do angst. You'll see.

I hope you like it.

This is arguably my third fic. The other two were for Prince of Tennis (on a serious hiatus) and a Sam/Kurt one (still going).

Also, my love goes out to Japan and Christchurch right now. You are in my prayers.

2016 UPDATE:

Yo. So, when you read this, please bear in mind that I was 13-14 years old at the time. If you like it, I'm glad. If you hate it - I mean, that's cool. Most importantly, if you're giving feedback, remember that I'm now nineteen years old. I don't write like this anymore. For better or worse (though I'm hoping mostly for better). I wrote this spur of the moment, and I don't regret it (I think it helped me improve as a writer), but it was written by a much younger (and I must say - angsty) person than I am today. The girl who wrote this thought she could write because she was top of her English class. She was a bit weird - she liked fabricating drama. She loved it when people wrote in that they cried. She thought romantic love was the center of the universe. In hindsight, I admire her stamina (33 chapters in a year - I couldn't do that now), but it is what it is.

I consider deleting it sometimes, but every so often I'll get a touching message about how much someone liked it, and I remember little thirteen year old me staying up all night trying to bang out chapters and reply to all her reviewers, and I never can bring myself to do it.

Do enjoy - or don't. And if you're going to give critical feedback, just remember that the young girl who wrote this does not exist anymore.

(All author's notes but this one are the original ones).

Tonight, Magnus knew, had to be the night. There was no way that this could be avoided for any longer. He couldn't just put it off until Alec was older, and demanded to become one of the Children of the Night. It had to be a cold hearted, clean break. Not messy, or wordy, or passionate. He had to stop the unravelling of his relationship before it had a chance to begin, before Alec had become such a part of him that he would be so selfish as to turn him into a vampire. He had to protect what was left of him, preserve what could be spared.

That night, Magnus mentally prepared himself. He wasn't going to cry. He would stand cool and strong, and tell Alec that it was a mistake. That they're whole relationship was just one large blunder on his behalf, one which he regrets immensely. He would tell Alec that he had to leave. That he didn't want him anymore. That he couldn't see how he could have possibly ever been so blind as to think that they had a chance of being happy together. He knew that if it would save Alec, he would say that he hated him.

And there he stood, looking Alec in the eye and telling him all of these things. Briefly apologising to Alec for leading him on, watching his lover's face contort into one of shock, and then it went blank, as though there was nothing more that could be felt. Seeing Alec like this, he spared him the blow of being hated, but did not allow him to leave unscathed.

"And, I am sorry to say, that I will no longer be prepared to do tedious patchwork on your shadowhunters. It would be both awkward and unwelcome. Hence, here is the number of a fine warlock, who would be more than happy to take my place. She is cheap, available and highly qualified," said Magnus, looking up at Alec, expecting him to say something in return. He wasn't sure why, though. Alec had remained virtually silent throughout the break up.

Alec closed the distance between him and Magnus and took the slip of paper containing the number and the name "Estelle" at the top in Magnus's neat script, one of the few qualities the warlock was in possession of that gave away his age. Magnus looked up at Alec again, seeing that he was continuing his insufferable silence, and spoke once more.

"Well, that's about all. If you need money, I will fill your bank account. Don't go sleeping on the streets. Don't talk to strangers, and last but not least, don't run with scissors." With that, Magnus turned away, knowing that he had broken his own heart alongside Alec's. Temporarily, he reminded himself, He will get over it soon enough. It is best this way.

Magnus placed his hands on his intricate brass doorknob and began to close it when he heard Alec's voice or the first time in what felt to him like hours.

"I-I'm, so sorry Magnus," whispered Alec, his voice delicate and strained, as though it would break off mid sentence.

"What?" asked Magnus, too quickly. Not that you care, he reminded himself.

"I'm sorry, that I couldn't be what you wanted. I'm sorry that I was a terrible boyfriend, whose insecurities always got the better of him. I'm sorry, Magnus." Alec looked at Magnus, looking almost ashamed, as though he had done something wrong. Magnus stared at him for a long time, not knowing what to say, before closing the door and not saying another word, leaving Alec outside his apartment as the warlock sobbed into his palms, collapsing on the ground.

Alec knew that he couldn't show up at the institute. Not like this, all heartbroken and breakable. He couldn't face his mother, whose only comforting words would surely be 'Maybe it was for the best', or his father, who would try to hide how pleased he was. No. He couldn't deal with that kind of crap. Not then, with his emotions all screwed up. He needed quiet. He needed peace.

More than anything, though, he needed Magnus Bane.

But he had lost him. Alec knew that he had been starting out as an abysmal boyfriend. Not only had he only recently come to terms with his sexuality, but he didn't know how to be intimate. He had never been in a relationship before. He didn't know how to make moves, and wasn't particularly comfortable with 'touching'. But he had honestly thought that he was improving. He had told Magnus all about his romantic 'handicap', and Magnus had laughed it off, telling him that he thought it was endearing, and not to worry. Saying that he would soon be up to speed and ready for action.

But now he was worrying. He wished he could just sit in a sob corner and cry his eyes out, thinking about what he had done to make Magnus hate him so much. Reflecting upon the times when he had told Magnus to slow things down. Telling him that he wasn't ready to go 'all the way' yet, but telling him that when he was, he wanted Magnus to be his first. He remembered just curling up on top of Magnus, sitting in his lap and humming away at nothing in particular.

If only he have known his own error.

Before long, Alec found himself standing outside Clary's apartment, still holding back tears. He hated the thought of intruding upon Clary, but not half as much as he despised the thought of going back to the institute. He knocked three times on the wooden door, slowly and evenly. Clary came to the door in a tank top and shorts, clearly preparing for bed, when she saw Alec.

"Alec… What's wrong? Are you…okay?" She sounded uncertain whether or not she should even ask those questions. He was clearly not okay. He looked as though he had seen a ghost, the shock of Magnus's sudden breakup still evident on his pale face. His first tear was slipping down his cheek, despite his efforts.

"N-no… I need a place to st-stay, just for a while," Alec said, his voice shaky and uneven. "I'm s-sorry to barge in like this."

Alec's self-control was slipping as more tears made their way down his cheek. He was falling apart, the way he knew he would. He just wished that he hadn't lost control in public.

Clary slid her arms around him and guided him onto the couch. He buried his face in his hands, and allowed the sobs to wrack through his body. Clary stood next to him, feeling somewhat out of place as Alec gasped and let out slow shaky breaths in order to calm himself. Clary finally took a seat beside Alec.

"Did Magnus try to… do something inappropriate to you?" she asked, her voice quivering slightly. She knew that Magnus was openly… intimate with Alec, and that he was often unsure and afraid of intimacy. But would Magnus have actually gone… that far?

"No," said Alec, his voice flat and protective over Magnus. None of this was Magnus's fault. He had every right to not want him in his life. "No, Magnus would never do that. Not to me. Not to anyone."

"Well then, what?" asked Clary. By this time, she knew full well that only a certain warlock could have such a profound effect upon Alec.

Alec quickly relayed the story, breaking down at some points, and making sure to point out that this whole thing was all his own fault.

"That rat bastard," said Clary, who was practically boiling with rage when Alec was finished.

"No, no," said Alec. "It was all m-"

"Don't even try to defend that jerk. He deserves to rot. Who the hell does he think he is?"

Alec grimaced as Clary continued to list some very colourful words, describing exactly what she thought of Magnus Bane, while Alec occasionally interrupted, coming to the warlock's defence. Their debate ended only when Alec decided that he ought to tell Isabelle the news. Clary respected his wish, allowing him use of Luke's house phone, before telling him that she really needed to do some shopping while Luke was honeymooning with her mother (an unsettling thought).

And with that, Clary headed straight to Magnus Bane's apartment.

Clary wasn't quite sure what she was going to say to the warlock. Alec is awesome, and you just dumped the sweetest guy you ever had a chance with, or something more along the lines of What the hell did you think you were doing? He loved you. For some unknown reason, he loved a jerk like you, only to have his heart broken and stomped on!

Clary approached the door, and pressed the doorbell without pausing. There was no time for hesitation. Not now.

Magnus's voice came out over the intercom, sounding choked and out of breath.

"Who is it?" he asked, sounding simply exhausted. Clary thought quickly, before replying.

"Magnus! Come quickly. There's an emergency. You have to come out. Now!" she said, feigning distress in a believable manner. She needed to speak to him. Something didn't feel right about the way he had just dropped Alec like a hot potato.

Sure enough, Clary heard Magnus's rushed footsteps coming down the hall. He then proceeded to unlock his door and open it in a rash manner.

"What happened? Is Ale-"

But Magnus didn't finish his sentence. Clary struck Magnus across the face with as much force as she could muster, finding herself oddly satisfied by the sound it made, and the way the warlock stumbled. Magnus quickly regained balance and eyed Clary wearily.

"I'm guessing you've been informed that Alexander and I are no longer in an intimate relat-"

"No," Clary cut in again. "I heard that you dumped him on his ass after he gave up everything for you!"

"Not everything," muttered the warlock darkly.

"Oh, what? Did you want more? Is that why you broke him? Is that why he's lying on my couch, sobbing his eyes out on the phone, telling his sister not only that you broke up with him, but that he deserved it? You let him think that he deserved it? What kind of a monster would do something like that to Alec? Alec, who hardly knows what love is, but to throw it back in his face after he tried so hard to give it to you- God, everything he had to you- is unforgivable."

"I couldn't let this last any longer. It couldn't have worked." Magnus's voice sounded guilty. He should have known that Alec would blame himself.

"Why? Because all you wanted was a casual hook up? Not a real, loving boy, who would have always cared for you? After everything you did, he still loves you. You know that, don't you?"

"You know as well as I do that Alec couldn't have lasted forever."

Realization dawned on Clary's face, but she forced it into hiding.

"Then why even try? Why break him like that? So that it didn't drag out? So that it didn't hurt you any longer than you wanted?" Clary paused, before lightening her tone to one of curiosity and desperation. "Do you know when the last time Alec cried was? Aside from the grief of losing his brother?" Magnus shook his head. "It was the day he sent you a fire note, and you wouldn't reply. The time before that? When you opened the portal, and he was too afraid to say how he felt. Do you really want me to list them all? Because all of them involve you. He cries at night, when he thinks that no one can hear him. Before then, the last time anyone had ever seen him shed a tear was when he was ten years old. Until recently, Jace had never seen his brother shed a tear. Then you came along."

Magnus shook his head and looked down at his well dressed feet, and for the first time since arriving, she realised that he too had been crying. It was not something very noticeable, but she could faintly see were his mascara had previously run onto his cheek, before he had attempted to wipe it away. Clary allowed herself to soften her expression to one of vague understanding. All she had to do was straighten out this situation before anything even worse happened.

And then her phone began to ring, the screen displaying the caller's name.

Isabelle.