Heartbreak and Hope

Prelude: "Kelly" is my childhood alter ego. Whereas I have lived a blest life with two strong parents and a mostly healthy body, Kelly is a girl who has struggled with her home life and lived through circumstances no child should ever have to go through, such as abandonment and witness to the effects of serious mental illness.

I've been writing Kelly stories since my childhood, and since I grew up in the era of CHiPs, I often wove those characters into my stories, often using them as Kelly's guardians. As I grew into adult, I left Kelly in the dark corners of my mind while I busied myself with life, school, and children.

Recently, Kelly has forced her way back into the center of my brain and demanded that I write more of her story. So, I dug out two of my old stories, have added Emergency characters to the CHiPs guys, and changed some details to make the series of stories flow together.

As you read the chapters, you will see that I refer to John as a Lakota Indian. In reality, Randy Mantooth, who plays John Gage in Emergency, is part Seminole, but I have taken creative license. Likewise, I have taken creative license with medical problems, Lakota customs and names. Based on my tiny bit of research, many Lakota customs already fit my conservative lifestyle, though I have adapted some of the customs and traditions to fit my story. Please do not reprove me for this; after all, I am a teacher, not a Medical or EMS professional or a Native American. I am studying more about Native American heritage as my children, through their father's line, are 1/8 Navajo Indian.

Based on many of my earlier, childish stories, most of which I will not share, Kelly is a young girl who, through an unfortunate set of life circumstances ends up being looked after by various members of the California Highway Patrol. After being placed with a loving foster mom, Kelly lived a happy life for about two years. With this story, a revamped story of my younger years, her life is turned upside down and inside out.

As with all the other stories on fanfiction: I don't own any of the Emergency! characters or any of the characters from CHiPs. They belong to those entities that created them for television. I just use them to enhance my creative writing. I make no money off of them.

Heartbreak and Hope

Dear Journal,

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm hiding right now, because my foster mom died today. Jon told me to stay put but I had to go away so I ran away and hid.

I thought I had a good day today. I got a perfect math paper and won the spelling bee, but that doesn't matter anymore cuz I now don't live anywhere. I wish I wasn't me and could be someone like my friend Julie. She has two real parents, and a nice home. She doesn't really even know what a social worker is. I wish I didn't, because now my social worker is probably going to take me away and put me in yucky home.

Kelly

Kelly got off the bus two blocks from home. The 11-year-old girl was excited about the news she had to tell her foster mom. She had won the fifth-grade spelling bee, and had gotten a 100 percent on her math paper. She was also excited, because Sergeant Joe Getraer and his family were hosting a party this weekend. She skipped along, her feet doing a little dance here and there in time with a merry little tune running through her head. She didn't mind that she was a year behind in school; being older actually gave her an academic advantage.

As she neared her house, she slowed to a walk, and the tune went flat as she took in the scene. There was a cop car, a red fire department rescue squad, as well as an ambulance and three California Highway Patrol motorcycles, all parked around her house. Kelly broke into a run driven by the panic she felt.

Before she got to the front lawn, a hand reached out and grabbed her causing her to spin around. Instinctively, she tried to fight off the restraining arm, but it held tight. Through her panic, she heard a familiar voice. "Whoa, Kelly, slow down!" CHP officer and her friend Jon Baker was saying.

"Let me go, Jon! Let me go!" she screamed as she tried to fight off his hold.

"Kelly! Hold on! I have to talk to you! Now calm down!" Jon's voice was authoritative.

Kelly knew him well enough to understand the implied meaning in his voice. She stopped struggling, but the sobs continued to cause her to choke and gasp.

"Jon, what's going on? What happened?" Kelly asked fearfully.

Jon led her away from the scene toward his motor. He lifted her onto the seat, and turned her to face him.

"Kelly, Mrs. Smith had a heart attack this afternoon. The rescue guys from the fire department tried to do everything they could to save her, but they couldn't." Jon said as gently as he could as he watched her carefully. Knowing this was the second parent she lost in just two years, he was concerned.

Kelly was quiet, strangely void of emotion.

"Hey, Kelly, are you OK?" Jon asked.

"I was going to tell her I won the spelling bee." Kelly mumbled in a flat voice. She was in shock.

"Kelly, do you want me to have Bonnie take you to her house?" Jon asked.

Kelly shook her head ever so slightly. "Just leave me alone, Jon, OK."

"Sure Kelly. Just remember, I'm here if you need to talk to someone. And please, stay here," Jon said as he patted her shoulder and left.

Kelly sat watching the activity for a few minutes. Then she saw him. A young man, about eighteen years old wearing the blue uniform of a fireman appeared in the doorway. Through tear-swollen eyes, Kelly gazed at the most wonderful face she had ever seen. Dark, mature and compassionate with a whole lot of youthful fun mixed in; she mostly noticed his dark sensitive eyes. Somehow, in heart she just knew….then her eyes fell onto the sheet-draped form of her foster mother, she had to get away. She jumped off the bike and slipped away.

That young fireman carefully maneuvered the awkward stretcher down the steps and onto the sidewalk. As he did, he happened to notice a young girl sitting on one of the CHP motorcycles. Her tear-swollen eyes and face contorted with fear and betrayal struck his sensitive, compassionate heart. What he saw was not the grief of a child losing her mother; he saw a child who had lost everything her life. He could see that she already had had so little. It seemed her face was a reflection of his childhood. It was just a brief glance, but her face dove deep into young Johnny Gage's heart. He knew he would never forget her. He also knew he would probably never see her again.

His attention turned to the gurney as its wheel caught on a crack in the sidewalk. When he looked toward the motorcycle again, the girl was gone. It was almost as if she had never been there. He eased the gurney into the coroner's vehicle, and climbed into the red rescue truck with Tony, his partner. With one last look at the empty bike, Johnny drove off, his heart heavy for the girl who had lost so much. Somehow, he knew exactly how she had felt. He had lost his childhood at such a young age…. John shook his head and sighed, but said nothing.

"Kelly!" Ponch called a few minutes later. "Kelly! Hey, has anyone seen Kel?" he asked in general.

"I took her over by the motors just a couple minutes ago," Jon replied. "Isn't she there? I told her to stay put."

"No, I don't see her," Ponch said with just a hint of concern in his voice.

They called Sarj over, and told him what was going on. He pulled a few LAPD officers over and they all started looking for Kelly. They came up empty handed; they couldn't find her anywhere.

"I'm worried about her Jon," Ponch told his partner as they looked through some bushes. "I'm afraid she's going to get hurt."

"Jon, Frank," Joe called a bit later. "You need to call off your search. We have search and rescue people out looking for her now, and the juvenile department is in on it as well."

"OK, Sarj," Jon replied. "C'mon, we need to go," he told his frustrated partner.

That evening at home Joe and his wife Betty talked about Kelly. "You know, dear," Betty said quietly to her husband, "Many Patrol and Fire Department families are certified foster parents. Why, even we have a temporary license. If we can find Kelly, why don't we take her in as a foster child? Holly is fifteen and she would make a great role model for her. Tim's 13 and I'm sure he would defend her with his life. The kids already know each other."

Joe thought about it for a moment and then mused, "Well, I suppose we could, if she will agree to it."

The next morning, during the AM briefing, Getraer brought up Kelly's absence. "Kelly's foster mother died yesterday afternoon. Kelly has run off, and so far, no one has been able to find her. I've stayed in close contact with LASO, LAPD, Search and Rescue, and Juvenile. They are asking us to keep an eye out for her on the freeways. Look along obscured areas, and stop any vehicles with suspicious occupants. We have to find her, guys. Any questions? Let's go."

Later that day, Barry and Bonnie were on their lunch break at a fast food joint when commotion broke out at a house down the street. A couple teenage boys appeared to be harassing a girl who was trying to walk down the street.

"Bonnie," Barry said as he watched the events. "I think that's Kelly." Bonnie peered closer and agreed. Leaving their lunches, the two jumped into their cars. Heading in opposite directions, they were able to approach the tormentors from each end of the block.

From her place behind the wheel, Bonnie could see that Kelly was really in trouble. The boys were grabbing at her and getting rough. Their intentions were becoming all too clear and Kelly was in serious danger. She parked and got out of her car. Barry approached from the other side. At the same time, the three teenagers spotted the cops and attempted to run, but they didn't get very far, not with cops on either side of them.

Kelly slumped against a tree, relief in her face. She knew that if Barry and Bonnie hadn't shown up she would have been badly hurt. But she also knew that now she would be forced into another foster home; a prospect she did not like.

Barry secured the three unruly teenagers and loaded them into his car, Bonnie steered Kelly into her cruiser. Without a word to Kelly, Bonnie got in and headed toward the station. Barry made called into dispatch announcing he was bringing three juveniles in, and then Bonnie reported that she had one as well.

In short order Kelly found herself at the CHP station, sitting in Sergeant Getraer's office.

Joe was on the phone with Kelly's social worker. About twenty minutes later, he hung up, turned and smiled at the miserable girl.

"Well, Kelly, what do you say you come home and live with us? Your social worker has cleared Betty and me to be your permanent foster parents. And,…" Joe paused and smiled. "I'll try not to be as gruff as I seem, OK?"

Kelly couldn't help but smile a little.

Maybe her life would turn out OK after all.

Mac,

I haven't written to you in a long time! I remember I started writing to you after my childhood therapist suggested I used writing as a way to release my frustration and anger. Don't worry, I'm not angry or frustrated right now, just ….well….concerned, I guess. I saw something today that stirred a lot of old memories and I guess that is what led me to you.

Tony and I were called on a rescue, but the lady was already dead of a heart attack. There seemed to be a lot more cops there than usual; CHP guys. Was kinda weird. As we were bringing the body out, I saw a little girl sitting on one of the CHP bikes. She wasn't little, little, probably about ten or so, but she seemed so lost. She looked like she hadn't a thing left in this world; she had already lost everything, and this woman we were carrying out was the last little piece of hope draining from her life. I had to look down so I wouldn't trip, and when I looked back, she was gone – almost like she wasn't even there. Was she a vision of my past, or is she a vision of my future?

I have lost just one too many patients; the guy on the wire, this lady and that little girl. I know that little girl wasn't dead, but something died inside her today and I guess I do feel angry that I couldn't do more for her. I am going to look into doing that paramedic class. I can't let any more little kids lose their last piece of hope like that girl did; and like I almost did when I was her age.

~John

11-18