"Even after all these years,

We just now got the feeling that we're meeting

For the first time" –The Script

Ever since she could remember, Rachel knew that Noah Puckerman was a vile excuse for a man. He tormented her in their younger years, capping off with the slushie attacks in high school. Then in college—spent together at Ohio State—Noah treated her like a piece of meat. He was always lurking, like some rabid dog, waiting to prey on her. His crass words were disgusting. That seductive look in his eyes always sent a chill up Rachel's spine. Rachel couldn't stand Noah, not one bit. That's why it was so absolutely ridiculous to her that she loved him so deeply.

The two-year-old at her side tugged on her coat impatiently. Rachel looked down at the little boy with a mischievous grin just like his father, and stuck her tongue out at him. Eli was the light of her world. She scooped him up and cradled him close to her body, warming both of them up in the winter weather.

"Daddy take a long time." Eli commented. Rachel kissed the top of his forehead to avoid saying anything negative about his father. She rang the doorbell again humming the theme song to Eli's favorite TV show to keep her calm. As Eli erupted in a fit of happy giggles, singing along with Rachel, the door flew open.

"I'm so sorry guys. Eli, got a surprise waiting on you in your room."

"Daddy!" Eli exclaimed, flying out of Rachel's arms into his father's. He had to grab the towel around his waist to make sure it didn't fall down. He kissed the top of his son's head and let him down.

"Berry, you had to wait at the door for two minutes max. Lose the scowl. I hopped in the shower- you didn't want me to show up at the door hot and sweaty, did you?" Rachel looked at him, using her best show face to hide how much she really would have loved him to come to the door that way.

"WOW!" Eli exclaimed.

"Come look Rach." He grabbed her hand and led her back to Eli's room. She couldn't ignore the tingle she felt when he touched her, nor could she ignore that he used her first name—even if it was an abbreviated version.

There was a giant fort set up in the middle of the room. Pillows, sheets, blankets—it was huge. Eli crawled inside and laughed. Eli's father left the room and Rachel correctly assumed he went to put on appropriate attire. Rachel wanted to tell him that being shirtless, even with sweatpants, was still not appropriate attire during the winter time, but she knew that wasn't her place.

"Video games!" Eli shouted. He crawled back out and latched onto his father's leg.

"Pizza's on the way and we've got all The Backyardigans episodes you could ever imagine waiting on you." Eli jumped up excitedly and crawled back into the fort.

Rachel looked at the scene before her. Her son was the biggest surprise and the best thing to ever happen to her. He was cute, smart, and she could see the talent brewing inside of him. As she looked to Noah, she wondered how this ever happened to her. A man that she loved to hate and hated to love was placed in her life forever. Rachel forced those thoughts back and looked at her watch, not noticing Puck was watching her the entire time.

"Kiddo, come give your mom a hug. She's going now." Puck said. Eli came out and jumped into Rachel's waiting arms.

"Oh I love you my handsome boy." Rachel kissed him all over his face, an act she knew he was starting to hate. She found it funny because if he was anything like his father, she knew he'd enjoy girls and kissing too soon for her liking.

"Are you going to school mommy?" Eli asked her.

"Dance tonight. Tuesday is my dance class, remember?" Rachel said. Eli gripped her around her neck and wiggled himself down.

"I'll walk you out." Puck said, following Rachel to the door. "You okay? Spacing out in front of me isn't like you—anymore."

"I'm fine Noah. Don't let Eli eat too much junk food or stay up too late. And I didn't give him his bath yet because it's too cold outside—"

"Berry, go to your class. We'll see you tomorrow." Puck said, opening the door. Rachel looked at him, wanting to give him a piece of her mind about his "hit or miss" child rearing skills, but Eli popped out the door.

"Bye mommy! Daddy, come play!" Eli exclaimed. Puck looked relieved, knowing Rachel wouldn't go into full lecture mode with Eli standing there.

"Saved by the son. See ya Berry." Puck said, closing the door behind her.

Rachel threw herself into her dance class. She always gave her absolute all into performing. The only area in her life where she gave any more of herself was when it came to Eli.

Eli and performing make me whole. Rachel thought to herself. It was her mantra, of sorts. She had to repeat it to herself constantly when the bitterness seeped through her body. Tonight would be one of those nights, she knew it. She was tired—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The tears broke loose as soon as she crossed the threshold of her apartment.

Rachel wondered when her dreams changed so dramatically. Not even her dreams—her life in general. She was a 22-year-old senior in college, with a son. That was far from her Broadway dream.

She sobbed on the couch as she pulled out her planner. Ever the meticulous list maker, Rachel had a list for what she needed to accomplish that evening. She was relieved to see her only assignment was to bring in lyrics to one of her favorite songs and explain the meaning. Rachel scoffed at the assignment, even through her tears. Even though it was only the beginning of the semester, Rachel knew her songwriting class would be a joke. The professor was cornier than Mr. Schuester, but it was a useful elective. She was lucky to have her final semester consist of mostly electives and online classes. Despite having Eli, Rachel worked hard at school and still expected to graduate on time. Taking care of a child was a tremendous feat, but Rachel Berry never allowed herself to fail at anything. She went through five (yes, five) academic advisors until she finally found her match with Dr. Lawrence.

"Dr. Lawrence, while I am usually willing to go through the normal, and necessary, friendly pleasantries that accompany an introductory meeting, you are the sixth advisor I've met with. As you can see, I'm with child. Although this is a rather nontraditional path for a woman of my age, I assure you that I will not stop until I find an advisor who will help me create a plan to graduate in Spring 2015. My name is Rachel Barbra Berry and I hope you can help me because I'm running out of faculty members to go to." Rachel told Dr. Lawrence on their first meeting. He sat back in his chair, chucking at the very pregnant student in front of him.

"Ms. Berry, the Theatre department has been abuzz about a pregnant tyrant. I've been waiting for you to show up in my office."

"A tyrant?" Rachel squeaked. Her pregnancy hormones were about to get the best of her. Dr. Lawrence passed her a box of tissues before the waterworks began.

"I'd be pleased to help you Rachel. Let's begin."

Rachel thought fondly of her advisor. From that first meeting, Rachel knew Dr. Lawrence believed she would graduate on time. She remembered how proud he was when she turned in her graduation application. While her fathers supported her in whatever options she made, they never wanted her to overwhelm herself with Eli and with school. They wanted her to graduate, but they didn't mind if she took a lighter course load. Rachel knew that was their way of telling her it was okay to graduate a semester or two later. In fact, everyone else encouraged Rachel to take extra time. Dr. Lawrence was the only person who ever fully supported her decision. Him… and Noah.

Rachel was relieved to hear her phone before she could get too deep in her thoughts. She wasn't surprised to see Santana's name flashing on the screen. She called around this time every Tuesday night, knowing that Rachel was out of dance class and available to talk. It was a friendship that Rachel was initially wary of—after all, Santana hated Rachel up until she gave birth to Eli. . After he graduated high school, Santana and Noah had some weird best friendship that Rachel didn't bother trying to understand. In Santana's mind, she figured Rachel trapped Noah with the pregnancy. As soon as Santana locked eyes on Eli, Rachel knew that the fierce protectiveness she had for Noah had transferred over to Eli. In order to even put her hands on him, Santana knew she had to bury the hatchet with Rachel.

"Hello Santana." Rachel answered.

"Seriously Berry, you must have been using that vibrator I sent you if it took you so long to answer." Santana said. Rachel gasped, shocked that Santana would even come to such a conclusion.

"You are incorrigible Santana Lopez."

"Thought that was a word you saved for Puckerman. What are you up to Ber? I just talked to Eli, sounding adorable. Although, I'm pretty sure he called me Satan. Fucking Puck."
"He's precious, aside from the horrid habits Noah teaches him. I still love that little boy to pieces." Rachel glanced at the picture of Eli and her on the wall.

"Puck said you looked upset and that I should grill you on what's wrong. Even though I'm in LA, I'm giving you my 'bitch, spill' stare." Rachel knew the exact look Santana was referring to. While it actually worked in person, it had no effect on Rachel over the phone.

"Honestly, nothing. Noah should use the energy he spends trying to decipher me on reading about proper nutrition for a toddler. Poor Eli won't even be getting vegetables tonight." Rachel ranted. Santana scoffed.

"I'm sorry, now my 'bitch, please' radar is beeping. Whatever Berry, don't tell me what's really going on with you. It just better be relevant whenever you decide to spill." Rachel smiled to herself, knowing that was Santana's way of saying "we can talk about it whenever you're ready."

"Anyway, let me tell you how awesome my mock trial went today. I actually made the witness cry—and it was just a mock trial!"

As Rachel listened to Santana's detailed account, she went around tidying her apartment. There was a load of Eli's clothes to be folded and a few other things she could tend to while talking (listening) on the phone.

"Rach, can I ask you something?" Santana blurted out. Rachel swore she was paying attention, but the question caught her off guard. Santana's sickly sweet voice should have been her first warning.

"When's the last time you got laid woman?" Rachel scoffed.

"Santana… ugh… so inappropriate." Rachel sputtered. "That's a sensitive and personal topic. And I don't want to discuss it."

"Damn it, I knew it Rachel. You mean Puck's the last person you… well, fucked? You guys broke up like a year ago… unless you guys have been sexing on the side, which is perfectly fine."
"I'll talk to you next week Santana. This conversation is over!" Rachel exclaimed and hung up. Most of their conversations ended that way, with Santana broaching some inappropriate topic—but they were usually about Santana's own life.

Rachel ran some bath water while she put the rest of Eli's toys back in his bin. She stripped down and eased into the warm vanilla bath. Once she closed her eyes, Finn's face was the first that popped into her head.

##

It was no secret that Rachel was madly in love with Finn in high school—or as madly in love as once can get at 16. There were bumps along the road, but Finn was Rachel's first stable relationship. Back as a junior in high school, Rachel thought Finn was it for her. Sure, he'd go off to college while she wrapped up her senior year but everything would work out fine.

She lost her virginity to Finn one weekend while her fathers were in Chicago. They talked marriage and babies. Finn even convinced Rachel to keep Ohio State as one of her college options, even though he knew Rachel's heart had always been set on going straight to New York.

Senior year had been lonely for Rachel. She missed Finn desperately, but she threw herself into her academics and into Glee. Even though the campus was just under two hours away, Rachel always gave Finn enough space to live his college life. The few times she actually visited always felt like disasters with Noah hovering around. With Noah as Finn's roommate, Rachel felt like there was never an opportunity for them to be alone. She'd later learn that Noah was "protecting his future," as he'd put it.

Rachel remembers the night that she knew everything would change. Sometimes in life, there are instances that you can feel changing your life—deep down to your core. Rachel's fathers had allowed her to travel to Columbus to spend the weekend with Finn. It was Homecoming weekend and Rachel knew Finn was going to try to woo her into choosing Ohio State. He wasn't satisfied with it just being one of Rachel's options. Before they went out that Friday night, Finn ran to the computer lab to complete a forgotten assignment due at midnight. He gave Rachel a sincere apology and a quick kiss before he dashed out the door.

"Fucking Hudson. He's got you here and he's doing homework."

"Well Noah, academics should be his ultimate priority. After all, that's why you two are at school. How are you doing in your courses?"

"I'm passing, which is pretty fucking surprising. But hey, it's just OH state, not Harvard." Rachel frowned at Puck. She hated to hear others belittle themselves.

"Noah, you're intelligent. I never bought the dumb act that you try to put on. When you really begin to apply yourself, I know you'll be able to do great things." She said seriously. Had she always been so passionate about his success? Had Noah always looked at her so intensely?

"I don't buy you giving up New York to stay in fucking Ohio. Really Berry?" Puck blurted out. Rachel noticed that he actually looked apprehensive about her response.

"Obviously, Ohio isn't my first choice. Sometimes our dreams take us on different paths."
"Hudson must be laying it down pretty well then. Never thought you'd be swayed on those New York dreams, especially by some di—"

"Noah Puckerman, you're incorrigible. While my relationship with Finn has a lot to do with my thoughts of attending Ohio State, I also read that they have a nice Theatre program. Upon graduation, I could still go to New York and complete my dream. Plus, Ohio State is close to home. I'd be near my fathers."

"Cut the crap Berry. Your dads are out of town half the year anyway. And what's a nice Theatre program compared to the only place that Theatre really matters in this country." Rachel could tell that Noah was getting upset. She couldn't imagine why the topic of her future even mattered to him.

"Noah, you've never cared about my dreams before. Why do you care now?" Puck opened his mouth to say something, then closed it quickly. He put on his sweatshirt and headed to the door. Rachel sat open-mouthed, wondering if he'd really leave mid-conversation.

"You deserve it. I mean—ugh—you deserve the chance to be better than every one of us. You force fed your dream down our throats and it'd mean that it was a fucking waste of all that time spent hating you so much if you didn't become a star. If he loved you—if Finn Hudson loved you so much, he wouldn't tie you down to Ohio fucking State."

Puck slammed the door behind him, leaving Rachel stunned. The butterflies in her stomach and the tugging feeling she had on her heart was overwhelming. Finn may have been an airhead at times, but he knew something had changed as soon as he walked through back into his dorm room a few minutes later.

"What's wrong? What'd Puck do?" Finn asked, instantly accusatory.

"Noah didn't do anything. I'm actually feeling a little sick. You may want to go to the party without me." Rachel was shocked when the words rolled out her mouth. She was a great actress, but she never intended to lie.

"Do you need to go to the ER or something?"
"Oh no Finn, don't be silly. I'm just a little light headed. I'm sure that if you go now, I'll probably just sleep it off and feel better in the morning. Then we'll go to the game." Rachel insisted. Finn frowned, looking torn between staying with Rachel and going to the party. Finn was pretty consistent. She knew he'd choose the party because he thrived off popularity.

"I'll check on you throughout the night, okay?" Finn said, kissing her forehead. "I hope you feel better Rach. Call me if you need anything."
"Of course Finn."

Rachel spent that night looking up apartments, jobs, opportunities and everything New York. Finn would just have to understand.

##

Rachel got out the tub wrinkled and pruned. She got dressed just in time to catch her incoming phone call. It was going on 9, so she knew it was Noah calling for her to sing Eli goodnight.

"Hello Noah."
"Hey Ber. Kid's waiting for his song. He's got pretty good vocals for two, but look at his mom.

"Of course he would. Both his parents are very musically talented. Could I speak with Eli now?" Puck sighed on the other end.

"Would it kill you to have a conversation with me? I mean, we broke up last year Berry. I've already got one baby mama that resents me and it would suck if you did that too." Rachel could hear the emotion in his voice. It was rare that Noah expressed how he actually felt when it came to feelings.

"Well, my 3 p.m. singing lesson is canceled and I'm off from the coffee shop tomorrow. I could come home and whip up something if you agree to pick Eli up from the daycare. It'd be good for him to see his parents being civil to each other for more than 30 minutes, I suppose."

Rachel worked part time at the coffee shop across the street from Eli's daycare. She didn't have to work that many hours since her dads paid for her rent and utilities and Puck took care of most of Eli's expenses. Rachel hated to rely on them for everything, so she worked and gave singing lessons to bring in extra cash. She absolutely adored her boss, coworkers, and even her three singing "students", so work never felt that way.

"And we'll talk? You need me to bring anything?" Puck brought her back to the conversation. Had she just agreed to cook dinner for him? Before Rachel could respond, she heard the distinct sound of Eli's giggles along with a woman's voice calling his name.

"Noah, who is—do you—where is Eli?" Rachel sputtered.

"Yeah, that's kinda what we need to talk about. Eli, mommy's on the phone." Rachel knew he was avoiding the situation. When they broke up, Rachel made Noah promise he wouldn't bring all types of women around their son. Puck promised he wouldn't unless he was in another serious relationship, which was "absofuckinglutely never happening again." Rachel didn't know what disturbed her more: Noah having a random woman around or the prospect of Noah being in serious relationship.

"Mommy!" Eli exclaimed.

"Hello my sweet boy. Are you enjoying your time at Daddy's?"

"Yeah!" Rachel listened to Eli babble on about the fort, the Backyardigans, and eating pizza. Although she enjoyed the quiet time, she missed her son. She'd go pick him up right then if Puck would allow her to. She'd tried on several occasions until he accused her of hogging their son.

"Have you gotten a bath yet? It's time for you to get in to bed for the night."

"Daddy's friend gave me a bath! Her name is Cami. You wanna talk to her?" Eli asked.

"I just want to talk to you sweetheart." From the rustling on the phone, Rachel figured Noah had picked Eli up and transported him to his bed. "What song would you like to hear tonight?"

"Twinkle twinkle!" Eli said excitedly. Rachel smiled, it was her favorite song to sing to him because it reminded her how much Eli meant to her. Even after all the stress and the tears, Eli was Rachel's shining star. She sung the first and last stanza (Rachel was probably one of two people on Earth who knew all five stanzas of the lullaby—the only other person was Puck, who memorized it from Rachel singing it to Eli often as a baby) and could imagine Eli settling under the covers.

"I love you sweet baby."
"I love you mommy. Night night!"

"Night night honey. I'll see you tomorrow." Rachel said. She could hear the phone exchanging hands. Before Puck had the opportunity to say a word, Rachel ended the call. She went to the laptop and printed out the lyrics to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" for her songwriting assignment. Between the metaphors relating to her own life and Eli, Rachel knew she could talk the entire period on the song.

It was still a bit early in the night, so Rachel decided to heat up her kettle and get some last minute Theatre History studying in. While the kettle was warming, she called her fathers to check in.

"Rachel sweetie, how are you?" Daddy answered.

"I'm great Daddy. Just getting some studying done. Eli's at Noah's house for the night."
"Right, it's Tuesday. How was your dance class? Did you have any singing lessons this evening?"

"Dance was fine. I try not to complain about the lack of enthusiasm the rest of my classmates display, but it really is ridiculous. Before I go off on a tangent, I just remember that I'm taking the class for free and it's just to keep my body moving and active."

"We're so proud of you honey. Your father and I are so proud." Rachel could hear it in her Daddy's voice. She didn't call herself a little bit psychic for nothing—something was wrong.

"Dad's cancer is back, isn't it? How bad is it?"

"I'll let you speak to him. Everything will be alright Rachel, don't you worry." The phone exchanged hands and Rachel couldn't help crying when she heard her Dad's voice on the other end.

"Don't cry honey. We didn't want to bother you with this, but we thought you would want to know. The cancer spread to my colon. It's not a death sentence, but it's certainly not the good news we were hoping." Rachel composed herself as much as she could. This was the time to get the information she needed. She could cry later.

"So that means more chemo? More hospital bills? Dad, you guys can't afford to pay for my expenses like you do. I'm taking extra shifts at the coffee shop and I can—"

"Rachel, you're jumping the gun. You're in your last semester honey. With you working so hard already and doing so well, it's the least we could do. Your cute little apartment and the bit of money we spend isn't hurting us, not one bit. In fact, if you allowed we could afford to support you a little bit more."
"Absolutely not."

"Rachel, we don't want you to worry about me. I've got another appointment on Friday and we'll find out more about my treatment options."

"Eli and I will be there Friday night. We're spending the weekend." Rachel would have to cancel her Saturday lessons and give up her Friday afternoon shift at the coffee shop, but that didn't matter. She needed to be close to her fathers and hold the both of them close. Even though they would never ask, it was something they needed as well.

Her fathers tried their hardest to switch to a happier subject and Rachel finally gave in, tired of pressing the cancer issue. They talked about Eli and Rachel told her fathers about the fort Puck built for him. The conversation ended on a happy note, but not happy enough to cheer Rachel up. She closed her textbook, turned off the whistling kettle, and decided to call it an early night.

But even after closing her eyes, all she could think about was her dad's cancer spreading. She remembered the day she first found out about the cancer.

Rachel had driven home from school that day, singing at the top of her lungs. Mr. Shue had given her contact information on one of his friends who had recently moved to New York. Said friend was opening a jazz lounge and was interested in hiring Rachel to be the lead singer for the early evening shows. It was the perfect daily agenda: audition (and eventually rehearse) during the day, and perform (and get extra practice) in the evening. Even though she applied and had gotten a generous scholarship package, Rachel had long given up on Ohio State since she and Finn broke up (he refused to continue their relationship if she moved to New York). New York was her dream, and although she kind of missed Finn, he didn't love her enough to let her go.

The opportunity from Mr. Schuester was the sign Rachel needed. She was sure her fathers would feel a little more comfortable about her big move if they knew she'd sort of be around a trustworthy adult. With the contact paper in her hand, she burst through the front door to find both her fathers sitting on the couch. That was great since they were rarely home by the time she got out of school. When she looked at their somber expressions, she felt that feeling. Something in her world was changing. Testicular cancer… chemotherapy… hospital bills. Rachel's eyes went directly to large envelope sitting on the mail pile: her acceptance packet from Ohio State.

Broadway would wait.