Pretend

I'm worried about her.

Ever since her sister left for college, Ui Hirasawa has been drifting further and further away from Azusa and myself.

I've known for a long time now that she had a… thing for her own sister. After all, not even the quietest person can keep that sort of secret to themselves for long. But she also wasn't hiding it well.

Of course, it didn't really bother me that much, but I couldn't help but feel jealous.

Only because I have a crush on her.

I feel bad not being able to help her. The only thing I can really do is provide constant distractions from her thoughts.

I remember when she first told me about her unhealthy obsession with Yui-senpai. She had invited me over to her house for a sleep over and Azusa was unable to make it so it was just Ui and myself making the best of a bad situation.

"Here, Jun-chan." Ui whispered rather lifelessly as she sat a cup of tea down in front of her friend.

"Thanks. Is everything okay Ui? You seem… out of it." Jun asked as she tilted her head slightly. Recently, Ui had been acting differently.

Being distant, not being able to practice much for some reason, and the fact that she rarely smiled anymore was a big warning sign.

Jun was worried, but she didn't want to push the subject. She hoped that Ui would tell her without her having to pry her open.

"Hm? Oh… yeah I guess so." Ui said as she sat down slowly beside Jun before leaning against her friend for support.

Jun, despite her feelings, put an arm around the younger Hirasawa and hugged her close.

"If you ever need to talk, you know you can come to me about it right?" Jun asked as she smiled a little, trying to comfort the girl without pushing too hard.

Ui seemed to think on this proposal before nodding firmly and sitting up, pulling out of her friend's grasp.

"I actually have something to confess to you… and I… don't want you thinking I'm gross or weird… and I really don't want to lose you as a friend… so can you try not to think about this too much and just let me get it off my chest?" Ui asked as she looked to the side, avoiding Jun's gaze.

The pigtailed girl nodded.

"Of course Ui, I won't think any less of you. No matter what."

"Thank you… okay," Ui took a breath before continuing, "I think I'm in love with someone. Not just that, but they are a girl…"
"There's nothing wrong with th-"
"It's… not that. I'm more worried about who it is." Ui interrupted as she began to look even more distraught.

Jun tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

"I… I'm in love with," Ui began to look down to hide the tears in her eyes, "O-Onee-chan."

To say she was shocked was an overstatement. Honestly, Jun had noticed the rather odd obsession before Ui confessed it, but it still made her jealous. Jun had to calm herself down a little before she put an arm back around Ui, hugging her tightly before she sighed softly as she allowed the girl to cry into her shoulder.

"It's okay Ui. We can't help who we fall in love with." Jun said softly.

"But, it's Onee-chan! I… I shouldn't-"
"I'm not judging you on who you love Ui. So you can't judge yourself, it'll just make things worse." Jun said firmly as she finally wrapped both arms around the distraught Hirasawa. "Just calm down, okay? Maybe it's just a phase-"
"N-No I've felt this way for a while…"

"A-Ah, I see. Well… if there is anything I can do to help, just tell me." Jun said as she hugged Ui tightly.

She felt her friend nod slowly against her now wet shoulder and they spent that night watching movies trying to get Ui's mind off of what had happened before they fell asleep.

It wouldn't be until a few months later that Ui would find out about Azusa and Yui-senpai's relationship. It wasn't like she found out they were hiding it.

No, they came to Ui, asked her permission, and because she couldn't say no to her sister, allowed the relationship even though I could easily tell it hurt her deeply.

After that, I couldn't bare the thought of her being alone at this time.

Call me hopeless, but even though I had a crush on her, I still wanted to make her feel better. I hated seeing how depressed she had become.

So every day I would stay at her house till she fell asleep, then I would leave for home. With Yui-senpai's permission I made an extra house key just for this occasion. Of course I didn't tell Yui-senpai that all this was brought on by her, I would never betray Ui like that.

However, as time passed things began to change, Ui looked like she was getting better, but how was I suppose to know that was because she had formulated a plan, which involved me.

It wasn't until one Saturday, when I decided to spend the night that Ui brought up this plan to me, in a very strange way.

"Ui! Do you have volume eight? I finished this one already." Jun yelled from the living room as she sat against the couch reading a manga that Ui had. It was just like a normal sleep over, before Ui started getting depressed. The girl was busying herself with cleaning up their supper while Jun read, but Jun couldn't help but think something was up. After all, Ui use to be very depressed then all of a sudden that seemed to change in just a few days. Jun couldn't help but think it was too sudden and she should be very concerned with her friend's behavior.

But once again, Jun didn't want to seem too overprotective of Ui. After all, she knew Ui loved Yui and not her. A sharp pain gripped Jun's heart as she thought this, but she quickly pushed it out of her mind.

It didn't matter, as long as she could keep Ui from doing something drastic, her own feelings didn't-

Jun's eyes suddenly went wide when she felt warmth on her lips. Lips were pressing against her own causing her mind to blank for a few blissful moments. She blinked over and over again as she looked at Ui's very close face as the Hirasawa pulled back and their eyes met.

"W-What was that?" Jun asked as she stared in confusion at her friend. She couldn't help the butterflies that floated in her stomach as she began to breath very heavily once she saw the look in Ui's eyes.

It was an unknown emotion and Jun couldn't tell if it was specifically directed towards her.

"Well… I've been thinking a lot the last few months, and just recently came to terms with this. But… I need to ask you another favor Jun-chan. You can help me with my… obsession with Onee-chan." Ui whispered.

That pain was back.

Jun could feel it easily, like a lead weight being dropped right on her chest.

She couldn't breathe, but at the same time even though she was sadden greatly by this, she nodded slowly.

"What do you want me to do Ui…"

Happy with the response Ui weaved her fingers through the short dark brown locks and straddled her friend's lap before leaning in to kiss her again.

"Can you… allow me to pretend… you're Onee-chan? Just for a little bit?" Ui asked when she pulled away from the kiss to say this.

As much as Jun hated this idea, she couldn't stop herself.

She dove back in for another kiss.

Hands groping blindly, tugging clothing off and moans from mashed lips.

How could I say no to her?

She was suffering.

So I allowed her plan to go through.

That night, we had sex, and I pretended to be Yui-senpai for her.

At first, I thought I could get use to this; I could kiss her all I wanted and touch her all I wanted.

However, it wasn't my name she whispered breathlessly, it wasn't my face she was imagining, and that thought alone, hurt me more then any knife.

And yet, I went along with it for a month.

One long month of passionate kisses, breathless moans, and aching bodies.

One painful month have having to relive the fact that I really wasn't the person she loved; yet here I was acting like I was.

I couldn't stop.

I finally knew what it was like to be addicted to a drug. The feeling of being so eternally high, blissfully happy during each hit, but then the massive pain that followed was something I could barely handle.

I hated myself for what I had become.

For what I allowed Ui to do to me.

Yet, I couldn't stop myself.

I wanted her too much to just stop.

That month hurt me more then anything I had ever felt, yet I was so blissfully passionate in bed that for that one night a week, I couldn't care if I was just in place of Yui-senpai, as long as I could pull those moans from Ui's throat, feel her arch against my touch, and kiss her, I didn't care how much it hurt later.

That wasn't the case though, and as time went on, I slowly began to drift into my own spiral of emotions.

But I couldn't hate Ui.

It wasn't her fault.

At least, that's what I told myself.

I don't know if she really did care about my feelings.

I wonder if I will ever know her true feelings about me.

But I also couldn't keep this to myself. I had to tell someone about what was happening with us.

So I talked to Azusa.

Told her about the pain Ui had been unintentionally causing me.

Thankfully Azusa was very understanding and didn't criticize Ui for the way she felt about Yui-senpai.

In fact, not even Yui-senpai hated Ui for how she felt.

Both of them were very understanding.

And it helped.

For the moment anyways.

It finally got to a peak moment a week before our graduation.

I didn't want to have to deal with the emotional stress that our "pretending" made me feel so I suggested we not "pretend" this week so we could be well rested.

I didn't expect her to show up on my doorstep, nor did I ever imagine the conversation that followed.

The doorbell ran and Jun looked over at the door curiously.

She wasn't expecting any visitors tonight, and she knew her parents weren't expecting anyone since they were out for the weekend, so Jun ignored it.

However, the visitor was persistent.

After a few more rings Jun finally slapped her manga on the table and quickly walked to the door.

"Okay! Okay, I'm coming!" Jun yelled as she unlocked the door and opened it.

She was surprised to find Ui standing on her doorstep and instantly felt bad for the frown that appeared on her face. "What are you doing here?"

Ui looked a little hurt by the tone, however she pushed her way inside and saddened a little at the cold feeling she was getting from her friend.

"I'm sorry, I know you told me we weren't… doing anything this weekend, but I felt…"
"I see. Fine, go upstairs and get undressed. I'll be up there in a bit…" Jun said firmly, once again not noticing the hurt looked on Ui's face. But as the brunette made her way up the steps Jun went to clean up her plates from dinner before heading up the steps herself. She felt a little bad for sounding so harsh with Ui, after all the girl was just lonely. But the hole in Jun's heart was getting bigger and bigger each night they played this game of pretend and it was getting harder to control her emotions when she was around the younger Hirasawa.

Jun opened the door to her room, expecting Ui to be under the blankets already, but was surprised to see her still dressed, waiting patiently on the edge of her bed, hands folded in her lap.

"What's wrong?" Jun asked as she let her frown soften a little.

Ui looked up, tears in her eyes as she stood up and walked over to Jun.

"It's about, what I've done to you." Ui whispered as she reached out to put a hand on Jun's cheek, saddening even more when Jun averted her eyes. "Onee-chan told me about what you and Azusa-chan talked about. And though I was furious when I heard they knew… I couldn't believe how much I had hurt you."

Now it was Jun's turn to look at Ui with wide eyes.

She knew?

"How long have you known-"
"Not long, I heard about it yesterday." Ui whispered as she looked down. "Onee-chan and Azusa-chan came over to talk to me. Onee-chan even offered to allow me to kiss her, just once, to see if it would help me feel better."

That hurt feeling came back with vengeance. Jun's hand snapped up and yanked the hand that was touching her cheek away before glaring into those now shocked chocolate colored eyes.

"Let me guess, you kissed her, it felt great, and you don't need me anymore. That's perfectly alright, I was getting tired of pretending anyways."

The words felt like venom, even to Jun. But she couldn't stop the torrent of pain.

"J-Jun-ch-"

"What more could you possibly have to say! I get it, you got your wish, you can leave me alone and I'll just drift back into the background like the unimportant person that I am-"

Ui's face became livid. An emotion Jun hadn't seen before in her usually calm friend.
"Jun-chan! I came out here to tell you how sorry I was. And no, I didn't kiss her!" Ui yelled making Jun go silent. "Do you even want to know why I didn't kiss her?"

Jun frowned hard and couldn't stop herself from nodding.

She was genuinely curious, but rage still flowed through her veins.

"I didn't kiss her because I couldn't stop thinking of you… I couldn't stop thinking about how you had helped me; you went through so much emotional pain because I was being selfish. All because I wanted to be with Onee-chan, but I couldn't. And for that, I'm so sorry." Tears were once again coursing down her cheeks in a way Jun had never seen before. It was more then when she confessed her love for her own sister. "I-If you hate me… I can u-understand. I hate myself right now." Ui admitted as she sobbed softly. "I caused you so much pain and I didn't even realize it. G-Gomen ne, Jun-chan. Gomen n-ne."

The rage died in Jun's veins, her own tears were streaming down her cheeks as she reached out and pulled her friend into her arms and sobbed loudly into her shoulder. She allowed all the pent up frustration and sadness to finally flow while Ui cried with her.

They slumped to the floor, holding each other and crying for a while before Ui finally pulled away and reached up to cup both Jun's cheeks.

"C-Can you e-ever forgive me? I… I can understand i-if you c-can't…"

"N-No, Ui. O-Of course I forgive you. I j-just… hated seeing you like that. I wanted to help… e-even if it m-meant sacrificing my own happiness." Jun whispered as she sniffled softly.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that… you liked me like that." Ui whispered as she put her forehead against Jun's as she stroked the violet-eyed girl's cheeks tenderly with her fingertips. "I wanted to tell you that I… am truly sorry… and I… I think I feel the same way. After all, I could have kissed Onee-chan, but I didn't. Because… of you." Ui admitted as she began blushing a little.

Jun searched those eyes.

She could finally see the love that Ui had for her. After waiting so long for those eyes to be focused on her, Jun finally wondered if this would heal the whole she had deep inside her own heart. Wondered if Ui truly meant what she was saying.
"D-Do you mean that? D-Do you r-really feel… that way about me?" Jun asked as she swallowed hard.

"I c-can try. I mean… it shouldn't be too hard now that I told my feelings to Onee-chan right?" Ui asked as she wrapped her arms around Jun's neck before pressing her lips against the violet-eyed girl's lips. "I really am sorry for hurting you. I'll… t-try harder to make it up to you. I promise. W-We'll give this a try… okay?"

It was a night I will always remember, because Ui began mending the hole in my heart.

Even though she had been the cause I happily welcomed her with open arms when she said that she wanted to try dating me.

And it's been a wonderful few months.

We got an apartment together, sleep in the same bed, and eventually, Ui's feelings for her sister disappeared entirely.

And the night she proved that to me was one I'll never forget.

And this time, it's my name on her lips, my face she sees, and that alone, makes me feel wonderful.

Author Notes: Angsty angsty angsty. Okay it's not as bad as some authors… but still. I hope I portrayed this right and I hope you guys enjoy this little oneshot. I just wanted to get this out because I had a dream about it. Yay for dreams being inspirations~ Anyways, thank you again to my lovely beta-reader for her wonderful beta-ing and this is just to make up for the lack of work I've been doing. I was also thinking about making a second chapter, same story, just from Ui's point of view. What do you think my fellow readers? Again please review, tell me what needs to be fixed or what you like. I appreciate every and all comments. ^_^

Beta Note: Angst angst everywhere~ I have nothing serious to say though. :3