Lemony: Ok-o, this idea came to me when I was watching Awesome and a her friend play video games. Lol, they are competitive! And the stupid crap they said inspired this lovely crackfic. I like writing Hellsing crackfics, I don't think I can do a Hellsing lemon.

*Disclaimer* Anything mentioned in this fanfic doesn't belong to me.

"Alucard," Sir Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing growled lowly at her vampire servant. "What the bloody hell is this?"

Alucard smirked, "I'm not sure."

Integra's eyes flashed. He had no idea what this little electronic device was? It could have been a bomb or something! And he dragged it into the Hellsing Mansion all willy-nilly.

Walter also stood by looking at the strange device. Seras was smirking to herself,

"It's a Wii Sir Integra," Seras chuckled plugging in the machine. Walter, Alucard, and Integra cocked their heads.

"It's a what?" Integra asked studying the thing,

"It's a Wii, you know, a video game." Seras said strapping on the wristband, Integra turned to Alucard and glared at him.

"Why did you bring a video game back with you?" She snapped, Alucard shrugged.

"Because," He said like a small child, Integra rubbed the bride of her nose.

"Whatever, nevermind." She said rubbing her temples feeling a headache coming on.

"You know Sir Integra, a Wii is a good stress relief." Seras said giving Integra the controls.

"I'm not stressed!" Integra seethed looking down at the controller. "This is childish and-" Integra was cut off by the sound of the group screaming,

"HIT THE BALL SIR INTEGRA!"

"STRIKE!" The TV said, Integra hadn't noticed she was playing Wii baseball.

"What the-?" She said looking down at the controls, Seras told her to swing it. Sir Integra waited for the pitcher to throw the ball. She swung weakly and missed.

"STRIKE TWO!"

"This is ridiculous." Integra said turning red at the fact that she couldn't hit the ball, Alucard took the controller, reached way back and…

"HOME RUN!" The TV said, Alucard smirked and Integra scowled.

She was the leader here! There was no way in hell she was going to let her subordinates best her in anything! Shedding her heavy suit jacket, Sir Integra snatched the controller. She geared up and swung with her all her might, the momentum caused her to do a full three fucking sixty.

"STRIKE THREE! YOU'ER OUT!" The TV said, the others held back a snicker.

"You son of a-" Integra seethed, Walter approached eth frustrated woman.

"May I try ma'am?" He said taking the controller and swinging,

"HOME RUN!" The TV said, Integra clenched her fists! Everyone got a hit but her! (Lemony: We want a pitcher and not a belly-itcher! Lol!)

This game was making a mockery of her! She was a Hellsing! And Hellsing's always win (even if they have to cheat). Seras put the game on Wii Tennis.

Tennis wasn't so bad (Lemony: what the hell ever!), Sir Integra could backhand circles around all three of them. Bravely, she took the controller from and swung it.

"The little person didn't move!" She cried once the ball bounced past her player.

"You didn't run for it," Seras explained,

Since when was she a Wii freakin' genius?

When the ball was served again Integra ran for it and ended falling flat on her face.

WHAM!

She hit the ground groaning in pain, Alucard was all but biting his tongue to keep from laughing.

Seras took the control, swung, and ended up scoring a point. Sir Integra got off the floor and brushed herself off, scowling. She stormed out of the TV room with a huff and grumbling under her breath.

~Sometime Later~

Integra couldn't get over the fact that a Wii kicked her ass. She would walk past the TV room and glare down at the Wii. But the little game was calling her, she wanted to play it!

Finally she looked at it one too many times and succumb to her urge, she turned it on. One way or another, she was going to win this! The game started on Wii Tennis.

Integra readied herself…

~Two Hours Later~

"Sir Integ-"

"MOVE THE COUCH!" Integra cried diving for the ball. Alucard was the one who walked into the room, when Sir Integra wasn't in her office he went looking for her.

And almost got tackled by his master.

Good thing there's no Wii Football.

Integra was heaving for air, for the past few hours she had been practicing the game. And now she was locked in battle with some kid from Japan.

"ALUCARD! GET…MY…WATERBOTTLE!" Integra commanded flying for the ball once more.

One more point and the game was her's!

Slucard left hesistantly, he was barely in the hallway when he heard,

"YEAH BITCH! I WHOOPED YO ASS! DEZ ENGLISH NUTS JAPAN! WHO'S BOSS? WHO'S BAD!"

Alucard ran back into the room and saw Integra doing a victory dance. She was rolling her ass happily because she finaly won!

"Watch me yoouuuu crank the Sir Integra!" She sand while jumping around the room, Alucard finally cracked up laughing. Integra smirked and turned to him,

"Alucard, summon Seras. I want to kick her ass in tennis."

In no time at all Seras and Integra where jumping all around the room! Walter and Alucard sat on the couch and made a friendly wager.

Alucard bet on Seras to win.

Walter bet on Integra to win.

"Give…up…vampire!" Integra heaved gasping for air,

"Ne…ver…" Seras responded swinging the controller hard it nearly slipped from her hands. Walter and Alucard were getting erections from watching two females sweating, grunting, and heaving while running around the room.

When women play the Wii its quite erotic.

Somehow, Integra and Seras had lost most of their clothes throught the game. Interga was down to her white wife-beater t-shirt, and Seras only had on her grey sports bra.

Integra spiked the ball sending it hurtling towards Seras who returned it. Walter and Alcard smiled at each other.

Why hadn't they got Wii sooner?

Suddenly Integra jumped over an armchair falling over it backwards. Walter winced,

"GET BACK IN THE GAME!" He hollered, Integra scuffled to her feet and dived for the ball.

Seras tripped over the run and hit her chin on the ground Alucard growled,

"GET IN THERE POLICE GIRL!"

For there straight hours Integra and Seras went at while hurling insults at each other.

"Yo momma so ugly, she got so much hair on her chest it reminds me of coconuts!" Seras cracked hitting the ball to Integra.

"Are you gonna take that Sir Integra?" Walter cackled,

"Yo momma so stupid she got fired from a Blow-job!" Integra retaliated,

"Police girl? Are you gonna take that from her?" Alucard laughed,

"You blonde, midget bitch!" Seras seethed hitting the ball,

"You buck-toothed, pegged-legged hoe, punk-ass vampire slut!" Integra yelled striking the ball.

Walter and Alucard almost pissed their pants. if they started fighting, Alucrad was going to get a mud-pit and an audience.

"GIVE UP HELLSING ITS OVER!" Seras shouting diving for the ball,

"Shut the bloody hell up!" Integra retaliated hitting the ball back,

"POINT HELLSING!" The TV said, Integra smirked at a scowling Seras.

They where tied, next point wins.

Seras severed the abll and swung the controller as hard as possible. If the tennis ball on TV could catch fire it would have. Integra geared up and…

WHOOSH! BAM!

The wristband slipped off and the control went flying into Alucard's open legs hitting dead-square in his nut-sack. The vampire felt a tear come to his eyes, he may have been ancient but that is a type of pain one never gets used to.

"Gimme the controller! Gimme the controller!" Integra urged, "Get it from stuck in your tally-whacker!"

Alucard let out a ragged breath when Integra snatched it from his lap.

"I'm gonna win Sir Integra!" Seras boasted until…

WHOOSH! SMASH!

The control went hurtling into the TV smashing the screen! Both Seras and Integra felt inclined to cry!

Now they would never know who won!

Moral Of The Story: Read a book, Wii are evil and they need to be destroyed, and chicks are competitive when playing video games (to quote Awesome).

Lemony: Oh well, yet another crackfic *snickers*…REVIEW!